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Author Topic: Mirror-Work Return Stories Part Three  (Read 21124 times)

Offline limitlessTopic starter

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Mirror-Work Return Stories Part Three
« on: November 18, 2014, 12:33:30 PM »
Link to old thread:

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1756.0

First thread
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=237.0

Thought it was time to start a new thread.

I had a conversation with my dental hygenist today.  Really nice young gal.  Been going to her for some time.  Over the years I have shared with her my experience with my Ex.

Today she shared that her Father left her Mother when she was 16 years old.  (Got involved with Mother's best friend...so typical).  She and her brother lived with their Father until they went out on their own.   They refused to have anything to do with OW.  Her parent never divorced, but her Dad was with the OW for 14 years.  14 years!  He never lived with her.  They kept separate homes and separate lives.  She wasn't welcome with HIS family.  OW used to send her Christmas gifts and cards - but my hygenist wanted NOTHING to do with her. 

Her Mother was devastated...as we all know that feeling.  Yet, she picked up her life, went back to school and became a nurse.  She dated a little - but did not get serious with anyone. 

A few years back, her Father left the OW.  Apparently she was pushing to live together...get married.  He didn't want to do that.  So, they broke up. 

Her Dad contacted her Mother....they began to do things together....have dinner, spend time, go out, etc.  According to my dental hygenist - they are the best of friends and spend a lot of time together.  The all have holidays together, as well.  She believes that her Dad would like to be in a relationship with her Mom.....but her Mom is reluctant.  She believes if the two were open to get some counseling and work through it - they could reconcile...but her Dad "isn't the counseling type."

One other interesting thing - OW continues to send him notes wanting to reconcile - but he isn't interested in the slightest. 

Who knows where it will go from here.

L

« Last Edit: November 20, 2014, 03:50:31 AM by OldPilot »
M -56,  ExH - 63 (56 at BD)
M - 33 years (do the last 3 years count?)
D - 26, D -22, S - 22 (all at home w/me)
BD 5/29/2010, Ran away from home - 8/15/2010,
Found out about affair - 2/11
H asks for divorce - 8/11
H filed for divorce 10/11
Announced "new" girlfriend 12/12 (3rd OW)
Divorce final 06/13 (I decided to finish it)
Dumped OW 9/15 (After 4 years)
Seeing OW#1 again
The Hero's Spouse Mission Statement
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The Mentor Program
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Offline hawk

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #1 on: January 03, 2015, 11:23:24 PM »
My parents and heroes , together 56yrs. Warning , might make ya cry.

We had a huge family , 12 , mum was meant to stop at 7 , but she was catholic and wouldn't use anything.
Eventually it all got too much , as you could imagine. She started going a bit crazy , talking crazy  here. But she also would not associate with dad in anyway. For years it was just wise cracks whenever he opened his mouth or was around.
He was a strong man , mans man .But even us kids use to think why , don't live like this dad , divorce her.
Eventually , after sticking by her for years , he started getting gf's , he was always highly sexed , we never knew how he lasted that long.
Then he bought a holiday house 8hrs drive. He started going up there straight after work Friday nights , went on for 3 or 4 yrs.
He had a gf up there but even we couldn't blame him the way mum treated him.

Meanwhile , go figure seems she seem to hate dad , but mum would not go near other men. When dad wasn't around , she talked about him and lived as if she was a loyal wife.  Don't ask me to explain it , l still can't.
Underneath it all though , l think he was only ever the only man for her. Although she was going through sh@t , she was still a one man women.

Dad was still living at home , mum was in and out of hospital like a second home. We nearly lost her 4 or 5 times. But every time she got sick , dad would drop everything and be at her bed in hospital for as long as it took.

