Hi all,
SHE's BAAAACCCCKKK
...that's ow (if it's not obvious)
She moved to the UK last Sept (break up 475) and told H that she would be back in 12 months and if he was divorced, they could continue. The COVID situation has seen her return early and she emailed H about 5 weeks ago to let him know and also announce that their chapter was closed because she'd heard he was back at home.
He emailed back to confirm that he was and that he was glad she was safe.
She emailed him again on Sat night and asked how he was. He emailed back to say he was fine.....this is where I come in.
We were visiting and staying with his parents and H was taking a shower before bed. I heard him walk to the kitchen and then back to the bathroom. A couple of mins later he walked back the kitchen, spoke to his mum and then came to bed. I asked him what he was doing....blank look. I told him that I'd heard him go to the kitchen a couple of times. He told me that he's spoken to his mum. Long story short, he'd gone to get his phone. I knew it and he knew I knew it but didn't want to tell me. I wouldn't let it go and ask him what I am missing, what don't I know, is he struggling? is something going on? does he want something to be going on?
By this time, I am literally shaking - not crying, just shaking. He's never seen this before and doesn't know what to do so he tentatively reaches out to me. I scoot over and let him basically hold me down. He tells me there is nothing going on, he is not texting anyone, we do need to talk but not at his parents house, he loves me, is in love with me and wants a future with me. I push him on the fact that he won't talk now - is he trying to manage what he expects will be a negative reaction. He tells me that he does have something to tell me but it's not bad. I get virtually no sleep and managed to do the 'business as usual' act the next day (lets face it, we're experts) H was particularly close. He's never seen such a visceral reaction from me, I think it scared him.
Sunday, we went home and didn't have an opportunity to talk. Monday, we did and I suggested we go for a coffee. I half expected H to resist but he seemed keen and he started talking before we'd got a minute from the house. He told me that he'd last spoken to her last Sept and last had email contact in Oct. So nothing had changed from what he told me in Oct. He then told me that she'd contacted 5 weeks ago (as above) and again on Sat night. He is pretty sure she is not interested in a relationship anymore.
Major red flags here that I am positive he didn't see until I pointed them out
1) Why did she contact at all when she'd heard we were back together (and why the firetruck did you respond?)
2) Why did she send the "How you doing" email after he'd confirmed it (as above - while drunk on a Sat night - can anyone say "door open")
3) She does want a relationship with you based on these actions - she would be seeing you everywhere now that she is back and once again, she is ignoring my existence. AGAIN!!
He said he was rattled by her contact and admits that he still thinks about her occasionally but knows he can't have both and he doesn't want a divorce. I asked why and he said "because I am in love with you and I want our life" I wanted to make sure it wasn't just because it was too hard. He promised he will never cheat on me again. Obviously holds very little weight with me, but I'd prefer to hear that than not hear it. He has been super loving since and seems relieved. He said that we'd needed to have this conversation so I asked if he had planned to tell me. He said that he thought I would ask about whether she had contacted or not.
I told him that I had only recently decided that I would want to know (as opposed to leaving it to him to handle) so I asked him if he will let me know when she contacts again. He doesn't think she will but agreed. I let him know that his naivety (spelling?) scares me. We agreed that if/when she contacts again, he will not respond. We discussed a joint response and I asked him if I could email her and he said he didn't want to flare drama. I will go with his wishes for now.
H goes to the town she lives in for 1 night this week and then the town her family lives in for 2 nights. I am lying in bed last night and it dawns on me that she is probably now living with her family AND, wait for it...... her sister works at the airport at this small regional centre so there is NO opportunity to sneak in and out of this town. Lovely, just fabulous. Then....his phone lights up at 12.54am. I literally get the $h!tes and when I came back from the toilet H stirred and asked me what was up. I told him about his phone and he reached over and opened his emails in front of me. It was a roster notification.
This morning I thanked him for his transparency and told him that it had only just occurred to me that she would be living with her family and that she would know he was there. He isn't sure where she it but thinks its a possibility. He assured me that it doesn't matter anyway.
So yay, he goes away for the first time in about 8 weeks and its a total $h!te fight. GRRRRR
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New chapter please