Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Midlife Crisis => Our Community => Topic started by: UrsaMajor on June 30, 2016, 09:27:04 AM
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As requested by a few people, the new thread for the topics of sayings that should go in a greeting card sent to the "lucky" MLC'er
In true Hallmark fashion, no comment is TOO smarmy or Snarky (just respect teh rules of HS please).
So, Entry #1 from Thunder (I believe) was:
"Good Luck with OW. I can see she is your true soulmate. After all, she can suck a golf ball through a Garden Hose."
And so on....
One from me is
"Roses Are Red,
Violets are Blue,
Yes she is married...
BUT NOT TO YOU!
Good Luck with THAT Hot Mess"
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UM...you forgot this one that you penned as well...
"You're having an affair, you're living a lie
getting your bits off on that hormone high,
But this high will end in a horrible crash,
and you're the next one to be treated like trash.
Just one last thing and something that's true,
Your affair partner is married and NOT TO YOU!"
Congratulations on your Hot Mess!
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Just want to say, I got the garden hose saying from the some cartoon series on line about MLCer's and their ow's. I can't remember the name right now.
Can anyone remember the name of those cartoon clips They were hilarious?
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Oh Ursa, this is awesome!!
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Um,
I'M LOVING THIS! Just when I need a laugh! Thank you so much. This is hilarious! hahaha
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Roses Are Red,
Violets are Blue,
Where ever you run
You´ll find YOU!
Change yourself and not your wife/husband!
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OH, UM, thank you, thank you! You're the best! This off topic thread is going to be my comic relief over the next few days as my divorce becomes final and my anniversary on Monday passes by.
Here was the entry I had submitted:
My condolences on making the biggest mistake of your life. I hope it doesn't kill you.
Of course, now I'll put on my creative hat and come up with additional greeting card sentiments.
Seriously, though, you guys.......wouldn't it be awesome if there really was a whole line of these types of cards?!!? Friends and family would even have the opportunity to send the MLCer a card as well. I'm telling you ..... I think this line could outsell birthday greeting cards!
Thanks again, UM!!
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Just want to say, I got the garden hose saying from the some cartoon series on line about MLCer's and their ow's. I can't remember the name right now.
Can anyone remember the name of those cartoon clips They were hilarious?
Soulmate schmoopies I think
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I'd like to send one that says:
Thank you for divorcing me
It was the very best decision you could have made
I hope the exow and you kiss and make up someday
You two deserved each other
Enjoy your MLC..I know I am. 8)
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Yes, the cartoons name is Soulmate schmoopies Here is the link to the site https://soulmateshmoopies.wordpress.com/
"Congratulations, you have become a cliche!"
"Dead eyes is the new black"
"Scruffy, bloated, looking 10 years older? Don't worry, you're having a MLC. Carry on, you can still hit rock bottom".
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"On the occasion so what should have been our <fill-in-the-year> anniversary if you were still around,
I'd like to wish you all that you deserve.
Regards, (you'd have to have seen the other thread regarding saluations and closings in MLC communications to get the irony here)
Your (SBT{X}) as appropriate Spouse
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I will be re-reading this thread every day. The sarcasm seems to be just what I'm needing right now. Thank you to all for the great contributions. I hope they keep rolling in.
I read this one in an old thread here on THS:
"I don't understand your specific kind of crazy, but I do admire your total commitment to it".
FYI - I listened to all of the soulmate shmoopie videos. They are hilarious. I love part 10, The Big Apology. If you need a laugh, check them out.
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Tip of the hat to Anjae "Dead Eyes is the new Black!"
OUCH!
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So many years, so many tears,
Now you're trying to run from your fears,
No matter how far you go,
On thing you should know,
One day it will bite you, right in the rear!
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A few things I've read on facebook..
Trying to understand some people's behavior is like trying to smell the color 9
I can explain it to you; but I can't understand it for you
I'm happy you are gone. I already have one pu$$y/@$$hole. I don't need another one.
I'd like to explain it to you but I ran out of crayons.