My dad was in business and at 65 he went broke . Mum started to change , he dropped the gf's , mum never did like all the money , she just wasn't interested in money or business.
They were actually talking again , even when they were alone . We hadn't seen that in 15yrs .
Mum still talked about dad as if he was her hero , same as she did when she was treating him like sh@t  , that never ever changed.
Then they retired and both , yep both , moved up to the holiday house. area but he didn't own the house anymore and they had to go on the pension because he went broke. But they rented a unit in town . They still had separate bedrooms , but they would cackle away around each other like a couple of old women  .
Dad would still talk about mum a lot to , and basically wait on her , fuss over her .
Then they got older and mum started getting sick again until it was the last stand . We all knew we'd lose her soon , dad to.
But dad started getting sick to . Then they found out he had so many blockages he shouldn't even be here. But he was too old now to take the operations .
Mum got worse and dad had had 6 heart attacks , yep , 6 .
But he wouldn't go . He was going to stay to look after mum first , if it was the last thing he did.
Well he did that and we all saw her off with dad.
He said to me that day , l hope the kids are gonna be ok and l'll stick around as long as l can to be there.
Well , he managed another 18mths and we lost him to.
But in visits and stuff , he'd stuck by mum and seen her off , and then he'd stuck by he's kids to make sure they were ok and then,  it was time to check out .
They just don't make em like that any more .  MN summed it up in another thread . The way the world is now , the cheap quick thrills , the lack of !

But you know what , my ex was their favorite of all the sons and sister in laws , kids , the lot . They loved her. Dad especially but mum to bc ex was a nurse and all mums hospital , she had real respect for nurses.
So in a way l as so relieved they weren't here to see what she did in the end.
l know they know now but at least , well hopefully they were busy up there at the time.
« Last Edit: January 04, 2015, 12:22:53 AM by hawk »
Met 93, M 96, BD oct/12, nearly 20yrs. 1 d-11 at bd.
D/oct 14.

Offline hawk

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #2 on: February 04, 2015, 03:20:24 AM »
Just wondering , no more return stories , that can't be right can it ???
Met 93, M 96, BD oct/12, nearly 20yrs. 1 d-11 at bd.
D/oct 14.

Offline limitlessTopic starter

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #3 on: March 03, 2015, 04:30:21 PM »
Link to old thread:

http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1756.0

First thread
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=237.0

Thought it was time to start a new thread.

I had a conversation with my dental hygenist today.  Really nice young gal.  Been going to her for some time.  Over the years I have shared with her my experience with my Ex.

Today she shared that her Father left her Mother when she was 16 years old.  (Got involved with Mother's best friend...so typical).  She and her brother lived with their Father until they went out on their own.   They refused to have anything to do with OW.  Her parent never divorced, but her Dad was with the OW for 14 years.  14 years!  He never lived with her.  They kept separate homes and separate lives.  She wasn't welcome with HIS family.  OW used to send her Christmas gifts and cards - but my hygenist wanted NOTHING to do with her. 

Her Mother was devastated...as we all know that feeling.  Yet, she picked up her life, went back to school and became a nurse.  She dated a little - but did not get serious with anyone. 

A few years back, her Father left the OW.  Apparently she was pushing to live together...get married.  He didn't want to do that.  So, they broke up. 

Her Dad contacted her Mother....they began to do things together....have dinner, spend time, go out, etc.  According to my dental hygenist - they are the best of friends and spend a lot of time together.  The all have holidays together, as well.  She believes that her Dad would like to be in a relationship with her Mom.....but her Mom is reluctant.  She believes if the two were open to get some counseling and work through it - they could reconcile...but her Dad "isn't the counseling type."

One other interesting thing - OW continues to send him notes wanting to reconcile - but he isn't interested in the slightest. 

Who knows where it will go from here.

L

I went to the dentist today....saw my usual dental hygenist.

Her parents are now living together.  She told me that the reason was "financial" - but I wonder. 

My hygenist got married recently - with both of her parents in attendance...TOGETHER.

L
M -56,  ExH - 63 (56 at BD)
M - 33 years (do the last 3 years count?)
D - 26, D -22, S - 22 (all at home w/me)
BD 5/29/2010, Ran away from home - 8/15/2010,
Found out about affair - 2/11
H asks for divorce - 8/11
H filed for divorce 10/11
Announced "new" girlfriend 12/12 (3rd OW)
Divorce final 06/13 (I decided to finish it)
Dumped OW 9/15 (After 4 years)
Seeing OW#1 again
The Hero's Spouse Mission Statement
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The Mentor Program
Report Technical Problems

Offline heroIam

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2015, 07:51:06 AM »
Well, I have a return story.  H returned home Dec 19.  Home ever since.  I know it hasn't been long since H has been home, but so far showing "not many" signs of being untrustworthy.  However, I think I need to work on my own trusting issues.  Granted, I have seens a few things that "didn't add up" in my mind, but they were small and probably just exaggerated in my own mind and insecurity-I don't know.......Trust is something I work on and struggle with every day since H has been home.  I don't know for sure if OW is gone.  So he says.  So, I suppose I take comfort in that.  If there is anyone out there with a return story that you can share with me to help with the trust and getting past it all, it would be helpful.   Thank you.
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

