Whatever happens I know I’ll be fine.

That is the most important thing.

Thanks B1 for your thoughts and prayers, actually I needed them but not for the hearing.

Hearing postponed and consequences

The hearing is delayed to June the 5th. The reason is the judge was not available (sickness). At least I was informed 2 days ago, I heard that some people went on the Court and were informed here. This decision was no good news for me and I have been depressed then during weeks. The decision means for me living 3 more months in the current situation : no clarification of the child custody and the alimony, W can come and go at will.

S7 birthday

S8 had a very nice birthday with many of his friends. Like last year I organized the birthday together with one of S8's friend's parents. I knew since September that they are separated but they are in very good terms. In the last months I was closer to the mother, so I had mainly her point of view about the separation. I was a bit surprised that she jumped directly to a new Relationship and discussed about it in front of the children (7 and 3). Then for the birthday she did nothing and left all the responsibility to the dad's shoulders. She said she had something else to do… Now I am pretty sure that she is actually in mild MLC.
S7 is definitely in year 2 at school now. He is enjoying life fully and bringing joy around him. Now he wants to become astronaut and is passionated by everything related to space.

D16
D15 has turned 16. I made for her a sugarless cake that was a failure, then she made herself a very good cake. She is cooking more and more at home and that is very nice. She is still successfull at high school and she is learning to drive. She is growing very well, we are fine together. She is cooking more and more at home and in healthy way.

D18
she is very happy in her student life, she has very good marks at school, in the top 3 of the university. Currently she is with us for one week and all her plans for this summer are related to "us", meaning her siblings and her dad.

holidays.
After a lot of discussions and changes, W finally went a few days with S7 in holidays to see her brother in another town in France. I am glad they are reconcilied now, because they were angry between themselves some years ago. She spent also 1 day in Lourdes (place of pilgrimage) and 1 day with D18 in her student town.
Then I took some holidays with the children : we spent 2 days in the Futuroscope (great theme park), then 3 days in the student town with D18. It was a really nice time together. D18 shared with us a lot of her student life, she has made great friends and she wanted us to meet them. One is from Brasil and will come at our home in June (news for me  ) and one wants to participate to our trek in June.
Then we went all at home and D18 stays with us a full week at home during which D16 and S7 are at school. This is great to be all together, every day is a nice day.

FrenchHusband

when I suscribed here on this forum almost 2 years ago, I felt I was an husband, but I was wrong. I had been already reputiated, fired from this job. Now I don't feel anymore I am married. So I want to change my profile's name with a login that fits more who I am. And I want you, my friends to keep the memories we shared here, so I want to keep an "H" as a second initial of a meaningful word in English. From today my new username will be FrenchHuman.

Familial allowance

I got a call few weeks ago from the "caisse d'allocations familiales" (family allowance fund) as I have notified the separation to the CAF. First good news is that the allowance payment is raised now, and the person on the phone asked me many questions about what is happening. She asked me whether W is giving an alimony, I said yes (it is lower than what she should give, but at least it is better than Nothing). Then she said that the CAF can take actions if W stops to give the money.
And just a few days after this call, W stopped to pay the amount ! First I sent a simple text, then after a few days I submitted a request to the CAF… From my POV it is a really nice solution for left behind parents, the CAF can give the money instead of the fleeing parent and in that case can do the legal proceedings.
After some weeks W sent finally the money to our account 

A 2-year gap is nothing... especially since men die earlier than women on the average... <lol>

I have one or both of my kids every other weekend too (if they, at 14 and 18 want to come over) but we also hit the gym every week and my son called me today at work to tell me he has gotten through the first hurdle on his apprenticeship program because MCLxW was somewhere and left her phone at home on the charger..... and he needed to tell someone about it...

D14 was also upset with me that I didn't want to play "happy family" for her birthday but I just can't do that anymore. It is not good for me and it gives her a false sense of "everything is fine" when it isn't "fine." Her therapist also said that D14 needed to understand that it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with MLCxW.

Kids know who is the reliable one

Journaling:

It’s been over 2 months and Baxter and I have settled in nicely. I try to find something fun to do every weekend and there seems to be more travel for work which I very much enjoy. W seems to find an excuse to reach out about once a week. This seems to be the new pattern since I moved out. It’s only been two years since BD so my expectations are still pretty low but it’s nice to see small glimpses of who she was. We all went out for Easter and she was stealing food from my plate, and found an excuse to touch me. Little things that I appreciate but also try not to put too much stock into.

Planning some trips for the summer: trying to get Washington Oregon and British Columbia, maybe Alberta too. Next court date is in September, a couple more months for her to cook. The kids will be at camp, Baxter and I are gone so I’m guessing it will be a lonely empty house all summer. Time will tell how this works out. Whatever happens I know I’ll be fine.

I think that the true emotional connection never really leaves. It diminishes over time. I think of people I have not seen for years and as soon as I get with them again it is as if we have seen each other every day. The connection is still there.

This make sense. But my mom always tells me, she doesn't have any emotional connection with my father. She said, she forgave him, but she still doesn't like him anymore as a person. My father never changed so I can understand my mom. He even betrayed us, his kids, the last time we had contact with him. For us, he is now a total stranger.

When my ex filed for divorce, there was a shift. I think the moment I went from viewing her as my partner to a business transaction, the emotional connection was severed. My mentality became more geared to this is something she wants despite the pain it was inflicting on me. Just like your ex, her pursuit of something else was more important than me and that was all that mattered.

I thought after the divorce, I would cut him off totally. But that was not the case. Then I said to myself, after his alimony to me ends, that will be the end of our connection. So now, I stopped texting my ex husband. When I started contacting him again, that emotional connection seemed to get stronger, at least on my side. I don't think this is a good thing for me. So these past few weeks, I decided not to text him anymore. It's hard to imagine, not contacting him anymore especially when I am in some kind of trouble. He's the one who's always there to help me like when I had an accident last year. However, this contact, though positive, slows me down in moving forward. It gives me a false sense of hope. And everytime, I realize he is still there in the midst of the crisis. It's like a slap in the face to wake me up.

 

The only thing that your ex does that mine doesn't do is do anchor checks. It just seems to me that as he pursues his experiences, he still needs to connect time to time with his past. Then he moves on to the next thrill.

My ex does contact me once in a blue moon. But lately, I realized I was the one contacting him more often. Like when I'm reminded of something funny, or when I see something he used to like or anything that I know only him can connect, I would send it to him. I guess, I'm just missing having someone to share things with. I miss being able to share funny things with him that only me and him would laugh about it.

I hope you have the opportunity to experience someone new that respects you and care about you more than anything else.

Thank you Ready, I do hope I would have a second chance in that department. It's nice living alone and discovering yourself but a lot of times, I also wished I had someone to talk to and share life with.