[Schratz66]

Well, I think I finally arrived at the acceptance stage and quite frankly instead of the peaceful feeling I expected it feels like a fresh death.

Old thread  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11104.msg751852#msg751852

Quick recap.
BD June 2017 via text - OW is High School Sweetheart - first year almost no contact, second year more regular contacts and I got my hopes up just to face reality now. He is gone, has been gone and while still confused, he might be gone forever.
Until now I bathed in that lovely pink bubble of denial and hoped and hoped and dang I am all out of hope now. Not sure what caused this sudden realization but it's here and its raw and cold.

I is now that I feel I stand at the graveside of my M and wonder what to do now.
What do I want to do with my life ?
Will I be lonely forever ?
I don't want to date and I do not want anybody else in my life, and I do keep busy and have friends, but I miss having my person. My ride and die buddy, my sexy H that still gave me butterflies after 17 years, my shoulder to rest on - I miss him dreadfully and I miss the intimacy of knowing somebody so well that they've become a part of you.
Where to go from here - I have no idea, so I will just linger and figure things out one day at a time.

Thank you everyone for still riding along this long and windy road that nobody knows where it leads to - I appreciate everybody on this forum more than I can ever say

[UrsaMajor]

Attaching

[Whyus]

Where to go from here - I have no idea, so I will just linger and figure things out one day at a time.

Schratz, i am so sorry that you feel like this but it is perfectly normal. The reality can be overwhelmen and you see Questionmarks everywhere. Please dont "linger", Keep rolling, Keep your head up and soldier on. You will be just fine, you are strong.

[3longyrs]

I truly do know how you feel Schratz...These are the times when you must have faith,have faith that Gods will will be done no matter what it is...

[AlvinTheMaker]

Attaching... 

Idk if I'm at the same stage as you, but "feels like death" strikes the chord big time.  Be kind and gracious to yourself.

Alvin

[Treasur]

It is normal, dear girl.
And it does seem to work a bit like a funeral first. And feeling like a widow. Which sucks, feels weird and is very difficult to explain in RL.
But we will walk with you and this time will pass, I promise.

[3Boys4Me]

With you Schratz, I’m at the same place, same timeline, same emotions, same stage, and yes, it feels like a new death. Maybe though, this is your LBS bottom, from where the good stuff grows. That is my prayer for you.

[Thunder]

S,

I don't think Acceptance is a bad thing, not at all.  I believe it has to happen for your healing to really begin.

It's facing reality, no longer fooling yourself, and maybe the feeling of it like a death is because you had to ditch those rose colored glasses finally.
It's more the death of your innocence, which I honestly think we all have to do eventually.

The innocence your marriage held is gone.  The is the one thing all these MLCer's take from us.

You are going to find your way S.  I have no doubts about that.  You are a strong woman.

Hugs

[KeepItTogether]

S--acceptance is a very important, albeit painful, part of this journey. But I have found that once we feel that pain, it is easier to move forward. Change is painful. Hoping there is a bight rainbow at the end of this metamorphosis. I know there is.

[SteelSpine]

Wow, yes.
When you get to that point in grief where you say “This happened.  It really DID happen.”
And then you face the grief head on, with open eyes.

I am sorry for your loss.