[beyondblessed]

I don't have the time to go into it at the moment, but when I have more time, I will further explain the title of this thread, beyond the obvious.  It truly is a wonderful life, but there's also a new holiday tradition that Popeye and I started a couple years ago that goes along with it.

Plus, it's Thanksgiving eve and I'll be up to my elbows in pies, turkey, dinner rolls and preparing a couple of small sides lol  I look so forward to spending the day with my family and Popeye, so I truly don't mind a bit of the work that goes into making it a memorable affair.  I hope you all have a wonderful day surrounded by your loved ones ❤️

Previous Thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11682 - UM

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

I think it is a great thread title. It is one of my favorite movies and Jimmy Stewart was one of my favorite actors. In the movie, George Bailey has lots and lots of setbacks, but he manages just to keep his head above water. He was a hard worker and he persevered.

I know you put in the work. You stick to your workout regimen and put the same passion into your baking as well.

My son once told me, "Before you, my mom dated a lot of crap men. It was so sad to see her go out hopeful and be hurt again and again. That's why we are so happy that you are part of her life. You have made her a confident person again."  My wife persevered and never gave up.

I went through my ups and downs as well. That's why I am so happy with my wife. We know how much a broken heart hurts and we work to keep each other safe. That doesn't mean we don't argue, but we fight with respect and it is more to communicate our feelings-not put the other person down.

I know you have had your own fair share of crap. Your passion and positivity during this time saw you through. That's why I read and celebrate your thread. Not everyone is going to reconcile and we need to be prepared to accept any outcome.

Enjoy your day with Popeye and family. I know he feels just as blessed as you are,

(((Ready)))

[UrsaMajor]

Attaching - and looking forward to hearing about your new tradition...

I linked your threads for you too while I was at it....

[beyondblessed]

So, just very briefly and true to my trajectory of forward movement, the theme and title of this thread speak of the ups and downs of everyday, normal life.  Life is not good, nor bad, but rather what you make it and of how you perceive the events that take place.

Ever since Popeye and I have been together, we've made it our tradition to settle in front of the tv on Christmas Eve and devour a homemade pizza, while watching, you guessed it, It's A Wonderful Life.  I had never seen this movie in It's entirety until we got together, so that makes it all the more meaningful because he's only added to my life and brought it to a fullness it's really never had.

If you've seen the movie, you know Jimmy Stewart's character, George has had quite a life.  Like all of us, he's seen and done a lot and gets a glimpse of what life would have been like if he'd never existed.  My husband also quotes the line "one life touches many" and that's the truth.  Anyway, I've always expressed gratitude that Universe has granted me the lessons it has and also that I've been wise enough to learn them as gracefully and quickly as possible.

[thissucks7788]

Great title beyondblessed!  I love hearing how well you're doing.  I actually just saw that movie for the first time last year. Maybe this year I'll watch it again and eat some pizza thinking of you guys   Thank you for sharing -- I hope you and Popeye have a wonderful holiday/new year!!!!
B

[Biscuit]

It's an amazing film - and I haven't seen it for years. I'm going to watch it with S this Christmas, thanks for reminding me of it!

[Standing Strong]

Hi BB 

I've never seen that movie..... or Miracle on 34th St.

One of my favorite channels had the last theatrical Popeye cartoon made and showed it...... 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QL-pE6x5Lg&t=735s
It's at 6:09 and Olive Oyl is in it too.  (The whole video is fascinating, he talks all about Popeye and old old film). History rocks!! 
HA!!

Pizza and a movie sounds delightful.... what a wonderful life 

-SS

[PJ Ames]

Following along.

[Biscuit]

I went with D11 and her whole year group from school to an operatic version of the film today, performed by the ENO in London.

I was in charge of 6 kids getting to and from school on the tube, of a group of 90 kids.

The opera was wonderful, the kids were well behaved and kind of appreciative of the event. All in all an amazing day with a group of lovely kids!

[beyondblessed]

Great title beyondblessed!  I love hearing how well you're doing.  I actually just saw that movie for the first time last year. Maybe this year I'll watch it again and eat some pizza thinking of you guys   Thank you for sharing -- I hope you and Popeye have a wonderful holiday/new year!!!!
B

Thank you, TS!  I'm glad to share this tradition with everyone because  I mean, pizza and a classic holiday move....that's a win-win.  I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday season!

[beyondblessed]

Ready as you know, like your wife, I came across the same type of men your wife did before she met you.  There is definitely a heavy population of "frogs" out there and a true scarcity of "princes".  Just one of the many reasons I am truly blessed to have found a great husband and life partner.   Midlife seems to have done quite a number on both the men and women floating around the dating pool.

Biscuit, I'm glad you are going to watch it again and that you had the opportunity to experience a live performance of it with your D and friends.  It sounds like you enjoyed it very much.  You are a brave man to chaperone that group of youngsters lol

SS,, I've never seen Miracle on 34th either, so that may kick off another tradition to add to this one.  Popeye is quite the movie buff, so although he's never mentioned it, I'd be surprised if he hasn't seen it.  I will tell you that It's A Wonderful Life is absolutely worth the watch.  It has such a universal message, and having been through what we have as LBS, I think it is especially important to embrace the message that some things in life are simply beyond our comprehension or control, but we must never lose hope or give up the faith.

PJ and SB, it's good to have you both continuing on with me.

[Biscuit]

BB,

The message behind It's a wonderful life is just that, life is wonderful and despite the trials and tribulations, each of us, especially kind and thoughtful people, touch many others throughout our lives. Which by itself is a wonderful thing.

Just by the virtue of being here on HS, I know each of us cares for those around us and enrich their lives. Despite what our MLCers might tell us, that is the truth and we shouldn't forget it!

