[Silver]

Some of the threads I read recently made me think about script once again. I can't stop wondering how it's possible that people around the world in MLC use almost or totally exact words in certain phases. It's somehow even spooky you know, like some kind of becoming a zombie symptom or other similar stuff from horror movie 
There may have been this kind of thread before, maybe many of them and everyone's threads are full of these, but just thought that would be interesting to make some sort of collection 

So call them script sentences or WTF moments,
Here are mine, these are all heard at least once during my journey from XW:

I don't know who I am anymore
I don't want to live in loveless marriage
I never though I would get trapped in my life like this
You were never there for me 
You are crazy
You are delusional/paranoid
You have been depressed for years
I feel like I am in the eye of a hurricane
I feel like I have to walk over anyone that stands in my way
I feel like I have to break my life to pieces
You don't let me change/grow as a person
Can we separate and then maybe get back together
Would you travel abroad with me? (after just left and divorced me)
Can we make a trip as a family? (after divorced months ago)

I'm sure I have more, will update maybe later. Feel free to post your  moments.

[One day at a time]

Oh this is a good one!! Here is my list

- ILYBINILWY (most of us got this one)
- You don't buy breaded chicken
- You never come fishing with me
- Our relationship has become very superficial (as he took every opportunity to travel for work and spend as much time as possible with his family when he was home)
- It's not you, it's me.
- You are not happy
- We want different things
- I feel like I'm in a hole I can't get out of
- We have a good life but it's not enough, I'm not happy
- My life has no purpose
- I'm old (40), no longer in my prime.
- I'm always afraid to disappoint (as he broke my heart in a million pieces and seemed not to care about disappointing me)

I'm sure there are more...

[Penelope2018]

I can't even remember most of them, but the ones I heard/hear the most were/are:

I'm sorry. - Number one!
Why don't you wanna talk to me? - Number two!
You're trying to kill me.
You just like making me upset.
You like messing with me.
You like to see me suffer.
You've always been vengeful. That's what I never liked about you.
You don't listen.
You don't show any emotions. - He wanted me to cry over him.
You're happy being by yourself, you've always been.

And same as One Day at a Time:

We have a good life but it's not enough, I'm not happy. - Heard that a lot, it's just not enough.

Same as Silver:

Can we separate and then maybe get back together. - Heard that a few times too.

Would you travel abroad with me? -  Heard that last month. Wanted us to go to Mexico together in the summer. Why???

[Shockandawe]

Hmmmm

ILYBINILWY
I never loved you
I didn’t want to marry you
I never felt listened to or heard ( he never talked to me about any of the above until BD)
I think you’re trying to poison me
I’m sorry
You need to get your own life
I’m a loner ( despite living with ow)

These are the ones I just thought about there are many more

[Sunandshade]

My fav, and this is in retrospect, he came home late on night drunk and crazy and accused me of cheating, ranting and raving that I was a cheater! Yes, I was dumb (never a cheater though). In my defence he did routinely talk rubbish while drunk.

[Granite]

" Should we get divorced so we can reconcile? "

[megogirl]

This IS good....

You are edgy (this is after we attended MC and she'd said to me, "You have an EDGE!"
You either grow together, or grow apart
You eat toddler-esque food
You drink a sixer every night
You're a hoarder
You don't care what time all of my company events start
You married UP

.....Enough said?!

[bubbs16]

Ilybinilwy
You never travel
I lost myself
We want different things
Im sorry
I care about
I don't see. You in my. Future
I never loved you
You held me back
My brain wasn't fully devoloped when we got married.

These are some of things I've heard from w.

[Keep believing]

You are all I have ever known
we could get remarried
do you want to date (other men)
you are more of a sister to me
you know thats not me
I didnt leave the kids , I left you(haha)
I have no money
I had to marry you
its not about ow , i could care less about her
after 5 years   is still saying he wants to move on with his life (he left 5 years ago , has ow, has own apt) isnt that moving on
calls us his family and yet we havent done any "family" things in 5 years but does with ow and her kids.