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Oh dear me, this thread is better than any anger room.
"Scruffy, bloated, looking 10 years older? Don't worry, you're having a MLC. Carry on, you can still hit rock bottom".
;D ;D ;D ;D
May I add:
Fastest way: Just take a 10 year younger OW, you´ll be the only one that might feels 10 year younger (until your get tired), everybody else believes you´re 20 year´s older...
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(http://www.glasbergen.com/wp-content/gallery/marriage/toon502.gif)
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(http://imgc-cn.artprintimages.com/images/P-473-488-90/61/6146/EW4G100Z/posters/harley-l-schwadron-as-you-wish-but-if-your-husband-was-just-going-through-a-mid-life-crisis-cartoon.jpg)
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(http://imgc-cn.artprintimages.com/images/P-473-488-90/60/6064/9CCD100Z/posters/jack-ziegler-can-he-call-you-back-he-and-his-mid-life-crisis-are-celebrating-their-t-new-yorker-cartoon.jpg)
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MLC Greeting Card for the Vanisher:
Nothing on the outside ---
Blank Inside
;D ;D ;D
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Thanks, Ursa.
MLC Greeting Card for the Vanisher:
Nothing on the outside ---
Blank Inside
;D ;D ;D
;D ;D ;D ;D
Air, that "Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary" was written for Mr J. In about three months he and his MLC will be celebrating their tenth anniversary. It is going to be quite a party. ::)
Messy & Ink, serving your midlife crisis since 1834.
We could come up with an whole line of business aimed at serving all the needs of MLCers. ::) ;D With the market for midlife crisis booming, we would become billionaires.
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I can't stop laughing! Keep them coming. I love the cartoons. ;D
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Love that Calling Heart!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Here's one for the standard MLC
Visual: Two young kids holding hands standing in the surf on the beach
Outside of card: If I could go back in time to before we met, I'd look for you and find you sooner
Inside of card: So 25 years later I could say: "I Love You But I'm Not in Love With You" and totally firetruck up your life!!!
Happy MLC
ILYBNILWY, ___________
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Well, I go on vacation and look at the fun I've missed! :)
My contribution is very, very large and shaped like a Pen!$. The exterior reads, "They say size matters." The interior reads, "Congratulations on becoming an enormous d!ck!"
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Yes Really, Schmoopies. :)
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Good one Medusa ;D ;D ;D..How about on the outside the words:
"I've met some pricks in my life".
Then a southwestern theme inside that reads:
"But you sir are a effing cactus!"
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The cartoons are fantastic! Love them! Going to look at Soulmateschmoopies again - haven't been over there in a while.
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The outside of the card has a picture of a toilet and says "Thinking of You"
Inside:
On this day as I repair the broken toilet flange, I couldn't help but stop for a moment and treasure the thought of You.
LOL
PS --Medusa !! I love your pen!$ shaped card idea !!!
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I saw this on FB last week and sent it to the ex:
Happy National Ex's Day
I would wish you the best, but you already had that!
;D ;D ;D ;D
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Yep an arm with a toilet brush in its hand on the front swishing the bowl
with a "Thinking of you inside"
Or one the outside the words:
I tried to forget about you
inside reads:
But I keeping seeing dog $h!te and garbage cans and it reminds me of you.
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(http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hewmqGkOyk4/TjmsJFX4kUI/AAAAAAAAARc/KeGm-bn5Kp8/s1600/midlife-crisis.gif)
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Oh my word...
Look what I started all on the suggestion of (I think) Still.... Out for the weekend and the thread takes off...
Medusa, I just had 4 people come poke their heads into my office working what in the world I was rolling around laughing about... Could NOT explain it of course... Brilliant!
Heart, for the vanisher... GREAT idea! We could make it a musical card with the lick from Pink Floyd's "The Wall" - "Is there anybody... Out there?"
With the 10-year MLC Anniversary... At least the guy was still at home.. Better than most of our cases I guess...
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A little more thoughtful card....
For the outside....