[beyondblessed]

Agreed, Biscuit.  It is so easy to lose sight of our blessings when we are being held to the fire, but life is about preserving, surviving and overcoming things we never thought we could.  I've surrounded myself with so much love, support and encouragement and so many genuine and solid people.  How could my life be anything than wonderful and blessed?  When you've weathered life's biggest storms, seeing the beauty in it and practicing gratitude for all that you've endured are the best side effects.  We do not become bitter, defeated and broken like the MLC'ers, and that in and of itself is a true blessing.

[Dragonfly33]

When you've weathered life's biggest storms, seeing the beauty in it and practicing gratitude for all that you've endured are the best side effects.  We do not become bitter, defeated and broken like the MLC'ers, and that in and of itself is a true blessing.

Beautifully said BB. I hope you continue to share your story. It’s inspiring to read stories of LBS that have moved on, that survived Divorce and that have found a new love of their life. It gives me hope that despite all the heartaches that I had to go through and still going through, there is an end to it.

[beyondblessed]

DF, I'm always happy to share my story and provide a glimpse of how good life can become for the LBS once they work through the steps of healing and moving forward.  You will get there too, DF.  I've read enough of your journey to see similarities in us.  You have a really good grasp of who your Xh has chosen to become, and you don't try to convince yourself he is someone he isn't.  That, to me, is the first part of acceptance.  Once you accept that, it frees you to look towards working on you and who you are now that you are free of his nonsense.  You get to do things that interest you and will grow you and open all kinds of doors you never knew existed.  Getting a life is a good start, but MAKING a life is where the magic happens.

[Dragonfly33]

Thank you BB. I think Im just too hard on myself. I just spoke to my therapist two weeks ago and I told her I hate myself for not moving on and for being so focused on my xh. I am tired of this drama and I just wanted to bury it. She reminded me just like what you said now, that in fact I wasn’t focus on my anymore. She told me that in the beginning I was so focused on him and the whole therapy revolved around him. But now, I am working on myself, trying to work on my childhood issues that was triggered by the actions of my xh. I didn’t see that. I see that I am having a hard time making a life. All the things she said that were positive about me, I didn’t see them. My brain is so wired towards the negative. But when I read your story and that of ready or ursa or treasur, it gives me hope. It pulls me out of that rabbit hole. Thank you so much for sharing. I wish I was able to read your journey but I can’t find them anymore.

[beyondblessed]

DF, my story isn't mych different than most, coming up on 7 years since my xh made the announcement he was done.  Every word after was a lie.  He had been hooking up with is boss at work for at least a few months prior, but to this day he'd probably still deny it to me, although back then, many of his coworkers knew and said he and his  ho-worker bragged about the affair at work. 

He lived at home for 3 months and I still thought like an idiot he might come to his senses, but I think she pressured him to make a choice, and he filed for D.  I straight kicked him out of the house, pushed the D and never looked back.  Of course the lying, stealing, and all that happened in between, but our D was done in 6 months time from BD, so it's been about 6.5 years since any sort of contact besides selling our house a year after he'd started this mess for himself.

While I haven't had contact and actually now don't live near him, my family will occasionally see him places, and they say he runs the other direction lol. So, after 7 years he hasn't changed a bit.  Still running and dodging lol  I absolutely made the right choice not to stand for my dead marriage, but rather to stand for me and create this wonderful life in the here and now.

[stillbaffled]

Continuing on with you, BB. 

[FaithWalker]

Attaching - so glad I get a front row seat to your happiness via FB.  Seeing you and Popeye living life together just gives me all the feels.

[beyondblessed]

Good to see you still around, SB.  I hope your winter freeze over wasnt too bad last week.  It was as cold here, as I ever remember lol, but will be 60 for New Year's Eve tomorrow.  I'm glad because Popeye has made dinner reservations for us at our favorite Italian restaurant....another tradition we started years ago.  I've been blessed with so many new and great opportunities, without a doubt.

I do have a surprising update about the new job I accepted at the beginning of this past year.  It was a huge change and upgrade, as well, with great pay and an amazing benefits package.  A week before Christmas though, the hospital HR informed us that the department was being outsourced to a private hospitality company, ans as such, anyone staying in the department would lose employment with the hospital.  So, I have been interviewing within other departments in the hospital because, while I love my job and wanted it to be my last, until retirement, the hospital is where I want to stay.  As of now, I have a very good chance of landing in their case management dept., which is actually what my official college degree was geared towards anyway.  Plus, it would mean I would be transferring to the hospital campus that I initially wanted anyway because it is literally 10 minutes from my house and not in the inner city campus, as it currently is.  So, fingers are crossed for that position, but I'm still interviewing for others, in the meantime.

Not much else to update.  Christmas was wonderful.  The tradition of pizza and It's A Wonderful Life continued.  Popeye surprised me with a gorgeous Amethyst ring, which is my birthstone, among a few other gifts.  All in all, it was an amazing time spent with family.  We are planning on a dinner with friends tonight and then our dinner tomorrow, but other than that, it will probably be a low-key New Year's for us.

[MadLuv]

BB- Your Christmas sounds like it was perfect and the job change sounds like it may. Work out better for you as well. Good luck!!

[beyondblessed]

On my last post, 2022 was winding down, and Popeye and I were celebrating a wonderful holiday season, despite the looming fact that my department at work was being outsourced and because of that, I stood to lose all the amazing benefits my current hospital employer was providing.  Being outsourced by an employer like that was a betrayal similar to being BD'd in a weird way.  I truly could feel so much empathy for my co-workers who'd given years, decades of their lives to this company, only to be told 10 days before Christmas  their services would be no longer an asset and if they wanted to remain an employee, rather than go with the company taking over, they'd better figure out a place to transfer. 

Of course, I was surprised, but oddly enough, I was rather unfazed.  Maybe it's because I had slightly less than a year committed to this entity or maybe it's because I've been through what we've all been through here.  Either way, it sucks just the same, but I also knew that the only way out was through it.  So, I got busy applying for different positions within the hospital that I knew I was qualified and skilled to perform.  In a lame attempt to lessen the blow, the hospital sent a couple HR people and a director to proclaim and promise they would help to try and ensure anyone who wanted to stay with the hospital.  Similar to the MLC'er, that promise wasn't kept, and again, I instantly knew I'd be the only one helping me if I wanted to keep my employment and benefits safe.

