Author Topic: My Story Divorced bc of MLC. One Year in.  (Read 1877 times)

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 226
  • Gender: Male
My Story Re: Divorced bc of MLC. One Year in.
« Reply #40 on: March 20, 2018, 01:19:37 PM »
Oh I know it changes so quick.  And today she called me.  She told me she really wants to spend time with me.  And not like an hour or two, but she wants to spend the whole day with me. 

I asked why.  She said I don't want to throw what we had away, and I need to spend time with you to see if we what I still feel.  She's like I miss you so much and think about you a lot.

She's like we have a lot to talk about.  And I was like what do you mean exactly?  She's like well we haven't talked in a year.  It would be nice to just to talk to you.   And she was like it's been so nice to talk to you the past couple weeks.

She told me she loved me still and she thinks about me a lot.  It's interesting to note she says she doesn't sleep at night.  She said she has a hard time sleeping.  I've heard other MLC'ers say that as well.

She's starting to take ownership for things she did wrong.  I don't think she is fully out of the tunnel, but I think she is processing a lot.  And I think she is working her way out.

I think what will happen honestly, if I did spend some time with her.  She will remember more, and i think she will keep on reaching out more.  Before all this happened.  She could barely go hours without wanting to be near me. 

But I don't know.  I told her I'm not sure what I feel anymore.  I was really hurt, and I don't know what I think.  She apologized for what she did, and said she never intended to hurt me.

I don't know, she said she would call me tomorrow.  It's becoming almost a daily thing now.

It for sure feels more than a anchor check.  But I don't think she is out of the tunnel, just dealing with feelings and maybe a false return attempt? 

I'm not sure anymore.  lol  This is all confusing as crap.
Me   M  38
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Link to 3rd Post:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9832.msg647581#msg647581

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 226
  • Gender: Male
Re: Divorced bc of MLC. One Year in.
« Reply #41 on: March 20, 2018, 01:22:58 PM »
I'm being very, very cautious.  If I'm being honest, I have really enjoyed talking to her.  We talk about a lot of old memories together, and laugh.  IT's been nice. 

But very confusing.
Me   M  38
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Link to 3rd Post:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9832.msg647581#msg647581

Offline Whyus

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1855
  • Gender: Male
Re: Divorced bc of MLC. One Year in.
« Reply #42 on: March 20, 2018, 01:30:09 PM »
I can only Imagine how nice it has been but Please carry on being cautious for Now Mate....
... Thinking of you Bro
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline Kitty

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 815
  • Gender: Female
Re: Divorced bc of MLC. One Year in.
« Reply #43 on: March 20, 2018, 01:35:10 PM »
It's interesting to note she says she doesn't sleep at night.  She said she has a hard time sleeping.  I've heard other MLC'ers say that as well.

My H has told me this many times. He said this past weekend when he didn't take his meds that he slept maybe 2 hours Friday night and didn't sleep at all Saturday night.

I understand your hesitation, but it might not hurt to spend time with her and see how it goes. Worst case scenario, you see that she is still trying to cake eat, and you pull the plug. Just go into the meeting with no expectations.
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
BD #1 Late October 2017 - H says he feels like he is living with a room mate at times (ILYBINILWY) and has considered separation.
BD #2 - Legal separation signed, and I find out about OW after H said there wasn't one.

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 226
  • Gender: Male
Re: Divorced bc of MLC. One Year in.
« Reply #44 on: March 20, 2018, 02:24:49 PM »
I'm debating on it.  In a way just for my own curiosity.  I'm almost tempted to hang out with her a day just to see what I feel.

I've been on a lot of dates since we divorced.  I've met a lot of women, and I'm almost curious what I would think of a date with her now.  Now that I have experienced dating other women.

I think two things would happen.  1) I would find out I still love her and I've been fooling myself about wanting to find someone else.  2)  I will finally realize I've put her up on a pedestal so long, I forgot why I put her up there.  Otherwise I will see that after dating these other women, there is someone else for me out there.

I honestly don't know how I would feel, but I'm almost halfway curious to find out. 

I honestly am sort of curious how she is acting now too.  I've seen bits and pieces of how she is acting.  But never seen her act like this before.  This seems to be something new.  I just don't know what it is exactly yet.