Offline sada

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2015, 12:45:05 PM »
Hi Hero. My H came back after being gone 1 month 1/2. He displayed every sign of MLC to a tee. Sometimes I feel unsure of posting because he wasn't gone for very long at all. We're doing pretty well. I continue so much of what I've learned here when it comes to reconciliation.  I realize that the trust can never be 100% again. I guess I try not to think of it in those terms. It is hard when we've been through so much. I continue GAL: Exercising, working, meeting friends, etc. I've continued  to do things for myself that I started when he was gone: mani/pedis, regular hair appointments, shoe shopping!  I'm struggling to be more of the distancer rather than the pursuer, this is what is hardest for me.  I used to be the spouse who took charge of EVERYTHING: bills, kids' appts, teacher conferences, groceries, car stuff... on & on.  Well not anymore: he wanted a damsel in distress, well he's got one, me! I let him take care of me & those things so much more than I ever thought I would.  I really think it makes him feel more needed.  I also think he feels it's helping him to make up for his evil doings. And I'm getting many more much deserved breaks.

I can't put it as eloquently as so many of our fellow LBS have but I've found that I can endure with or without my H. I'm thrilled & blessed that we're together but I won't lose this woman that I've become because we are. During his absence I grew in spirit & understanding of myself. Most importantly,  I grew closer to God than I've ever been in my life,  & that endures.

Hopefully I helped a little bit. If you have any questions that are more specific I'll try to help further.
Sada
Me - 55
H - 54
Married 10 years, living together 20
Apr 2014: PA discovered, ow 22 yrs younger
Jun 2014: Left home to live w OW
Aug 2014: Back home. "Sorry, made mistakes".
Late 2015: Ow2 (a couple of dates I think). Monster
  returned for several months 
Early 2016: Health scare, including major surgery, resulting in fog lifting some more.
Today: H progressing thru mlc positively.Not cooked but has remained home and reconciling
Arguments & disagreements less frequent
Enjoying our time together

Offline Sha10613

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #6 on: June 28, 2015, 11:00:29 AM »
Not sure if the male in this story was a MLCer, but it is a return story, nonetheless.  I met a parent the other day, who was actually the OW.  She married a man who left his former wife for her, and they had 2 kids together (3 years old and 5 years old).  This man has 2 adult sons (30 years old and 28 years old) with his former wife.  The OW said that this man has been a good father to their young children, still sees them regularly, and said that she hoped that they'd get back together in the future.  She also said that there is no way they'd get back together right now, because he is 'too into his other family'.  :o  When I asked why he decided to leave, she said that his reason was that he was stressed out about not being present in his two older sons' lives and needed to go home (where both of his sons and his ex-wife live).  It sounded like he and his ex-wife are back together, though the OW seemed to want to be vague regarding those details. 
The creator can create happiness in your heart :)

Offline HopeFaithLove

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #7 on: June 28, 2015, 09:49:16 PM »
I have a return story of sorts. I don't know the exact details but it's interesting none the less. One of my friends at works brother was married for 25 years. His wife was 49 and had a midlife crisis and took off with a younger man. Don't know his age. They ended up marrying. Were together for a couple years and she ended up getting diagnosed w breast cancer. He cleaned out their bank account and left. Her ex (my co workers brother) started helping her while she was going through treatment and such. Then their relationship bloomed again. They are now dating but are not re-married yet, but sounds like it is headed that way. My friend is mad at her brother because she doesn't want him to go back to her. Thinks she just came back because the other guy dumped her. But he never stopped loving her. Another friend who knows both parties and has spoken to the MLC wife after she was left by other man, says MLC said she spoke about not knowing what she was thinking and why she thought she would be happy with someone else.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Cor 13:13

