[ForeverHopefulOne]

Thought we could all use a success story.  This story was posted on a public website recently; it's kind of cute how they reconnected:

"It has been a little over 2 years and all of a sudden there is a man living in my house that I used to know...it all began when i took MOST of the advice from here....i did what I needed to do for myself and my children. I stopped following him around,checking his phone and asking what when why and with who....I built a life without including him at all. it had become a way of life anyway and was not that difficult. The only part I left out this time was the anger,pain,insecurities, (you know that feeling that if you continue on it will get worse or maybe he will never come back) SO WHAT was my thinking It is what it is. he actually GPS'd my phone came to the lounge i was at and pretended to NOT know me. I played along and he began sharing his feelings (I know I almost fell out of my chair as well LOL)he talked about being insecure (Flirting w other woman made him feel special)He talked about having his heart attack (how he wanted to make every moment count)he told me about his wife(how serious and responsible she was and that it was his fault she was like that because he never took his responsibilities seriously)he spoke about his step children(how he never felt like part of the family(That they always had a special attachment to their mom he could not duplicate) it was a real eye opener for both of us. he also asked about my husband and i felt comfortable telling him all about the man i fell in love with and that he had dis sapeared to some random place i could not reach. The past month has been good we are slowly getting our finances back on track,i am not holding back my thoughts or feelings anymore. I am however expressing them in a more normal tone and trying really hard not to use the YOU statement. We have talked about what we expect from the other and what is not acceptable in a marriage. there have been a few evenings where i saw that old Husband emerging and I just let it go. he left for a few hours but returned telling me he just didn't feel like hanging out with those guys anymore.He wanted to tell me where he had been and what he had been doing but I felt that I really didn't want the details and all I asked was had he been unfaithful his answer was NO and that was all I really wanted to know. we are now holding hands. he is treating me with respect,listening and talking. i realize from most of the posts that this is a very unusual time frame but since I searched and searched when I first came to find someone anyone that had their husband return sooner than they said he would I had to post. So ladies keep the faith, Love yourselves, and don't let HIM drag you to that dark place, you can feel the loss,the pain and the anger but be true to yourselves and know you are worthy. "
 
 
 

[ForeverHopefulOne]

Yet another success story from a woman who was divorced from her MLCer; this one is for all you Standers who are divorced:

"I was never so shocked, and left this site thinking that I would not be back because I would have nothing left to contribute since my EX and OW finally married.  You can go back and read my other posts if you want to catch up on me, but I will just give you the short version here.  We have been divorced for a little over four years, but the crisis has been going on for five.  He has been the typical by the book MLC case.  He was Monster, Monster, Monster to me, and I was the kindest I had ever been to him.  He has been with the same woman the whole time, and when he retired in December, she pressured him to marry her.  Our son had just married in October, and I thought for a short time period we might reconcile, but then in November he announced to the kids he was getting married and didn't even bother to tell me.  I was devasted for the last time.  Once they married, I felt really free, but very angry with him for the first time.  Luckily, I changed jobs during this time period, and I was able to redirect that anger into something positive.  It seemed like my life was really turning around, and I was finally letting him go when the unthinkable happened to me.  My EX woke up from his MLC, booted out the OW, and they have signed the annullment papers.  He met with his kids and then me, and he wants to put our life back together, he knows its not right for her to have something that we have worked all of our lives for, and he wants us to make it work.  Without going into all of the details and conversations, we have been talking quite a bit, and if I had not been here on this site, I would have handled this all wrong.  But I am remembering the things that I read here about not badgering, and just letting the healing take place.  We are not going to do anything but talk until the annullment is final in June, but at least it is a start.  We know we have a long road ahead of us, but I think we will make it.  He is very genuine and sincere, and I will guard my heart for a long time, but it is just nice to talk again.  I told him he needs to be by himself for awhile, as I don't want to be his rebound, and it would be at least two years before there would be any committment, that we would take it very slow to get to know each other again, but hopefully do it right this time.  I reach retirement age in two years, and then I will decide what will be best for me."

[Dontgiveup]

If you want more encouragement, here you go.....

I talked with my CPA last week.  He said he has had about five clients go through what he thinks was MLC.  His stepbrother's wife also went through MLC, which of course hit very close to home.  I am pretty sure he said his stepbrother and his wife divorced, then started dating each other again about two years later.  Two years after they started dating each other again, they remarried each other.

Of his clients that he knows about, 4 of the 5 worked it out.  The one couple he knows about that isn't back together have tried to get back together, but unsuccessfully thus far.

He said he has seen a pretty high success rate in couples returning to one another, but said it seems to take 2 to 4 years from what he's seen.

[Dontgiveup]

The common denominator in every success story I have heard directly about has been TIME.  With time and patience, the chance of success seems pretty high.  It's not 100%, but pretty high nonetheless.

[truth_seeker]

My apologies if you're not supposed to do this but I felt it could give someone comfort to read an actual accounting of one mans MLC experience.  I know for me it helps to hear from people who have gone through MLC as well as the LBS. Though it seems difficult to find stories of men who have gone through MLC w/OW involved and shown success in returning back to LBS, I stumbled across this story. 

Please know my intention is only to give comfort to those who might need to see a bright side while keeping in mind there are no guarantees for success in our own marriages.  Mine included.  I can only work on me but I can try to understand what my H may be going through internally. It is his struggle and not mine but I can love him from a place of detachment. As I work on this every day.  I have left him in God's hands to care for him and to also see our family through this difficult time.

If anyone knows of any other MLC stories written from the person who has gone through MLC, I ask that you please share this information. I believe it's helpful for the LBS to understand what the MLC person may be going through so as not to take it personal.  I know for me knowledge is power. 

((((HUGS))))  God Bless


Link removed - website closed  - OldPilot

[hampc0cv]

Truth seeker,

What a story.  The only difference from him and my H is that my H is with the ow from about the 3 week he left.  My husband has issues from his past about his dad and also some about his mom.  His dad was never around and when he was he was drunk usually.  My H did not have a relationshipwith his dad.

I can see so much of my H in this story.  He is definitely in a Fog and I see him eventually coming out and seeing what Newman seen.  I just hope and pray it is soon and not too late.  I love my H and will do anything I can to help him but he has got to make the first move.

Thank you so much for directing us to this story.  Hugs to you

[OldPilot]

So has anyone tried emailing the newman link to their H and if so, what kind of response did you get?

I would not advise this.
It would be a waste of time and backfire.

They will not admit that they are in MLC.
So it will have exactly the OPPOSITE effect that you will be hoping for.

I KNOW that it will not work!

[Still]

I have always found this to be interesting. I read the book and it gives a great deal of insight.

http://www.menweb.org/crossoul.htm

[truth_seeker]

Forthetrees -
I agree with OP on this one!  I would absolutely NOT forward this or any MLC information to your H.  I made this mistake and find he's only more calculating with me though I didn't forward him this link I did provide him a book on IMS.  Your H doesn't know nor admit to being in a MLC.

H
I'm glad it gave you some comfort as it did for me as well. 

Still
Thank you for the link I'll be sure to read it. 

(((Hugs)))

[truth_seeker]

hampc0cv
I wanted to also let you know my H has many issues with his F you mentioned but also his M.  Feel free to read my story as I mention this early in my story of how his F had abandoned him and his M was always interested in herself which didn't leave much left for H. 

May I suggest a book you might find interesting if you haven't already read it is:  Irritable Male Syndrome by Jeb Diamond

Very informative and discusses the effects of childhood traumas on our adult lives among other things.