[One day at a time]

You are all I have ever known
we could get remarried
do you want to date (other men)
you are more of a sister to me
you know thats not me
I didnt leave the kids , I left you(haha)
I have no money
I had to marry you
its not about ow , i could care less about her
after 5 years   is still saying he wants to move on with his life (he left 5 years ago , has ow, has own apt) isnt that moving on
calls us his family and yet we havent done any "family" things in 5 years but does with ow and her kids.

Oh I had forgotten the sister one, I also got "I love you like I would love a sister" 

[UrsaMajor]

Oh I had forgotten the sister one, I also got "I love you like I would love a sister" 

Change it to "brother" and that was the version I got.....
ILYBINILWY (standard Stock Mid-Lifer phrase)
I don't know what happened
It HAS to be this way
You didn't get rid of your dog when I asked
You didn't give up going to church when I asked
You didn't stop listening to <singer>  when I told you to stop
You work too much (I was in a launch campaign that had been delayed several times)
You don't do anything when you are home (except cook, my laundry, take care of the kids, take care of the yard, do home repairs, maintain our cars, walk the dogs, take them to the vet, do the grocery shopping.....   )
You spend too much time working on the yard
You don't spend enough time working on the yard (seriously! days apart - after she let the dog dig a HUGE hole in the yard... 3 times.... )
I'm not physically attracted to you
You only touch me because want to have sex (Remember the LBS Cooties?)
You only want to do things with the kids, never with me...
You never want to do things together with the kids, only with me
We can get back together in a few years. <Names> Parents did that too

[Jackolar12]

Strange how i can think back and remember all the crazy stuff as if it were yesterday, I suppose it is seared into my memory. I’m into my seventh year and still can’t believe she did this to us all.

 A lady I know a distant relative of hers rang me out of the blue after over 6 years last Friday and said she bumped into the Mlcer and my youngest daughter out shopping. She said she had long hair down to her waist and dressed and acted like a teenager. She made a big fuss of the lady which is strange as she used to avoid her in the past. She made a point of telling the lady how much she loves her cheater boyfriend.

Some things the Mlcer said at bomb drop and a few weeks afterwards before vanishing.

“I don’t love you anymore” said in a teenage manner.
“I’m so sorry”
“This wouldn’t have happened if you got up and made me a cup of tea in the morning” I used to.
“You walk too fast in front of the pram” All our children were young adults.
“I didn’t wait outside the shops for her like her brother does” We are talking 2 decades ago”.
“I do silly things”.
“you made me do it”

Even the judge said to her her evidence was history and not recent.
She used to communicate by post it notes left for me to find.
The whole episode was histrionic, vilifying and demeaning towards me and hurt like hell.

[Shockandawe]

I also got:

I love you as a friend!
I know I will regret this but I have to get it out of my system
I don’t hate you but I have feelings of ill will towards you
I don’t remember one good thing between us
The only feeling I have is guilt
She is as much a victim as you
I’m sick of doing things for everyone else now it’s time for me
I think I’m having a midlife crisis!

[Silver]

I think I’m having a midlife crisis!

a moment of clarity?!

Found some more:

(when asked if she ever regretted divorcing me) Yes I have many times, but it had to be done
I feel I have to start living like there's no tomorrow, before I die
You can sleep with someone else but remember, that's a big decision (told her already I am not going to) 

[Ro828]

"I’m sick of doing things for everyone else now it’s time for me".  I got the exact same thing.

I also got....

- We can get remarried in six years after we divorce. 
- We are too much alike
- I hope you can find someone to love
- You work too much
- You kept the dining room table messy
- She "rocks my world"
- I have to leave as you'll never forgive me

Gosh, there were so many. These are just a top few.   It's really laughable.   Thank God I see the humor in it now.