Offline gimlan

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #8 on: July 30, 2015, 03:49:06 PM »
I am going to share a story that I saw on television yesterday night. Might not sound so interesting because it was on the television, but this was actually a Norweigan show about relationships, the concept being that couples would be assessed on their chances by two relationship councellors, based on some personality tests, interviews and observations of some tasks that were set up for them so that the relationship experts could observe how they interacted in different situations. The couple were in their late sixties or early seventies, both still active professionals. The woman had been married three times - the third time to this man, whom she had divorced due to his infidelity (I think repeated but not sure how much, they only said it happened more than once). Don't know about his previous marriages or long term relationships. Anyway, they had been separated for 3-4 years and then gotten together again. The separation had been tough, at least for the woman, and apparently there had been a few months during which time he was undecided, but they still lived together. After some time, she had ended it because the situation was too hard for her. She said she had never pictured them together again. Anyway, they were now back together, and their relationship had been transformed because they both now knew that a good relationship does not "come for free", so they made an effort to choose each other every day. From what I could see as a viewer, they did indeed seem to have a good relationship. The relationship experts judged that they stood very good chances to stay together, and complimented their interaction. It was a nice return story anyway. Not sure whether it was a midlife crisis, but could well have been.

Hugs & strength,

Gx
gimlan

Online 1trouble

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #9 on: August 01, 2015, 03:00:45 PM »
Just one from me..

I was talking to a lady I often meet and we walk our dogs together.. this was a month or two back and this particular morning I was not coping well when I bumped into her.  SO whereas normally I paint on my "smiley" face I told her me and H were not together and mentioned something about MLC.  I said to her please don't thing this is about dressing younger and buying a Harley Davidson and she said no I completely understand because my friend's husband went through it.

She then told me about her friend.  Apparently her (friend's) husband's dad had died and then his friend committed suicide and then he went of the rails, he ended up moving in with his mum and had an affair.  His wife was very adamant that he stayed away until he sorted 'himself out' to protect their daughter.
After about 6-7 months he started talking to his wife and wanted to come back.  She insisted he went to counselling and just over a year he moved back.  She said things are not great but it is now 18 months later and they are getting there.
you NEVER know how strong you are, until being strong is the ONLY choice you have"

As long as your husband is still alive, God and the Universe, have a thousand ways to bring him back.

Offline Hl383

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I Do Not Know IF I Want To Continue
« Reply #10 on: August 30, 2015, 03:49:46 PM »
I am a male.  My wife had been on MLC for about two years.   She fell in love (emotional affair as she still swear that they had never anything because he did not wanted it).   We have a 20 year old son (that we both love a lot and still live with her).  Due to my job for the last 10 years I had been living in NYC and they in Florida with me traveling frequently but in the last 4 years due to the economy trips were less frequent and when I tried to travel more due to the MLC her reception to my traveling had been bad.  I got involve in an emotional affair myself for about a year via Facebook.  The woman and I met a few months ago and we liked each other a lot but I am not pursuing that relationship anymore because it can hurt my family financially a lot and I d not love that woman.......I do not love who my wife became either.  At this point i do not even know if is worth to continue married to someone that betrayed me, that think so low about me, that humiliated me with her friends and relatives (oh yes they used to laugh about me) and that basically had told me many times how much do not love me but have some love feelings for me, had confessed me about her still having feelings for him......I am guilty of not being strong enough to end up this marriage..........

Even if we continue together ... I doubt I will trust her ever again....I am going to feel and know that stayed with me because need my financial care and that her true love will be always the other guy.....I hate to become a second place plate.....I know there are many available women to start again something better......Any advice or word of wisdom?

By the way I miss the other woman a lot (Maybe she is already in love)....funny I suspect the other woman is on MLC herself (we communicate for about a year then I learned many things about her and she is my age (48).  My wife will be 50 in October....

Thank you in advance

Offline Hl383

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Loss OF Inocense
« Reply #11 on: August 30, 2015, 03:57:28 PM »
How do you go from believing that your wife is extremely faithful and loyal (was for about 22 years or at least that what I was believing) to learn that she can flirt, get in love and send you and the marriage to hell if she can?  Even if the MLC end and we stay together....What my life with her will become?  I will never trust or feel the same for her again.   I am always going to remember how she behave........

Online Reallytrying

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Re: I Do Not Know IF I Want To Continue
« Reply #12 on: August 30, 2015, 04:05:08 PM »
Sorry you are in this situation.  It sounds like things have been tough for awhile.  Only you can decide whether you are ready to throw in the towel - no judgement whatever you decide.

