4 1/2 years into it and still the wonderful people in this Forum are the only ones I confide in and there is no support quite like it.
It's been a while that I had to start a new thread and who knows if I am doing it right....but the previous thread:
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11286.160So, just a brief recap.....MLC left after 20 years together via text message and refused to talk to me but we still worked in the same office for 4 more years....over these years he wasn't really a Clinger but every 2-3 months he would email and I would always respond briefly. I finally was able to leave the work place in September and am completely out of his sight now. His emails got more frequent when his mother got ill and she did pass away New Years eve. Since we left, his entire family had shunned my D and I and yet last week he emailed that I should come see him as D should get his mothers extensive Christmas Village.....
So, I learned that even 4 1/2 years later we can change and move along on our way. I had always responded to any email he had sent because I wanted him to know I am open to talk to if he ever chose to. Guess what - I have not responded to the last one. I know - no big deal, but to me it is. And it's not that I did not respond due to anger or wanting to be mean ....I did not respond because I had no words. I did not want to explain why my daughter doesn't want the village and I did not want to get into why I did not want to come see him at his mothers house. So I said nothing. Zero. And the first few days I felt unsure about it but then a calm came over me. Then I remembered how cowardly he left and how little contact and care he had for us or how we were surviving and then guess what.....for the first time in 4 1/2 years I felt anger towards him.
In the early stages I always wanted to feel anger as I thought it would make it easier and never could get mad.....a few days ago I was angry...angry that he couldn't be a real man - angry that his family treated us like we never existed and angry at him non chalantly wanting to see me as if nothing ever happened. Like we were bestest of friends...
Thankfully the anger did not last but it felt good for that little while but the feeling remained that I deserved better than that.
Anyhow....like I said...even years in we discover new things and positions change and emotions turn... and I had to share it.
Getting ready to be hit by another Snowmaggedon here.....12-14 inches expected and freezing rain....I just hope we keep the power on.
Hope everyone is staying safe out there and thank you again for all your support over the years.