Author Topic: My Story Introducing Me  (Read 1813 times)

Online Helpingme!

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My Story Re: Introducing Me
« Reply #70 on: March 19, 2018, 11:15:28 AM »
Glad you enjoyed the weekend New.
I'm new this dating thing myself. I laughed when you said finally made it too the room. Ha.
It takes alot of patience will grown kids, lol. Like you said, it is alot of fun . Being care free and acting just a little wild is what alot middle age couples need IMO,  I could have done it without the whole MLC bomb , but it is what it is.

I think there will be more dates too come. The more he sees you as the fun and friendly buddy too hang out with, not the normal spouse telling him how many drinks he should have, or saying it's time too go, just let him be. Now if he gets too carried away, you just leave, I don't think that will happen.

He will get more and more comfortable,  and reaching down too grab your hand will be more frequent too. It is so strange, just as you said, too feel so weird dating your H/W of 20 plus years, and it feels like you just met.
Hope the good times continue New. You have too stay focused though, it will be so easy too just fall back in. Like you said, he has a long way too go. Just enjoy these times, alot of fun too .

Offline islandgirl68

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Re: Introducing Me
« Reply #71 on: March 19, 2018, 11:17:07 AM »
Things have been pretty quiet New. H is at the point where he seems like himself again, but with more anxiety attacks. He's learning to recognize them when they are starting and heads off spiraling down deeper.

I'm glad you tried to have a good time. Your H is still most likely at the point where he is maturing in his progression. My H too was immature and a little inconsiderate. Things like opening the door and pulling out my chair were non-existent. Offering to pick me up something to eat on the way home or checking up on me during the day also disappeared for a while. It was more like, 'Oh, I already picked up something on the way home. I guess I should have called you to see if you wanted anything.' It was all about him >:( 

I learned to ignore it and just keep being myself. Eventually H started picking up on my cues and thinking about my feelings. We both had to re-learn about one another. My head knew that our relationship was not going to be like before. That we changed. My heart took a little while to reconcile with that fact. Everything in its own time I guess.
Me: 33
H: 35
S17; D10; D7; D3
Together 18 years, Married for 2
BD: 4/25/2017 (EA, FA)
Returned home and reconnecting

Offline 31andcounting

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Re: Introducing Me
« Reply #72 on: March 19, 2018, 11:59:34 AM »
Glad your weekend was fun and uneventful ;)

No he will not always act young....once he goes through this completely he will be the man he was meant to be!  When that is and if he will is yet to be seen!

No expectations, just enjoy the nice while you have it  ;)

(hugs)
31
Hurting people hurt people :(

Offline NewNormalTopic starter

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Re: Introducing Me
« Reply #73 on: March 19, 2018, 12:02:41 PM »
Thanks Helpingme! You have such a great outlook & advice. Thanks for helping to put things in perspective for me. I am going to catch up on your thread this week. Hope things are still going well at home. 

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It takes alot of patience will grown kids, lol. Like you said, it is alot of fun . Being care free and acting just a little wild is what alot middle age couples need IMO

Haha.. you are exactly right!! It does try your patience but can be lots of fun. Getting him back to the room was actually pretty comical. He was trying hard to be spontaneous and exciting stopping to kiss me (like when we were young) it just was not exactly working out for him. :D

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I could have done it without the whole MLC bomb , but it is what it is.

I know, right?






Offline NewNormalTopic starter

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Re: Introducing Me
« Reply #74 on: March 19, 2018, 12:32:40 PM »
Thanks so much for everything Island! You never stop amazing me with how well you handle your H and everything involved with the mlc. I really believe it has helped your H to come through faster than most.

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Things have been pretty quiet New. H is at the point where he seems like himself again, but with more anxiety attacks. He's learning to recognize them when they are starting and heads off spiraling down deeper.

I am so glad he is beginning to forgive himself for what he did. This is a huge factor in getting through the mlc. My H told me a couple of months ago that he does not like himself. It seems to be pretty typical for a mlc and it really is sad. Also, it sounds like your H is getting more control over the anxiety attacks. That is great Island!

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Your H is still most likely at the point where he is maturing in his progression. My H too was immature and a little inconsiderate

The immaturity can be so annoying. I find myself thinking he is joking sometimes.. but he has no clue when he is acting inconsiderate. He was nothing like this before mlc.

Hang in there!  :)


Offline NewNormalTopic starter

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Re: Introducing Me
« Reply #75 on: March 19, 2018, 12:49:36 PM »
Thank you as always 31. He has been in a great mood since we got home. I truly do not think he has any idea when he acts like a teenager. I'm not sure of the last time we were together for more than 24 hrs straight. It makes it harder to ignore some of the typical "all about me" behaviors. I really do see more of the characteristics that made me love him, everyday. Thanks again.

((Hugs))

« Last Edit: March 19, 2018, 02:09:08 PM by NewNormal »

Online Helpingme!

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Re: Introducing Me
« Reply #76 on: March 19, 2018, 12:56:17 PM »
New, slow, slow, and more slow.
Just let him be who he thinks he is, ha. All we can do.
Just stay grounded. You can't let yourself start too float away.
Trust me, I haven't felt love or felt loved in so long, it's easy to just want too fall back in.

Offline 31andcounting

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Re: Introducing Me
« Reply #77 on: March 20, 2018, 08:54:06 AM »
You are right Helping but honestly I don't think you are jumping right back into anything New!

I think you know exactly where you are and you do not have expectations you have hope and hope is a good thing!
 
Your H is obviously not out of crisis but he is leaning towards you and as long as you keep yourself healthy and strong you can handle this part.
Remain consistent in your actions! You know this marriage is right!

Slow and steady
(Hugs)
31
Hurting people hurt people :(

Offline NewNormalTopic starter

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Re: Introducing Me
« Reply #78 on: March 20, 2018, 01:28:31 PM »
Thank you so much 31 & Helping. I'll continue to stay slow & steady. It really is interesting when you allow yourself to Let Go and step back from the mlcer.... you see what clearly works & does not work with them.



Looking back over the last 10 months, the only time my H has truly monstered was when I put too much pressure on him. He gets a total panic look in his eyes when he feels pressured. If I stay in control he calms back down. He watches my behavior and normally seems to follow. IMO, they lean on the LBS for support & direction more than ever as they move into acceptance.

The mlcers seem to be drawn to us, the LBS, when they view us as emotionally strong. My H is seeking my approval & opinion on just about everything he does right now. I think he realizes he's been out of control and not himself during this entire mlc. He feels guilty & confused and does not know exactly how to act right now. Even though you would not know looking at him, his self-esteem is low right now (though it is better than in depression & withdrawal). He is turning toward me for approval because he views me as the confident & rational one. Btw...a lot of the confidence is completely faked but he does not know that. 

I hope this makes sense. It's really difficult to put into words. This is a huge change that has happened in the last 6 months. I believe it has to do with moving from withdrawal to acceptance.... reconnecting with the LBS seems to be the beginning of acceptance. I'm definitely learning as I go but this is what seems to be happening with my guy.  :)

« Last Edit: March 20, 2018, 01:31:32 PM by NewNormal »

Offline 31andcounting

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Re: Introducing Me
« Reply #79 on: March 20, 2018, 05:49:11 PM »
Absolutely this makes sense!!

You sound good! Carry on!
 
(Hugs)
31
Hurting people hurt people :(

 

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