Online OldPilot

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Re: I Do Not Know IF I Want To Continue
« Reply #13 on: August 30, 2015, 04:27:55 PM »
Welcome to the Board

You are in a good place.
Your H/W  is on his/her own journey.
You can not do anything to control this trip.
Come here and read or vent, we will listen.
Give your H/W space  he/she needs to heal himself/herself.

I would not ask him/her anything unless you can have no expectations.
Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure.
You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H/W as controlling or pressure.

Your need to start working on you.
There is nothing that you can do to help your H/W.

He/She has given you a gift.
It is time!!

Use the time wisely to make yourself a better person.
Look in the mirror to see what it is that you can improve.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
GAL.

Read some books on depression. Both for yourself! And for H/W.
Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.

Read the resources from this site.
The links that are in my signature.

Detach. - The single most important thing you can do

The detach link and HB's 6 stages of MLC(rewritten from Jim Conway) located in the resources above.

Developing Detachment
http://jamesjmessina.com/toolsforcontrolissues/developdetachment.html

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/self-focus_releasers_detach.html

http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

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Offline hawk

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Re: I Do Not Know IF I Want To Continue
« Reply #14 on: August 30, 2015, 04:35:31 PM »
Sorry your going through this Hi.
l know how hard and hurtful all this is , l think we all do round here. But me personally and this is just me, but l couldn't put up with that especially with the her friends thing in on it all too. We should have and deserve to be treated at least with respect even if the marriage is in trouble , especially with your working and providing her lifestyle in the meantime and yet only to get that sh@t in return, not right sorry.

lt's always unbelievable to me how so called friends actually join in with them, l can never comprehend that stuff.
And then added to the fact that she actually wanted to sleep with the OM and actually told you that.

Personally l think you've gotta at least fully separate , move out or get her to move out , as soon as you can and tell her you are now separated in the meantime while organizing it .
The sooner she gets a kick in the pants the better l reckon. lt might shock her back into the marriage or or might not but l don't think there's anything else you can do with her the way she's been acting.
Met 93, M 96, BD oct/12, nearly 20yrs. 1 d-11 at bd.
D/oct 14.

Offline Ready2Transform

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Re: I Do Not Know IF I Want To Continue
« Reply #15 on: August 30, 2015, 05:33:58 PM »
I combined your two topics here. Please keep threads to 150 posts so we can more easily follow and support you!

You've had a lot going on, and certainly, you need to come to terms with your own crisis of sorts with the EA, and decide what you want to do, so you can stabilize your life. How do you feel about your choices? Do you feel the EA was a bad moral decision, or do you feel justified because of your wife's situation?

Offline Sha10613

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #16 on: September 12, 2015, 01:14:42 PM »
I just saw my acupuncturist, who said that her friend at work (46 years old) and her friend's bf are no longer together.   Apparently, the friend was the OW in this story, as her bf (now 56 years old) left his wife 6 years ago and moved in with her.  They had been dating and living together for 6 years.  Just recently, he said to her, 'I am leaving you and going back to my wife', packed his stuff, and moved back home.   I asked my acupuncturist whether her friend's ex-bf is still married to his wife, and she said that she thinks that they are divorced, but he referred to her as his 'wife'.

Also, a couple of years ago, my cousin's wife left him (they are both in their mid 30s so not sure if it is MLC), though I know she was acting peculiar during the time.  Anyway, my cousin wanted him back, but she wouldn't have it and they divorced; 3 or so years later she contacted him and asked for him back, he said no - he had already moved on.
The creator can create happiness in your heart :)

Offline Sha10613

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #17 on: September 12, 2015, 06:05:25 PM »
When it rains it pours... I just told my mom about what my acupuncturist told me and she said that she knew a man who left his W and 3 kids at 39 or 40 years old.  He left her for OW, got divorced, and married the OW + had a son with her; 7 years later he divorced the OW and remarried his wife. My mom did not know all of the details, but said, 'I guess a lot of people go though this?'. 7 years later? geez
The creator can create happiness in your heart :)

Offline patience.of.a.saint

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #18 on: September 12, 2015, 08:00:06 PM »
I worked with a woman many years ago who had divorced her H and then a few years later they got married again and lived happily ever after, until he died a few years back. I have no idea if it was MLC, but I suspect it could've been. They would've been the right age range.

