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Author Topic: My Story Stronger Now In Broken Places

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My Story Re: Stronger Now In Broken Places
#90: April 27, 2021, 12:25:28 PM
Hi Faith.

I'm going to avoid discussing your dream other than to say that you're very brave to share that.  :)

I was totally convinced my wife would eventually come back around and maybe she still will but it's been almost 7 years and my family and I haven't seen any sign of the woman I used to be married to.

I started getting tired of always being alone and started thinking about dating. I was even looking on a dating site which was such a bad experience that I almost changed my mind about dating. Then I ran into a woman a couple of months ago who I worked with 46 years ago in my parent's restaurant. We didn't date or anything back then. I was only 16 and she was a couple years older than me and already married but we worked a lot of shifts together and we always joked around a lot and had a lot of fun.

Over the years our lives have taken parallel paths with both of us working in the same places at the same time, and even though we didn't have a lot of contact, we know a lot of the same people and we did bump into each other a few times over the years while both of us were married. When my wife left it felt like I lost my history and when I talk with my new friend it feels like I've gotten a lot of it back. I can't tell you how much that means to me.

She lost her husband last year to lung cancer after caring for him for 18 months and she was lonely so we got together just to catch up. It turned out that the chemistry that seemed to us exist 46 years ago is still there and we have been seeing a lot of each other. She is out of town this weekend visiting her late husband's daughter and planning a memorial for him this summer.

She's been afraid to let anyone in her family know that she's been seeing me because she's afraid she'll be criticized for not waiting long enough after her husband's death but yesterday she told her stepdaughter that she and I are in a relationship. She was relieved to find that her stepdaughter accepted it, although her stepdaughter did mention she was concerned it might be a rebound relationship. We were also concerned about that, had already discussed it, and decided we don't think so, so we continued to develop out relationship. When she gets back home tomorrow she's going to tell the rest of her family that she's in a new relationship.

I have to tell you that I'm very happy. I haven't felt this good in a long time. I'm afraid that right now I'm deeply into the stage where the brain chemicals fire up and turn your brain to mush (so is she), and that's a bit annoying, but we both know that it will eventually pass.

I am telling you this in order to let you know that I held out for a long time but now I am glad that I am moving forward. It was time. I think my new friend and I may end up with a relationship that is much better than the relationship I had with my former wife. We seem to be able to communicate much better, no doubt helped by all that I learned about relationships after my former wife left me, and my new friend is very interested in learning how to have a great relationship. I told her about the book The Five Love Languages and she devoured the book. We were both pleased to learn independently that the primary love language for both of us is spending quality time together. I'm very excited right now because we're making plans to spend the whole day together Thursday after she gets back, out in the open with no fears about her family finding out that she is seeing somebody.

I sympathize with you and your situation with your son. My granddaughter lives with me and will be moving back home in less than 2 weeks. She's going to find things are a lot different now and that I won't be around nearly as much as I used to be. She is the only one in my close family I haven't talked with yet about this.

I haven't started a new relationship in 43 years. I can tell you that it's not easy after you've been alone for a long time. But it seems like it's going to be worth it.
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Stronger Now In Broken Places
#91: May 04, 2021, 04:41:03 PM
Thanks for the responses everyone.  Congrats on your new relationship MB.  I'm excited for you!

I've been a bit MIA.  My cord to my computer isn't working, so I was using my daughter's cord and she stole it back.  She's at work tonight so I stole her cord for a little while to update.  I can get on FB on my phone but only have this site saved to my computer.

Lots to update as I've been pretty busy.

Thursday was the date and we had a great time.  We got along pretty well and his story mirrors my own.  24 years into his marriage, his wife said "I'm not happy and I need to go find myself."  He realized that there wasn't anything he could do but hold onto the house and the kids and be the best Mr. Mom/Dad he could be.  That was 7 years ago.  She is remarried.  He's former Navy and her new H is also a former Navy man, and they would probably be friends if it weren't for the situation.  His son is making plans to get together with his Dad on Mother's Day so there must not be the greatest of relationships there with his mom.  Also, he is a man of faith.  That's huge for me, obviously!  There wasn't any instant charged chemistry, but I don't think that necessarily means anything, right?  We've both been hurt, and probably are a bit guarded.  I think starting with a friendship is key.

Friday I went out with some coworkers and one of my coworkers from a different department brought her hubby.  I hadn't made the connection that her hubby was one of the people running in the same political race as my former H, not against him, but alongside him.  The gems of the evening from her hubby "I've known him a long time and he's the most selfish man I know" - "I didn't know he had a wife and kids when he ran for the first office" (which was late 2014-early 2015 before BD) and my coworkers gem "I have met his new wife and she has about as much personality as a limp noodle."

As the saying goes, they weren't looking for someone better than you, they were looking for someone worse than themselves

Sunday I went to a BBQ for my female friend's son's graduation (from a training center that he did after his high school graduation).  Her daughter and daughter's bf (who is my NEW friend's son) - going to just refer to him as my NEW friend right now as that's all we are; were also in attendance, as well as myself, and NEW friend.  My female friend and NEW friend's son were (to steal the phrase from MD's posts) little velociraptors with their teasing about a relationship that hasn't even gotten off the ground yet.  I can see they are eager and really hoping that things will work out between us.  We had a good time chatting at the BBQ, when we weren't busy fending off the teasing velociraptors.

