Midlife Crisis: Support for Left Behind Spouses
Midlife Crisis => Our Community => Topic started by: Hoosier Daddy on December 22, 2022, 07:28:37 AM
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Previous Thread; https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11314.0
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As for the mind of the MLCer, it's tough to make sense of what is actually going through our XWs minds. If you had told me what would have happened to me over the past couple of years 5 years ago, I would have never believed it. In some respect, I think the MLCer compartmentalizes their life and shuts out the old life. How awful that must be?
HF,
I agree with the compartmentalization, it must be awful to throw away such a long period of your life.
HD
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So here is the story behind my new thread title. May need some of the more refined members to help me get meaning from below:
While cleaning off the kitchen table that S21 uses for personal storage I came across an art and literary magazine. Me being a farm boy and engineer my first thought was to pitch it in the recycle bin but something urged me to open it up and take a look. I was surprised to see an entry penned by said son. Evidently he is a poet and I didn't know it. I have read it multiple times and I get something different from it each time. I think I'll keep it.
As Flavor Fleets
by S21 Junior in Electrical Engineering
Taste
Make Haste
Let not that wonder go to waste
Indulge not to fill but for flavor
Sweet savor
All else is but a caloric favor
That I may not waver
But hear this... not gluttony
But greed
Yes, greed of the tongue
The rosebuds have stung
Now giving way
To a sharper inhalation
This now discarded delight
Brings relief
And grief
HD
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Wow, quite a poet. Very complex.
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Interesting. I love poetry.
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Time for an update,
Life is good. Still hitting the gym 3-4 days a week and walking daily. Put on 5lbs and am now only 15lbs below pre BD weight which is a healthy weight for me. Work is good as our firm had our best year ever. I am starting to think about retirement but don’t have any concrete plans as of yet. Go out with friends 3 nights a week and vacation twice a year with my usual crew. 4 year BD and 1 year divorce anniversaries passed with minimal feelings. Not dating but have some new female friends that I socialize with.
S24 is still taking a break from white collar work. This year he has worked at a BSA high adventure camp in the Florida Keys, a fall camp in WV teaching elementary kids outdoor skills, and is now back in Colorado working at a ski resort. He seems to be enjoying life to the fullest. I only provide guidance if asked. He has applied to graduate school for a masters in an engineering technology that will start in late summer if accepted. He lives with me in between assignments.
S22 graduated with his BSEE in May (3.99GPA) and has started law school. Fortunately he has a full tuition scholarship so I only assist with room and board. He is planning on focusing on intellectual property law and has been interviewing for summer internships. Kid is a genius. Kind of humbling when you have to face that your kids are smarter that you.
My XMIL still sends me holiday and b-day greeting cards. She calls me occasionally to chat and ask about my parents and the boys. I never mention or ask about XW.
XW?? She’s a full time vanisher and haven’t heard from her in over a year. S24 told me he had lunch with her this spring after not seeing her in over 2 years. S22 hasn’t seen her in over 2 years which I assume is his choice. I do hope that one day she gets it together and attempts to reconcile with them.
HD
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XW?? She’s a full time vanisher and haven’t heard from her in over a year. S24 told me he had lunch with her this spring after not seeing her in over 2 years. S22 hasn’t seen her in over 2 years which I assume is his choice. I do hope that one day she gets it together and attempts to reconcile with them.
Maybe she will, maybe she won't. Her circus to deal with if and when.
Sound like you are doing well though as are your sons......
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Great update HD. Sounds like you and your boys are doing well!