Good that you are finding yourself. If whatever you become meshes with whatever she becomes, then great. But if not, you will be in a good place no matter what. I know I have a totally different case because what my xh became is nothing I would ever have looked at twice. Unless something drastic happens, we could never be together because I have no respect for what he is at this time.

It is awesome you are standing, yet not standing still. Have you any plans to go places with the kids?

Journaling:

Kind of a good update. We still have regular contact which is great but the update is more about myself. As I go through this journey and do the inner work I find that I am happier. I am resolving old wounds and fears and discovering myself. It’s a great journey, the start was pretty rocky but here I am. Living a new life with new(and old) friends, trying new things and enjoying myself. I loved the old life but this new life is good as well.
My new concern is if we do end up coming back together, will the new me and the new her work out? We will be two very different people from who we once were. Time will tell what happens but I am open for any possibility, still standing but Baxter and I are ready for anything.

Always great to hear your updates. I’m heading to Vegas soon, I’ll definitely keep
My eyes open for hold ups!

Well, here's a detail of my job that's not so great.  When we lose a student, I'm one of the first to know as I need to send folks for the Crisis response team.  This means I sometimes sit with some pretty heavy things over my weekends off, as the Security team, my boss, or the Crisis Coordinator gets a hold of me when it happens.

The weekend before school started we lost 4 of our young men to a car accident (they went off a precipice and weren't discovered until the next morning - I didn't know them, but I did know one of their Moms) and when school started that next Tuesday, our whole community was reeling from the loss.  A few weekends ago, a Senior was hit by a drunk driver and ejected from his vehicle.  He is still in Denver in a coma.  This weekend, one of our middle schoolers was hit by a car while riding his e-bike or scooter (not sure which) and he didn't make it.    :'(

My heart immediately goes out to their families, friends, teachers, anyone who knew them.  I'm also not really able to share details with anyone so the time that I have to keep it confidential feels so heavy for me.  I spend a lot of time talking to the good Lord about it.  Yesterday, I just laid on my floor in my bedroom and carried it to Him, crying out with the pain of a loss that isn't even mine.  Today I had to make some calls and get things set in motion for Monday.

Friday night, I went to my first massage that I've had in a very long time, and I've never had a massage like this.  It was a 90 minute Immersive Vibroacoustic massage and it was amazing.  I decided to cut out Netflix, and Audiobooks and anything else that I've been frivolously frittering my money away over so that I can afford one every month.  I think given the nature of the grief I carry, the stress, and you know, the caregiving, etc. that it would be a good gift to my body.

Thursday night after pickleball - I've been playing every week with a singles group I joined - I hit my face on a board sticking out of the back of a truck.   It was very clutzy of me, but also, who backs a truck up against a walking path?  He would have been better off parking the correct way with the flag on the end of the board sticking out for drivers to see, instead of parking it where the flag was in the shade of the tree and with it being twilight, I was watching the pavers I was walking on so that I didn't fall off the curb in the dark, not looking for something protruding out the back of a truck in my path!  My face was pretty bruised up Friday and I had some light sensitivity Friday for about half the day before it let up.  No issues laying facedown for the massage though and by then my headache was gone (I did take a grandiose tylenol earlier that day though).  The puffiness was down by Saturday but I have a nice bruise on the bridge of my nose and the space between my eyes is still very tender.  It was a 1x6 I think so who can see 1 inches of board in that kind of light?!?!  Definitely not me, given my peripheral vision issues.  I will heal though.

I'm so sorry about your coworker/crush JB.  Really makes one ponder on how much (or little) time any of us have left.  One just never knows.

That video link was a joy, thanks for sharing.  I'd never seen any of his stuff.  I think my youngest would get a kick out it, seems up his alley.