Offline Songanddance

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #19 on: September 12, 2015, 11:59:12 PM »
I heard on a radio programme called I- PM which is where listeners can write in to the programme about a moment in their day. It has to be just a couple of sentences and they read out a whole load of them in the space of 5 minutes to give a snapshot of people's lives in that day.
The writer has to write in the first person  singular and it is read out that way.

This is the one that stuck in my mind.
"Today my partner of 18 years told me that he had enough of our relationship and has gone back to his wife who he left 33 YEARS ago. I am 76 and he is 77. "

Not quite sure what to make of that.  Is the H having a very late MLC - more likely that he had his MLC 33 years ago and it was never resolved and now he has returned.

The second story was this
"Today I returned to live the rest of my life with my first boyfriend. We both married other people and had families but our connection never dropped and is stronger than ever. I am so happy and we are getting married"   So is this a return or MLC?   

Crazy world!

Offline NeverGiveUp1

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #20 on: September 13, 2015, 04:18:20 AM »
I was getting my hair done and chatting with the stylist a few weeks ago.

She told me how the father of her kids walked out on them when her boys were very young. Not sure if they were married. But he later married OW. Would show up with a brand new car but not be able to give her $60 for school supplies. Things like that. She told him you're making a mistake, your marriage is not going to last more than 5 years. Sure enough around the 5 year mark they got divorced and he wanted to come back! She told him no. He still wants her back and their kids are adults now. She wants nothing to do with him. Guess she wasn't a stander. lol.

Childhood sweethearts
Together 14 years, married 8
H 31 . Me 29 . D 3

2/13 BD #1 unhappy
7/13 BD #2 ilybnilwy
2/14 Left
3/14 Home
2/15 BD #3 unhappy, done, don't love you
3/15 Left

Boomerang
Standing

Offline ArmySpouse

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  • Loyal army spouse of 10 years
Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #21 on: September 22, 2015, 05:37:10 PM »
 So today I wanted to share a story about a woman  that lives in the elderly home I am volunteering at least twice a week .  I have just started last month and so I still get to know the people and the life's and the stores to have to share Little by little.

 Every day before I go I ask God to show me where I am needed most that day and who needs to be listened to and so I just go with the flow walk my rounds..

 So we were having a girls group conversation and all of them talked about how long they were married and talk about their spouses and so on.  one of the ladies there is 96 years old (just had her birthday 2 weeks ago) and she said she was 21 years married until her husband left her and their 4 children .. 
She said her oldest then was 15 and the youngest 7 years old . 
And I just said "oh my gosh that is what my husband is doing right now" and ask her how old she was ..she said she was 37 years old and her husband was in his early 40s ..  So it screams midlife crises !!  :o :o :o

 I'll ask her then if he ever came back and said he was sorry..? she said "yes, three years later he turned around and said he wanted to come back home but she said no you made your bed and have to lay in it".. She went on and got a job and took care of her 4 kids on her own.. Mind you that was 60 years ago!! So much harder to do when most women dependent on their husbands! That took some guts..

 I know that this form is about standing.. and I respect that... but that's not what I'm talking about what I got out from this was she said to me :

" take one day at a time ..you can do this! you will get out stronger and my four children love me and are very proud of me and how strong I was then,  I could take care of my kids all by myself ,I didn't need a man .. So just trust God ,the good Lord, he will see you through and everything will be OK .."


 I guess I needed that message and again I'm amazed that people still come forward to me and share their story.. mind you she was already the second lady in the nursing home whose husband has walked out on her .

 She said she never dated again but it's not that she didn't want to -it's just that she took care of her children and then by the time that they were old enough ,she felt she was too old to date again ..but she said she never minded she was happy .

 She said later to me that thank you for sharing my story with you and I said no I thank you From the bottom of my heart I do .

 She says her 4 children are very proud of her and don't really have any contact to their father .  And I asked about the husband if he was ever happy and she said honestly I don't know I never saw him again really .

