[sachat3]

So Clington had a friend who was lovely with the girls, they loved him. He loved them. He also had kids that were good mates with mine but since clington got in this new relationship he’s binned his mates off. Luckily we have each other on social media and I’ve made it so the kids don’t miss out. Anyway two weeks ago, his mate had a baby and my girls have been desperate to meet the baby. So he came over with the baby. We got chit chatting and it’s actually transpired that c, I may have mentioned it in this thread or the last. She was actually pregnant with Clingtons child 🤦🏾‍♀️ it was an eptopic pregnancy and as you can imagine clington was…..awful. I’m so so so so annoyed by this because he gives me aggro for any friends I have over or anything and yet he almost gave my children a sibling! Which just makes me more sure that K the new girlfriend will 100% end up having his child!!!

[KayDee]

Despite all your work towards detachment, this must still be very hurtful Sachat. I think sometimes there's this strange space between holding onto the old image of our former spouse (the one's we chose) and yet not wanting the current spouse in one's life. As a friend of mine said recently - hope dies slowly. Is it our own liminal zone?

I do wonder, with some people in this type of crisis, if they just 'go along' with things. No excuses, just an observation I suppose. Hand over the steering wheel to another. I am certainly seeing that.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

Despite all your work towards detachment, this must still be very hurtful Sachat. I think sometimes there's this strange space between holding onto the old image of our former spouse (the one's we chose) and yet not wanting the current spouse in one's life.

You could write a whole book on this one statement in how we define our own reality. What makes bomb drop so shattering is that it comes out of the blue and completely changes not only how we view our relationship, but how we view ourselves and our perceptions of what is real or not. The MLCers lose or desire to change their identity leads to us questioning our own as well. In the beginning, I totally blamed myself as being the issue and that if I improved and became superman, she would clearly see the difference and return.

Of course, the driving force to fixing me was because I was losing the love of my life and I might as well have been watching a boatload of gold sinking into the ocean. She was the "best thing" in my life and losing her would be the end of my world. At that time, in my mind, she was perfect and all of the crisis was a result of me.

Of course, as time passed, the viewpoint shifted and sometimes she became the villain. Not fair either. However, we do what we need to do to get back on our feet and rebuild our perception of reality. Today, she is neither. We are not friends because I don't trust her. However, I can accept her as another person trying to make it through life's ups and downs and give her the respect she deserves in that regard.

Since I have been responding to Sachat3's story, I have always hoped Clington would pull it together and reunite his family. It would be nice to see a purple book by her name and say, another family saved. Findingjoy's story was a great thread and she could have gone either way, but in the end, she welcomed back her MLCer and they have a reunited family.

So after Clington and Princess Skittles parted ways and he started showing a new interest in his family and Sachat3, I was hopeful. Yet, Sachat3 knew better and her wisdom was far better than mine. His actions after her initial refusal, didn't demonstrate someone who was committed to winning his family back, but more of the same- looking for the easy way out.

Clington, is a what my new wife calls a"charmer".  They are like the pretty boxes on display at a store. All glitter and gold on the outside, but empty on the inside.

He shouldn't even have a puppy let alone another child. He can't even take care of himself let alone be responsible enough to be a father. Making babies is not the point, raising them is the key. As Seinfeld stated when the car rental didn't have a car for him, "Taking the reservation is easy, it's the hold part that is important."  That's why I have a lot of respect and admiration for Sachat. Because while she may have her fun, she handles her business.

Sad to say, but I lost a lot of respect for Clington. Maybe one day, he will learn about the "hold" part in life. However,  I respect your choices and decisions more than ever.

Have a great day,

(((Ready)))

[Curiosity]

Ready, I had exactly the same thoughts after Clington and Princess Skittles split… I hadn’t remembered that nickname, but I love it! But you’re so right - Clington really seemed like he was growing up back then, taking ownership of his life and taking an interest in his kids. But the moment it didn’t turn into an immediate reconciliation, he fell right back into his irresponsible and self-sabotaging ways, proving that Sachat was absolutely right to question whether his apparent growth back then was real. It’s a perfect example of how, once the LBS has detached from the MLCer’s roller coaster, he or she can often trust their instincts - but that detachment is absolutely essential.

I do think it’s particularly challenging when the LBS and MLCer have kids together - especially young kids but even when the “kids” are fully grown, there is always a link between the LBS and MLCer. And it must be hard for an LBS to see their kids being disappointed by the MLCer. Even when you no longer think of that person as a potential spouse or partner in any way, they can still hurt you through the disappointment they bring to your kids. But the trade-off that I have seen in so many stories here, is that because the LBS so often heals and finds strength that perhaps they didn’t know they had, is that the LBS over time develops an even stronger relationship with their kids than they would have had if the MLC had never occurred. Those girls are very lucky to have you as a parent - and I bet they know it even in these adolescent and almost adolescent years, but I am absolutely sure they will appreciate their bond with you when they are adults.

[FaithWalker]

I think Skittles Princess was actually the OW in Mortesbride's story.  I wonder how she is doing?

Maybe there are two skittles princesses, lol.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

Talk to the bear about the origins of Skittles. I just plagiarized his work that's all.

Have a great day,

(((Ready)))

[UrsaMajor]

Hello,

Talk to the bear about the origins of Skittles. I just plagiarized his work that's all.

Have a great day,

(((Ready)))

Clington's OW was the Disney Princess IIRC... Mortesbride's MLC'er had the Skittles Princess....