[Raphael]

Hello,
I am new to the forum, but have been reading and learning about MLC for several years. I have read many, many posts and have learned so much. I have been hesitant to post, because I feel like I can never get the right words out and that my thinking is utterly disjointed.
Here is my story and not unlike so many of yours!
EX had a difficult childhood. His brother died in a fire at age 5 (EX was 7). His parents divorced a few years later - his mom
had nothing to do with him for about 8 years. No contact at all. Dad was an abusive alcoholic.
I am very lucky and has a wonderful childhood.
Married 11/97
2/98 my sister died as a result of childbirth to my nephew
10/98 my brother in law committed suicide and my husband and I were guardians of both my niece and nephew. Eventually we adopt both and have a family.
Raised both as our own. We tried to get pregnant ourselves, but were not successful. Decided not to do fertility treatments because we loved the two children we had and felt if it happened it would be a blessing, but if not, we had two wonderful kids.
Raised our family- had ups and downs, he tended to struggles with his anger and frustration and I was the peace keeper.
2016- we were in London, England visiting our son who was studying abroad. While we were there he told me he wanted a separation. I was devastated.
We separated for three months, went to counseling, but always felt I was at fault. He went on a dating site and had a date with someone . D28 saw the message pop up on his phone. His story was his friends thought he should try dating while we were separated. Said D28, broke into my phone and saw the message “ a total lie.
He moved back in said “I have made my decision and I am
coming home.” I was still in shock and disbelief and just let him
move back in, I shut down and pretty much just tried to survive.
2018- EX gets obsessed with working out.
2019- get the ILYBNILWY speech.
Find out he is spending time with a girl 17 years younger from the gym and “it’s not what you think.”
Nov 2019 moved out- weekend after Thanksgiving take two trash bags out the door and is gone. Starts divorce process.
Rest of 2019/ early 2020 extreme clinging boomerang
July 2020 divorce final
Buys the house in our town that I always loved. Assumed OW (friend from gym) moved in with him - I don’t ask. D28 refuses to meet her S 25 has met her a few times , but it’s never at his house.
Have spent the last three years trying to detach. He will text me Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas etc. Kids see him a few times a year. He has told them that he deserves to see them more and that they owe him
after everything he has done for them- monster much?
June 2023 announced to our two kids that they are going to be a big brother and sister. He also told them they had no idea how difficult it was for “me and your mother” to have you come live with us when they first came to us. D28 had the wind knocked out of her and was visibly upset with tears in her eyes. His response was, “Really, that is how you are going to react.” She left the restaurant and told him she never wanted to see him again. S25 stayed and talked to him for a few more minutes. Both are devastated and we all are. By the way, OW was not at dinner when he told them about the baby.
I’m not sure what exactly I am asking for. I have been standing up to this point, but the hurt and pain he has caused all of us is crushing. I guess I want to know I am not alone and that there are people who understand how horrific this whole situation is. I appreciate you taking the time to read my story.