 Bottom line is no matter what trust in God he will see you through and trust in yourself you can come out as a better person ..  :D
 
 That's why I wanted to hear because those stories a priceless and that means so much to me right now ...
Me 32 (German)
H 37 (American)
Married 2005
Bomb drop 05/05/2015
Signed legal separation (him pressuring) 09/01/2015
3 kids ages 9,7 & 5 years

Started EA - she gets him.
Due to location (international) only contact via whassapp, Skype etc. but pretty sure they found ways to see each other already
Talking about divorce since 08/24/2015


Moved  out June 12,2015

Online Reallytrying

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #22 on: September 25, 2015, 06:04:48 AM »
Last Christmas I was buying my daughter a charm bracelet and there was the cutest "daddy's little girl" charm which would have been the first one I picked out if things had been different.  I picked out some other charms and was getting ready to check out when I just stopped suddenly and asked the lady to switch one to the daddy charm.  I was talking myself into it and I said out loud "It's the right thing to do" (all our gifts to our children continue to be joint gifts).  The lady looked at me like I was crazy so I just very simply said "My husband and I recently separated".  She launched into her story.  Her husband left when their 8 month old daughter died suddenly.  He was doing what mine does - comes and goes, is pleasant some days, withdrawn other.  She said he acted like that for over a year, then he began to improve for another 6 months or so before finally moving back home.  That was 5 years ago.

She kept saying "Just keep holding on - it will get better".

I so needed her that day and I think of her often.  I've even been back to the jewelry store but she no longer works there.

Offline sewing22

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Re: What's BOMB DROP for a Wallower??
« Reply #23 on: June 02, 2016, 04:43:11 PM »
RETURN STORY that I couldn't figure out how to post on "Return Stories."

1) Not mine of course, but I was talking to my brother a few days ago who reminded me that our own father left home for over a year to go live with the OW. Now, I remembered this, but I was 5 years old at the time and somehow believed it was for only a week or so. I never remembered him being gone for over a year. I even remember meeting the OW at some point and going over to their apartment. Jeez. But my brother confirmed that it was indeed over a year that he was gone, probably like 18 months. He did come back and never left again until 20 or so years later when he passed away.

2) I was talking to a friend of mine who casually slipped it in that his parents split up twice while he was growing up. The first time was when they were small kids--he said it was about 6 months or so. The second time his parents split up he was in high school and he remembers his dad being gone for over a year. My friend is now 49 years old and his parents are STILL married. I can tell you that they are a pretty happy couple!

3) my own wanting to return to my first h but not being able to because he was too angry with me. I would have returned after 2 years (I sat down the other night and made a pretty approximate timeline and I remember where I was at the 2 year mark after BD, and I would have returned if I thought it was an option. I remember even putting out some feelers at that point).

I am feeling optimistic today and wanted to share with everyone some positive stories!!
Jan 2014: first signs of MLC (suspected EA)
May 2014: h's mom dies--goes into deep depression
Sept 2014: D is born
Oct 2014: BD#1: ILYBNILWY
Feb 2015: BD#2: I want to leave
Oct 2015: BD#3: I'm leaving in Dec 2015
Dec 2015: BD#4: I'm leaving in Feb 2016
Mar 2016: I demand that h leaves and he finally does

Offline sada

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #24 on: June 04, 2016, 04:45:47 PM »
Thanks Sewing. MLC & the fallout from it of divorces & abandonment has been alive & flourishing all around us all our lives & we had no idea.  At least we can thank God that we have modern technology to help us gain knowledge & awareness as well as support. 
Sada
Me - 55
H - 54
Married 10 years, living together 20
Apr 2014: PA discovered, ow 22 yrs younger
Jun 2014: Left home to live w OW
Aug 2014: Back home. "Sorry, made mistakes".
Late 2015: Ow2 (a couple of dates I think). Monster
  returned for several months 
Early 2016: Health scare, including major surgery, resulting in fog lifting some more.
Today: H progressing thru mlc positively.Not cooked but has remained home and reconciling
Arguments & disagreements less frequent
Enjoying our time together

Offline speed racer

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #25 on: August 19, 2016, 07:59:34 AM »
Hi Everyone,

I am currently being divorced from my wife of 27 years. I have always
loved her and have been proud to be her husband. She was also my best friend.
Up until her MLC, she was an awesome and loving mother and wife.  Once MLC hit her,
She said things to the kids and myself that was just plain bazaar. Things she would never
do or say before.

I don’t know if there is a OM, but there are many signs and coincedences.

