[Nas]

https://psyche.co/ideas/many-people-not-only-survive-mental-illness-they-thrive

“In our study, 67 per cent of people with any past mental illness had reached symptomatic recovery, meaning they no longer met the diagnostic criteria for a particular illness…

objectively, having depression does not foreclose the possibility of future happiness…”

I got a little less hopeful towards the end of reading this, but still overall positive. I think even though my anxiety lies to me in times of turmoil or high stress, I know deep down that this version of me has a bumpy road to travel, but it’s not me forever. It’s not the totality of me. My core being is frankly nothing to scoff at and it’s solid enough a foundation to make continued rebuilding worthwhile.
For those with spouses in Crisis, my hope is they realize the same.

(*Of course, the stigma of calling it“mental illness” will be offputting for many. I certainly don’t enjoy classifying myself as mentally ill because of the misconceptions surrounding that term. But cPTSD is a mental health condition, as is ptsd, depression, anxiety. I couldn’t treat my breast cancer on my own by simply doing lots of reading and introspection, and I can’t treat cPTSD that way either - although it does enhance treatment. For those in crisis with underlying depression, anxiety, etc., I truly believe professional intervention is necessary for true recovery. Jmho, I’m no expert on any of it, not even the stuff I’m dealing with myself.)

[MadLuv]

I found this website extremely helpful in terms of dealing with our MLCers.  During the MLC years, they genuinely do become full blown narcissists, even if they were never like this before

I think that is why we are in our own spinning and cycling. The avoidant sweet and understanding, supportive spouse switches  after BD to become the narcissist spouse with no empathy. Your beat friend you told everything to becomes the one person you can’t talk to. It takes a while to grasp it all.

NAS— I had no idea you were still legally married to your vanisher. Not sure how I missed that.

[UrsaMajor]

I subscribe to Bishop Jake's Blog and there are times that his articles have some seriously wise words.

If you are not of a religious bent, feel free to skip these or to skim over the religious aspects of them....


https://jakeowensby.com/2023/09/01/mending-frayed-relationships/     Here is the first one
https://jakeowensby.com/2023/09/08/the-forgiveness-process/ and the second in the series

[xyzcf]

Thank you Ursa, both articles speak to my heart.

I have been reminded, many times of how I am to love and forgive my husband. The peace I have now I believe is because I can trust God. That faith is indeed a gift that I am fortunate to have had since I was a very young child.

Thank you for sharing. I shall subscribe to these devotions as well as the others that "feed me".

[Nas]

I don’t love this poem as a poem, but its simple message is one many of us probably wish we’d embraced a lot younger.

People Aren’t Homes

Child,
why did no one
ever teach you
that you cannot
turn people
into homes?

People are rivers,
ever changing,
ever flowing.
They will disappear with
everything you put
inside them.

Still,
your home does
have a heartbeat.
But it isn’t one
locked in
anyone else’s
chest.

Just
look inside
your own.

~Nikita Gill

[WHY]

These comments are really an eye opener for those that do not understand depression. 

https://reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/lXzzCgC4EG

[WHY]

Has there been any examples of MLCers reading something like Jim Conway’s Middle Passage? 

Any stories to share?

[Nas]

Sitting with some big emotions, I started thinking about the difference between analyzing feelings and feeling feelings. This is a longish but interesting article. I like the coin metaphor: pain is the flipside of what we value. 
(Avoiding feelings is something most MLCers could teach a PhD level course in.)

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/harnessing-principles-change/202010/the-key-skill-we-rarely-learn-how-feel-your-feelings

“Our initial emotional response is often a complex jumble of primary feelings (that reflect what’s actually happening), plus secondary emotions (often related to distorted interpretations), mixed together with all of our avoidance behaviors (our reactive struggle against all of the feelings). We have to develop the muscle and courage to stay with this uncomfortable welter of emotions in order to unpack what is important and meaningful…”

🎶 https://youtu.be/MXyGEw8lHG8?si=ctkF4kE-Ioo1Y4rZ

[Nas]

https://psyche.co/ideas/when-nietzsche-said-become-who-you-are-this-is-what-he-meant

“The self we become is ultimately made, not found.”

That sentence jumped out at me almost like it was yelling. It seems so obvious but it’s such a distinction that imo people confuse too easily.  I’m trying to actively build myself from something that was never recognized enough to thrive. There’s people who remake themselves, rebuild themselves, reconstruct themselves and I’m so impressed by that. It’s a process, it’s work, it takes a concerted effort. It’s not like these entitled children in adult bodies who run around doing whatever they want, taking whatever they want, justifying everything they do under the guise of “finding themselves.” The very phrase “finding myself” denotes something that just happens  without any effort, like some magic transformation - wait long enough and one day, poof, the ground shakes, a puff of smoke clears, and then suddenly “happiness” just comes to you. Another fairytale, another delusion. Nothing just happens.

“It can sometimes appear that the ideal life would be a smooth one, complete with stable income and harmonious relationships. But Nietzsche would say that it is greatness of the soul that constitutes the good life, not pleasure, comfort or external success. The development of one’s unique virtues is a process that inevitably involved overcoming the resistance in yourself and in your environment, and learning to be comfortable with discomfort.”

🎶 https://youtu.be/3LXHE9Q1JRk?si=-gyM5Rgv8xVy1oqG

I remember when the world was a little girl
Every corner turned leading back to her
Flowing like a stream on a rolling stone
Certain there was nothing changing

[JohnnyBravo]

“The self we become is ultimately made, not found.”

Thanks, Nas. I'm going to print that out and put it somewhere I'll remember it.