[MadLuv]

I unfortunately am with DF on my apologies received. When I look at them now they seem more like guilt relief or more avoidance. I’m sorry I’m a terrible person, I’m the worst person I know…. In the end he has just gotten worse in my opinion.  I do think how they apologize and then what happens after tells whether it was a sincere one or not.  I’m glad you got one that feels  sincere.

[titleholder]

TH - I'm glad you got that apology - I think it means a great deal to us LBS as a sanity check - that our reality wasn't skewed - and that the (major) problems in our break up really weren't of our making, or in our control.

Maybe it's a shame that it comes too late for many of us to really make a difference to us. But maybe not, maybe the day after BD wouldn't have made much difference!
You sound like you're in a really good place TH! Really happy for you!

B x

Thank you for the reply B! I also follow your journey and I'm amazed by your grace and the way you're handeling this situation.

I totally agree that the apology is important for the reason you're stating. And sadly I also think you're right that an apology after BD probably wouldn't make a difference.. they are the way they are and if they weren't then we wouldn't be in this situation.

Talking about apologies, I got lots of them after I found out about the OW. My xh was even crying to me while asking for forgiveness. But all those apologies were just words. There was no remorse that came with it. I still got blamed. So for me they meant nothing. It really depends if the apology was sincere or it was just to take control of you. Just my opinion.

Yes those kind of apologies you got DF are more for him then they were for you.. I think that hurts even more, the selfpity they inflict on themself when they are the ones destroying lifes.

I think the apology was sort of sincere but it's only words.. I see some actions lining up with his words but mostly he's still not behaving as a grown-up and taking all the responsibility he should.

I unfortunately am with DF on my apologies received. When I look at them now they seem more like guilt relief or more avoidance. I’m sorry I’m a terrible person, I’m the worst person I know…. In the end he has just gotten worse in my opinion.  I do think how they apologize and then what happens after tells whether it was a sincere one or not.  I’m glad you got one that feels  sincere.

Thanks ML, but I agree let's see how he progresses. We're certainly not there yet.. it's a long, long road with some movement. But I really doubt if he's going to reach the 'end' of the tunnel or he keeps getting stuck.

[FaithWalker]

I'm glad you got that apology TH.  Hopefully his actions moving forward back it up.  Sound like it was pretty heartfelt.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

A few years back, I got the apology from my ex. Never expected it either. In her world she was the victim and I was the ogre. However, it came and it was heartfelt as well.

It didn't mean that we were going to get back together or anything of that magnitude as I was already engaged. However, It was still nice to receive.

It is also good not only for you, but your daughter as well. You want to work with a parent that can admit to their mistakes and treat you as the mother with the respect you deserve. I think that as he grows up "again", you may begin to work with a true adult that put the needs of his daughter over his own and OW as well.

I hope everything else is going as well. for you and your baby. As I was posting on another thread, you can't predict the future. You can influence and makes plans, but to be certain, life is very uncertain. You just live through it and make the best of the circumstances. I think you have done an excellent job of navigating your own experience without him bringing you down.

Keep up the great work and keep posting!

(((Ready)))

[titleholder]

I'm glad you got that apology TH.  Hopefully his actions moving forward back it up.  Sound like it was pretty heartfelt.

Thank you FW. I think it was sincere, so that shows something   We'll see how he moves further!

A few years back, I got the apology from my ex. Never expected it either. In her world she was the victim and I was the ogre. However, it came and it was heartfelt as well.

It didn't mean that we were going to get back together or anything of that magnitude as I was already engaged. However, It was still nice to receive.

Sounds like you and I were in a similar place Ready! I'm also happy that I never asked for an apology but got it on a unexpected moment.

It is also good not only for you, but your daughter as well. You want to work with a parent that can admit to their mistakes and treat you as the mother with the respect you deserve. I think that as he grows up "again", you may begin to work with a true adult that put the needs of his daughter over his own and OW as well.

Yes exactly this! This is for me the key in everything moving forward. I really hope he arrives at that point; for my daughter, for him and also for me.

I think you have done an excellent job of navigating your own experience without him bringing you down.

Thank you Ready for these words, they almost make me cry. It's been such a hard battle and I'm so proud of myself but my god it's not easy.

I see so many of my friends staying in relationships that are not healthy with a lot of trauma, so I'm so proud of myself that I'm chosing myself and moving forward without my xH. I know he's not going to give what me and my D deserve, but it has not been easy following that road and chosing to let go.