Here is why I have hope:

We have a son and daughter.  My son is 18 now.
When I was his age, my parents went through the hell because of an affair.
At the time, I didn’t know what was going on, I just thought my parents we’re fighting.  I remember the intensity and anxiousness of my father (who with good reason) was all over the place.  I understand this now.  I think I was in my late 20’s that an uncle of told me what really happened.

My parents never fought.  Both were loving parents and we had a large extended loving family.
(Grandparents, uncles, aunts, 2nd and 3rd cousins - All loving people)
My father found out that my mother had been having an affair with her boss.

(I think my wife got bored and her boss was pretty well off - and married mind you.)
I remember answering the phone and her boss would ask for her.
I just thought it was work related and didn’t even give it a second thought.

I don’t know how long the affair was, I don’t know any of the details on how my parents worked through it. I don’t remember them going to counceling.

I am glad they worked though it.  It has been over 30 years now since it happened. They have been married 54 years.

I have always been proud that my father was strong enough to forgive my mother.
I have always been proud of my mother in the fact that she never again hurt my father as she did.
They have been inseperable since.

I know there are folks on this site that say “your marriage is over, get on with yourself”
“forget her and do things you want to do”

I’m sorry, I’ve always done what I wanted to do. I never missed out on anything because of my marriage.
Nor did my wife.  OK - I guess you could say “did you travel and see the world?”  Sorry, that could have
easily been done together - so in my mind, that don’t count.

Anyway, the reason I don’t want to give up hope, is that my parents are a shining examples (to me) that marriages
do go through ups and downs.  They have exciting and boring moments - and they can definitely be saved.
My parents are going through the final stages of life together - happily and I am very glad they both
made the decision to do so.

Cheers everyone.
Speed

Offline speed racer

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #26 on: August 19, 2016, 08:06:27 AM »
This line from my story about was wrong:
(I think my wife got bored and her boss was pretty well off - and married mind you.)

It should been my mother, not my wife.....

Sorry -

Speed

Online Brenross

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #27 on: May 07, 2017, 09:17:44 PM »
Last return story was Aug 2016......surely this can't be correct?  Anyone got any stories to Share? 
Me 47
Him 47
OW 32
Married - 20 years
Together - 28 years
BD - Nov 2014 - reason for affair said I controlled his life, wore flannelette pyjama pants to bed and drove our family car 🤔
Moved in with Young OW and her 2 kids Jan 2015
Total Vanisher
Divorced Sept 2016
S21, S17, S16 (autism), D14

❤❤Family isn't an important thing.  IT IS EVERYTHING!! ❤❤

What doesn't kill us apparently makes us stronger....
I think I must've killed several chinamen in a previous life 😮

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #28 on: May 08, 2017, 07:25:36 PM »
My teacher that I work with had some sort of crisis when she was in her late 30's.  She left her teenage son with her H and moved out with her teenage daughter.  She had been talking to an old high school sweetheart in another State.  They got a D and she ended up marrying her high school sweetheart.  It lasted a very short time, and I don't believe they ever ended up living together, as he didn't move from his State.  She got an annulment and she and her former H reconciled.  They have never remarried, but the 4 of them are all back in the family home and things have been good for about 5 years now.  When she talks about that crazy time she has a lot of awareness, so I don't know that hers was MLC or just a MLT or what.

Someone else I was talking to, pretty sure IRL was telling me that her dad gave her mom the ILYBNILWY speech and they ended up living with her grandma for several years.  And then her dad and mom reconciled.
M-38
H-41
S-16
D-14
S-12
Friends for 7 years
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 11/17 (Public) - 1/17 (mysteriously waited to go public - I think maybe because her D wasn't final?  Or to have it not be in the same year as his D)

Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9006.0

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's learning to dance in the rain."

Offline MsKi

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Re: Return Stories Part Three
« Reply #29 on: May 17, 2017, 12:37:48 PM »
I have a couple:

*A friend of my H had left his wife of many years for OW.  They moved in together and he was planning a D.  After a month, he decided he couldn't do it and broke it off and a few weeks later, went home to his wife.

*A friend of mine was divorced last April and is now in very early stages of reconciliation with her H.  He had moved out of state and they are now looking for places for her to move to be closer to him so that they can start really working on things. 
Together for 23 years, Married for almost 14 years.
Me:  42, H:  44 
Never blessed with human children but we have 3 rescued dogs who are like family.
Bomb dropped in Oct., 2015

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11


 

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