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Author Topic: My Story Advice help or whatever. I don't know I just feel so lost.  (Read 933 times)

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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My Story Re: Advice help or whatever. I don't know I just feel so lost.
« Reply #60 on: January 13, 2018, 07:26:01 AM »
How do I get the links? Sorry still new here and trying to navigate everything.

That's the issue I think his mum did tell him to come home for a while, think she's backed off now. I also get the impression that his work colleagues will be saying the same (not sure tho) tbh he doesn't really talk, it's more of a case when asked...I don't ask questions anymore but have done in the past

Offline OldPilot

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Re: Advice help or whatever. I don't know I just feel so lost.
« Reply #61 on: January 13, 2018, 08:06:15 AM »
How do I get the links? Sorry still new here and trying to navigate eve
Did you read Hope2018's thread?

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: Advice help or whatever. I don't know I just feel so lost.
« Reply #62 on: January 13, 2018, 08:07:24 AM »
How do I get the links? Sorry still new here and trying to navigate eve
Did you read Hope2018's thread?


I can't work out how to find it. I would like to read it by can't seem to find it

Offline OldPilot

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Re: Advice help or whatever. I don't know I just feel so lost.
« Reply #63 on: January 13, 2018, 08:15:02 AM »
How do I get the links? Sorry still new here and trying to navigate eve
Did you read Hope2018's thread?


I can't work out how to find it. I would like to read it by can't seem to find it
Click on OUR Community and scroll down until you find it - she is quite near the top


or


http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1681.0

Online Mortesbride

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Re: Advice help or whatever. I don't know I just feel so lost.
« Reply #64 on: January 13, 2018, 08:27:54 AM »
If you hit the big heart at the top of the page it will take you to the main screen then click on ''our community'' and you should see a list of everyone's threads there. All the different stories and things you can read.

In summary a MLCer is categorised as:
High Energy Replayer - Partying, Casino, Strip clubs, multiple OW/OM, acts like they are having the time of their life...YIPPEEE IM FREE!!! - tend to end up in alcohol, drugs, debt
Low Energy Wallower - Hides in their room/basement/mum's house, may got out a few times or have an OM/OW, but tend to be having a giant pity party most of the time

Then you have contact type:

Vanisher -disappear and you never hear from them EVER
On/Off- Mostly vanish, only show up to serve divorce papers, ask for money, etc
Boomerang- Show up occasionally using excuses such as the kids, but tend to be spaced out a bit... say every 3 months or something...holidays..family functions
Clinging Boomerang- Shows up so you can cut their hair, to let you know they stubbed their toe, to pick the weeds in the garden...may disappear for a little while but generally seem to make some excuse to show up...

Mine is a low energy clinging boomerang the best I can tell. He sits in his mum's house playing video games most of the time, calls in sick to work a lot to avoid interacting with people, always looks sick/ill/depressed, pity party of life. And has gone up to 3 weeks of NC, but most of the time he will see us for 3-4 days in a row, talking to me about everything under the Sun, bringing in treats and sweets for the kids...then disappear back down his hole for 3-4 days...rinse and repeat.

You will hear people talk about a touch and go...this is when a boomerang or clinging boomerang will draw closer for a few days/weeks...and then abruptly vanish for a while. Some people also say this is an anchor check. They are checking to see if they still have the option to come back, or if they burned their bridge.

An example of a touch and go being mine ignored us for 3 weeks before Christmas. Then Christmas and New year week we saw him just about every day...he was here ALL DAY Christmas...and then after the festive season was over he mostly disappeared for about a week....I guess to regroup.  ::)

Now I expect we will fall into our ''scheduled days'' that he visits the kids..until my daughters birthday at the end of the month...when he is likely to show up more frequently.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: Advice help or whatever. I don't know I just feel so lost.
« Reply #65 on: January 13, 2018, 08:38:49 AM »
Thankyou Old Pilot!

Mortes- that's even more confusing because he doesn't fit either category. He's like a cross between high energy and low energy! He started off wallowing in his mums for a bit, but spends a fair wack of time out and about. I assume he's with OW as I'm not sure who he is friends with but then I don't know what they do etc.

I'd also guess his contact is a cross between boomerang and clinging boomerang. He does odd jobs for me in the house but the skip run I asked about but then he keeps saying about finishing off my kitchen etc and that he will buy the kickboards etc etc. So that one is all his idea. He will vanish a bit but only for a day or two. Even at the start when I told him to give me space (before I came on here and knew what to say etc) I think he lasted three four days and that's the longest he's ever been.

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: Advice help or whatever. I don't know I just feel so lost.
« Reply #66 on: January 13, 2018, 08:41:50 AM »
I didn't hear from him yesterday (Friday) which was odd as he usually comes home from work 5:45-6pm. Sees the girls and then heads out. However we had no texts no turning up. Literally no contact. Despite him saying on a Thursday "I'll text you tomorrow and sort our seeing the girls as I'm working for 8 days now" no text.

Not heard from him today either (Saturday) but I would assume that he will just turn up after work.

Offline OldPilot

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Re: Advice help or whatever. I don't know I just feel so lost.
« Reply #67 on: January 13, 2018, 08:42:33 AM »
Mortes- that's even more confusing because he doesn't fit either category. He's like a cross between high energy and low energy! He started off wallowing in his mums for a bit, but spends a fair wack of time out and about. I assume he's with OW as I'm not sure who he is friends with but then I don't know what they do etc.
Mortes is only partially right, they are all CONTACT TYPES not just two and RCR invented these classifications so that is not to say that every single person would totally fit into each type.
Maybe their are hybids or two types.

However I would study them all first before you come to that conclusion.

Online Treasur

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Re: Advice help or whatever. I don't know I just feel so lost.
« Reply #68 on: January 13, 2018, 09:20:30 AM »
And they 'evolve'...my STBXH was a low-energy boomerang wallower for first 6 months or so, then became a high-energy vanisher with ow...then recently IDK, more on-off since June maybe and feels like he might be less high-energy now (although maybe he's just exhausted by ow's watchgate psycho drama!)

In a way, it doesn't change the basic stuff...their crisis, nothing you do will fix it although you might make it a bit worse accidentally, protect yourself/kids from bats$it crazy stuff, detach to save yourself not influence them, use the time to find a way to survive and then decide how to move forward with life regardless.
BD - Oct 15, mostly silent vanishing husband, diagnosed with severe depression in Dec 15 & seeing psychiatrist/on ADs since then
OW since Apr 16, maybe earlier?
H filed Jan 17.
80/20 strategy for me in 2018

"her soul is fierce, her heart is brave, her mind is strong." R.H Sin
Grace is...Elegance, good will, unearned blessings, a prayer of thanks and how to address a duchess.
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline sachat3Topic starter

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Re: Advice help or whatever. I don't know I just feel so lost.
« Reply #69 on: January 13, 2018, 09:54:42 AM »
I've had a brief look, will check again. I don't think I'll know if he's high energy or not as he is out a fair walk but nobody knows what he's going. He could be out partying or he could also be out on long drives

Is there a set type of MLCer that comes back? Or is it up in the air? Is it likely he will come back etc?


 

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