[Biscuit]

Minor journalling.

Things continue very much along the same path they've been on for a few months. The kids spend half their time with each parent and we spend some time together as a family if there are school events or football matches etc.
W has taken on a much more active role with the kids and is being much more helpful in pretty much all areas, which is a real improvement.

On days when W doesn't have the kids she is seemingly always offering to help me and contacts them individually too to say hi or whatever.

It does feel like things are pretty good between us - we talk everyday - but it's never a deep conversation, never R talks and all quite 'surface'. She hasn't once apologised or shown any verbal remorse for any of her actions when high energy replay had her spinning like a whirling dervish. She seems much more settled and doesn't monster at all.

It does however feel like we're a bit stuck, for want of a better word. It's kind of a limbo, there's no real substance to any of our talks and interactions. My son told me the other night that he's really glad W and I are getting on as it's important for him that he sees that we care for each other.
I'm still standing but would ask if anyone else has experinced this type of limbo? It's like nothing has really progressed for a few months, although I suppose we are spending more time together, and speaking more - which I suppose is progress. But it's so slow from day to day!
I have attempted twice in the last few months to say something about my feelings, but W doesn't want to hear it - so I've backed off from that.
No outward signs of depression or withdrawl from W so not sure if she's liminal when no-one is there with her - or if she has avoided thinking about what she's done and is sticking her head in the sand still.

[UrsaMajor]

Reconnection and reconciliation (if they happen) take place with the breathtaking speed of a herd of turtles....

Also keep in mind that some Mid-Lifers, after they come out of the tunnel, never do apologize or show real remorse, preferring to sweep things under the carpet (conflict-avoidance) so one thing you will need to consider at some point is whether or not the lack of an apology or remorse is a deal-breaker for you or not....

Other than that, MLC Progress looks like this....

[Biscuit]

Thanks UM, both for the reply and the obligatory visual aid!

Does a spoken apology mean a deal breaker? Hmm, I guess I'll have plenty of time to think about that while she simmers away. Maybe not all things need to be said....

[Biscuit]

Bit of journaling tonight.

I’ve read up on Acorn’s thread recently from back in 2017 and 2018 and can see some parallels going on with my situ - as well as many differences. I think Acorn’s souse never left but me and w have been living apart for 18 months.
Reconnection has been going on since June of this year and things are going well. It’s very very slow, but when I look back six months ago to now there’s been a definite improvement in our time spent together. Sometimes progress is slow and other times there are significant improvements in the quality of our interactions over a very short space of time.
The last couple of weeks have been one of those periods with some accelerated reconnection happening. It happens to coincide with the run up to Christmas so it’s not really surprising that we’ve had more family time together. It’s the quality of this time which has increased more than the actual time that’s really improved though. Just this last week every time I’ve needed to visit w I’ve been invited in for a drink or to hang out. Tonight after I took D12 to see a film she wanted to go and pick up her bag from W and get some vouchers and money for Christmas shopping tomorrow. W invited me to stay for a drink and we sat together on the sofa having a chinwag whilst D looked for what she needed. I ore-warned W we would be visiting so she made a huge effort to get all the presents wrapped and under the tree. D was delighted! She loves seeing the bottom of the tree festooned with presents and was really excited. Well done W - she did good and made our D’s night.
It’s a very weird stage this reconnection business though, as an LBS you see loads of potential and not just glimpses but massive chunks of the MLCers previous personality but it’s still not the same old W. Hard to explain… we both sent each other cards today too, and here’s a weird one - out messages to each other were word for word exactly the same - the only differences was mine had 2 more x’s than hers. We laughed about that and then it was time to whisk D away to go to bed and we said goodnight. These interactions have been becoming more frequent, we probably see each other every day at the moment. I’m enjoying it for what it is and Acorn’s thread, which I mentioned earlier has given me the mantra of zero expectations- just enjoy the moment!

Anyway, a great few days recently, and lovely to be spending time together in the run up to Christmas.

X

[KayDee]

It must be really hard and in so many ways, feel quite unnatural, because in the 'normal' scheme of things one would be looking for shows of commitment and passion. But the crisis / depressed person likely isn't able to do that with any consistency - if at all. So it is a leap of faith in many ways, to keep the engine in neutral and hope for an onward journey. But all too human to have expectations. Wishing you the Best of British (and a great Christmas).

[Biscuit]

Kaydee,

Nail on the head there! Totally right about how it feels.

You’re from England so you’re appreciate the gravity of my current situation - I’ve brought my daughter and a load of her mates Christmas shopping - in Oxford Street - 3 days before Christmas. 😂
Right better go and find them!!

Lovely Crimbo to you too! And everyone else on HS.

[KayDee]

You’re from England so you’re appreciate the gravity of my current situation - I’ve brought my daughter and a load of her mates Christmas shopping - in Oxford Street - 3 days before Christmas. 😂
Right better go and find them!!

Oh my, did you sniff the Christmas spirits and get all nostalgic hope you find them and/or have your GPS tracker on. Good luck, and Merry Christmas!

[Treasur]

Kaydee,

Nail on the head there! Totally right about how it feels.

You’re from England so you’re appreciate the gravity of my current situation - I’ve brought my daughter and a load of her mates Christmas shopping - in Oxford Street - 3 days before Christmas. 😂
Right better go and find them!!

Lovely Crimbo to you too! And everyone else on HS.

And to you, Biscuit!
Oh my word, teenage girl heaven and grown up hell all in one long street…. Was it packed?
You have definitely earned about a million Santa Dad points for that 

[FrenchHusband]

Hi Biscuit,

I am glad for you that things are going well and that your situation is improving. I hope you can provide a nice record of reconnection & reconciliation in the next months, first for you and also for all the avid readers. These stories are few, and from male LBS pov it is very rare.

I wish you the best for you and your family ! Merry Christmas !

[Biscuit]

It was quiet in the montning and absolutely rammed by the time we left. Had a wonderful day and managed to come back without losing any children (I think I’m a bit lighter on cash than when I left this morning though).
What an amazing day!!
Witnessed a really touching scene when 3 police officers were questioning a homeless lady who was asking for change. I thought they were going to tell her off but they just wanted to make sure she was warm enough and that she knew all the places in central London where she could get a hot meal and a bed for the night. Made me feel incredibly humble and lucky and also glad that I’m a Londoner and that people doing jobs on the street in our city actually care for others in need - unlike most of the people in power.  I spoke to the police officers afterwards and wished them a very merry Christmas.