Yesterday, my NEW friend reached out and asked for date number 2.  He knows I like to hike and so he invited me to go hiking.  Normally I would not go off hiking with someone on the 2nd date.  However, my female friend who I've known for a very long time obviously knows him and his son well, so I feel comfortable going.  He will give me a call later in the week and we will figure out exact details for Saturday.  ;D

Guy #1 that I went on the blind date with was nice, but had been divorced for 11 years and had 2 serious relationships (lasting 2-3 years) in between.  Said he was not interested in ever remarrying.  He left his wife.  Said he stopped loving her, lost respect for her, etc.  When I asked if he would be interested in learning to paddle board or go out to a live concert outside this Summer he wasn't really interested.  Said he likes going to the movies.  He left the ball in my court and expected me to reach out to him if I was interested in a 2nd date.
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Stronger Now In Broken Places
#92: May 05, 2021, 03:09:06 AM
Ooooo.... Someone else I can tease now.....



 ;D
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Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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Stronger Now In Broken Places
#93: May 05, 2021, 11:55:37 AM
Fantastic update, Faith....and I am more than a little biased, but Navy men are the best.  I've been with mine a few months now, and it's hands down the best relationship I've ever had.  I wish I'd met him 25 years ago and passed xh by completely.
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#94: May 06, 2021, 02:51:19 AM
I was in the Navy for 10 years.... I was on the ship when this picture was taken

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Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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Stronger Now In Broken Places
#95: May 06, 2021, 05:59:15 PM
BB and FW - send a single Navy man my way!!   ;)

FW - are you counting down the days?  I know I sure am.  What a whacked and crazy year it's been. 
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#96: May 06, 2021, 08:34:40 PM
I was in the Navy for 10 years.... I was on the ship when this picture was taken

What ship is that UM?

Navy man sailed on the USS Missouri before it was retired.  I have toured it when in Hawaii on my 10th anniversary.  Standing there on that deck, not knowing the future, I would never have guessed I would be going on dates with someone who actually sailed on it.

Fantastic update, Faith....and I am more than a little biased, but Navy men are the best.  I've been with mine a few months now, and it's hands down the best relationship I've ever had.  I wish I'd met him 25 years ago and passed xh by completely.

My BFF is married to a Navy man also, if they ever meet, I'm sure they'll have lots to talk about and I imagine would get along pretty well.

I have some beautiful kids that of course I can't wish that, but I totally understand where you're coming from!

BB and FW - send a single Navy man my way!!   ;)

FW - are you counting down the days?  I know I sure am.  What a whacked and crazy year it's been. 

I will see what I can do, SB.   ;D

I bet you ARE counting down the days.  I haven't really been counting down the days, now that I'm in admin, I work year-round.  But there is some talk that once school is out, we at admin might not have to wear masks all day.  We are behind a plexi-glass window and the majority of us have been vaccinated.  We are wearing masks in solidarity with the schools.
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Survival Instructions for Newbies

The Apology Every LBS Deserves

My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

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Stronger Now In Broken Places
#97: May 06, 2021, 08:40:12 PM
Today I ran into original blind date guy and he chatted me up.  Invited me out to dinner, but I had a grocery order waiting and told him so.  I was also so exhausted from my day I was definitely ready to just go home and put my feet up.

He wondered why I hadn't called him again.  I said I'd been busy.  What in the world is wrong with me?  Lol

I guess at this point they are just my friends, but playing the field feels foreign.
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Survival Instructions for Newbies

The Apology Every LBS Deserves

My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

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  • Time is a Gift! 🎁
Stronger Now In Broken Places
#98: May 06, 2021, 09:00:34 PM
Oh and please pray for my Mom's husband.  He fell and broke his other hip.  He's just out of surgery today and will be in the hospital for a bit before going to a rehab center for a while.
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Survival Instructions for Newbies

The Apology Every LBS Deserves

My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

  • *
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  • Gender: Male
  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Stronger Now In Broken Places
#99: May 07, 2021, 03:15:21 AM
I was in the Navy for 10 years.... I was on the ship when this picture was taken

What ship is that UM?

Navy man sailed on the USS Missouri before it was retired.  I have toured it when in Hawaii on my 10th anniversary.  Standing there on that deck, not knowing the future, I would never have guessed I would be going on dates with someone who actually sailed on it.

OK, just another case to show how small the world REALLY is... The ship in that picture is the USS Iowa (BB-61)... She was the lead ship in the class that includes the USS New Jersey (BB-62), the USS Missouri (BB-63), and the USS Wisconsin (BB-64). I served aboard from 1983 - 1987. I was trasnferred to Washington DC a few months before the accident in Turret #2
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« Last Edit: May 10, 2021, 01:11:11 AM by UrsaMajor »
Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

 

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