[Kitty]

I've gotten ILYBINILWY only a couple times in the form of:

"I feel like I'm living with a roommate"
"I know I love you, but I don't know HOW I love you"

I had also heard on the few times he brought up D, "We'll get the D, do our own thing for a year or two and then we can start dating again"

In the very beginning it was:

"You don't cook and clean enough" - Because working overtime every night and most Saturdays, and then helping him work on his garage expansion project when I wasn't working had left lots of time for cooking and cleaning. 
"Your confidence is low and I am tired of trying to make you feel better"
"I'm not happy with our living situation"
"I'm not happy with my job"
"I can't keep up with the younger guys on the league anymore, I can't burn the candle at both ends like I use to"

Now it's mostly just:

"I NEED to feel happy again, and I'll do whatever it takes to feel that way"

[megogirl]

We can get remarried in six years after we divorce. 

LOL!!

How'd he come up with the figure of SIX years?!?

I know we'll never understand, so Idk why I'm even trying to......lol

[Slow Fade]

One of the ones I got was


"I have to leave because the dog is too fat."

You can't make this sh*t up!

[bubbs16]

I forgot one or two

"I can't be myself with you"
"we are to opposite"

[One day at a time]

I think I’m having a midlife crisis!

a moment of clarity?!

Oh mine also mentioned midlife crisis a few times as well. Something like "I wish I could wake up some day and say "Wohooo, my midlife crisis is over"" 

Also many mentions of "This that I'm going through" - I honestly think he knew something was wrong at the beginning... and then the real alien took over

[Shining Star]

I wish I had kept a list:

I am 80% happy with you, but want 100%.  Me:  "What if we worked together and brought it up to 90%?" Him "No, I need 100%."

On a Sunday night, with carryout and watching a sporting event on TV - Him " you don't care about me.  you are wearing pajama bottoms."

I want someone who will jet ski - Me:  "you are going to break up a 20 plus year marriage over jet skiing?"  Him - "Yes."

After a four hour dinner of talking and laughing, with 2 bottles of wine and being the last customers to leave the restaurant - Him "this is why I can't be with you - I can't talk to you."

My feelings for you have evaporated.

You don't have the capacity to raise me to a higher level.

I have never had a chance to be on my own (he says as he is leaving to be with OW)

We had 20 good years - a break - and now we can have 20 more - just like Judge Judy. 

After being with him twice in one day - Him " I can't stay with you.  You aren't attracted to me."

[OneHotMess]

Let’s see,

- I am happy but not sure I am as happy as I can be
- You are so depressed that our friends see it
- I haven’t been happy for 2, 5, 10 years (kept going up as time went on)
- I have nothing to show for my life
- you are the cause of everything bad in my life for 15 years
- I don’t find you attractive
- I have loved her for 30 years (talking about his cousin)
- you are just jealous and want to keep me in your life ( this is after I said I would not deal with him over anything )
- my mom would be embarrassed to call our kids her grandkids (which btw my son heard this comment)
- I never wanted to marry you
- I don’t regret being with you
- you are crazy
- you will never find someone else
- even told our friends “OHM will take me back if I wanna come back”
- you should be left alone with our kids (he left a couple weeks later without the kids)
- I’m at the end of my life
- it’s my life,  I can do what I want to

There’s more but I can’t remember right this second. It’s a wonder we didn’t lose our minds in all of this.

[OffRoad]

I got:
I don't want to be married anymore.
You aren't happy  (I asked him when the last time he was me was. How would he know if he hasn't asked?)
You kept me from starting my own business (I suppose because I forced him to play video games instead of working on a business)
You are always talking $h!te about me (I wasn't talking about him at all)
He hadn't been happy for 5 years, 10 years, longer than we'd been together. It changed each time.

He didn't have a lot to work with. I always cooked and cleaned and did the laundry, yard work, painting, repairs, child care, planning, etc. The one thing he didn't hit was my weight, which would have been valid, yet he avoided that.

