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Author Topic: My Story New life here I come...

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My Story New life here I come...
OP: December 12, 2018, 10:05:32 PM
Lol UM
  It really wasn't that cold ,,well it was but Arizona is dry heat and it was 105 that day .

Init
  The part of the country where you are is beautiful ,laid back and no xh ;D ;D

Roo
   Thanks for stopping by . I'm glad that we can do things that are not haunted by their memories..

UM
  Please attach this thread to last one ...ty

Previous Thread - https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10161 -UM


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« Last Edit: December 13, 2018, 06:52:12 AM by UrsaMajor »
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Re: New life here I come...
#1: December 13, 2018, 06:55:39 AM
OK, sort of like jumping in the cold pool after the sauna.......

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Me - 59, xW - 51
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 15, D - 12
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
Moved on in life
Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.
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Re: New life here I come...
#2: December 13, 2018, 11:31:48 AM
Lol exactly
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Re: New life here I come...
#3: December 13, 2018, 11:53:54 AM
How do you stay ok when interacting with in laws. My MIL wants to stay friendly with me.
   She says I been in her life for 31yrs I will always be her daughter. But when I see her all I see is Mr DA . Do any of you stay in contact ?
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Re: New life here I come...
#4: December 13, 2018, 12:21:01 PM
My MIL is basically my co-parent now. Ha!  So yes, we are in daily contact. H doesn't speak to her at all. Nor to any of his fam.

Yes, it is hard. Especially since there are photos of H and I all over her house which I am at every day to pick up S after school. And we did NOT get along for a long time. Until we had to. Until I swallowed my pride.  I know I was to blame for our (MIL/my) tense R so I took that responsibility. What really helps me though is thinking about life from her perspective. How upset would any of us be if our children did this to another human being that we cared so much about? It is pretty traumatic for them as well.

But really Rope, you have to put yourself at number 1. If you are not ready, you are not ready. And maybe you will never be. And that is OK too. We all have to do what is right for us.  Hugs friend.
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Me 50
H 49
S15
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance
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Re: New life here I come...
#5: December 14, 2018, 05:18:12 AM
I bailed on MIL/BIL/SIL at the beginning as well but have reestablished contact over the last 18 months. We get along as well as we can, considering that they are all 5 hours away from me....
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Me - 59, xW - 51
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 15, D - 12
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
Moved on in life
Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.
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Re: New life here I come...
#6: December 14, 2018, 08:34:04 AM
Nope I have no desire to be in contact with the exmil. She is a huge enabler of the ex and chances are even if I told her about the way he treated me. She would not believe me.
So there is no reason to be in contact with her.
Depends on how she treats you Rope. Maybe its too soon? If you explained that to her she might understand?
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There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.What you allow continues.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.
s
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Re: New life here I come...
#7: December 14, 2018, 09:02:23 AM
Personally everyone’s different and maybe it depends on your MLCer. Mine is almost definitely a clinging boomerang and the beauty of that is I come trumps with OW. So I don’t feel like H or MIL are siding with anyone other than me so for me it works ok.
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Me - 31
H - 37
3 children together D6 D9 D11 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019
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Re: New life here I come...
#8: December 14, 2018, 09:29:38 AM
Thank you all for your advice ,she is wanting me to come over for Christmas.  I don't think I'm ready for that yet so I'm going to tell her plainly it's to soon.
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Re: New life here I come...
#9: December 17, 2018, 01:01:14 PM
I'm in a far better pace than this time last year, but still hurts. Does that mean I'm still attached?
  I never want to be bitter ,indifferent or just hateful , but I would love for it to stop hurting .

   I feel I'm detatched . I can go hours without thinking about him  . I would like to hear from some who have been through this part ,how long do you grieve for your marraige?  How long does it hurt?

  I'm doing good I know I'm doing better because I'm not curled into a little ball on the floor.
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