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Our Community / Re: •• Calming the crazy, life after divorce
« Latest by STP on Today at 09:26:25 PM »
Journalling

It's been awhile so an update. I already sense 2026, will not be as great of a year as 2025 was. Ok, fine.
S24 bought a house 20 mins from me. His gf lives with him and her son, age 2. She's currently pregnant (not his) as a surrogate, doing it strictly for the $.
S26 is divorced now after a short 4 month marriage. I don't believe anyone has contact with her. He's still working a lot.
The other two sons are, I suspect living as usual.
KA and I just celebrated our 8th anniversary. We had a fancy meal out and also visited the Chicago Auto Show. In the card to me she wrote
Quote
You are worth so much more than you think. You are one of the reasons I am still going. You crossed my path at a time I thought I did not need anyone and you have shown me I needed you the most. You are so appreciated and loved.
It was so sweet I had her read it to me. She has been very busy, with the building of her new home, her D13 volleyball schedule and arranging for her mom, age 85, to go into an assisted living facility, probably next month.

Socially, I hosted my 11th annual white wine party, with 25 open bottles. KA wasn't able to attend due to volleyball but the usual people were there. I've had a few hikes and most notable absentees are JKR and TPB. JKR has an arm injury and cold weather increases the pain so she's not come and they are besties so no TPB either. Tonight JKR texted she has broken up with a guy friend of mine, known since 2018, so she will not be coming to parties until the dust settles. Which I expect would include her bestie. Probably won't see them for awhile.
After my last post i mentioned not texting TPB until she eventually sent me a text a few weeks later asking if I was upset with her. Said I just laid low after my behavior. Old news now. Unfortunately she is hanging around with a woman KRS I can't stand. I suspect this nasty woman will try and attend kayaking when I start it up in June. sigh. Bad enough she kinda crashed my wine party AND won best bottle. Grrr  >:(

This weekend is my Mardi Gras party. KA is out of town with her daughters volleyball. Attendance is just over 20 guests including my buddy JS. Friday night I'm on my own, and thought of going with a bunch of friends to a pizza place for karaoke, but right now I'm not caring to see JKR and TPB hanging with that nasty woman KRS. I was texting with MVT who attends my kayaking, hiking and some parties and we might hang out this Fri night. She's like 20 years younger, doesn't like to be photographed and has a severely handicapped son. I've driven her to some hikes and kayak trips, when she didn't have a car. She's had a hard time of it all and is trying to get a bf who will give her a baby. She's a beauty and reminds me of my ol friend MM, who lives in FL. No worry, there won't be any messing around.
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Our Community / Full Moon Alert VII
« Latest by UrsaMajor on Today at 02:52:58 AM »
We have a new moon to look for (February 17th)

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Tonight is a New Moon in Aquarius heralding in a powerful new start. This New Moon is truly a new birth of life, inspiration and ideas. It is energetically connected to our personal evolution, like a butterfly coming out of it's chrysalis. The earth is changing now all around us as it wakes to the Spring, we are also waking up to what we need to do to grow and move on in our lives. The energy of transformation is being seeded within each of us now.
This is the perfect New Moon to work with our dreams and visions, with art and creativity, music and writing, to let our inventive side take over. Aquarius is an air element and air forms a doorway to other realms, a way of being which lets us shape-shift into what we want to be. You may find yourself drifting and caught by distraction, unable to focus. Your psyche is pulling you away from the normal world and into a place of the imagination. This is no time to resist or hold back, let your mind run wild. This is a time to make wishes and go for what you want.
This New Moon makes a bold statement leaving no stone unturned, it may symbolically or literally directly point the way to a new path that is yet untraveled and shoot you in a new direction. The New Moon will bring in wonderful surprises. There will be twists and turns around every corner. Keep your eyes open for new opportunities that may come out of the blue.
The Aquarius New Moon will be a very emotional one. We will be feeling everything much more deeper than usual, we may find ourselves happy or crying for no reason. We will find it hard to sleep and we may experience weird or unsettling dreams. This is our minds way of dealing with our emotions and releasing them.
During the next few days you may experience a feelings of anger or a sense of being misunderstood. You may be feeling frustrated and that you need to get moving in your life, that things are happening too slowly. There may be some anxiety and impatience over where you are and where you want to be. People will be acting more assertive and argumentative (traffic, work, relationships etc). Your pets may start acting strangely, there will be more spirit or ghost sightings. There will be more intense weather patterns happening such as storms or thunder. Try to stay calm as these will pass. There is a major shift happening right now on the earth and within us and we will physically feel this energy.
This New Moon is all about change, it is a breath of much needed fresh air. There will be a small uncomfortable time of adjustment as we move into the new but we will come out of it feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world. Let the winds of Aquarius cleanse and heal you. This is a lucky time, so do things that you felt you couldn't do in the past, be a bit bolder, a bit louder, ask for what you want from the universe, let your thoughts and desires manifest into something real.



