[Thunder]

Torn please don't waste your time or energy talking about or concerning yourself with his ow.  What she is or what she isn't does not matter.  What she does or doesn't do does not matter. 
Who cares if she can't help him?  He choose her to be with.  Allow him to feel the consequences of that choice.
She is not important enough to give her any thought what so ever.  She could have been anyone.

Let them figure out their owe life now.  Wish them well and go on with your life.

I would only be concerned with what effects yours.  Your alimony and your peace of mind.
That is what's important, Torn.

Also remember this is not a mental disorder.  It is an Identity Crisis.
Yes it involves depression (that is what a MLC is...depression), but it is not considered a clinical depression.

[xyzcf]

I think what I have been saying is that for some of us, the door never quite closes and we do hear things about their lives that have an impact on us.

I was part of his work culture for 35 years and so anytime a change occurred in his employment, it did enter into my thoughts..how could it not?

However, not all those who have changes in their work crash and burn. Indeed my husband kept coming out better off and better off.

Trying to project what might happen next is only a guess. And there are many possibilities. I know, it's hard not to think about how this could impact him...but you don't know...you only get a few pieces of the puzzle.

I don't believe that all MLCers are unhappy in their lives but then who is to know?

I agree with Thunder, let him go and just stay focused on what is good for torn.

Knowledge such as this is bound to cause you some distress so that is perfectly normal.

[MadLuv]

Thunder and xyzcf- I hear you. My concern is with OW is how it affect me financially. I personally dont see him getting job any time soon. He had major depression from our daughters death. It is a mental and identity crisis. I am concerned she will advise him in a bad way and will also advise him not to pay the alimony. So, I am concerned. I have contractual alimony. That is good. It cant be changed. But, if he stops paying I will have to take him to court.

So there is an unease. It is affecting my lively hood. I am ok, however. Surprisingly. A little shaken. But ok. I am glad if it had to happen it happened when it did. Even 3 months ago I am not sure I could have handled this. A lot of sacrifice from myself and my children to help get him where he was. It’s a loss. Loss for me and my children. Not just him. I’m not so concerned with him. He is going to obviously do what he is going to do. I do have sadness for him.

[xyzcf]

I do understand your concern regarding alimony. That is certainly something that affects your livelihood very very much.

I would be concerned if you were not a bit shaken by this 

[Nas]

Tomorrow will be a day of adjusting all my finances as I made sure if this happened I could and would be fine.

The above is all you can control. This is where you might consider your quick early D was a blessing in disguise.

[Thunder]

Torn it's perfectly ok to feel sadness for him.  Compassion for some you loved
is fine as long as it doesn't bring you down along with him.

I saw the depression in my H too but there was nothing I could do to help him so I had to let go of it and walk away.
They have to want the help.

[MadLuv]

Xyzcf- thank you
Nas- so true!!
Thunder- yes, I am so much stronger now. It was a shock. I kept thinking how is he keeping his job? I think I got to a point where I thought, I guess he is going to be ok on the job. Than BAM!!! 
I haven’t seen him in 4 months. NC for 2 months, so maybe there was a little guilt on myself for a hot second. Feeling like since I was t there for a release for him he lost his job. I understand even if that was true it’s not my fault or job ( no oun intended?

[MadLuv]

Yesterday was a day of messages flowing from old co workers and family on what happened after the company announcement on XH firing was made across 7 states. I had messaged my XH the night of his firing as he did call me right after he got fired to tell me. I asked if he was ok. He gave a sarcastic. i’m great. I said are you alone or is someone with you? He responded , Not alone. Then OW took the phone and messaged. Yes, I am here with him. You want to talk call us. I’m shocked he messaged with her there.

I called and no answer. I responded. i just called and no one  answered. I only wanted to check on him and make sure someone is with him and he will be ok as the father of my children. I will check with you both later. She blocked me. Now, Im sure some will think I should not have checked, but 32 years and he did call me within 5 minutes of his firing and I do know him better then anyone else. I was concerned for his life.

Now, I will go back to NC. I showed concern. I stayed classy. I did not impede on their relationship. I included her in my thoughts on contacting him. I can live with that. I just had to be able to live with myself if he does anything stupid.

He did pay the alimony. I’m a little shocked, but pleasantly surprised. I really thought. No job and very distraught he would not think to do it or think maybe he didn't have to.

Now, moving forward again. These last 2 days really have showed me how far I have come. I feel good. I feel good about ME!!

[Standing Strong]

Wow Torn, so much to go thru in so short a time.

You handled it like a pro!! Right on!!

Well, he has a full plate, maybe it'll finally be enough for him to push away the junk food and eat some veggies. 

-SS

[barbiedoll]

esterday was a day of messages flowing from old co workers and family on what happened after the company announcement was made across 7 states. I had messaged my XH the night of his firing as he did call me right after he for fired to tell me. I asked if he was ok. He gave a sarcastic. i’m great. I said are you alone or is someone with you? He responded , Not alone. Then OW took the phone and messaged. Yes, I am here with him. You want to talk call us.

I called and no answer. I responded. i just called an no one answered. I only wanted to check on him and make sure someone is with him and he will be ok as the father of my children. I will check with you both later. She blocked me. Now, Im sure some will think I should not have checked, but 32 years and he did call me within 5 minutes of his firing and I do know him better then anyone else. I was concerned for his life.

.

Torn

What happened here ?  I was sooo hoping and praying you would absolutely NOT do any of this .  Why? .  Your hard earned no contact was sabotaged by messaging him so what was the point of no contact? . He has chosen a new life with a new person . He has chosen all of the consequences that may include. He has chosen not to be with you or his family . He made choices . He does not get pieces of both ..thats a consequence that he needs to face and see how that might affect his life.  He needs to handle his new life including all the consequences without pieces of his old like when the going gets tough.
..but you keep interferring with that. I am sorry to be so blunt ...This "problem" (loss of employment) has nothing to do with you. That is for him and his new choices to face and figure out.  Zero to do with you.  It may well affect alimony , again, thats for him to face and figure out. You keep giving him soft places ... nothing will change Torn.  He is NOT your child...he is a grown man that has some hard things to face in himself. Let him do it.   If you are deeply "concerned " about him...call a girlfriend, write it down, call your therapist etc etc.  Trust me...if something critical was to happen to him, I am certain you would be made aware .  I am sorry if I have offended you , I just needed to say it. Otherwise I am blowing sunshine up your butt and that is just useless in my opinion. .