Thank you for all the input in this situation. Appreciate the comments before she passed and after...
I guess I just need to realize that people in general will do what works best for themselves in any given situation.
This woman had a job, it was her boss who was cheating, he owns the company and signs the paycheck. The OW was the office manager and could have made her life day in and day out miserable if she wanted, so she had to just keep quiet. And who knows sometimes people think it is ok, or expected for a 40 something year old guy with a bunch of kids to cheat... I don't know.
I just know I have to move past all this.
I need to GAL....
Really I never did that. I got a job....
I didn't get a life.
I need to concentrate on making ME happy.
Last night we did a dialogue question in our Retrouvaille notebooks. This has been a valuable outlet for me to explain my feelings to my H and for me to understand his feelings about things. It is 10 minutes of writing and then 10 minutes of sharing what we wrote, totally just describing feelings to your spouse that relate to the question at hand. We take turns picking questions from a list of random questions. Last night H chose a question about music and how we feel when we hear music from when we were first dating. As I read how he looked at me then, and as I thought myself about how trusting, positive and happy I was then, and how that happy trusting positive person is gone I realized, I need to try to find a piece of her again. I miss the old me! I was awesome!
So I need to GAL....I need to find that old me. I need to be happier. Be positive. stop living in the past.
I almost WANT to see OW at some point. I almost WANT to walk past her, hand in hand with H and know that she was the mistake. I am the prize!
I don't know if I will ever get that chance, and probably I don't want to see her again.
But I have to keep my head up, I need to get my confidence and happiness back!
I have my marriage, I have my children, I have amazing family and friends who are still here with us....
That is all I need!
I need to remind myself of this, as I just saw on Saturday when H's employee passed away at 35, life is short and we are not guaranteed tomorrow!
Thank you all for being here....letting me get all my feelings out.
Understanding...
Giving me things to think about, giving me positive messages.
It really means more than you will ever know!