[KayDee]

Wow, how dare you prepare a home cooked meal everyday, and feel passionate about everyone eating together as a family  I think there is thread about ridiculous excuses/blame statements. This is a contender I think. Of course, mealtime arrangements can be resolved between two cooperating adults - right? (sorry to say this, but your description of your H at mealtime sounds like a surly teen)

I imagine now that you are starting to look at things through your own lens. That's quite healthy I think, when at first the scales seem to tip a giant pile of blame nuggets on us, we feel buried in our 'deficiencies' (because, we, the non-crisis spouse are often more reflective and tend to take onboard to process other people's criticisms.) But, hopefully, for most of us, with a bit of distance, we can start to see things more clearly and so dig our way out. That's when, IMO, the scales start to re-balance, and we inch forward in healing.

[Reinventing]

That's when, IMO, the scales start to re-balance, and we inch forward in healing.

Yes, I agree. I remember the day it came to me, after muddling through all the garbage he threw my way about why he left, that I said, "I don't and won't own this." And when the garbage would try and take residence in my brain again, I would say that and mentally throw it in the trash, where it belonged in the first place.

I really don't appreciate the lies and taunting up to BD, and the garbage thrown at the LBS at and after BD.

Talk about kicking someone while they are down.

[FrenchHusband]

Insert OW with her amazing cooking skills!  Mind you, she basically got to show off her best for him. She wasn't cooking for him day in/day out.  She actually was unemployed at the time and does not have any children.  So she had all the time in the world to make some amazing meals for him!  Ugh!  Why doesn't he realize this?

Hi Ginas,
you are doing well with the meals, and, sorry to say that, your H looks to be the child who has always set up bad example within your family.

Looks to me OW should be called Other Mum, as he actually is seeking a mum to take care of him, not a woman.
Anyway, as we say here, we are not competing with Alienators, they are not in same league : first times after BD as we are broken they look great to us, but with time and healing they usually take a better shape in our mind, uncomplete people who are not worth thinking about.

[MadLuv]

I don’t even think it is what you do or what she does. I did everything and my XH OWife does nothing. It is just a plain escape. A new life. A change. Depression and boredom take over and they want to feel a live again and the change “for now” appear to revive them with hope.
 
BUT!!!! That relationship will come to a routine also and then what are they left with?? The false narrative they created in their own mind.  Once I stopped fantasizing their relationship and really saw it for what it was it changed my mindset from “I guess this is what he wants” to “I guess this is what he thinks he needs” and there is a difference. The relationship are unhealthy, period. No matter how they appear.

[UrsaMajor]

I had a similar situation with MLCxW asking when we'd eat and then not wanting to eat what I cooked.

I resorted to either answering "When whatever you want to cook is ready" or I'd cook for the kids and myself and tell her that she was welcome to join us if she wished but dinner was going to be <whatever I made>  and be ready at whatever time.

Ironically, MLCxW prides herself on her absolute LACK of cooking skills.....

[Reinventing]

.......changed my mindset from “I guess this is what he wants” to “I guess this is what he thinks he needs” and there is a difference.

This is a good example of neutral thinking. I also learned to say, "it was his time to leave" instead of "why did he leave me?"