(https://scontent-ams3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/13590477_1441027689256919_8054292827205259785_n.jpg?oh=8f76e30ee6b846edbe35d5587e8789a1&oe=57FD5FFD)
And for the inside
"What was OM/OW's name again?"
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And for the inside
"What was OM/OW's name again?"
MLCers reply: No longer recall. Plus, is it OM/OW 1, 2 or number 6? You know, in this MLC head of mine all those people looked the same. Did they had names? Really? But, what mistake? I did the right thing. He/She is my soulmate.
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And for the inside
"What was OM/OW's name again?"
MLCers reply: No longer recall. Plus, is it OM/OW 1, 2 or number 6? You know, in this MLC head of mine all those people looked the same. Did they had names? Really? But, what mistake? I did the right thing. He/She is my soulmate.
Back to Schmoopies!
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MLC Greeting Card idea
On the Front: "Greetings Alien"
(http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/jG431_2743.jpeg)
Inside: You'll be pleased to know you've ripped a hole in my heart.
(Of course it's all my fault. I know the schpeil)
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Back to Schmoopies!
Schmoopies are the best! :) ;D
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Dear MLC
I'm sorry to inform you that your prescription for the blue pill ran out today..Good luck with the 20 yr old now.
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I got a Birthday card from my parents a few weeks ago that could be "altered" a bit to fit...
"Two guys your age go into a bar late Friday night
The first one orders four beers,
the second one orders 2 beers and 2 shots of Jack.
Who gets hammered first?"
And then inside it said
"Just kidding, Guys your age don't go out drinking in bars late on Friday night."
I was thinking to alter it to ask "Which one is having the MLC?"
and then inside saying "Both of them because they are out late drinking on a Friday at your age"
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Or, UM, "The one who hits on the 20-year-olds".
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Or, UM, "The one who hits on the 20-year-olds".
Oh yeah!
Or "The one with eyes like a dead fish caught in head lights"
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This one's for AirMid
Outside: Got MLC ?
(http://www.socializedpr.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/alg_cow_closeup.jpg)
Inside:
From the looks of your OW, I would say you Dooooo !!!
Mooooooooooooo.
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I laughed out loud at that one, Calling. LOL!!!
Moooooo.....
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:D ;D :D ;D :D ;D
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OK - Calling - that is priceless! Thanks for the laugh today!
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The cow one had been "ruminating" in my head for quite some time.
Medusa better hurry up with her MLC card about the OW washing her "man's" underwear.
IMO there's got to be a greeting card there, and for some reason I can't stop thinking about the absurdity of it !!!
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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The cow one had been "ruminating" in my head for quite some time.
Medusa better hurry up with her MLC card about the OW washing her "man's" underwear.
IMO there's got to be a greeting card there, and for some reason I can't stop thinking about the absurdity of it !!!
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Ask and you shall receive, Calling! I was busy at work and couldn't find the time to post today at work. ::)
This card is from the LBS to OW.
Exterior: a cartoon drawing of two women standing in front of a washing machine. One says (of course) "I wash my boyfriend's underwear!"
Interior: "Congratulations! I washed them for (pick your number one one of those dial things) years! You're welcome to them and all the racing stripes that come along with an MLCer!"
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Pulling the one from JCB's thread:
From the LBS to the MLC'er (Needs to be thought of in terms of a condolence card)
Outside: "I'm sorry that it didn't work out.... "
Inside: "because I wouldn't allow OP into my house...."
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And for the MLC'er who's getting married to the OP:
Outside: "Congratulations on a Match made in Crisis"
Inside: "I hope that you get all that you deserve."
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Love it, thanks UM!!
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Congratulations! (Outside)
You have hit a new low (inside)
Insert picture of hell.
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THAT's the ticket..> Got a winner there...
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Love it Jay!!
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Absolutely great submissions you guys! Keep 'em coming!!
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MLC Marching theme:
Left, left, left, right , left
I left my spouse, our pets and our children alone in the kitchen, emotionally bereft
Without any compunction left, left, left, right, left.