My time frame was small.  We were informed on Dec. 15 and the last day of employment was going to be Jan. 18, so just about a month's notice....even though, just like our BD, this had been in the works for months unbeknownst to all of us.  So, I guess what I'm getting at is betrayal works the same regardless of the situation.  One person is always way ahead of the game, and that's what leaves the one left behind so off kilter and disjointed. 

To make an already long story short, I was determined not to be dismissed and left to start with a company I did NOT choose as my employer.  I CHOSE the hospital and my current position and I wasn't just going to roll over and accept the $h!te sandwich everyone was being served just because it was there.  Any of you who have followed my journey know that's not how I roll.  I hustled and applied for as many positions as I could and in that small time frame had 7 interviews and 2 call backs.  I'm happy to say that, as always, being my own best advocate and showing my persistent nature helped me to land a position as an office assistant in a family practice less than 5 miles from my house.  So by doing everything I could do within my control and power and by focusing on the most important thing at hand:  keeping my same employer and fantastic benefits, I was able to move forward and gain something even better than what was lost.  See the connection?  Life lessons are your last best teacher.  Use them wisely and to your advantage.

[UrsaMajor]

No other words needed.....

[beyondblessed]

Thank you, UM.  Life's unexpected twists and turns are much easier to navigate these days.  And, it doesn't hurt to have an emotionally and mentally stable spouse by my side to rely on.

[UrsaMajor]

And, it doesn't hurt to have an emotionally and mentally stable spouse by my side to rely on.

That DOES tend to make a difference, doesn't it? <snort!>

Even

can be dealt with when the proper support is available...

[beyondblessed]

UM, thankfully, the BPD ups, downs and upside-downs are thing of the past.  I like my my smooth and steady sailor and the calm waters so much better lol. No more motion sickness for this girl.

[beyondblessed]

Update time from a 2016 class member.  Life is still rolling on.  My new job has provided lots of challenges and growth opportunities.  As with anything in the medical world, it's ever changing and no day is ever the same.  I have already moved positions from the tiny, once privately owned family practice back to the much bigger(and busier) family clinic I trained in for a week back at the beginning of February.   Another MOA who had started there a couple months prior to me was struggling with the pace there and I was bored to tears at the smaller place......which BTW was such a toxic environment, so our supervisor ended up having us switch places.  I have never been so glad to leave a place.  I almost feel sorry for that lady, but am also glad that she wanted something slower because I would have looking for another job if I'd have been forced to stay.  Apparently, the hospital admins have had lots of trouble with that particular office and heads are aboit to roll, so I'm glad to be away from that drama.  The clinic I'm in now has 6 providers as opposed to the 2 at the smaller practice, so we see triple the patients in a days time, but it passes the day much quicker too.  And, my 8 am start time allows me to get my 4am gym time in first thing every day, so that makes me super happy.

On the homefront, everything is still even keel  and drama free with Popeye.  I dare say we are like a boring old married couple lol. We definitely have our differences of opinion on some things, but the key difference is that we talk them through like mature, and well adjusted adults.  And, we tend to agree and think alike on most of the important issues.  He is definitely the calmer voice of reason to my sometimes fiery light 'em up approach, so we balnce each other in that respect as well.  We are 2 weeks shy of our 1st wedding anniversary and will be heading back to our Charleston wedding destination the beginning of May, with a weekend layover in the Smokies.  With all the changes, this girl is ready for a vacay 🙌   I still have very vivid memories of how incredible our wedding day turned out to be and look forward to our beach time again.  We spent every morning just wakling along the shoreline hand-in-hand and talking about the future, and I know we'll be doing the same this time around.  Having that kind of connection is priceless.  It's protective and it's peaceful.  Even in the horrible fallout and aftermath of what my xh did, my trust and faith in Popeye has never wavered.  I realized a long time ago that what my xh lacked  was all on him.  It didn't reflect on me and it certainly didn't reflect on the other men in this world.

[Dragonfly33]

Nice to hear an update from you BB.

[thissucks7788]

Great update BB.  Thank you for checking in and letting us know how you're doing.  Have fun in Charleston--it sounds fabulous!!
B

[beyondblessed]

Holy cow, has it really been 8 months since my last update.  That was right  before Popeye's and my 1 year anniversary and our 2nd honeymoon to the beach we were married on in 2022.  Time really does fly when you're having fun, I guess lol

I still do hang around here from time to time, when it allows, mostly hoping for updates from old friends on here, but also just to keep reminding the newbies that this chapter is absolutely not the end of your life, but really just a new beginning that can be exactly and only as you make it.  It is up to you and you alone to use the precious time to your advantage and to move forward in your new found strength and purpose.

It's funny because I titled this thread last Christmas after the movie that's become our new tradition of the  past few years together and not too long from now,  it will be time for Popeye and I to cuddle up on our couch on Christmas eve and watch it again.  It is a truly wonderful life, and I appreciate all the blessings I have that much more today because of the hell I went through to get where I am now.  And, I know for some of you just fresh into this that seems unfathomable, but trust the process, use your time wisely and do the things necessary to heal and you'll get there, too.

[Biscuit]

BB,

I read many of your posts when I was new here and always loved your moniker. Hope you and Popeye enjoy the festive season watching one of the greatest movies ever. Do you eat spinach rather than popcorn whilst watching it?
Lovely update.

[beyondblessed]

BB,

I read many of your posts when I was new here and always loved your moniker. Hope you and Popeye enjoy the festive season watching one of the greatest movies ever. Do you eat spinach rather than popcorn whilst watching it?
Lovely update.

Hello Biscuit!  Although both Popeye and I are huge gym rats, we skip the spinach, and I will make us a huge, loaded pizza, 100% from scratch.  Just another tradition we've started and happily continue.  Makes me smile, just typing this out.  Wishing you and yours very happy holidays!

