[xyzcf]

Gotta admit. Not loving the contents. It was from some woman who I don't know but she knew who I was a divorced woman - which certainly can be obtained by public records - and my soul needs saved. And she was not exactly kind about it. Wow.

That absolutely turned my stomach. what an invasion of privacy!

Honestly, I do not know what gets into people's heads!

[UrsaMajor]

Wow, UrsaMajor - you went there - LOL

Of course... That's why you love me... and why we're sharing front row seats on the Hades bus.... 

It was from some woman who I don't know but she knew who I was a divorced woman - which certainly can be obtained by public records - and my soul needs saved. And she was not exactly kind about it. Wow.

Let's see... like it was YOUR fault? Maybe GWPWELFV should have been the one to be addressed? Those kids of people are exactly why organized religion is loosing people in droves... Those kind of people get the rest painted with that BIG black brush. But, like XYZ said, it is a horrible invasion of privacy and really NONE of the letter-writer's business.... It is obvious that the person in question is operating off their own prejudices/bias and not on reality... I am REALLY sorry that you were on the receiving end... The timing is somewhat ironic as well and one has to ask WHY would this person reach out at this time with this sort of message... With those kinds of letters, one expects there to be no return address or maybe that of a "church" (in which case maybe forwarding the letter intact to the pastor with an additional note explaining why this was so disgusting could be an interesting exercise - perhaps resulting in a little self-reflection in that "church?" - or simply with a reference to Matt &:3 &/or Luke 6:41 - the verses about paying attention to the speck in the eye of your brother while ignoring the log in one's own eye.... )

[Reinventing]

I wouldn't engage at all. Even negative engagement is seen by them as an opening for conversation and they ramp things up with you by stopping by your house, leaving pamphlets taped to your door, more mail, etc.

They are trained in debate, persuasion, etc. It's called apologetics in some organizations and they start their training very young.

[UrsaMajor]

I wouldn't engage at all. Even negative engagement is seen by them as an opening for conversation and they ramp things up with you by stopping by your house, leaving pamphlets taped to your door, more mail, etc.

They are trained in debate, persuasion, etc. It's called apologetics in some organizations and they start their training very young.

True - just like any "cult." Good points

[MourningDove]

Thank you all, xyzcf, Reinventing & UrsaMajor.

I honestly thought I was being super-sensitive. But, the more I have thought about it, it wasn't that at all.

The letter was deceiving all around. I have gotten form letters from churches in the past. This caught me off guard because it was a handwritten letter. Written on lined paper and double sided. Clearly this person had a lot to say. At first, it seemed harmless enough. On the front introducing themselves as someone who attended a church nearby. And then came some quotes from the Bible. It didn't move me per se as I am not "in the market" for a new church, but I continued to read along. It was when I flipped over to the back that I was a bit floored. Clearly, it was implying that perhaps I should be donning a letter on my chest like in "The Scarlet Letter" but maybe a letter "D" for divorced instead of an A.

No matter what, the implication was that because I was no longer married, I must have done something wrong and my soul needs saved.

I suspect this is how things like the witch trials got started. Allowing these types of people's beliefs take hold in society.

I am not sure what I have done to offend her and where she would have any other interaction with me to make such an assumption, but I am going with she just did some basic internet combing and I am not the only recipient of such a letter.

I am ignoring it and not going to respond in any way. It is not worth the drama and giving that person any audience. Frankly, I know how I behave. I know the mistakes I have made and how I try to live my life. I may have a bus ticket to Hades with UrsaMajor, but it is just for a tour. LOL. I am not planning on any long term stays. 

And, it bothered me from the stand point that it stung a bit. I had a hard enough time when Xh's behaviors left me no choice but to divorce to protect myself and the kids. Going against the commitment I had made was incredibly difficult for me to get beyond. I felt I had failed somehow for many months. I blamed myself. I had to go against my core and my beliefs were challenged so many times. It has taken me a long time to forgive myself and to accept I made the right decision for me. To have someone come at me with that letter and those words brought some of those feelings to the surface again, but then I stopped myself from buying into any of that BS they were spewing. They don't know anything about me and do not deserve to know anything more about me. The wall in this case, will go up.

The letter, was shredded yesterday after I got over the shock. And, I realized that people like that are often not going to be swayed by any logic or are themselves so steeped in their own beliefs that they refuse to consider even a healthy debate. I have learned that those people don't apologize and hide behind their Bible quotes and yet don't always live according to the true meaning of those tenants. They seem to think there is a Bible Ala Carte menu.

So this morning, I let that frustration go and chose to meet my sister for one of our walks. We met for breakfast at a new cafe near our usual spot. Our plan was to tackle the normal path along the canal, with the only stipulation I had being we stay on the side that has no hills. I was going to baby my leg and we would assess as we went to know how far I should push it. I had used Kinesio tape, as the doctor recommended and treated it like a sports injury. I had to laugh when he asked if I knew what that was. Ummmm- well because of D's long term ankle issue, we have a whole selection of colors to choose from. Unfortunately, no one would be able to see that I had color coordinated my tape with my outfit, seeing as it was too cold for shorts today. LOL.