Toilet paper tube crafts: make one look like a trash can. Add paper dolls that look like the lbs and other lb family members. Put the paper dolls in the TP tube trash can. Add the saying:"To remind you of your finest hour." Or better yet, make a trophy worthy of being placed on a desk. And send it to them at work.
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The card for 2 MLC'ers in an affair.....
(Could you picture a more ugly scenario than THAT?)
Two little MLC'ers
Sittin in a tree,
K - I - S - S - I - N - G
First comes limerence, then comes stories
then come the lies and it really gets gory....
Welcome to he||....
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Outside of card: I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid.
Inside: I really thought you already knew.
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Outside of card: I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid.
Inside: I really thought you already knew.
THAT is good!
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Courtesy of Shadoe (with a slightly free license):
Outside: Picture of a foggy coast line and the text "I'm sorry you're having trouble seeing things clearly"
Inside: "Try getting your head out of your a$$. It isn't a hat!"
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Courtesy of Shadoe (with a slightly free license):
Outside: Picture of a foggy coast line and the text "I'm sorry you're having trouble seeing things clearly"
Inside: "Try getting your head out of your a$$. It isn't a hat!"
You both get a high five for that one! ;D
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I'm laughing out loud!!!
You guys are good.
"I thought you knew." LOL
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Haha - I always wondered what to do with those old TP rolls. Pity to just throw them away :)
Here's a Greeting Card for the MLC'r New Home
Outside of Card: Congratulations on your New Home!
(http://www.dailyencouragement.net/images/misc/old_rv.jpg)
Inside: With a new home like yours, who needs an address?
Your important paperwork still piled on the desk
Now you can go places and see all you’ve missed
You can seek out the youth that has never been kissed
So you have a new home, and you think ~ why be married?
Just be somewhat wary
I’m burning your mail ‘cause I’m not your secretary.
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Bahhhaahhaaa
Thanks for making me laugh
Hugs
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I need help. Someone PLEASE HELP ME !! :P
I've become obsessed with MLC Greeting Cards.
Hello my name is Calling and I'm an MLC Greeting Card addict.
I think it's because the MLC script is so bat $h!te crazy obvious.
I have these cards rattling around in my head
I hope there's not something wrong with me
There's more of them..... :-\
This card takes on a more "birthday theme":
You’re Turning 15
…. Again
It seems just like yesterday you turned (41/51)
Mature, cool and (pretty/handsome) then you started to run
You quit paying the bills and stopped noticing me
You obsessively remove body hair in places no one should see
The motorcycle you bought is in need of repair
While the electric guitar leans in the corner over there
The (children/family) are wondering why you’ve been seen
Wearing hipsters and fringes on obnoxious skinny jeans
Surprise! It’s because you are turning 15!
…Again
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So... you never wanted to have children, but you're living with OW
who has a 3, 7 and 16 year old?
(http://89decibeles.com/files/imagecache/content-large/willywonka05.jpg)
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This card takes on a more "birthday theme":
You’re Turning 15
…. Again
It seems just like yesterday you turned (41/51)
Mature, cool and (pretty/handsome) then you started to run
You quit paying the bills and stopped noticing me
You obsessively remove body hair in places no one should see
The motorcycle you bought is in need of repair
While the electric guitar leans in the corner over there
The (children/family) are wondering why you’ve been seen
Wearing hipsters and fringes on obnoxious skinny jeans
Surprise! It’s because you are turning 15!
…Again
Wow - you have quite a knack for this, CH! That birthday card is the bomb!
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Courtesy of Shadoe (with a slightly free license):
Outside: Picture of a foggy coast line and the text "I'm sorry you're having trouble seeing things clearly"
Inside: "Try getting your head out of your a$$. It isn't a hat!"
You both get a high five for that one! ;D
I just snorted from laughing so much!!!
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Front of the card:
(picture of a broken mirror)
A Break-up is like a broken mirror
Inside:
It's best to leave it alone so you don't hurt yourself trying to fix it.