[Biscuit]

Makes me smile too!

Enjoy your homemade pizza and beautiful company, I think you’ve earned it.

[titleholder]

Good to hear from you BB! Glad to hear everything is going well! You've always been an inspiration for me in quickly choosing your own path after BD. It's good to hear that even after everything that has happened you're living your best life wit popeye!

[beyondblessed]

Good to hear from you BB! Glad to hear everything is going well! You've always been an inspiration for me in quickly choosing your own path after BD. It's good to hear that even after everything that has happened you're living your best life wit popeye!

Thank you, TH, I'm happy you can take something positive from my journey.  I definitely used a different approach than most at that time, but I saw enough from my xh and read enough similarities from other's experiences to see the forest for the trees, and I wasn't about to waste anymore years of my life on anyone who I couldn't trust to have my back, in good times or bad.  Life is too short for that, and if you don't go after what you know you desire and deserve, you will always be waiting because it isn't just gonna come to you while you stand around with your hands in your pockets.

My BD was almost 8 years ago, and I am a completely different person than I was at that time.  The people who didn't know me then still marvel at it all when I tell them, and then I show them the pictures of just my physical change and I don't even "look" like the same person, so it was all types of growth:  physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.  It wasn't just one thing, it was many things and it took everything I had to make it happen and to make something good come from such horrible circumstances.  And, that's exactly why I sill come back from time to time.  I feel like the newbies need to know that lots of us have been there, done that and have lived to tell the tale and share our story of not just merely surviving, but thriving and living our best lives yet.

[FaithWalker]

Very well said BB.  I've really been enjoying seeing the baking you've been doing!  Just a few short days away from that pizza and movie!  Love it.

[thissucks7788]

Wonderful BB!! I love reading your updates and am thrilled to hear how well you're doing.  Enjoy every moment of your "new" life!!
B

[beyondblessed]

Thanks for continuing to folllow, FW and TS.  After tons of baking and planning, another Christmas is winding down.  The tradition of pizza and It's a Wonderful Life was carried out, once again, along with exchanging a few gifts.

Today was spent with our family, and was one of the best Christmas celebrations ever.   There was so much conversation and laughter, that we all had to catch our breath at times.  It makes me even more grateful and thankful because will all the bad that's come and been endured and survived, there is peace, love, devotion and joy in these everyday moments.

[stillbaffled]

BB - thanks for the update.  I did see that you were doing lots of fabulous looking baking! 

Best wishes for a healthy and prosperous 2024.   

We've come a long way! 

[MadLuv]

I have also always followed you BB and have learned a lot. Your journaling gives hope that you can find love again as well. If you want it

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

My BD was almost 8 years ago, and I am a completely different person than I was at that time.  The people who didn't know me then still marvel at it all when I tell them, and then I show them the pictures of just my physical change and I don't even "look" like the same person, so it was all types of growth:  physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.  It wasn't just one thing, it was many things and it took everything I had to make it happen and to make something good come from such horrible circumstances.  And, that's exactly why I sill come back from time to time.  I feel like the newbies need to know that lots of us have been there, done that and have lived to tell the tale and share our story of not just merely surviving, but thriving and living our best lives yet.

This is great for our newbies because detachment is about living your life and being open to all potential outcomes. I know that in the beginning most of us (me included) that the only outcome we wanted was our marriages being saved. Yet, it doesn't always end up with that. We have marriages saved, members that still stand, and those of us that have moved on into new relationships. All of the outcomes are great, and I am so happy that you post about your new life and love. I am remarried and so grateful to have my new wife in my life. We are just about to celebrate six years. Keep working out, baking goodies, and loving Popeye. You are the best at getting better. You just be you!!

((Ready)))

[beyondblessed]

Great to hear from you,SB.  I've thought of you quite often lately and hope all is well.  And, maybe you'll find time for an update? 😁

Madluv, I'm glad you've found something worthwhile in my posts.  I feel as though you and I are very much alike, especially in how we have both overcome so much loss, yet still keep digging deep to push forward and make the best of our lives despite it all.

Ready, nice to have you around again, as well.  Your recent trips sound amazing and have me wishing for more travel myself.  We do have our now annual trip to the Carolina coast coming up in a few months...this time to celebrate our 2nd anniversary.  So, of course, I'm looking forward to that! 

I also briefly want to mention that when I first came to this site almost 8 years ago to this very day, I ONLY wanted to find that magic fix to keep my marriage from falling apart.  At that time, in those very early days, I never wanted to be divorced from my then -husband.  He had been my entire life for nearly 20 years at that point, and I was certain we could survive whatever was going on....except I had no idea the extent or the duration of what was actually going on, at that time.  Only in the following weeks and months was I able to piece the puzzle together bit by bit and get the true picture of it all, and boy, it was an eye-opener to say the least.  To this day, I am still dumbfounded by all the cheating, lying and stealing that was happening without me having any idea because I had such faith and blind trust in my xh.  The absolute disrespect I felt from his betrayal was the turning point for me to say enough of this $h!te and proceed to make every effort to take my life and make the most of from then onward.

Today, I am happily married for almost 2 years to the most wonderful, thoughtful, caring and loving man I have ever known.  He takes care of me in ways I never even knew I needed.  I couldn't have imagined that 8 years ago, but that is the beauty in all of this tragedy.  When you are in the midst of it, you can't see the good that is on the other side, until you start taking steps towards it,  in faith that something good will come from all your pain.  I knew back then that God wasn't trying to destroy me by bringing such pain and suffering in the form of my xh's betrayal, but that He could see the things my xh was doing that I couldn't, and this was His way of saving me from any further damage from it.  Today, with all the blessings I have  received, I can look back to 8 years ago and be thankful for the journey because without it, I would not be who I am today.

[amazinglove]

what a wonderful, inspiring post to read! thank you for sharing that hope with us!

