Reinventing - I hadn't ever considered that as an option. Interesting thought. I will have to research that as a possibility. I certainly have the background that could work. Hmmmm. Thank you.
forthetrees - I shouldn't have been shocked, because it is no secret that Miss Management is not good at hiding these behaviors from people other than the owner, etc. It is one of those things that I have witnessed over the years where she is able to maintain this appearance of being on top of things with people she can gain something from. When she slips up they excuse it because she is good at playing victim and has no compassion for anyone else whatsoever. I have often wondered if it is arrogance or insecurities that make her behave the way she does. I have my suspicions.
I don't like upsetting people as it is and when I hurt someone unintentionally it bothers me. I know it is not how I want to treat people.
Luckily, I don't have to interact with her very often and I know she usually knows better than to push me too far. For one, my coworkers have all noted even though I don't run around somehow talking about my background and my professional life before the gallery, I know a lot of people and I have learned a great deal. She is threatened by me is my coworkers' assessment which makes them laugh because I treat everyone equally. They have seen me treat a celebrity with the same respect I treat someone who is a custodian. I am all about character not title. And, I know you never know about people.
A few years ago Miss Management was making some comment about the homeless woman that always comes in to look around. I was there with an artist and we both started laughing because we said she should really be very nice to that woman and not to let her appearance fool her. That woman is an heiress and is a huge art collector who is just really eccentric.
I had to work again today and when I woke up this morning I was wide awake hours before I actually had to get up. I felt sick to my stomach and know it was nerves from yesterday's interaction. I rolled over and cried. When I had come home last night, I called my friend and she talked to me about this whole mess, but what I really needed was to be given a hug. All I wanted this morning was to have someone roll over and hold me while I cried. Instead, I pushed myself to get up and pull myself together. I walked into the gallery and wanted to just leave the door locked and tell everyone to go away. I pushed myself to change my mood and I usually love being in that space, even on the toughest days. I had to tell myself I wasn't going to let her ruin it for me.
She left me a note. She was "nice" but had to point out that her forms only took her 2 hours to do. I sort of laughed to myself. Yah, I could have solved that even quicker than that if she had let me do it in a more efficient manner, but what was more amusing to me was I looked at her forms and her spread sheet. Full of mistakes - the type that will bite her in the butt. Normally, I would have helped her by proofing them, but I put them in to the pile and worked on figuring out the next exhibit which is really what needs focused on more than stupid forms that are not going to sell work at all.
Maybe the universe heard me. IDK. A couple of artists came in that had work to drop off. People who I love seeing. Their work is fantastic and they are just good people. It set the tone for the whole day. At one point someone else came in that will be joining the business. It was then that I realized Miss Management has been telling me all sorts of lies, which I surmised. She has this habit of saying things like "the owner wants this or that" and these things have a way of just coming to light in the most innocent of ways.
And then just when I was sort of feeling better, I really had a moment where all of the stress fell away. Two of my favorite people came through the door. They weren't together, but seeing them on any day just makes me smile. Both are in their 80's. One is a very active artist and she and I talked about this exhibit where I am going to have to travel. She has been part of that organization for years. She was so excited I had put work in that space. She had all sorts of great advice.
The other was a customer who comes in regularly. He is a former marathon runner who still runs, but doesn't race anymore. He is 88. He came through the door and I always get a hug from him. He gushes about his wife and I was asking him if he had been out golfing yet and when was his convertible coming out of the garage. He started laughing and told me that he drives it in cold weather. He said there is nothing like rolling up the side windows, cranking up the heat and putting on the heated seats and driving with the top down at 70 miles an hour because the snow just blows off, although the police don't really accept that as an excuse for speeding. LOL. He said he knows, it sounds crazy and I told him no, I have been known to open my sun roof and the windows in cold weather with the heat on and let the cold air just rush in. There is something about the fresh air that time of year.
The day was incredibly busy, and when I was brought a piece that was huge and very different, the person said to me that they realized it was going to be difficult to integrate. I paused and said to give me a minute and I brought over a couple of other pieces that made he and his W look at me like I was crazy. Yah - totally different genre, but there were other things in these pieces that didn't fight with the piece they brought in and it didn't take away from the other pieces either. They could coexist next to one another very easily. They both laughed and were shocked by my solution, but it really worked well.
I needed that today after last night. It had nothing to do with their reaction, TBH. Last night, Miss Management stirred those old feelings that sometimes surface. It brought on a bit of a trigger and I knew better but the feelings of not being good enough or questioning my capabilities came rolling in just enough to wear me down. It was like the MLC monster knocking on my door again. And, that stubbornness that has settled in with Miss Management is here to stay. I won't let her push me around and I know my own truth. People don't come in the gallery looking forward to seeing her. People don't ask for her expertise. They don't bounce ideas off of her or have conversations, etc. She doesn't get invites, as I did today to come and see someone's studio - somewhere she is dying to go. I didn't somehow push for an invite, it was just brought up because I was genuinely enthusiastic about the work this person is now doing.
I have plenty of flaws - physical and otherwise. I know I can have a temper when pushed. I know I can be stubborn. I know I can make huge mistakes. I know all sorts of things about myself. When the triggers creep up these are the things that I am so quickly reminded of. I have never been one to build myself up and in part it was always because I worked on being a better person and just was confident and comfortable in my own skin. I knew who I was. It is only in these moments where the triggers creep in that I find myself having to remind myself of my good points because it is too easy to fall victim to the MLCer's months and months of gaslighting. I am not comfortable building myself up so it is a weird place to find myself. Today, I was given a bit of help in that arena.
I am going to enjoy my next couple of days away from Miss M and going to prepare for the upcoming few days where I will be scrambling to put together the next exhibit. I have already decided since she has me just scheduled for "hours" during times the gallery isn't technically open, I may go in nights when she won't be there at all and work like the elves in "The Elves and the Shoemaker", but I won't be running around naked like in the story. I am just going to go in and avoid her - LOL.
It will be a definite challenge and I am now determined to quietly put Miss M in her place and kick the $h!te out of this exhibit set up. Game on. She had best stay out of my way.
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She's My Kind of Rain