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Author Topic: My Story One year in, Divorce on the horizon  (Read 2197 times)

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Offline WhyusTopic starter

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My Story Re: One year in, Divorce on the horizon
« Reply #130 on: February 13, 2018, 11:41:20 PM »
Thanks guys, it really is so sad that it only seem to hit good People and good marriages.

Monday I recieved a text from the Lady who bought our house. It said that I had post and she would leave it out for me to pick up. They want to rent the property out for now and move in in 6 years time. .. I drove to the house after work and there was a guy outside, about 30 and his D about 6. I introduced myself and he said it was nice to meet me as he knew that I had built the house. He, his W and theyre 2 small children are moving in in March.
I was really happy because W and I really wanted a Young couple with Kids to have the house because our Kids loved it so much... I reached to my phone and wanted to tell W because I knew that she would be thrilled and then I thought. No! I dont have to do that anymore, I am in NC and she doesnt get to know about this from me. Those days are gone. I have to say that this was a massive moment for me and I felt great. It is no longer my responsibility to share this stuff with W. If she finds out then through the grapevine but not from me.... i also had no Feelings when I saw the house, I took my letters and left!!

Yesterday I had band practice and got to use my new Gibson Les Paul (with Bigsby) and she is a really Beauty... I got my tax info delivered and have to give it to W as a friend of hers is filing our taxes for 2017. 2018 will be seperate. I wrote on the envelope. "Hi, I suppose that N_________ will file for us as discussed so you will Need this. Please return it to me when ist done. Thanks, Whyus...."

I drove to her flat on the way to practice at 6:30 and Ws car was there. I wanted to put it in her letter box and drive away and I suddenly thought "what if she Comes out when im there, I dont want to see her" so I drove off. I drove by again after practive at 9:20 and her car was still there but the lights were out. I went to the letter box and saw that there was a Little light coning from the bedroom window. I posted the letter and left thinking that W is lonely, bored und unhappy now that she has what she wanted. Her own Little flat to herself. She was probably in bed reading her Kindle. This made me a Little sad but ist what she wants. Not my Problem....

K doesnt want us to celebrate VD. She never has and doesnt like it. She would rather smal, constantl thoughtful gestures the whole year (which I supply naturally) than VD BS  8). There it is, she told me her LL without even knowing it. Should be even easier to Keep her happy from now on in... K is picking me up from work later, we are going to look for a new mountain bike, LBS diet is wearing off.... Must be Feeling better  :o

Have a great VD people



Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Online 1phoenix

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Re: One year in, Divorce on the horizon
« Reply #131 on: February 14, 2018, 04:42:32 AM »
Why,

Happy Valentine's Day to you too.  Enjoy it with K in a simple way.  What a wonderful plan, to celebrate all year
 

It sounds like the two of you have a great ability to talk and share.  Very happy for you.

Now as for the lbs diet wearing off, remember to keep working at keeping it off...the weight loss is one great gift to not give back😀

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear — Nelson Mandela

I never lose.  I either win or learn! - Nelson Mandela

For we have fallen from our shelves, To face the truth about ourselves.  "The Gift", Annie Lennox

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things.  U2 "Grace"

We have all been dealt a hand of cards in this game of life.   Are you going to play or fold?

"Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose." Yoda

Offline WhyusTopic starter

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Re: One year in, Divorce on the horizon
« Reply #132 on: February 14, 2018, 04:56:49 AM »
Hi Phoenix,
 
we are going to look at the bike in 2 hours time, if it fits them im going to buy it. Quite excited actually  ;D
The diet really was a gift which im not giving upon. Ive only gained 2-3kg so nothing to get worried about but ist a sign that i Need to be active again and Mountainbiking is just so cool in our Region....
I can still fit into my 31waist Jeans (was 35 before BD) and  40 (M Slimline) Shirts so all is good  ;D

Son 18 and I borrow each others clothes (well, he wears mine basically) and thats cool.... it has to stay that way...
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: One year in, Divorce on the horizon
« Reply #133 on: February 14, 2018, 05:04:32 AM »
I went from 36 to a 32/33 depending on the brand... Haven't worn 33's since high school...
Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 10
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer is initiating D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online 1phoenix

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Re: One year in, Divorce on the horizon
« Reply #134 on: February 14, 2018, 01:01:32 PM »
Tee hee.

You boys made me giggle. Thanks.

Doesn't sound like there are any beer bellies on you two!