[beyondblessed]

Back with a little life update 😁   This week is my last in my role as a medical office assistant, as I applied for a promotion in the hospital's purchasing and logistics department about a month ago and was offered the position just 2 days after I'd interviewed for it.  It is a great job, with better hours (at least for me, early in and early out) with no weekends, every major holiday off...which is almost unheard of in healthcare, and nearly 4 weeks of PTO...almost unheard of anywhere for only being with this organization a little over 2 years now.  It is a job very different from what I've done as an office assistant, but similar to many inventory positions I've held over  the years. And, if anyone remembers, I basically took the office assistant job as a means to an end last year, in order to stay with this particular hospital after they outsourced their dietary department,  and the purchasing role I held at that time.  So, I will be back in a similar position as when I first started, finally. 

It's ironic how much change came out of being left by my ex H that continues to carry over into this amazing life I've continued to build for myself.  Back then, I could never  have imagined accomplishing a fraction of the things I've done since then.  I've made more moves, literally and figuratively, that have changed my life for the absolute better.  My gym habit has become a lifestyle that will only stop when I'm in the ground, I have a wonderful and amazing man, who I am so proud and blessed to call my husband, my family is all well and healthy and now after this week, I will be embarking on yet another new journey with this job.

I say all of this to let the newbies and those of you still struggling with the up and downs of this jLBS journey, to impart that life will get better with time .  You will not always be hurt and devastated, as in the beginning.  As difficult as it is, you have to let your MLCer to his/her own journey and go your own way.  You have to fix what needs fixing with you, and hope they can do the same, and then even if they can't, it will be of no detriment to you.

[FaithWalker]

I hope your new job is going fabulously and congrats on the 4 weeks PTO, that's awesome!

[beyondblessed]

Well, time for another update.  My job is going well.  I really enjoy it, as it is both physically and mentally challenging.  After spending the last year chained to a desk, day in and day out, I am over the moon to be getting my exercise again.  I track with my Fitbit, and end up walking about 40 miles a week, including gym days and weekly push mowing sessions, so I am thrilled about that.  The weight I put on is slowly coming off, so that's a bonus, too.  And, after a month on the job, I was given my first raise, so it's going very well!

Popeye and I celebrated our 2nd anniversary at the end of April.  We had plans to celebrate as it fell on a Saturday, but as luck would have it, I came down with a nasty bug that had me living on the couch all weekend, with Popeye taking it all in stride and doting over me and doing all the  little things that needed done, so I could just rest.  Have I ever said what a blessing this man is to me?!  lol. By the next weekend, I was feeling much better, so we had a lovely dinner out and came home and watched a movie.

We just got back from a vacation that had us spending a weekend in the mountains, followed by a week at the beach and an exclusive golf resort.  Popeye is a former golf course superintendent, so as you can imagine, he loved it.  It was a beautiful place, but it was a lot of driving, and I've never been much for !omg car trips.  Next year, I can see us just doing an all inclusive resort somewhere tropical.... with a short flight lol

We have a busy summer planned and 2 concerts already booked, with hopefully more in the latter months of the year.  My parents will be having their 55th anniversary at the end of summer, so my siblings and I need to get started on planning a get together for that.  All in all, life is good, and I am beyond blessed 

[Biscuit]

Great update and happy 2nd anniversary! Nice to be celebrating something new!

Best to you and Popeye! x

[titleholder]

Congratulations on the anniversary BB!

[forthetrees]

You go girl! You are the success story of the LBS turning her life around.

[beyondblessed]

You go girl! You are the success story of the LBS turning her life around.

Thank you, for this, FTT!  At the time of xh's blow up, I thought I'd lost the most important person in my life, and that my life was over.  It took me a hot minute to realize that between the lies, cheating and betrayal, that the most important person I lost wasn't him...he was just the idiot blowing it all up.  The person I'd lost was ME! 

With that realization, my whole perspective changed and I started making the changes that were going to benefit me the most.  XH was not the least concerned for me, which was plainly evident by his actions, so there was only one way out for me, and I was determined to succeed and thrive.  It hurt a lot back then, but the best decision I made was to separate myself from the crazy and never look back.  The. LBS has to do this for themselves because no one is coming to save them, either.

[Dragonfly33]

You go girl! You are the success story of the LBS turning her life around.

Thank you, for this, FTT!  At the time of xh's blow up, I thought I'd lost the most important person in my life, and that my life was over.  It took me a hot minute to realize that between the lies, cheating and betrayal, that the most important person I lost wasn't him...he was just the idiot blowing it all up.  The person I'd lost was ME! 

With that realization, my whole perspective changed and I started making the changes that were going to benefit me the most.  XH was not the least concerned for me, which was plainly evident by his actions, so there was only one way out for me, and I was determined to succeed and thrive.  It hurt a lot back then, but the best decision I made was to separate myself from the crazy and never look back.  The. LBS has to do this for themselves because no one is coming to save them, either.

You nailed this BB! This is so true. I can relate to this. I remember at the height of the BS that my xh put me through, I was looking here for stories where the LBS got back with the MLC spouse. Those were the only stories I considered success stories. But now, I love reading the stories of LBS who made it through and are thriving even without their MLC spouse. These stories inspire me and keep motivating me to continue moving forward. Thank you for always giving us an update.

[beyondblessed]

You nailed this BB! This is so true. I can relate to this. I remember at the height of the BS that my xh put me through, I was looking here for stories where the LBS got back with the MLC spouse. Those were the only stories I considered success stories. But now, I love reading the stories of LBS who made it through and are thriving even without their MLC spouse. These stories inspire me and keep motivating me to continue moving forward. Thank you for always giving us an update.

DF, I also came here to "save" my marriage.  It sounds completely ludicrous and utterly naive now, but at that time I didn't know better.  I was arrogant enough back then to think I had any say in the matter, not fully realizing that I didn't matter at all, that none of what was happening had anything to do with me, except for the fact that I was married to the perpetrator.  He was acting full on crazy at the time, but still everything he did seemed so calculated.

