Author Topic: My Story Beauty into Beast 6  (Read 2223 times)

Offline Whyus

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1847
  • Gender: Male
My Story Re: Beauty into Beast 6
« Reply #90 on: April 17, 2018, 02:16:16 AM »
Sorry about your Hs work Situation Mort, thats a nightmare for sure... lets see if he has a Job at Christmas...
Im sure that his 21 year old is nothing compared to you, good on you for not sending that text. You were not ready and that is fine, I unfortunately sent such truth Darts but I didnt really care much about the Fallout as I was a mess at the time...

Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 44
W: 44
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28. Trainings partner. Still together
2 Sons - 18 & 19
2 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Filed
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0
T10. http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9547.0

Offline seahorse

  • Subscriber, 6 Month
  • Full Member
  • *
  • Posts: 120
  • Gender: Female
Re: Beauty into Beast 6
« Reply #91 on: April 17, 2018, 06:46:15 AM »
Bride - Sorry you had that trigger last night, but glad that you had the sense to wait on sending the text.
It’s so hard when they change their situation to suit their “new life” and we see the damage it does - why can they not?
Hugs to you today.
You’re so strong...
Seahorses have one mate for life...

Online sampsed

  • Subscriber, 12 Month
  • Sr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 447
  • Gender: Female
Re: Beauty into Beast 6
« Reply #92 on: April 17, 2018, 08:16:38 AM »
Sorry to hear about your mini crisis!  Glad to see you handled it well.  Common sense ruled over the heart!
https://affaircare.com/the-180/

No matter what....find a positive...no matter how small it is there is always a positive.

BD 10 29 2017  Moved out same day to be with OW (EA become PA approx. 2 mos prior)
BY 1966
H BY 1966
Married 32.5 years
Together 35 years
D - 1989 Married with 2 children, living locally
S -  1991 Professional School living across Country  - Still relies on us for support
3 Dogs - 1 was his baby that he left behind
Standing
No legal action yet
3/5/18 OW moved to another State  H moved in with F  
3/19/18  H moved home and is living in spare room  Reason:  Wasn't happy living with F and had an urge to want to be Home.  OW moved out of State.  They are still communicating.

Online KeepItTogether

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3314
  • Gender: Female
Re: Beauty into Beast 6
« Reply #93 on: April 17, 2018, 02:52:45 PM »
Mort I’m pretty certain I’ve sent about a hundred of those texts. So you are just amazing. ((I’m better now tho!)

Hs work situation—I get it. But, remember the most important of the 4 Agreements—Make no assumptions. Are they all giddy with the excitement of more time together? Maybe. And then maybe they do start to spend more time together and masks start slipping. Expectations are rising. The fun exciting and mysterious A is now a daily and mundane interaction. Remember this is a R built on lies and deception. All of this I am sure you know. Just thought I’d remind you.

I know this all sucks. The monkey braining makes it so much worse. I’m guilt of it too and I’m nearly 2 years in.

Glad you didn’t send the text. But even if you did, wouldn’t be the end of the world. My guess is your clinger would come running back with all kinds of false promises and professions of love. Then back in the tunnel. It’s sad and pathetic what they do. I’m not making any excuses for them. But, they have to walk the walk. Where we end up emotionally is up to us. Hugs friend.



Me 46
H 45
S11
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Offline MortesbrideTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1227
  • Gender: Female
Re: Beauty into Beast 6
« Reply #94 on: April 18, 2018, 01:16:28 AM »
Thanks everyone.

Keep you are right. I knew in the back of my mind that more time together = it will burn out faster. Seeing each other 1-2 times a week is exciting and you think about it all week, then you finally see them at their complete best, then you go away for a week for the day to day stuff. One of them would have to get bored and quit, or it would have to progress because eventually seeing someone 1 day a week isn't enough (particularly when you have been married and living with someone daily for 14 years  ::) ). So what does he do to shut her up about her never getting to see him? He changes his shift so they work the same hours, and he can 'sneak' over to hers more often...and his wife 'still thinks' he is always at his moms. 