But the one that I may never forgive was "We  should never have had the second child" (S20).  Like OHM'S MLCER and his "my mom would be embarrassed to call our kids her grandkids ", who says that about their children? I don't care how screwed up your brain is. I really don't.

[Shining Star]

I forgot that one -

I haven't been happy for a few months
I haven't been happy for a year
I haven't been happy for 10 years

[9393roo]

A few more to add:

You only want to be with me because I’m popular now.

If we got divorced you would still be my best friend because you are so nice.

I can’t show you trust because it would ruin who I am.

[Shockandawe]

A few more

Imagine that I’m away for 2 years like they did in the war, but we don’t have phones!😳
It’s like I’m in this black fog.
I think you should go out on dates with other men
You would never cheat on me
I need to work on me
I don’t know what I’m doing
Work is where I switch off it’s my peaceful place
The people I work with are idiots
I have friends at work!
I’m a recluse
We (ow and him) do a lot of things together but we aren’t a couple

And the list goes on

[ChrissYAH]

some doozies lol

I got:

you only want me for my money ( tripled the mortgage nearly left us homeless)
get on with your life find someone else
you deserve better
I don't know what the future holds i might be back
I don't know whats happened to me
I need to escape
I feel dead inside
take our daughter out of the private school and Ill think about staying
someones put a spell on our family

Im sure theres more but i don't care not bothered by lunacy, he's married to the ow and pays her rent hahaa

[Milly]

You're a lier
You're a cheat
I never loved you
I should never have married you
I don't have one good memory of our time together
You'll never find someone else
Go to a bar and find someone else
First we divorce, then we can talk about getting back together
Fix the financial problems, and then we can talk about getting back together
I'll never get back with a lier
You are the cause of all our financial problems because you don't know how to do your job
You are the cause of all our financial problems because you don't know how to sell
You are always tired (doing everything just like all you LBSs)
You used your parents (father dead for over 20 years, saved my mother's business for her)
You let your parents do everything for you just like you made me

[Shockandawe]

Still more

I know what it’s like to have unrequited love
I need to examine the thought that I might come home
I told my family that you threw me out
I told my family that we took a joint decision to separate ( he took that decision all by himself)
I told my family very little

It’s no wonder their lives are like a whirlwind they can’t remember what they said to who

When I found out he had deleted all of hi family and friends from my Facebook his response was well they are nosy 😳😳😳

[ChrissYAH]

Shockandawe Yes! thats another one he was telling everyone that I 'threw him out'

[Shockandawe]

Mad how they all say stuff so similar

[megogirl]

You only want to be with me because I’m popular now.

Ding Ding Ding!

This definitely gets my vote for the single dumbest thing MLC'ers have ever said......

"Popular" with whom?!?  Oh forget it....I just can't

[ChrissYAH]

You only want to be with me because I’m popular now.

Ding Ding Ding!

This definitely gets my vote for the single dumbest thing MLC'ers have ever said......

"Popular" with whom?!?  Oh forget it....I just can't

"POPULAR" just like a teenager which is what they regress back to

[bubbs16]

My w who is religious but won't go to church told me awhile back that get this " the churches are to big around here"

She also said her counselor told her it's. To dangerous to make new friends or go to church

[9393roo]

"POPULAR" just like a teenager which is what they regress back to

I waited 34 years and had 4 children with you in the hopes that someday you would become popular..... it all makes no sense.

[OneHotMess]

How did I forget:

“My therapist told me I should have gotten a girlfriend on the side but I couldn’t do that to you”

“ one day I will need to ask you for a favor and just know that only you can do this for my soul”
2 hours later... “this summer, I want my ow to come stay with us”

My response to that one was to pour myself more wine and I said “ let me finish this bottle of wine so I can beat some sense into you”. He said “ I don’t want to be beat up when I see my therapist” for which I said “ then He will believe your big bad wife story”

Unbelievable!!!