Once I began reading the stories from Nah, Airmid, and Law Professor, all LBS from back then who had moved on successfully without reconciliation with the MLC'ER, that's when I decided I was not going to waste another minute of MY life waiting for anyone to decide whether I had value to them or not.  I valued myself and knew time wasn't standing still for me, nor did I know how much time I still had....none of us does.  We could all die tomorrow, and what would we have to show for it?  At that time, I really had two choices: stand for a man who betrayed me, cheated on me, lied to me repeatedly, and stole from me, in the hopes that maybe, just maybe far, far off into the unknown future he might suddenly wake up and decide it was all an unfortunate mistake or I could make the absolute best of my life on my own.  It didn't take much thinking on my part to choose option 2 given the long list of reasons option 1 was FUBAR.

[titleholder]

You nailed this BB! This is so true. I can relate to this. I remember at the height of the BS that my xh put me through, I was looking here for stories where the LBS got back with the MLC spouse. Those were the only stories I considered success stories. But now, I love reading the stories of LBS who made it through and are thriving even without their MLC spouse. These stories inspire me and keep motivating me to continue moving forward. Thank you for always giving us an update.

Totally agree with this! I think for almost all of us this is de journey of the LBS. You come here to save your marriage at all cost. I also read so many stories of reconciliation as my golden standard for my journey. You pick the stories that match your path and luckily on HS there are a lot of paths to choose from.

I also gain strength now from the stories from the LBS that move forward without their spouses and I also try to be an example with my own story. I'm thankfull that you keep posting BB  and also you Dragonfly!

[beyondblessed]

You nailed this BB! This is so true. I can relate to this. I remember at the height of the BS that my xh put me through, I was looking here for stories where the LBS got back with the MLC spouse. Those were the only stories I considered success stories. But now, I love reading the stories of LBS who made it through and are thriving even without their MLC spouse. These stories inspire me and keep motivating me to continue moving forward. Thank you for always giving us an update.

Totally agree with this! I think for almost all of us this is de journey of the LBS. You come here to save your marriage at all cost. I also read so many stories of reconciliation as my golden standard for my journey. You pick the stories that match your path and luckily on HS there are a lot of paths to choose from.

I also gain strength now from the stories from the LBS that move forward without their spouses and I also try to be an example with my own story. I'm thankfull that you keep posting BB  and also you Dragonfly!

Thanks so much, TH!  I was just 2 weeks shy of turning 43, when my xh unleashed the crazy.  I was literally in the prime of my life, and quite honestly things only got better from there because I stopped worrying about whether everyone else was happy and started focusing on me and making me happy for once.  Never in a million years would I have imagined divorce and my life turning out like it has, but life doesn't come with guarantees, so we need to make the most of the time we have, lest we run out.

[stillbaffled]

Once I began reading the stories from Nah, Airmid, and Law Professor, all LBS from back then who had moved on successfully without reconciliation with the MLC'ER, that's when I decided I was not going to waste another minute of MY life waiting for anyone to decide whether I had value to them or not.  I valued myself and knew time wasn't standing still for me, nor did I know how much time I still had....none of us does.  We could all die tomorrow, and what would we have to show for it?  At that time, I really had two choices: stand for a man who betrayed me, cheated on me, lied to me repeatedly, and stole from me, in the hopes that maybe, just maybe far, far off into the unknown future he might suddenly wake up and decide it was all an unfortunate mistake or I could make the absolute best of my life on my own.  It didn't take much thinking on my part to choose option 2 given the long list of reasons option 1 was FUBAR.

BB - I also remember reading the stories of those mentioned above, as well as many others on this forum.   Pretty sure I still have the book that NAH wrote! 
I do keep up with you on social media and I especially enjoy seeing the posts where you're baking something fabulous! 

I've worked hard to make the best of life on my own and I try to be thankful and appreciative of every day I'm given. 

It's always good to drop back in here and read uplifting updates from people I stood in the trenches with.   

Blessings to you, BB! 

P.S. I'm still storing resort pontoons and boats in the big shed that remained with me!   

[MadLuv]

I saw a video the other day with a life coach telling those who have been discarded to go no contact and let their partner have exactly what they want. He said, they left because they thought their life would be better without you. Why  do you want them?  EXACTLY!!!

[Dragonfly33]

I think going no contact is hard in the beginning because at least on my part I couldn’t accept what happened. I couldn’t believe my xh was someone who didn’t care about me anymore. Besides, he was a clinging boomerang in the beginning. It was for me very hard. The moment I stop texting him and he stopped contacting me, only then I was able to start focusing on myself. For me it helped a lot to see the bigger picture and to understand I had no control on what he was doing. It was the best road for me to healing. Now, once in a while we text but this time I am detached already. I’m not affected as much anymore. I learned to shrug the things that don’t do me any good. I think he and OW4  aren’t together anymore. He must be onto another one. But I don’t care anymore. Once in a while, I miss the us. It’s like what the others said in a different thread, a phantom limb. I also have those moments but they’re passing. Perhaps this is part of the healing process.

[MadLuv]

DF- ohhhhh, me toooo!!! Mine also was clinging and I still can’t believe he is who he is now, but I think that is part of the issue. They left and I refused to see that no matter the reason whether full choice, mental breakdown, mlc, or the death of our child…. He left. I wish I could have accepted that no matter what he thought his life would be better and until he showed  something different that was the fact. But l, we have to go through our journey and learn. It’s all a painful hard journey no matter where you land.

[Dragonfly33]

Totally agree with you ML. The hardest part was acceptance that our spouses could do such a thing to us. But through this painful experience we get to know ourselves better and we learned a lot of things in life. I learned to become independent and to trust myself again.

[beyondblessed]

SB, it is always great to hear from you.  We both learned a lot from the veteran LBS from back then.  They were all very helpful and had a wealth of knowledge and sage advice.  As for you still in possession of shed and the large toys, I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but that baffles me, as well lol  With some (I'd reckon most) the crazy never really stops.