To bad for him he didn't factor in that he will no longer get to play ps4 with his kids because he is always gone until they are in bed. Or the fact that he won't get to take them during the week because they have school (and soon nursery for the wee one)....so he will literally be seeing his kids every other weekend...and that's it. Unless of course he makes an effort on his days off...which he coincided with her days off.. So to see his kids he has to piss her off.

My brain knows that logically it has to happen to progress. Still ticked me off though.  ::)

Online UrsaMajor

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 5454
  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone, you aren't a pizza
Re: Beauty into Beast 6
« Reply #95 on: April 18, 2018, 01:52:55 AM »
One of my favorite GIFs for this situation..... Cuz you KNOW it's going to happen at some point....

Me - 54
MLC - 47
Together 20 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 11
D - 7
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer is initiating D

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 16463
  • Gender: Female
Re: Beauty into Beast 6
« Reply #96 on: April 18, 2018, 03:18:03 AM »
Yep I agree, the more time together, the better.
It's not real yet so when it becomes part of the real daily grind the sparkle eventually wears off.   ;)

Good for you not sending it.
With her permission, a quote from a recovered MLCer: 
From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did.

Offline MortesbrideTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1227
  • Gender: Female
Re: Beauty into Beast 6
« Reply #97 on: April 18, 2018, 12:55:02 PM »
Today I heard a song on the radio that said something about being a good man, and I realised my husband is no longer a good man...and that brought a couple of tears...but it didn't last long. ;)

Last night he took wee man (s2) overnight, so today I had to go collect him. Beast opened the door, turned around to walk in...expecting me to follow.

Today I stood at the front door, let son come out, then turned around to go to my car.

Beast's head popped round the living room door in confusion and got to see the back of my head walking to the car. 8)

Not a word was spoken by either of us.

Within the hour he was on playstation to play with the kids on mic. I think he was hoping to hear my voice talking next to them. I went up to take a shower, and made a point not to speak while I was in the room.

2 hours later my son decided he wanted to play with his friend so invited the friend into the game party. Beast logged off in a huff without so much as a goodbye.

I think he is supposed to have a therapy session tomorrow, assuming he still goes.

Guess they will have a lot to talk about.  ::)

Online KeepItTogether

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3314
  • Gender: Female
Re: Beauty into Beast 6
« Reply #98 on: April 18, 2018, 01:11:10 PM »
They are still good people Mort. They are just doing bad things and making horrific choices. And, it has nothing to do with us or our failures. In fact bring around us reminds them of theirs.

I’m happy that at least Beast spends time with the kids. Many don’t. Still hurts, I know. But knowing they are still somewhere in there keeps me going on some days.

I liked how you just got in the car. Good for you. Sometimes they need a little reminder that we are not really ok with their new normal.
Me 46
H 45
S11
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo.

Online Treasur

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3113
  • Gender: Female
Re: Beauty into Beast 6
« Reply #99 on: April 18, 2018, 09:53:13 PM »
I get that, Morte. My H was a good human being and I respected him. Now - like it or not - the reality is that he is a different kind of man. And that makes me sad, even if it makes him happy. Is he still a good man? No. Could he be one again? Maybe...but he'll also always know that he was a thief, cheat and a liar for a long time. He wasn't perfect and I'm not perfect either...can good people still be good if they do terrible things? I'm not sure. Perhaps both of us thought our H's were better men than they are and made our own pedestal for them? It is almost impossible to respect the MLC version, that's for sure, but I guess humans aren't so black and white. Part of the LBS mess, I think, is finding our own way to repack how we think about them isn't it?

You're doing well, detaching and not feeding his comfort zone. Yup, I'm sure he'll be chatting to his therapist and saying 'why is Morte being so cold and mean to me?' (cue sound of tiny violin)....we all know that anything less than a 2x4 over the head is great restraint in the circs!
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer
The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.