The tape did help and all was good. Breakfast was a nice way to start the day and we began our walk. It lasted 20 feet onto the trail. The weather had been very warm yesterday and melted the snow. It had frozen during the night and it was lightly sprinkling. The new bit of rain made for a surface that was insanely slick. We found a couple of sections of packed snow to walk on but I didn't want to tempt fate and my sister laughed and said she didn't want to try out any new X-ray equipment. We started to make another plan to walk at another location, but quickly saw we might encounter the same issues in any outside venue. So, we opted to go to the mall, yet again. SMH.

But, the mall was the best decision in terms of my injury. It was flat and a predictable surface. It allowed for me to sit if I needed to and rest. My afternoon appointment ended up getting cancelled while I was at breakfast, so there was no rush. I didn't tell anyone aside from my sister that my day was now freed up. I don't like keeping secrets, and didn't lie later on, but it meant because people thought I was going to be in a meeting (which was true initially) no one bothered me. And, I gave myself permission to take as long as I needed to walk with resting in between. We still walked our 6 miles. It took way longer and we were not loving the scenery of the same loops over and over, but it was okay. We had some laughs and just had time together.

I came home to find out that D has been researching puppies. The other puppy was adopted by the time my application had gone in. It is just as well, considering there has been a delay in the house closing. It isn't going to be weeks, but the puppy is going to be with me until the end of February at this rate. I don't need 2 of them in the house, especially now with this injury slowing me up.

This weekend, I am virtually alone. D will be home for the weekend, but informs me she will be most likely, spending a large portion of the weekend at her college in the lab and studying. S is bound to be here for a bit, but since he is now house and dog sitting, he is not going to be able to be here most of the weekend. C and S's other friend will no doubt go to spend time at the cottage and hanging out there.

I was angry with myself earlier for the flip flop accident because this weekend would have been the perfect weekend to go for a hike. People have been sending me beautiful photos of waterfalls in the winter that are accessible this time of year. Unfortunately, that is not happening for me now. So, maybe a drive or some other activity. Maybe it is just embracing time in the house. I do know I need to figure out the tile patterning for the bathroom and some other things that I can do and not risk more injury. I will behave if I must. LOL

[Reinventing]

I am not sure what I have done to offend her and where she would have any other interaction with me to make such an assumption, but I am going with she just did some basic internet combing and I am not the only recipient of such a letter.

It's nothing about you specifically, yet at the same time it is a very personal way to do things. It is an aggressive strategy the organization is taking as a group. They are gathering information on people in each of their geographical areas and writing letters to them to try and get a reaction from a few and reel them in to the "fold". Getting you into a "conversation" so they can invite/scare/shame/intrigue you to come to their services.

Divorce and other public records are being used. Widows/widowers and the lonely elderly are being "recruited" as well by scanning obituaries or happenstance meetings at bookclubs or other places like that.

With online components and resources they have created, they are also becoming active on online support systems. For example in this community right here, full of vulnerable people, they could try and steer folks to other online support systems that promote their belief systems.

[UrsaMajor]

I am not sure what I have done to offend her and where she would have any other interaction with me to make such an assumption, but I am going with she just did some basic internet combing and I am not the only recipient of such a letter.

Divorce and other public records are being used. Widows/widowers and the lonely elderly are being "recruited" as well by scanning obituaries or happenstance meetings at bookclubs or other places like that.

Yet another reason that I am quite grateful for the strict Data Protection Laws in Germany/Europe. If people want to put that kind of info out about themselves, fine - their choice, their consequences - but Data scrapers like this "church" seems to be have no rights to such personal data...

Frankly, I know how I behave. I know the mistakes I have made and how I try to live my life. I may have a bus ticket to Hades with UrsaMajor, but it is just for a tour. LOL. I am not planning on any long term stays. 

What? You mean you are going to bail out on me?


<snort>

[Pacman]

MourningDove, This is an absolute invasion of privacy no matter how they got the info.
They prey on the "weak" so to speak or people who are down on their luck .Or so they think.
A bit like an alienator with a MLCer. See an opportunity to grab someone into their fold.
What they don't realise is that you don't need or want their help.
If you did you would go seeking it.

The "church"has a lot to answer for in history and it seems that the scaremongering/bullying/threat tactics continue.

YOU are better than them.

[MourningDove]

Reinventing & Pacman - Thank you.  I realize in reality it was nothing I did. I don't believe I have ever encountered this woman, but my thoughts immediately went there. As in, I think those types of approaches often do make me pause and wonder what I did. In some ways it is a bit of residual left over from MLC. Taking the blame for something I had nothing to do with to begin with. If that makes sense. But, I was quick to realize that, as you pointed out, these people are using these disgusting tactics to promote their "message."