ML and DF, always nice to hear from both of you, as well.  No contact save me and my sanity, no question.  It was very difficult in the beginning because xh used to be my person that I trusted without hesitation.  It was impossible to trust him at that point though.  He did things he berated other men for doing, and he did just the same.  That infuriated me probably the most, that he had no problems calling other men out on their huge shortcomings, while doing the very same things.  Hypocrisy at its finest.  I guess that was projection on his part, but at the time I had no idea what that even was lol  I have learned a lot over the years.

On a new note, a tornado tore through my town on Tuesday night.  It just skirted our home, and the brunt was felt less than 800 yds from us.  Popeye was at the gym, and I was trying to catch some of the Olympics, when the power flickered, but stayed on.  Then less than a minute later, all hell broke loose.  The sky was an eerie greenish gray and the wind picked up all our patio furniture and slammed it against the house.  I ran to the wind half stunned at what I was witnessing.  Every huge tree in one neighbors yard was down or partially down, power was out and stayed out for 24 hours for us, but some still are without power.  Crews have been working in our heat and humidity night and day, and the weather hasn't helped.  It's rained everyday this week, mainly in the afternoons.  I don't remember a recent summer with so much heat and terrible humidity.  That's the catalyst to firing these storms.

We live all of 5 minutes from our gym, and it took Popeye almost 2 hours to get home.  He hugged me so tight and kept saying he should have been with me, protecting me.  I assured him I was fine...heck, I didn't even know what was happening until most of it had passed over.  Even today,  he keeps repeating how he should've been here.  I also blessed to be with a man now who knows my worth and values me.  We are both blessed to be on this journey together, weathering life's storms.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

First of all, I am glad that you are safe and your home is intact. Very scary none the less. When I was working at a lumber yard one summer while I was in college, a wind devil came down and swooped the roof off the lumber area and where we kept the concrete. I would have been out there at the time, but I wanted to get some things done and took a late lunch. Everyone was telling me how luck I was. So were you!!

It was very difficult in the beginning because xh used to be my person that I trusted without hesitation.

Same here. I give trust with great abundance until they demonstrate they can't be trusted. I think both of our spouses used our trust to their advantage.

Hypocrisy at its finest.

Yes, and blaming me for my shortcomings but not admitting to one thing was another specialty she did as well.

I also blessed to be with a man now who knows my worth and values me.  We are both blessed to be on this journey together, weathering life's storms.

Yes, and I have several friends that were in the same boat. I had a friend whose ex was just a rotten person. She also dated and was with others until she finally met the right game. She said the same thing as you, someone who values me and wants to be with me. He is a great man and even better husband. Another friend, her fiance called off the wedding the day before. She was devastated. Yet, she persevered and got married to a real man. She just retired and is ready to start an even better chapter of her life.

The point is not to try and force things, but to build that love within yourself and make your world the best you can.

Thanks for being part of the forum and continue to be a force of positivity that motivates all of us.

(((Ready)))

[beyondblessed]

Thank you, Ready!  A positive mindset is definitely a plus.  I'm glad your friends have met wonderful partners. 

If this experience teaches us anything, it should be to be very selective with anyone who might have a place in our lives.  I'm not just talking about a potential spouse, I'm taking about the people that surround us in general, as well.  We are who we associate with most, so that's an important concept to grasp, too.

[titleholder]

I’m glad you’re okay BB! That must have been scary.. You have a good man on your side there, who will put you first always. That’s how it’s supposed to be and I’m so happy for you!

[FaithWalker]

I am so glad you are safe BB!

[beyondblessed]

Thank you, TH and FW.  All is getting back to normal in our neighborhood.  We live a small community, just outside of a larger city, so we are fortunate to have the best of both worlds. 

We have had a lot of stormy, rainy weather this summer due to heat a humidity, but I know no one was prepared or expecting that kind of weather that evening.  It's just another reminder not to take anything for granted and to always be grateful and appreciative of our blessings.

[beyondblessed]

Well, it's been a hot minute since my last update.  That was months ago, when we narrowly missed being smack in the middle of a summer tornado that came out of nowhere....much like the whole MLC tornado, in many respects. 

Today, I'm back with a little life update, and I always find it fitting to post around the Christmas season because the title of this latest thread was inspired by the now annual tradition that Popeye and I started our very first Christmas together.  This tradition involves me making us a homemade pizza to enjoy on Christmas Eve, while snuggling on our couch and watching the old classic, It's A Wonderful Life.  It is such a great movie, with such an important message, even more so now, given all the ups and downs and triumphs and tragedies of my early midlife years, kicked off my xh's crazy making.  It is so hard to believe that BD will be 9 years ago in about a month.

If you asked me where the time has gone, I would happily tell you all of the amazing things I've done, the unimaginable love I've found in that aftermath, and the endless opportunities that have come my way, just because I chose to move my life forward and forge my own path out that midlife madness, that I was determined to not let consume me, too. 

In line with that, I do have more news to share about yet another job opportunity at the hospital where I've worked since 2022.  I have moved around quite a bit to different areas  in the almost 3 years of my employment there;  once due to my original dietary purchasing role being outsourced to a private company, and just recently I made to the move from the medical office assistant job that replaced the first purchasing job, back to an inventory and purchasing position.  As it seems to happen with me, just when I start getting too comfortable with a job, changes start to make waves lol. The department lead person has decided it is time for him to retire at year's end.  This is troubling for many reasons, both personal and professional.  He is an extraordinary man, and his dedication and work ethic are the stuff of legends that these younger generations will sadly never know nor aspire to.  So, in light of this, a new supervisor role was created to replace him, sort of lol   There is way too much back story to explain why this has caused so much upset in our small department, so long story short, I have been recommended to replace another man who is also retiring at year's end.  His role is to provide purchasing and inventory support for the surgery, cardiac, anesthesia and sterile supply units.  Today was day 1 at that position for me, and holy cow was all of it overwhelming! Yet, I know given time, I can master it.  I am going to accept the position and all of the challenges, and undoubted failures and mistakes that will come along with it  and make it my own.  I say all of this because the person I am now, is not the person I was before when my life was full of fear, self doubt and anxiety about everything.    Being betrayed back then by the person I trusted the most opened my eyes, and that changed me in a way I desperately needed to be changed.  I'm not saying I still don't have fears or anxiety with change, that's only human, however, I just refuse to a!low those things to stop me or hold me back from opportunities that will benefit my future self.  For all of things that MLC destroyed, newer, better things have been created.  And, as always, I am thankful and blessed.

