I'm sitting here next to a blazing fire looking out at a pounding rain on the windows. One of my favourite places to be. I had two meetings cancel today so I thought I'd give an update.
H left yesterday. it was a tough goodbye for all of us. He cried more than the rest of us though. I woke up this morning and when I remembered he was gone, my first reaction was relief. Having said that, it was very clear to me that I still have deep love for him (more than I thought I did) and I wish him out of this pit he's in (of his own making). I do have some compassion for him though, I really do. He is miserable. I have never seen a sadder person.
We had a really productive conversation on Sunday. We were running errands (he got new tires for the car) It was non-confrontative but it was v honest. He knows that I have been pushed past the limit of behavior I can accept and that altho I love and wish him with us, I am unwilling to continue as his wife, divorce papers or no. He expressed doubt, fear, regret, all the emotions, but he still got on the plane. I did NOT take him to the airport.
He has been messaging me almost from the moment he left. He now says he feels strange being there with her. Maybe that's because she is the Prince of Darkness in a human body? Whatever. I hope she sees him texting me and gets angry. Anyway, I am keeping contact as close to zero as I can. I refuse to engage or update him on our lives here while he is with her. And if his mental fog lifts even slightly (which it appears to be doing) that's a good thing, for him, and for the kids for sure - and maybe for us. Maybe.
These MLC timelines are tough to get around tho. I hear you, people don't just 'snap back' into place. I believe it. Even if he IS able to walk away from her, which is still prob unlikely I guess, what shape does he 'come back' in? It's a completely totaled car. I have no idea how that even repairs. Or honestly, if I want to be a part of that. There is so much here at the beginning of 'how can I get him back?" and then you go thru so much with them and you're finally like, 'could I ever live with them again/take them back?" And don't get me wrong, I know I am not there with him (he's not even asking yet and may never) but I can see it, I can feel it - that is going to be a question for me at some point.
He tells me he loves me almost constantly now. He calls me 'hon' again in messages. He gave me most of what is in his bank account. He turned over all his stocks to me 'for the kids' future'. There is no monstering going on - altho I'm geared up that that could change when i push back hard on something.
Also did anyone feel like their MLC spouse had like slipped 20-30 points in IQ? What IS that about? Honestly, he seemed so dumb! I felt like he was helpless, powerless, constantly confused, forgetting everything, I looked at the eight stages book again last night and it seems to track with a kind of regression - bc the person who was here was like a teenager more than a man. A teen who has never been a parent, thought of his own comfort first, and had no idea even how to parent. It was really weird. He loved on the kids but it was more like a big brother. It was so strange to observe. He was a VERY attentive and active dad - a really good one- prior to this or maybe it wouldn't be so crazy to see.
You all always remind me about detachment and focusing on myself, that which is in my control - and as the only sane parent my kids have. That remains my goal. I am making plans for the kids' spring break in early April and I have my sis and a gf coming out here from NYC end of March. One of my best friends (in Sydney) may come out in March too. I pushed forward a minor cosmetic procedure (one I've been wanting for years) to early March as I didnt' want to do it while he was here.All good things.
I will look at real estate/houses when I'm out visiting my friend in Bentonville, Arkansas in April. I am ready to leave California in 2025 and start over in a new locale. This former NYC/London glam girl now wants a truck, chickens and a sheep.
God has good plans.