[in it]

Omg ohm 
See how making your name into initials is a word of peace and meditation?
Deep breaths.
They are enough to make anybody want to beat them.
Enough to piss off the pope. Move the OW in? Wtf?

Your post made me laugh I know it's not funny but, let me finish this wine so I can beat some sense into you? 
Come on! Are these people for real??

[ChrissYAH]

How did I forget:

“My therapist told me I should have gotten a girlfriend on the side but I couldn’t do that to you”

“ one day I will need to ask you for a favor and just know that only you can do this for my soul”
2 hours later... “this summer, I want my ow to come stay with us”

My response to that one was to pour myself more wine and I said “ let me finish this bottle of wine so I can beat some sense into you”. He said “ I don’t want to be beat up when I see my therapist” for which I said “ then He will believe your big bad wife story”

Unbelievable!!!

OMG lol! their nonsense is really filled wtf moments
Unbelievable!!!

[Keep believing]

These really are crazt sayings. People in rl just dont get it.  If they were to read some of this site , then maybe they could see what we are all talking about.
anyhow my favoritre ones so far are:
Im popular now
breaking up a marriage because she wont jet ski
 and I think my favorite was because the dog was too fat.
Mine also said when leaving something about getting back together, also said about having a midlife crisis a couple of times.  then why cant they get help knowing this?

[Milly]

OHM, unbelievable! I laughed, too, at your great spirit and quick whit. 

[in it]

Bubbs
I don't know what's so dangerous about meeting new people or going to church. 

Or why there would be a problem with a large buildings.
Truly they will try to rob you of your sanity if you listen to them or over analyze what they say too much.

I know it's not easy but try to find the humor in it somewhere.

[ChrissYAH]

"POPULAR" just like a teenager which is what they regress back to

I waited 34 years and had 4 children with you in the hopes that someday you would become popular..... it all makes no sense.

Exactly roo perfect sense, wish i knew wth happens to their 'brain'

[Shockandawe]

Their “real” brains are aboard the Mother ship! It beamed down and body snatched them 🤣🤣

I think it’s a combination of lies and wishful thinking but mainly lies.

[ChrissYAH]

Their “real” brains are aboard the Mother ship! It beamed down and body snatched them 🤣🤣

I think it’s a combination of lies and wishful thinking but mainly lies.

I don't think x's brain will be returned to him anytime soon, he told my daughter he married the ow, because 'she wanted to get married'
he also wants to give her a child because he feels 'sorry' for her despite the fact she's in her mid 50's

[fossy]

I've had most of these too, but the one I couldn't find a satisfactory answer to, and that still bothers me eight years later...... "You only want me back for your sake"

[Disillusioned]

Fossy - I got that one too.  The only reason I was trying to get through to her and save the marriage was because it was finally hurting ME. She'd been a perfect "W" and I just didn't want to loose her.

The truth of the matter was I'd been hurting for a long time in what amounted to a basically sexless marriage, but I didn't choose to have an affair and I could see the far reaching consequences of divorce.

[fossy]

Disillusioned, it's a statement that's so true because we love our idiotic spouses, yet they make US feel guilty for loving them.

[Disillusioned]

I had a lot of these.  But, I did get a twist on the ol' ILYBINILWY:

"If I could say ILYBINILWY that might be something..."  So, she kind of knew about that one.

She also admitted she might be in a mid life crises.
The affair didn't end the marriage.
Some breadcrumbs as I was walking out the door to move:  You know I needed to grieve the OM  and You know I'm going through menopause.  I'm full of testosterone right now.
(Almost in tears) I didn't know you were moving out.  (She'd been telling me for 5 months to go after she failed to move out in September.  I'd been telling her since December that I was looking for a place, and she kept mocking the way I was dressed when I was going to meet property managers.  "You look like you're going to hang out a coffee house." I have numerous texts to her over a three month period explaining why I wasn't going to be able to eat dinner with D some nights.  I was looking at properties.)

