Well I got through Christmas

:)it was a sad sight around here til about 600pm . My son and his gf showed up and we had a great visit ,they stayed for 6 hrs was lovely.
My daughter and grandson never made it

that was depressing but I'm ok now.
I haven't been on in while because I went through a bad spell . It was not as bad or as long as before. I can't wait til the triggers come and go just like a bump in the road.
I swear as I'm sitting here putting down my thoughts ,suprise,suprise who goes up the driveway to his mom's house? Lmao really thinking fate has it in for me. I have been sneaking looks out the window ,like a spy, lol.
I am thinking how dare he firetruck ing come around,just like all is well? But to him in his world all is well,he is newlywed,living in a make belief world. It's me he shat on ,lied to,keep my hopes up .
I am struggling today as you can tell . But I'm sitting up on my couch typing here ,not lying in a puddle on the floor,crying my heart out. It's still hard for me to wrap my head around and probably always will be. I did the picking apart my marraige thing we do,was it my fault? What did I do wrong? Could I have shown more love?appreciated him more? No i know it's not my fault and I could not have done anything differently or better.
It was bound to happen, it happened to his sister .. she walked out of a marraige and away from 3 children,cheated and lied . His brother left his wife ,who is riddled with cancer and struggling bad. So maybe it was a family thing?
I swear if you could see me creeping around trying to sneak a peak at him and not be seen through the window...lol. I want him to look awful,be miserable,not have a friend in the world. I know I'm not spose to be like that but hey I have been through hell and back and back repeat ...so why not wish him some misery? I'm human
Thank you all for being here for letting me vent ,I need to be able to do that somewhere ,,,thank you for reading my pity party