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11
Our Community / Radical Acceptance is the New Black
« Latest by MadLuv on March 06, 2026, 07:49:14 AM »
Congratulations on your new home. I think rebuilding and finding yourself before jumping into a new relationship is the only way to go. It takes time to accept the craziness and then find a way to move forward and it’s responsible for not only you but your next relationship that you are on steady grounds.
12
Our Community / Divorced and moving forward!
« Latest by MadLuv on March 06, 2026, 07:46:12 AM »
Awwwww, congratulations TH on your son. What an amazing turn of events!! He may have had a rough start, but sounds like he is thriving and has 2 parents showing up in all the right ways. ❤️
13
Our Community / The total discard of spouse and children
« Latest by MadLuv on March 06, 2026, 06:36:40 AM »
Hello!!! It has been almost a year since I have posted and I felt the need or urge to do a brief update on this whole crazy ordeal. February was 5 years since our divorce was final and add 90 days and that was the discard. It was a quick one after 30 years together.

So many lies and manipulation from a man that I thought was a sweet and honorable man. Did I see and feel the slow decline? Absolutely, but we lost a child to leukemia and that became the reason. Now looking back do I feel the same? Yes and No. I think he was always avoidant and insecure. I think ( with my help) he rose to a high status and he sewed his wild oats. He finally felt he mad it. He had confidence and I think he finally had women ( using that loosely) flirting with him and he like it. I also think he was escaping the grief of the loss of our daughter.

What I do know and feel now is that none of that matters. He chose poor coping skills. He did not communicate his needs. He just escaped one life he couldn't resolve to go to a new one that felt like his savior. Do I think he was happy when he left? No, I think he was relieved. Do I think he is happy now? No, I think he probably now realizes that he discarded his life and career( he was fired 1 year after our divorce) for a momentary feeling. I believe that people struggling can have such strong limerant feelings they think it's their fairy tale.

The first 2 years were horrific. The more I learned and discovered it made me literally insane. The anxiety and panic attacks were constant. I was a shell of myself. He temporarily destroyed me. The 3rd year I started to truly accept the situation instead of fighting it. The 4th year I was in a pretty good place. My kids although adults however were really seeing him now and so I was dealing with it.
This past year has been a year for us all of acceptance and some normalcy.

What has happened with him? I have not spoken to him
In 3 years. The last time I did speak to him I told him that he was not my friend and had not been for a long time and until he was accountable we would continue to not be friends. As a tru avoidant he went silent. I have had to message him on some business dealings we agreed to in the divorce and he will not respond. It’s my punishment. His wife started to intercept his emails and text messages and answer for him pretending to be him. Once that happened it gave me full release that I no longer had to communicate on this things. It was honestly a relief. So now I do not communicate on anything. I just make the decisions without him and it’s been a year and that has been wonderful.

Here is why I am posting. 2 years ago I broke my back. This past Sunday I woke up and was reading and was having difficulty with some words. I knew something was terribly wrong. It may have seemed minor but I was replacing words in paragraphs. I went to the ER and I had bleeding in my brain. I had a stroke. More testing and they could not find the cause, but the neurologist said it was probaly a temporary hike in blood pressure.

I firmly believe years of anxiety and stress has caused this and now I will have to worry about this for my remaining days. Stress is a silent killer. When we are in it we can’t stop it, but what these men and women do is preventable. They know they are causing harm and they dont care. They are selfish. It is a sickness. I don’t see my xh as a sweet man. I see him as a weak man that only cares for him welf. Only cares about how he feels. He hasn't seen his kids for 4 years. He hasnt seen his beloved grandson. Hasn’t met his granddaughter who is 1 year old and a grandson that is coming in leas than 2 month ( who is being named after his father who is passed) His family mother and brothers and kids are now all disconnected from our kids and grandkids. They lost a sister, father, grandmother, uncles, aunts and cousins.