I told you menopause was bad in my family and to be ready for a bumpy ride.  (Never recall her saying this.)
OM was probably more broken than me.
I can be a manipulative B..CH
You didn't meet my emotional needs.
I had the affair to stay in the marriage longer.    
I decided right after we got married that I wouldn't divorce over an affair (we had long said an affair was a red line.)
I don't want to talk to you  in writing or in person because I don't want it used agains't me in one or two years. (Still haven't figured this out.  Asked her directly what it meant and she said she didn't know.)
I've aways done everything for everyone else.  It's my time.
I don't know who I'm supposed to be.
I feel like running away.
I want to get hit by a bus.
I hate my job (she didn't.  She loved it.  Probably the result of break up with OM)
I want to chase butterflies and roll down hills.

Back in December, I got hit with the "We're not compatible.  Would you date me if we just met?"  I don't know, STBXW, can I take a pill to make me forget everrything I've learned???   

So many more bizarre actions and comments.  Fun to get them out here.

[Shelly7435]

I didn’t think my sexting was hurting any one.

I’m the alpha male.

We are still best friends.

I should just kill myself.. I’m no good for anyone. (Apparently the young thing he was with didn’t make him feel better).

I’m so depressed... I need help. But never got it.

You killed my cat... poor cat was 15 years old and his kidney were in failure.

You are the reason my business failed.

I have no passion for you. I’ll just cheat on you again.

[The Moon’s a balloon]

Yup, some of these very familiar.

ILYBINILWY (Naturally)

“We’re like brother and sister”

“I’ve not been happy for a year” (although at no point did she ever mention it, whereas she would usually tell you when she wasn’t happy with the way you so much as closed the curtains)

“I told you we needed to do more together and you haven’t done anything about it” (therefore, ignoring the 6 holidays we had that year, the best thing is to separate  ) )

“Yes, you never drove enough”. (Even tho she hated me driving her).

“In ten years time, when the kids have grown up, we’ll have nothing in common”. 

“I don’t feel it anymore, and I don’t think those feelings will ever come back”

“There’s no one else” (There was, of course).

[Shelly7435]

Oh I forgot my all time 2 favorite ones.

I had just had breast cancer surgery and he tells me about affair. I’ll all busted up and still had more treatment to go.., his comment,. What about me? No I’m sorry. What about me? Priceless!

When alpha male a$$hole was in charge. He told me single hand he started a fashion trend of wearing under armor shirts in the county he worked in. I’m ya don’t think it might be because of the outlet store the opened. Lol!

[Silver]

This is SO ABSURD, reading all this stuff... Just think about how messed up people they were/are.
I mean LOOK AT IT - fat dogs, chasing butterflies rolling down the hill, having 4 hours dinner without being able to talk to your spouse 
Would be really hard to choose nominees if we had the best WTF moments of the year gala, wouldn't it?!

Just to be sure I'm saying that it is not my intention to laugh at their crisis.. But I think we all deserve a little humor from it all.
It is really good peak at the MLCer's mind too, looking this thread. All that projection... amazing


 

[Helpingme!]

My W told me OM was a guardian angel sent to watch over her.
I still shake my head over that one.

[New Day Rising]

The one I found most odd was the day he was collecting his belongings from my garage as he had just moved in with OW. I vacated the house and left the garage open, while he moved his stuff. I did not want to see him move his stuff or for my son to see it. I asked him to text me when he had moved all his stuff, so I could go home. He called instead. I answered the phone from the car on handsfree. He screamed down the phone

'Is that it then? Are we done?' He repeated it over and over to me, until I finally got a word in and said 'You are moving in with another woman. I would indicate that we are completely DONE'.

He also heard me talking once. My son had the phone in the backseat playing a game and he accidently answered the phone to my ex while I was driving. We didn't know it had happened. He was listening to me and my sister sing along to a song in the car and laughing. He sent me a text 'You seem so happy'.

