Biscuit, so sorry you got the smackdown over your anniversary text. I have heard that it's best to mirror the MLCer. IF they wish you a Happy Birthday, then their next birthday you can wish them one. On anniversaries, let them reach out. They may or may not, but put the ball in their court.
Now, this doesn't mean that you can't privately do something yourself to honor the day. Give yourself a little gift, or go on an outing, or if it's not too painful, re-watch your wedding video. Maybe not 2 years in, but later, when you are stronger.
The first few years, the passing of the anniversary meant everything to me. I had to definitely find some self-care for the day. But after time moved on, it felt ok to just let the day slide by. Of course, at that point my MLCer was married to someone else, so it just made sense, for me.