I lost a decade of my life while married and years after he left dealing with the confusion. I make no excuses for him anymore. He is well aware of his issues and is not man enough to address them. He now lived in a new state and his wife of over 4 years moved in Last year after living apart for 2. Her daughter 29 and child 2 moved in with him. Her younger daughter 25 lives in our old condo that he pays for. His wife is drenched in diamond and designer clothes while driving her  mercedes. They go on wonderful vacations with all of them and their boyfriends. To me it just shows he is paying for a superficial life.

What I think happened? I think he used women and outside validation to help him through his pain and then it was to late to turn back. I think he then couldn’t stand to be home and look at myself and our kids, because he was living a lie. I think he truly stayed as long as he could, but he couldn’t change what he did. I do think this new life is easier for him. They just have material needs. Or have……but I think that is starting to change. He is working nights and living his reality abs with all relationships she will need more emotionally. She is definitely intercepting things in his life to keep him from reconnecting with his old. This is his karma.

So, my advice after more than a decade of this is to take care of yourself the best you can. Do your dr visits. Keep up with your health. This all takes a huge toll on your body and so much turns up years later.

Wishing everyone love and hope in your lives!!





14
Our Community / Full Moon Alert VII
« Latest by UrsaMajor on March 04, 2026, 01:04:31 AM »
Last night (March 3rd) was the full moon AND a full lunar eclipse .....

==================================================

Tonight is the Full Crow Moon also known as the Worm Moon and the Sap Moon. Called the Crow Moon for the cawing crows around this time that signal the end of winter. As the earth thaws worms start to appear. And it marks the time when maple sap begins to flow and the annual tapping of maple trees begins.
The Spring Equinox is just around the corner, when both day and night are at equal length we are reminded to find our own inner balance. focus inward toward inner wisdom and self-analysis. This Full Moon is in the sign of Virgo, this will give us a keen eye for detail, we will see things and people and situations in our lives with crystal clarity, a light will be illuminated allowing us to see beyond the shadows. This is a time of cultivating and growing, just as the Suns energy and nature is doing at this time. Plant the seeds of new ventures, plan for the future, think about what it is you want and need and set about putting a plan into action. Use this energy for your own personal transformation, rebirth and regrowth.
Tonight's Full Moon illuminates our inner feelings and desires, so emotions can be quite raw and enhanced. The Virgo Full Moon means we may be over critical of ourselves and of others, try not to see the bad in everything instead look for the good. The Virgo sign is a very hard working and practical sign so use its energy for getting jobs done that you have been putting off for a while. Virgo is not scared to face deep issues, so tackle any problems and bring them to an end.
This Full Moon brings light to whatever was hidden in the darkness or buried within the subconscious such as emotional pain or our deepest desires, but once awareness happens you are able to make realistic changes. Our emotional levels move like strong turbulent waves in the ocean during high tide for some during this Full Moon. Emotional reactions may be strong, energies may feel irritable or uptight. We are amidst great times of transformation which are heralding major new beginnings. Change isn't always easy or comfortable and it’s constant, so we must strive to keep our balance during these changing tides.
The world as it stands is challenged by many opposing forces now. We feel them both personally and collectively, pushing against our own will, raising difficult questions, triggering issues we would rather avoid. How we keep our own balance of light and dark and manage our own inner conflicts largely dictates how we manage outside ones. If we struggle with our own anger or hatred, telling ourselves we shouldn’t feel this way, we will struggle to respond effectively to the anger of others, allow yourself to feel angry or upset, but don't let it take over, keep a balance. If we fear our own power, preferring to see ourselves as victim rather than creator we may succumb to the power wielded by others, adopting their thoughts and priorities, behaviors and lifestyles without discerning the right path for us. If we refuse to acknowledge our own inner selfishness that demands its own way no matter what, we may project it onto the world around us, pointing the finger of judgement and even becoming a bully. Don't suppress your feelings, embrace your light and your dark sides as one cannot exist without the other. We need both. Let go of guilt and allow yourself to feel what you're feeling without self-judgement.
Let the energy of this Full Moon wash over you and cleanse your spirit, use it to heal you both emotionally and physically. Let the moonlight bathe and sooth you mind, body and soul. let the earth element of Virgo heal you. Stay away from self-doubt. Seek a balance of light and dark and see the truth in your life however much it may hurt, only then can you do something about it and begin to heal.