UrsaMajor - we need to talk about this trip to Hades. I was thinking a few weeks perhaps, but maybe you had a different thought. We need to coordinate this a bit better. And no, I am not bailing on you - LOL

I thought about this crazy letter a bit yesterday. Not about the contents as much as something a very dear friend of mine said many years ago.

He was a man who was by then in his 70's and had many reasons to be angry with some of what life had thrown him. Yet, by the time I knew him, he was a gentle soul who very willingly talked about his formerly jaded opinions and how he changed his viewpoint and began to embrace the good instead of anger and hatred. D doesn't remember him, but S often talks about this man with great fondness and how he had such amazing stories and S thought so highly of him. S mentioned the other day, how he missed seeing that friend, who has since passed away, sitting on the back deck and sipping lemonade.

The comment he made that has always stuck with me, especially given his background, was that we as humans can come together and collectively with good in our hearts do wonderful things to make this earth a better place for one another. He said those same humans, with even the change in one person and the dynamic can be equally destructive.

This church has been in the area for many years. They have their own beliefs and I have had plenty times where they have gone out and "spread the word" via their usual means. I know what their overall message has been. Not my cup of tea, but I was never outwardly offended by them. But in all the years that they have coexisted in this community, I have never experienced this type of, well, an attack. Something within their community, I suspect has changed. The trick is, it doesn't have to change me. But, it does trouble me on a certain level, because the one area I get very upset about is when these types of people prey on the vulnerable, like say my former students. The protective side of me comes out.

But, I am letting it go. I don't want to participate in their drama and theatrics. It is not worth my energy when I can focus on the things I can control and make changes that are perhaps more positive.

I am not able to help with the community project at the moment due to my "flip-flop fail" but that is where I would rather place my energy. Being involved in something that is good and productive, whether it be for a group or for myself.

Yesterday, my M brought up my Xh. She asked me about if he was working and then followed up with another question. I decided to be kind to myself and asked her if we could quit talking about my Xh and what he is doing or how messed up he is. I get it when the kids are troubled or I encounter him, but I rarely bring him up and I don't wish him unwell, but the truth of the matter is, since his actions no longer affect me directly, I need to not know what goes on or discuss him. It brings up feelings sometimes that I am not allowed to move on when we bring him to the surface. I have grieved that loss and I don't want to keep discussing it in my day to day life. She understood and I know it will take time for her to see that I am serious. I don't want to discuss Xh. I would rather focus on my own interests and life now.

I am looking at finding ways to fuel my soul. I was ready for a short walk this morning, but the warm air melted the snow enough to create a complete sheet of ice on my driveway and even the snow banks themselves. While they have melted back and the grass is showing through, they are icy enough the puppy could barely stand. I am thinking that a walk is not on my list until perhaps later today.

I have some work I can do on the house that won't require some gymnastics or dangerous stunts and still make progress.

I am looking at this week and with both kids out of the house, essentially, I am feeling this desire to really run a bit free. Oh sure, I am going to be having to go to my parent's house and probably deal with some computer issue or who knows what during the week, but I am going to take some time to do some things that I have been craving. Since hiking is out for now, I had to change my perspective a bit and realize I am not somehow without opportunities. I came across a lecture on the Civil War coming up towards the end of the week and am thinking I will try and make that event. I need something to fuel my nerdy side. A history lesson might be right up my alley.

And I need to get back into drawing from life. I can't go out and work outside with this injury, so figure drawing would be a good exercise. I am looking into another location that offers figure drawing as the organization that offered it before shut down during the pandemic and are starting back up but that won't be for several weeks.

I signed up for an exhibit in the spring that requires me either sending my work or delivering it. I have already decided to take a road trip. It may be a long day drive up and back or maybe I will extend it out. Time will tell.

[Maleficent]

Mourning Dove, not trying to hijack your thread or the bus to Hades, but please save me a seat. A window seat.  I do not know if this will make you feel better or worse, but I recently received a similar letter. And I don't think I'm in a nearby state or location to you. The letter had impeccable penmanship - it was in a small envelope with no return address.  The letter was handwritten on both sides of the lined paper and signed.  My neighbor brought the letter over by hand because it had gotten mixed up in her mail, and I opened it while she was here and we both looked at it incredulously. She didn't get a similar letter and the name didn't sound familiar to us. I have so much crazy going on now that I put the letter in the crazy pile. Then I read your thread this week and examined the letter. I still don't have it in me to read it, but it all makes sense. I googled the letter writer and she doesn't live in my town, 15 miles away, but she is in my county- and divorce files here are by county.  She addressed the letter to our family and used my husband's last name.  The letter writer is likely in her late 70s according to Google, and she lost an adult son in recent years and it looks from the obituary that he was divorced from his wife as well. So I had a little compassion for her, but it made me angry that people are reviewing probate court files with personal details of our lives and our pain.  Anyway, on the bus with you.
( And I'm silently following your journaling and trying to model your strength, so thank you for continuing to write.)