[MadLuv]

Congratulations!! That was an important story to tell on your job changes as many of us have had issues with jobs and concentration. I know when I was laid off 2 years after BD I couldn't start  over. It was just to much with the loss  of ny husband and the job. So congrats on all your good fortune and hard work and keep sharing!!

[Flummoxed]

What a beautiful update, beyondblessed!! Congratulations on the new position- way to embrace new opportunities and surf those waves of change! Loving your Christmas tradition and the wonderful share of hope, faith, and positivity that sprung from the aftermath of your MLC experience. Truly- thank you so much for sharing!

[Happylight]

Thank you for sharing the positive update.  It is so hard because many of us do struggle at work post bomb drop.  It feels like your entire life is being destroyed and not just your marriage.  It is good to hear about the rebirth and success going forward.

[FaithWalker]

Congrats BB!!!!!!!

[beyondblessed]

Thank you, ML, FW, Flummoxed and HL!   Some days it is still difficult to believe I was living a completely different life 9 years ago, with a completely different man.  My goodness, how much I've changed and in turn, my life has changed since that fateful, Jan 2016 BD. 

Even though time has done it's thing, it does still pain me to think about everything my xh so carelessly discarded for nothing of any value in return.  His fantasy R with OW has long since crashed and burned, as most do, and I haven't had any contact with him in years.  If it wasn't for family giving an occasional passing update, I honestly wouldn't know if he was dead or alive.  And, that is a strange feeling to have about someone with whom I'd spent nearly 2 decades. 

Even so, life is very good now. For those of you just now learning to navigate this crisis, I can only encourage you through my story, that life does go on and you will not always feel the way you do at this moment.  The best piece of advice I can give is to stop giving the MLC your attention and focus on you.  Grow, learn, and above all, reconnect with yourself.  You're more than capable and more than enough.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

It is so good to read your thread and it only helps me appreciate and enjoy the life I have now as well. It is so nice to be with someone that respects you as a person. Everyday, I look forward to leaving work to see her and make the most of every weekend we are together.

I agree with you that in the beginning, I never thought I would be where I am now. I've gotten into shape, enjoy my job, and just love being with my family. It was a difficult journey, but I feel that I have made it through the rapids and now rowing in more peaceful waters.

Yes, the focus needs to be on you and when you reconnect with yourself, you can begin to heal.

Thank you for being part of the forum and I enjoy reading about you and Popeye!

(((Ready))))

[beyondblessed]

Thank you for continuing to follow and for continuing to post your own musings and updates.  I feel so far removed from much of the MLC since being 9 years out and being in a new M and honestly brand new life by most accounts.

I will never be the LBS that offers the hope that the MLC spouse will ever come back, but I feel like I can be the example of what happens when you decide to live your own life like they are never coming back.

[Dragonfly33]

Nice to hear from both of you who are happy now after the whole MLC devastation. From what I have read here most MLCers are totally lost and they never came back. I was one of the LBSers who thought my story would be different when I first joined this group. The sooner the lbs accepts that they are gone the better it is for the LBS to heal. I think I did not contact my xh for a long time after he left and filed for divorce. Only then I could see the whole picture. Though recently we started communicating again but on friendly basis. I never thought the crying would ever stop. I remember myself crying in the bathtub or the bathroom floor. I cannot imagine the intensity of that pain anymore. It’s not totally gone but it’s almost not there anymore I guess. I’m still a work in progress but I’ve also changed a lot, and I guess for the better. As for my xh, I guess the last OW is also now gone. Couldn’t keep up probably as she was too young for him. Who knows? He told me recently he’s happy with his triathlon although he had to go a hip replacement due to the sport. Maybe some of them do really find happiness after they destroyed their marriage. Up to this day I still ask myself if it was really MLC or it’s just my xh’s character. I was the longest relationship he ever had and the rest (before or after the marriage) were just flavor of the month. I wish one day like you and Ready, I would also meet my partner for life. I  don’t think I would like to live alone for the rest of my life. It’s nice to have someone that really cares for you. I hope you continue to post here BB.

[beyondblessed]

Thank you, DF!  If anything good comes of this awful way of ending an M, its that the LBS  hopefully has learned some valuable, life changing lessons.  Even though we know this crisis was not caused by us, many of us acknowledge that we were not perfect spouses, and we own that and do the work to grow ourselves in any areas we are lacking.  This is a tremendous advantage when looking toward a new future with someone else.

I know, in my case at least, when it came time to meet my future H, I wasn't looking for Mr. Right to just show up at my doorstep.  I knew that in order to attract my Mr. Right, I had to also become his Ms. Right, and that meant having my $h!te together, too.  By the time I met Popeye, I had dated a lot...to the point I had decided that being single and staying single looked better every day.  I owned my own home, had a steady job that helped me finance the lifestyle I wanted, and did the work to keep myself as physically, mentally and emotionally healthy as I could.  It was then, that I came to the realization that I was perfectly happy as a single.  I wasn't needy or in a place of lacking, thinking a new R was the only thing that could make me feel happy or complete.  I wanted Mr. Right not Mr. Right Now. 

Long story, short:  I think we meet any new potential partner at exactly the place we are in our own journey.   And, I think that was true of my xh and I, too.  If you think you are missing something or feel in a place of neediness or lack, you will overlook a lot of potential red flags and have poor boundaries, and you will  pay dearly for them later.  Just something to think about.