and it s the beginning of a new Lunar New Year (the year of the Horse

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On the New Moon on Tuesday, February 17th will be the Lunar New Year which will be the start of the Year Of The Horse. This is a 12-year cycle event symbolizing intense energy, action, freedom, and rapid change. Previous Horse years have been 2014, 2002, 1990, 1978, 1966, and 1954.
This will be the year of the fire horse which happens about every 60 years. This energy brings cultural shifts, war, natural disasters, intense change, rebellion, and progress. Fire is energy, passion, enthusiasm, movement. Combined with the energy of the horse, this is amplified to an almost chaotic place. The last year of the fire horse was in 1966.
𝐊𝐞𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫
Independence & freedom – Horses hate being confined. This year favors independence, travel, and breaking out of stale situations.
Energy & drive – It’s a fast paced year. Things move quickly, sometimes chaotically, but rarely stay still for long.
Confidence & charisma – The Horse is associated with charm, visibility, and being noticed. This will be great for leadership, performance, and public roles or if you want to be seen in a certain role or situation. Stand out.
Progress through action – Less talk, more doing. Success comes from decisiveness rather than over-planning.
𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐇𝐨𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬:
Starting new ventures (especially those involving travel, communication, or new business or money making schemes)
Taking risks
Following passion over obligation
Letting go of routines that feel restrictive
Overall, the Year of the Horse is viewed as a catalyst year, less about quiet reflection, more about charging forward and trusting your momentum. If you’ve been waiting for a push to act, this is traditionally considered a very good year for it.

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Our Community / Help Please 5
« Latest by Helpnewc on February 16, 2026, 01:31:54 PM »
Thank you.

It is just very very hard right now. I am a very good father now and something work wise will turn up.

You just feel abandoned by all the things you loved. I am a much better person but I do wish I had not gone to Hades. I also wish to leave it.

Thank you for the positive words.
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Our Community / Help Please 5
« Latest by UrsaMajor on February 16, 2026, 08:16:30 AM »
Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that, Helpnewc. Best of luck on the job search, and I bet these skills we didn't want to learn will help you out. (There's an Ursa quote about marketable skills somewhere...)

JB

Ah yes...... an Ursa-ism stolen from someone else....

"One does not make the trip to Hades and back without learning some marketable skills..... "
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Our Community / Help Please 5
« Latest by freefall2flight on February 16, 2026, 04:11:47 AM »
Hey Help,

I am really sorry to hear your news. I’m somewhat "new-old" here. I joined HS back in early 2023 and was part of the SU&T (Stand Up & Thrive) group, which was exceptionally helpful. I’ve been in another Standing group since May 2023, but as my journey continues to move forward, I found myself wanting to reflect on where I am now versus where I was.

Everyone’s stories here are a mixture of pain, yet they are contrasted with incredible strength and growth. Your story stuck out to me because the timeline and events were eerily similar, at times, I thought I’d lost my mind and was reading my own posts! I guess that is the nature of MLC; it brings both comfort and sorrow to know the path is so well-documented, yet frustrating that they can’t just "hurry through the gates" to the end.

When I look back to Jan/Feb 2023 and the two "Bomb Drops," I see how broken I was. I believe no relationship hits a storm without both parties contributing to the navigation, but after the drop, I spiraled. Every facet of my life was affected, and I developed a psychological intolerance for silence that lasted nearly two years. I tried to patch my pain as those in grief do, but much like the MLCer’s journey, I feel that is part of our "rite of passage" as Standers. In August 2023 (two months after my wife moved out), I hit my rock bottom. That is where my serious growth started.