15
Our Community / Divorced and moving forward!
« Latest by titleholder on February 28, 2026, 10:47:52 PM »
That’s so good to hear FW!

I really hope that’s going to be the case for us too. For now there are no indications that something is abnormal; all the medical check-ups and scans are good so *fingers crossed*
16
Our Community / Divorced and moving forward!
« Latest by FaithWalker on February 28, 2026, 05:17:19 PM »
Congratulations TH!  My friend had a baby born that early and by 2 there was no telling that he had even been a preemie.
17
Our Community / Divorced and moving forward!
« Latest by titleholder on February 28, 2026, 09:48:11 AM »
Thank you BB, UM and DF!

It was a scary time, so I’m so glad to leave it behind me. And indeed the confirmation that somebody can go through to a difficult period and cope with that in a healthy way without running is such a relief haha :-)

We’re a great team and just so happy and gratefull to be home with our little family.
18
Our Community / Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 10
« Latest by Nas on February 25, 2026, 06:44:40 PM »
https://www.upworthy.com/neuroscientist-claims-present-doesnt-exist/

“She says, “You have a narrative, you have a story, you are responding in this moment because of everything else about you. We spend between one-half and three-quarters of our day in our minds time-traveling between the past, present, and future.” This is absolutely not to say we shouldn’t strive for present-living. Just that we should be aware that there’s always past experiences and future uncertainty that informs every waking moment.

Olivia Giacomo further explains this idea, writing in a podcast companion piece on Mindbodygreen.com to “think of your non-conscious mind as an endless forest, rich with thoughts and memories. Those memories are never rooted in the present: Once they occur, they’re immediately existing in the past. Then once a memory has been consolidated, it has the power to affect your future by informing you of what has and could happen.”


🎶 https://youtu.be/ArUyNRmIU4M?si=Qo2BvUdG-doynFC2
19
Our Community / The Journey Continues
« Latest by Returned on February 25, 2026, 02:57:46 AM »
I am glad to see you back Thundarr. It has been a very very long time. I am also class of 2011. I am sorry to hear that things are not going well with D25. If D25 was on anti-depressants and has stopped them than one can expect her to have ongoing ups and downs. Running away may be her way of coping with depression. She may need to put some distance in order to try and "start over". In Depression one can feel that the only way to cope without meds is to change your environment. It may be a while before she feels capable of coping. In the meantime just send love and affection. You don't say much in your post about yourself. How are you doing?
20
Our Community / Remarried and working on us
« Latest by xyzcf on February 24, 2026, 06:23:53 AM »
I loved reading your update! Congratulations on becoming grandparents!

Someone will read your story and it will help them, help them to realize that MLC is a destructive force that affects so many family members and friends, and that restoration is possible, but that it is also difficult.

Healing occurs, whether the MLC makes it back or not...the choice is in our hands. Which gives the LBSer power to direct the course of their lives.

The affect on our children matters a great deal to me....I think I could handle his rejection/betrayal and abandonment a bit better than my daughter has been able to. Or maybe as her mother, her welfare was greater than mine to me....

We do not know the end of our story. My husband became ill and showed up as soon as he received his diagnosis and spent the next 6 months before he died with me.....I had always kept the door open and he had always stayed "connected" and the things that I learned during those 6 months is that he always loved me (had a funny way of showing it). I do not think he would have made it home if he had not been so sick.....I don't know if we could have grown old together after 16 years apart.....I am grateful that we had that time together.

I often tell people, for many situations, to really trust their own inner voice about what to do...there is no right or wrong answer. We are all a product of our own experiences and formation of our beliefs......

I see your lives together as a true gift. I totally understand that there is still PTSD...I think there always will be, for all of us...this traumatic event changed us deeply, and for so long I felt it had destroyed me...but it didn't.

Best of luck and please come back now and then as others do and let us know how things are going.

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