Author Topic: My Story Snuff 2  (Read 1825 times)

Offline Never say never

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My Story Re: Snuff 2
« Reply #10 on: March 01, 2018, 10:13:25 AM »
BR, I am so sorry that your daughter is going through such a tough time.  As if it's not enough that you are, but to add that pressure to your plate.  That was so brave of her to tell you.  I, too, am glad that she is seeing a counselor.  Hopefully, she is confiding in the counselor everything that she is thinking.  Did you ask her about that? 
As for your husband, even though he is the dad, I don't think it matters either way.  For all we know, he could think you are making it up for sympathy.  Who knows?
Not only is your daughter one strong girl, you are one strong woman.
As Thunder would say, bug hugs:)

Offline Milly

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Re: Snuff 2
« Reply #11 on: March 01, 2018, 11:58:28 AM »
Rose, I'm so sorry to hear your D13 is so depressed that she has thought of suicide. My S is 13 and I can't imagine someone so young being so unhappy. You seem to be doing everything that can be done. I have this with my oldest D23. I have noticed that having me to talk to in those terrible down moments when it gets dangerous, helps her make it through to a not so bad moment. How very stressful. Our poor children. At least your D has you.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D23, D20, S13
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline blueroseTopic starter

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Re: Snuff 2
« Reply #12 on: March 01, 2018, 12:44:31 PM »
  Never,
      Nice to hear from you. Miss ya. She has not told her counselor. My best friend told me that i need to call her and let her know. Im back and forth about that one. The counselor just lets her talk about anything she chooses. Which is good because its a way for d13 to build up her trust and then talk about bigger issues. Your spot on about the coward thinking im lying for sympathy. Another reason why i wont tell him anything and for tbe simple fact that i feel he just doesnt deserve to know. A father should know and he is not a father right now. Hasnt been one for a few yeats now.

Milly,
      Thank you for your thoughts. Your right. Our poor kids. I dont understand why the courts dont acknowledge this behavior in these guys. D13 told me that the few times he has texted her in the last few weeks he was ordering her to work on a book that she mentioned that she wanted to write. She said that he was acting manic about her answering him.  I really feel like my feet are touching a fire and something is brewing. I can feel it.

Offline Treasur

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Re: Snuff 2
« Reply #13 on: March 01, 2018, 11:45:34 PM »
I'd be tempted to call her counsellor and give them this information. I would probably tell my D that I was going to do so, and why, and emphasise that I wasn't telling anyone else and that her conversations with the counsellor were still private.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline blueroseTopic starter

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Re: Snuff 2
« Reply #14 on: March 02, 2018, 06:14:45 AM »
   Treasur,
        That is exactly what my best friend told me. D13 knows that it is confidential between her and the counselor unless it is something that could bring harm to her.

Offline Milly

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Re: Snuff 2
« Reply #15 on: March 02, 2018, 04:01:09 PM »
When my oldest was in high school and I discovered a terrible experience she'd had when I read her diary and confronted her about it, although I had always promised her I would never read her diary unless I thought her life was at risk, that was the end of her diaries, her place of safety, her place to let it all out safely. She got much worse after that. 

I'm not a professional so I don't have an explanation for this, but my gut feeling would be to not touch her safe spot, her therapist. It's possible that this therapist is longer right for your D. Letting her talk about her worries is one way of having therapy, the other form is for the therapist to act like a problem solver - Freud versus Jung. One way can work for a while and then the other form is better. 
Maybe  talking to your D about whether her therapist is helping her face things and whether she's finding strength/ looks forward to going to her therapist, might be useful. My gut tells me don't mess with her safe place. 
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D23, D20, S13
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Online KeepItTogether

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Re: Snuff 2
« Reply #16 on: March 02, 2018, 05:24:52 PM »
Blue I’m so sorry to hear about your D. But what a gift that she opened up to you. Truly a testament to her trust in and live for you.

I had to chuckle tho when you agreed that 13 is a hard age, but so is 45. Yes, yes it is. One day at a time for us. Your D is so blessed to have you. And you her. Hugs friend
Me 46
H 45
S11
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Offline blueroseTopic starter

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Re: Snuff 2
« Reply #17 on: March 03, 2018, 12:20:18 PM »
     Milly,
        I have thought of her having a safe place and if i want to mess with it. I havent done it yet in regards to the counselor. Im trying to look at every angle of this before i react or respond.  Im not stupid, i know she has trust issues with everyone right now but i would lime to be one of her safe places and i know that i am gradually getting there.

     Kit,
        Nice to hear from you. I know she trusts me but only on a certain level right now. I dont slap her hand away when she reaches out. I think she is testing me and how i handle it when she does reach out. Seeing if i will do what the coward has done when she reaches out to him.
      45 has been awful! Actually most of the 40's have pretty much sucked. I really want my 20's or the first part of my 30's back. No, im not having an mlc.

Offline blueroseTopic starter

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Re: Snuff 2
« Reply #18 on: March 05, 2018, 03:12:49 PM »
      D13 did not go with the coward Sunday for the weekly dady visit. I promised her that since she did so good on her report card, honor roll good, that i would give her some money when i got my income tax back. So she texted him saturday evening to tell him she wasnt going. He wasnt happy. No pun intended. She told him that she had counseling on sunday. I dont think he bought that or maybe it was the wh*r^ talking for him but he said whatever and hasnt talked to her since. She seems to be doing real good since opening up to me. I took her and her best friend to the mall sunday we had fun. Ended up in a store for anime merchandise. It was interesting. I unlike the coward did buy the best friend a few things because i wanted to and i could i love her like my own.
        The married guy a wrote about on my last thread came into the bar saturday. He ended up staying my entire shift. I havent seen him since the last time i wrote about him. He asked me where i have been and i told him that i only work friday and saturday right now because its slow. He said that he would have to start coming in on those nights now. I got hugs and kisses on the neck from him. He then started talking a bit about his wife. He said that he told his wife that he hasnt liked her in a long time and was looking for a room to rent. He also threw out how much money he makes. I thought to myself this sounds oddly familier. He then invited his wife and kids in for dinner. They came. He spent most of his time while thet were there on his phone and talking to other people. She told my boss that it was their 10 year weddi g anniversary. She left with the kids by herself. He stayed. He got my phone number. After i gave it to him i did regret it. I enjoy the attention from him and he is very attractive but i dont know if i could take it any further. Not knowing that scares me.
       I have been thinking though since he told me what he did about his wife and his behavior towards her reminds me alot of what i have went through and what i have read on here about other people's experiences, i really want to talk to him again and see whats in his brain. I want to know what he is going to say and if its anything like the script they all use. I am really curious about this. Im probably getting into something that i shouldnt be but i cant help it. I really need to know.

Offline Treasur

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Re: Snuff 2
« Reply #19 on: March 05, 2018, 11:49:33 PM »
I thought to myself this sounds oddly familier....He spent most of his time while thet were there on his phone and talking to other people. She told my boss that it was their 10 year weddi g anniversary. 
Im probably getting into something that i shouldnt be but i cant help it. I really need to know.

Please go carefully. It sounds pretty Script stuff. I'm not sure how the benefit of knowing what's in his head would outweigh the damage and chaos of being part of another family's MLC drama. You can help it if you choose differently, please think well.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

 

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