[MomOfSteel]

Thunder I’m in the US.  Unfortunately I think that number might be realistic in our case if he decides to not compromise.  I also want to move which will be more fighting in court.  Apparently his convenience a couple days a month is more important that anything else to him.  Heaven forbid he tries to think of anyone else or gasp, what might be best for his kids.  The good news is that his level of behavior has finally reached a point I just feel done with it, at least for today.  After filling my therapist in on the situation she just looked at me and said, is it helping you detach and I realized it was.  It’s just reached a level of such absurdity.  I’m still considering myself standing but I don’t want him in my life right now.  He needs to figure himself out and walk his twisted dark path.  Whatever happens happens. 

 I don’t understand getting divorced without a settlement either.  He didn’t understand why I wouldn’t care to do that or possibly just not care at all.  All I can figure is he wants to feel less guilt and thinks that’s the answer or he wants to get married to his AP. I don’t really plan on cooperating unless it benefits me or the kids I refuse to be pushed any longer into things that are out of convenience for him.  Can’t stick to a consistent schedule, that sounds like a personal problem, don’t want to pay what is standard by law, personal problem, kids don’t like you, personal problem, your family and friends don’t support you, personal problem.   Maybe this will just further justify his behavior to himself but I can’t worry about that. It’s time I stop allowing him control over my life.  I no longer have the job of making his life easy.  Being a grown up is so hard when you are simultaneously trying to be an adolescent. 

I’m not sure what his lawyers game is.  He seems like a sleazy guy and I think they will try to pull stuff.  I believe my H is underestimating me.  He’s always thought I take too long to decide things but I’m analytical by nature and like to try and understand and gather as much information on whatever is happening to make an informed well thought out decision.  He just is reacting and making rash decisions right and left.  His knee jerk rushed behaviors will most likely backfire in this situation. 

He’s unstable and often contradicts himself in the same conversation.  I don’t understand how they can function at work.  It’s also like he tries to project this image of I’m Mr Wonderful and I wear expensive clothes (that honestly are starting to look ridiculous with the giant designer logos that scream look at me) and I have such an exciting life and am such an intellectual, everyone envies me.  What he doesn’t realize is that it just shows his insecurity even more and he looks like a giant self-absorbed turd. 

End rant. 

[Thunder]

Left you need to start a new thread please, but don't worry he will need to agree to a settlement before any divorce can be done.

With 4 young children he will not be able to just walk away from his obligations, just get a good lawyer who will work for you.  You have a lot to say about what kind of settlement you will agree on.

New thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11905.0