I don't know.  I'm probably being dumb in even thinking about it.  But I've half tempted to hang out with her once to see what it's like.
Me   M  38
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Link to 3rd Post:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9832.msg647581#msg647581

Offline Kitty

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 815
  • Gender: Female
Re: Divorced bc of MLC. One Year in.
« Reply #45 on: March 20, 2018, 06:05:45 PM »
You seem to be putting a lot of thought into this. Have you tried asking yourself what you would lose, or gain by spending a day with her?
Me 37; H 41
Together 20 years; married 11.5
No kids, no pets
BD #1 Late October 2017 - H says he feels like he is living with a room mate at times (ILYBINILWY) and has considered separation.
BD #2 - Legal separation signed, and I find out about OW after H said there wasn't one.

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way for you to become what you are meant to be." Kylo Ren - Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Offline Whyus

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1855
  • Gender: Male
Re: Divorced bc of MLC. One Year in.
« Reply #46 on: March 21, 2018, 12:52:48 AM »
If you do meet her mate (I think that I would in your Position) then dont tell your Boys. They seem happy enough and you dont want to get theyre expectations up just to be let down again. Its bad enough that you could get sent Spinning again but the Boys Need some peace for now.
See how it goes, light and friendly and without expectations.
Wish you luck mate that you atleast get to see the original Version of your W for a while... maybe there will be more, how knows???
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline Treasur

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3127
  • Gender: Female
Re: Divorced bc of MLC. One Year in.
« Reply #47 on: March 21, 2018, 01:27:54 AM »
Only thought that occurs to me - if you want to do it - is that a day seems a big jump from nothing then phone calls. A bit like if it was a new 'date', I'm not sure you'd go from talking on the phone to planning a whole day....you might do coffee for a couple of hours, or visit a museum or lunch even.

And just because she wants to do it probably isn't a good enough reason to do it. You're entitled to say not yet, not now, not until or not that much IMHO
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline cplnortonTopic starter

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 226
  • Gender: Male
Re: Divorced bc of MLC. One Year in.
« Reply #48 on: March 21, 2018, 06:30:14 PM »
Yeah I tend to over analyze everything.  lol  It's always been one of my worst habits. 

But yeah I won't tell my boys anything.  In fact I even mentioned it to her, if we do anything the boys won't know or wouldn't be there.  She agreed. 

I'm just afraid of being sucked in again.  It took me a long time to not think of her 24/7.  I don't want to get back to that spot.

Plus, I don't think she is out of the tunnel.  I don't know what this is.  But I wouldn't be surprised if in a 2 weeks or a month we are back to not talking. 

I don't know.  I guess I will just take one day at a time. 
Me   M  38
MLC  W  35
Mini bomb drop Jan 2017
Major bomb drop 3/5/2017
Sons 6 & 8
MLC moved out officially into OM #1 House on 4/17/17
Divorce Finalized 9/13/2017.  She gave me everything including the family home and Custody of the Children.
August 2017 Moved into OM#2 House.  :(

She filed Bankruptcy on 12/21/17.  she had 0 in debt when she left. 

Dec 2017, I finally threw in the towel.  I am no longer standing for her.  I now pray God sends me a wonderful woman to be a wife and mother to my kids. 

Link to 1st post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8967.0

Link to 2nd Post:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9430.msg619177#msg619177

Link to 3rd Post:
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9832.msg647581#msg647581

Offline gman242

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1429
  • Gender: Male
Re: Divorced bc of MLC. One Year in.
« Reply #49 on: March 22, 2018, 06:13:08 AM »
I've always over analyzed too.. one thing I'm working on is not reading into everything. I don't think I've know never doing that.. so I've been trying to focus on being "ok" and normal.. whatever that is!

I don't want to be sucked in again either and when my W starts getting chatty with me, I start feeling that way. I'm always self conscious because I don't want to be one of those people who avoid intimacy and commitment. The line between being aware and changing into that seems really thin to me. Maybe I just don't want to give up my nice, easy going quiet life now.  8)

However, not out of the tunnel.. you're right. You just have to wait until it's real before coming out of your own hidey hole.

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer
The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.