Da Da! ;D
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Tears are coming out my eyes, I'm laughin so much!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAH
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OK, with all the references to this thread, I have resurrected it and dug it up out of the archives....
Time for a few new entries wouldn't you say?
With a nod to Mourning Dove and her drive-by Dumper (OK, this might be cruel even by my standards)
Front of the card looks like a condolence card:
Front Text : "My deepest condolences for your latest losses"
Inside text : "Common Sense, Decency, Your kids, your wife, your money, your future. Need I go on?"
Or, if you wanted something that rhymes......
"You've been running for months carrying your brothers ash,
the house is now mine so stop dumping your trash!"
OK, that was pretty brutal...
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Hahahaha!!!
So there is a potential for this business!!!
Hey, they've got cards for everything else, why not this??
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How have I missed this thread??? 😂😂😂🤣
Roses are red
Violets are blue
OW1 or OW2 so many choices!!!
After all it's all about you!!!!
I know I need more work I just wanted to be part of the fun!!!😂🎉
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Thanks, UM, for resurrecting this one. We had a lot of fun the first time around. I see you guys are still on top of your game with the new submissions.
I'll have to work at it a bit to get my creative juices flowing. ;D
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;D Good one, Shocked!
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Good laughs, great thread ;D
Don't know if it works at all for native english speakers but:
You were right! Life IS too short standing still, so I started cycling. Have a great liminality!
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This is a serious one... in leui of Father's Day
This is one for the MLCH who had OW baby - pun intended
Now and Then On Father’s Day
On your special day
It’s easy to see
How far you have fallen
Now and then
Yet we celebrate “you”
Then you had us, your family
You were the lead
The father – head of household
Held in esteem
Respect was your merit
That was Then
This is Now
Now you’ve fathered a child
From the woman
Not your wife
You’ve confused those who counted on you
All those years
Yet you're in denial
Oh the joy you will miss
Sorting a card for each child’s mother
On their day
And figuring out who will get the gift
Your legacy tangled up in knots
A Very Happy Father’s Day, Knot!
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Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Run along to OW
Perhaps she'll find your missing screw.
Probably in more ways than one. lol
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Courtesy of Facebook:
I would wish you the best, except you already had that.....me ;D
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Cover:. (Picture of a bright shiny quarter) Happy Birthday
This is your lucky birthday quarter picked up special for you.
Let's flip it to see how your year will be:
Heads I win and Tails you lose!
Happy Birthday!!!!
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OK, with all the references to this thread, I have resurrected it and dug it up out of the archives....
Time for a few new entries wouldn't you say?
With a nod to Mourning Dove and her drive-by Dumper (OK, this might be cruel even by my standards)
Front of the card looks like a condolence card:
Front Text : "My deepest condolences for your latest losses"
Inside text : "Common Sense, Decency, Your kids, your wife, your money, your future. Need I go on?"
Or, if you wanted something that rhymes......
"You've been running for months carrying your brothers ash,
the house is now mine so stop dumping your trash!"
OK, that was pretty brutal...
LOL - Thanks for that ;D I am glad I am not the only one who can find humor in my MLCer's madness ;)
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LOL - Thanks for that ;D I am glad I am not the only one who can find humor in my MLCer's madness ;)
You are more than welcome... I was worried it might have been just a wee bit over the top but... Well... MLC is WAY over the top as it is...
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I found this gem of a thread back on page 47.....
Now, in the Germanic countries of Europe, there is not only the Christkind or the Weihnachtsman that brings presents, there is also the Krampus that takes away the bad little children or leaves a lump of coal and a willow switch in their stockings... I wonder if we can adapt that to the Mid-Lifer?
(https://media.giphy.com/media/rByt1vFJ3ROLK/giphy.gif)
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Like that Krampus!
I am assuming UM that you gave Santa a list of MLC houses to fly by as part of charting his progress? :)
Prompted by another thread, how about a Santa Wish List Card which says in small text at the bottom Please be careful about what you wish for as you may get it, and Santa has a strict No Exchange or Refunds policy'.....