Smiles and hugs around. Hope your days were great.
I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear — Nelson Mandela

I never lose.  I either win or learn! - Nelson Mandela

For we have fallen from our shelves, To face the truth about ourselves.  "The Gift", Annie Lennox

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things.  U2 "Grace"

We have all been dealt a hand of cards in this game of life.   Are you going to play or fold?

"Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose." Yoda

Offline WhyusTopic starter

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Re: One year in, Divorce on the horizon
« Reply #135 on: February 14, 2018, 11:10:58 PM »
I hope everybody survived VD and found something nice to do/somewhere nice to go...

K picked me up from work yesterday and we drove 30km to take a look at the mountainbike. The Bike which I had seen online and all the other bikes which were on offer werent in the shop!
The guy said that he could order it for the same Price though but it would take 2 weeks. He would set up a bike with the same wheels and Frame and I could have a test ride which I did.
I ordered, it cost €1000 reduced from 1600€. All other sizes cost 1500€ so I got lucky. In 2 weeks I will be ripping through the forests again... one of the Things which I was happy about when I met K is that she has a mountainbike too and we ride similar routes. I wanted W to buy one for years so that we could ride together but she was never interested. She has a dodgy knee which would probably cause Problems so I understood but it would have been nice to ride with her. Now I can ride with K, should be awesome....

We didnt celebrate VD but we spontaniously stopped for a Steak on the way home. It was delicious, we then went to my house and S19 arived with his new GF just abut the same time as we got there. I wasnt expecting him but it was nice. I think he just came to see my new guitar though, he was like a 7 year old when he saw it, great seeing his delight whilst playing and appreciating the Quality... Sons new GF was wearing an Armband from the Gig my metal band plyed in December which was cool... she had a great time at the Gig she said :-)

Later K and I opened a bottle of red wine and chilled with S18 for a while....
still nothing to report from W and I like it like this.... It is sad and I still think of her alot and I really feel sorry for her but im just letting her do what she wanted to do ..... I sometimes wish that she is curled up on the Sofa crying all night and sometimes it scares the $h!te out of me to think that she may actually do this from time to time. She was always so "involved" with us and now its just her and the silence...........
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline WhyusTopic starter

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Re: One year in, Divorce on the horizon
« Reply #136 on: February 16, 2018, 06:14:48 AM »
So the last time I saw W was 6 weeks ago. That was the day we met to discuss the D. Since then she has signed and we are waiting for the date.
She called me once regarding S18 and we spoke for about 12 Minutes which was in a friendly manner. We drove past each other once, W waved and I nodded. Thats it, 6 weeks of nothing. the longest period in 22 years. Nothing, she doesnt even ask the Kids (who she also has hardly seen) how im doing...

Billiard and a couple of beers tonight with K and we are going to the Football tomorrow. Our Team are playing at home against Bayern Munich so we are expecting to see lots of Goals, just not for us  ;D. Im going to try and get back to the Gym on the Weekend, I Need some movement although i dont have to go there because of the LBS Blues anymore!!!!

Have a great Weekend everybody and try not to let your Aliens spoil it for you (I know, I know.......)

Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline gman242

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Re: One year in, Divorce on the horizon
« Reply #137 on: February 16, 2018, 06:25:14 AM »
Your small flat bit struck a chord with me. That's all my W wanted to. I think she can't decide if that's what she wants or to let go completely.

I'm thinking out loud here dude.. lol. There's so many problems in the world right now and it seems like for years, since the 50's at least, there's this romanticism that you can run off and find a place called "ok". Your W being alone in a small flat, that just reminded me a lot of my W.. she was really hooked on all of that stuff. Like Ok was some place you could go to if you believed or wished hard enough, even if that meant being alone in a small flat. I bet both our Ws are crying, alone. I know I would be.

It's the weekend though and that's none of our problems eh?

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: One year in, Divorce on the horizon
« Reply #138 on: February 16, 2018, 03:16:45 PM »
Lovely to know about the family in your home Whyus.  I'm sure that they will enjoy it immensely.  Good on you for not notifying wife.  You are doing really well with going dark.
M-39
H-42
S-17
D-15
S-12
Friends for 7 years before dating
Married for 14 years
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniversary
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged to her 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Engagement off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Joined POF within the first month back


Link to my journey: 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9711.0

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Never become a container for bitterness.  Bitterness is a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes -- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built."


 

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