Since then, my wife started a new relationship and moved him in. This triggered severe mental health challenges in my D9 (then 7), who reported her mother’s actions to the school and mental health workers. That relationship ended, and for a minute, I saw glimpses of her old self. It was short-lived. She started another relationship (LO2) and filed for divorce. The cycle repeated: she introduced the children to the new partner, and the mental health issues for D9 have been triggered all over again.

My wife is currently at her worst for selfishness and "monstering." She is in a constant blind rage that often defies logic. I believe she is filled with guilt and shame, which fuels her rage toward me, despite me barely interacting with her outside of basic co-parenting logistics. For someone chasing an ideal of "happiness," she is outwardly miserable. Her only forum for a smile is social media, which I no longer partake in.

I look at her life now: she has blown our savings, she has "affaired down" twice (D9 even commented that the new boyfriend looks exactly like the old one), and she lives in a small house with her brother and LO2 (D9 & D6 spend 50% of their time there however D9 has commented she doesn't want to live with Mummy any more. She feels Mummy doesn't love and her even is observant enough to know her Mummy is no longer the person she once was). My daughters are both receiving wellbeing interventions, and D9’s care has been escalated to local mental health services. My wife refuses to understand the legal consequences of the divorce and stopped paying her share of the mortgage almost 3 years ago, leaving it all to me. She has removed every person of positive influence from her life, surrounding herself with colleagues who have had their own affairs or "wet lettuce" friends who lie for her. Her life is a train wreck hurtling toward a broken bridge.

So, why am I listing these complaints? To offer a contrast.

As much as I am in the middle of a divorce, hemorrhaging money to lawyers, and dealing with safeguarding issues and the everyday curveballs of work and car troubles... I actually know I will be OK. And you know what? You will be too, my friend.

I’ve let go of perfectionism and the need to have all the answers. I can’t control the curveballs, but I can control my response. I am most proud of my relationship with my children. It grows stronger every day; they know their Dad’s love is a "Safe Place." Grasping onto these wins drives me toward a positive future.

A vulture will always find a carcass because that is what it looks for; I choose to look for the good. Perhaps your recent job loss is an opportunity rather than a curse, another stepping stone in your bright future. While it sounds like your wife hasn't reached her rock bottom yet, I am certain that as we grow, it chips away at their cognitive dissonance. Our light eventually spills into their darkness.

I originally set a "timeline" to exit my Stand in January 2024, yet somehow I have miraculously made it this far. My journey led me to faith, and I attribute God’s work to getting me here, though I respect that everyone has their own path. The most important thing is to reflect on how far you’ve come, it’s so easy to forget that when things are hard.

I want to encourage you today: you’ve made it this far, and you will live to fight another day! What lucky children you have to have such a steadfast father.

All the best,

free
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Our Community / Help Please 5
« Latest by JohnnyBravo on February 15, 2026, 09:09:25 PM »
Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that, Helpnewc. Best of luck on the job search, and I bet these skills we didn't want to learn will help you out. (There's an Ursa quote about marketable skills somewhere...)

JB
7
Thank you, Faithwalker

I hope anyone new who comes along will understand that it doesn't matter if your MLCer comes back, or your life isn't quite what it was. It won't mean it can't be pretty darned fine. The road may be bumpy, but one step at a time.
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Our Community / Re: Help Please 5
« Latest by Baxter1 on February 14, 2026, 08:53:59 PM »
Life seems to really be kicking you in the stones it would seem. Maybe it all part of the master plan for something new and better. Sorry this happened but good luck!
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Our Community / Help Please 5
« Latest by Helpnewc on February 14, 2026, 04:54:32 PM »
So at 53 I have lost my job. It is the first time that has happened to me and it is bewildering. I did not cope well when my marriage ended and the sharks have been circling. They have now attacked and I am done.

I get six months notice and I will find something else. It is just feels like the destruction of everything I loved is complete. The good news is my heart is going well.

I was really hating the job but the money was good and was allowing me to recover from a pretty awful property settlement. I know it is only two weeks since I was told and it will get better.

I just loved my wife and my family. The destruction of MLC is so wide spread. My friends are helping me. I am grateful.


And still my ex-wife does not take an accountability at all. It is quite extraordinary. But I no longer need that and just accept it is where I am.

But how my life has changed.
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OR, I'm so glad you had that time with S!  Wonderful!!!!  Thank you for sharing your travels, I love reading about them and I am so impressed that you do it all in spite of your physical limitations!  You are seizing life by the horns post MLC!

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