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Like that Krampus!
I am assuming UM that you gave Santa a list of MLC houses to fly by as part of charting his progress? :)
Prompted by another thread, how about a Santa Wish List Card which says in small text at the bottom Please be careful about what you wish for as you may get it, and Santa has a strict No Exchange or Refunds policy'.....
I just sent Santa a copy of the Karma Bus route.. I think he can figure out the good Karma and Bad Karma...
As for the Wish List, Garth Brooks had a song once with the line "Sometimes God's Greatest Gifts Are Unanswered Prayers..."
That Krampus was one of the milder ones that I found... Some of them are truly horrible-looking...
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UM - Thanks for resurrecting this thread - it's absolutely hilarious!!!
So glad that I haven't seen it before, because it's perfect for the holidays.
You know - laughing so hard - tears running down my legs!...
JK but it's absolutely so funny!
Thanks!
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Have to resurrect this thread once in a while.... For those who haven't had their chance to add their own personal MLC Greeting Card ideas... or if you just need a laugh....
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"Be careful what you wish for.....(and inside) and don't blame anyone else when you get it!" would be my choice :)
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Front Of the Card "Knock Knock" OM/OW answers "Who's there" ?
Open the Card "Go Firetruck Yourself
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Roses are red, violets are blue. Nothing you ever said was true and my life is so much better without you 🙌🙌
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FRONT: 20 years ago, I couldn't wait to marry you and be your wife.
INSIDE: I was so STUPID back then.
8) ::) ;D
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Okay, I'll play. I'll adapt an old poem I wrote way back when I was a spitfire of a teen, haha! Full of righteous anger written in my head while I vacuumed the restaurant where I waitressed at the time. S20's dad used to read my poems, and he wasn't very thrilled at this one, as we were dating. It wasn't for anyone in particular, just crazy thoughts spiraling through my head. Okay, yes...my crazy is showing! ;D :o
Front of card:
"This card is dedicated to...
all you...
snakes out there...
who don't understand how unfair you have been...
to women.
Well, we've had enough of your two-timin' love."
Inside:
"So don't come back home
I just want to be left alone
Don't even wanna hear your voice on the phone
I just want you gone
So don't come back here
Have I made myself perfectly clear?
Get your breath out of my ear
I just want you to poof! To disappear!
I don't wanna know where you've been
I don't need to take that again
You told me 'she's just a friend'
But boy you were wrong in the end.
So get outta my life
I don't need all this pain and strife
Baby, it cut's like a knife
After all, which one of us is your wife?
So get yourself lost
I won't take you back at any cost
All you'll ever feel is my frost
As I sting you like a wasp.
So get outta this town
I don't want you comin' round
Boy you made me look like a clown
It's gonna be a while before I calm down.
I hate you so much
I don't ever wanna feel your d*mn touch
Boy, I've had about enough is enough
I'm kicking you out on your duff
You've gone too far
This time there's gonna be feather's and tar
You're the one that started the fire
You're gonna wonder where you are!
You aren't in Pleasantville now
So don't you even take a bow
You chose to see that fat cow
You can't even remember your vows
So boy why don't you take a hike
You turned out much worse than Mike
There's not much left of you to like
You better leave before I strike!
You son of a b*tch
Your just like some frickin' itch
I wanna scratch like a witch
And then throw you in a ditch
Your not allowed here any more
Boy I'm declaring a war
You made your bed with that wh...
Now I'm slamming my front door!
I'm not gonna swallow my pride
Boy I know that you lied
I'll give you up without a fight
But I haven't laid down and died!
Your a piece of history
Just another one of those mysteries
Go swallow some nitro glycerine
Put you out of my misery!
So honey just kiss my a$h
Babe, you haven't got any class
Let's leave the past in the past!
It's over, this line is the last!
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Glad you brought this thread back around, UM!
I've enjoyed reading through it from the beginning again!
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An oldie but a goodie for a laugh....