[UnconditionalLove]

Thank URSAMajor,
You are probably right.  I do know he’s not married.  His wife passed away 3 years or so from cancer.  I do think that he has, had a few other people (women) he could be talking to and that’s ok.  I’m not getting carried away by anyone and he’s free to do whatever it is he wants to do.  Words don’t mean much to me these days.  Action does.  So, you can WHOA me all you want but I’m a smart cookie. LOL!  I’m probably getting boring to him but honestly, isn’t that the time you see the real person? LOL!  I’m ok being single and I don’t need to attach myself. 
Thanks for you insight!

[sachat3]

It sounds like your doing well which really is the main thing. I think some men will always be that type of man. But it’s very possible he’s trying to fill his wife’s spot. Loneliness is sad for everyone. No matter who you are

[UnconditionalLove]

So true Sachat3,
Thanks, I am doing well!  Hope you are too!

[UnconditionalLove]

Well…I just thought I would drop by and update anyone that’s still active here.  All is well with me.  Not a lot to report.  Same ole same ole.  This journey started in 2014, divorced it 2015 and pretty much end of story as he took off.  They are still together if you call together being in two different states. 

He has been back in my state for almost 4 years I think and she is still in her state. He came down here to work and she found work where she lives.  I had no communication with him for over a year but then Sunday I was too curious about covid and if he had it.  I found out he had and it has damaged his already damaged heart valve.  He hasn’t worked for 4 months and just went back. He did pay me though all of that. LOL

He actually did ask me if I had had covid. I said I had in December and fun how we both had covid in the same month.  But, really he is indifferent to me.  He has checked out, has no feelings at all about me and I get that now.  I mean absolutely nothing to him.  I did think over time there would be this apology or something but I think he’s been at this so long his mind believes I am the bad person he painted there.  That is not going to change.  But, it’s ok.  I don’t need that.  I know who I am and that’s all that matters.  Blessings!

[Thunder]

Hi UL,

So nice to hear from you.

Hon I truly think this crisis changes these MLCer's.  Sadly in the 9 years I have been here I see very little evidence it changes them for the better and that makes me sad.

The very few who have made it through in 2 years or less, I do not believe had a real crisis.

A midlife crisis takes much longer than that.

I'm just so glad you are doing good. 

[UnconditionalLove]

Thank you! Yeah, there doesn’t seem to be enough hope really for anyone.  I really thought there would be this moment where he would see clearer at the end.  I know he’s still with the women but is he?  I mean yeah they are still a couple but yet no together as she’s in one state doing her life and him in my state. I’ve come to terms with the fact they desire each other. My ex’s life never changed for the better.  Nothing was for the better.  I hate to say it but he got what he desired.  It’s taken me all these years to not feel sorry for him and used the crisis as the blame.  I’ve been done with that.  It’s funny even when I was texting him Sunday about covid he was blaming the medical doctors for she lost of weight and what the steroids did that he had to take.  I still felt like wow, he’s just always going to be in the blame game and angry.  It’s just going to be his live.  Crazy land.  Anyhow,  I hope you are doing well.  I hope life is treating you amazingly and you health is good.

[MadLuv]

I think it’s a gradual decline into indifference. Those that don’t want to dace their issues than just move on. I doubt he blames you anymore if he once did. I think they just accept this is the easier route to take and you were the harder. It is sad. I cant imagine just moving on and forgetting years, decades of a relationship like it didnt matter. They truly just warp into something else.

[UnconditionalLove]

You are right MadLuv, I think they come to the realization that this is the easier route and it's easier to accept that. I always wondered though if the conversation ever came up about us what he would say.  My ex is a follower.  I wonder if he would follower me back into his old life if given the chance but I wouldn't allow that.  I would never bring it up for him to do that.  He followed her into her life.  I look back when we first met.  He was 19 and I was 21.  Did he just follow me into my life because I carried the relationship even back then? I mean I did give him this ultimatum back then.  I remember that.  I use to go over to his apartment because of friend was seeing his roommate.  She ended up moving and I remember back then saying well I won't be back.  Unless you call or something enjoy your life. LOL!  Because we became friends through that process but it didn't move into a relationship.  He did call but really, he had to be lead to do so. LOL  I don't think he would have taken the step.  It's his personality.

Wednesday was the day he was suppose to pay me the little money he owes each month.  He didn't send it.  I knew it wasn't out of spite but he's never late on it.  I didn't realize it till the next evening.  I sent him a text to see if he sent it to the wrong account.  About 30 mins later the money was in my account.  He didn't respond to my text and that was ok.  Then about 2 hours later out of know where he saids a text.  Reading  I just sent the money.  I have been sicker than a dog.   Well of course you would want me to know you were sick.  That was the only reason you decided to respond back 2 hours later.  An of course you knew I would respond to that with concern. LOL!  After get information on him that it was the flu and not covid again.  I realized that he was ok and although was sick also had to be a drama king about it.  I do stay dark.  I made it to a year.  Then I broke to find out if he ever had covid. Then I had to message him Thursday to see what was up on the payment.  Now I will go back to dark and leave him to his journey. 

If I remember correctly I believe he won't move forward til their relationship is over.  I don't know how that plays out when they are both in 2 different states.  I think but don't know that they are both comfortable with their situation.  The relationship is now tarnished more with her new degree because she's a NP which is a doctor's assistant and her position allows her to treat patients.  That won't see in his head well because the whole not being a medical doctor ( he blamed me) will raise back up and he will see himself below her and he will have hidden anger on that.  She will probably not need him as she thought she did and this new development is so interesting to me.  This is kind where Karma is kicking in. LOL!  Although I don't believe in Karma.  I believe in bad decisions.  Anyhow,  That's my boring latest.  All is well on my side and I'm just moving forward.
Thanks Madly for reading and replying!

[UnconditionalLove]

This could be my last post. Oct 5th marks 7 years of divorce.  I can’t even believe it’s been 7 years and then 1 year where he met her before divorce.  8 years all together.  He just walked out of my life and everything thing, everybody he ever knew.  I know I should have but I sent him a text saying I have been thinking as today marks 7 years of our divorce. I know for you it was freedom day but I wanted to ask an uncomfortable question.  Do you miss anything that we had together?  Is the past just washed away?  I know it’s been 7 years. I never really got to say much back then.

It took him a day but he responded.  However he didn’t address my question.  Other than not addressing is tell me my answer I guess.  He wrote like a child it was weird.
I don’t look backwards other than to assess what I did good and what I did not so goo and try to learn from it so I don’t repeat mistakes and be better at what I did good.  I try to be forward looking and thinking.

The writhing was so weird.  Even after 7 years.  I really always thought we would have a chance because we didn’t have this horrible marriage.  We did everything together.  I’m beginning to think he has some sort of emotional detachment disorder.  Something he had long before midlife crisis.  Anyhow,  it’s time to take my loss and realize he’s gone forever.  I think he has too much Pride to ever seen anything he did.  Moving forward mean he has departmentalized and will never see anything clearly.  So…this it.  This story is closed!

[Ready2Transform]

Big hugs, UL. I hope his weird answer can help with closure. I've never gotten any logical answers, either. It's been 11 years since BD, and 9 divorced. He's since identity-thieved me and filed for Catholic annulment (neither of us was ever Catholic! lol), and that's just within the last few years - when I've had no contact with him whatsoever. He remarried the OW many years ago, so that wasn't what triggered the Catholic nonsense. What did? Who knows. They're just fried, and some of them just stay that way. It gets way easier to accept as we move forward. I hope only good things are in your journey forward now.