Then, I got the 'I'll probably regret this in 6 months time'..... 6 months later, almost to the day 'Do you remember when I said I'd probably regret this? Well, I kind of am'. Too late, mate. He then proceeds to get engaged and will marry the OW in July.

Another time 'I'm getting some help now'. Super, but you're still with OW. 'Plain.... I can't do anything right'.

On my 40th Birthday, I had been out with my mum and sisters for afternoon tea. I come home to find ex sat on the sofa with my son. My sister's were like 'WTF is he doing here'. My dad had let him in as he was watching the kids and he decided to stay. He had not been invited to the house.

'If you ever get with anyone that is religious, I will file for custody of our kids'.

On the day his daughter was born, 8 months after he had left. I sent him a message to tell him his daughter had arrived.... 8 hours later I got a reply .... Congratulations! OW and ex then bought my daughter some baby clothes from an expensive shop. I returned the clothes and bought some rather nice Wedgwood mugs.

When I asked about OW, he said 'Her ex is a d***, he treated her really badly'. She picked another good one didn't she'

The mind boggles.

[Skates]

I need to add mine:

You don't make me happy.
I can honestly say that this is 100% your fault not mine.
We don't make each other happy anymore.
I don't know who i am anymore.
I don't know what i want or how long its going to take.
I have been pretending to be someone i'm not.
You have always manipulated me.
You don't appreciate me.
Once the kids leave then what am i.
I've been doing everything for you and now its time for me.
You always reorganized the dishwasher because you don't respect me.

[ChrissYAH]

My W told me OM was a guardian angel sent to watch over her.
I still shake my head over that one.

This angel nonsense MUST BE script thats exactly what my x once called his now 'wife' an 'angel' I think he's slowly realising she's not the angel he thought she was, the cracks are starting to appear! my daughter tells me he will most likely stay with her though as not appear that he screwed up big time.

[JoJoJo]

The first thing I got that was script was the ILYBINILWY
That is so ridiculous and they ALL say it!

Another common thing is it is always about HAPPINESS....MLC are always searching for happiness rather than being happy with the life they have and the life they chose. 
I cringe when I hear of someone getting divorced and the first thing they say is that they just weren't HAPPY! 

Some of my H's things were....

-I just want to be happy....and I want you to be happy and the kids to be happy.
-The problem with our relationship is your personality.
-I've outgrown you, you have stayed the same and I have grown into a different person.
-I meant our wedding vows FOR THE PERSON WHO I WAS THEN....I have changed.
-I wrote all those nice things in your 40th birthday scrapbook because THAT IS WHAT YOU DO ON BIRTHDAYS, YOU WRITE NICE THINGS...
-I loved you for who I was THEN, not for who I am now!

All of these were soul crushing and now that we are reconciling he is filled with regret for the person who he was during that UGLY MLC time.  One time in therapy he compared those horrible years to when  you are a nasty ugly teenager and you love your parents BUT you act like an obnoxious brat...and you don't want to be rude and annoyed all the time but you just can't stop yourself, then after you feel guilty and when you get older and mature out of that stage you feel embarrassed at your teenage behavior.  You can't believe you were ever that person...for my H that is how he feels about his MLC years.

[Why Stand]

Here's mine-

'I'm not physically attracted to you anymore';
'You twist my words. I've known that from early on'
'Are you bitter because I have a life and you don't?'

There are loads of others, but these ones stick in my head as being particularly hurtful.

[Disillusioned]

OMG - and the CARDS!  How do you reconcile the cards with what happens at BD?  MLCW was with MOM the entire year, and for Christmas the card says "You are the most incredible husband and father.  You are everything to me.  I hope we have many more years just like this one."   

When she asked me if I had any advice for her in her next relationship (Yes, she really asked me that) I said "Yes.  Don't write firetrucking cards you don't mean.  It's a bit misleading."

[OffRoad]

When she asked me if I had any advice for her in her next relationship (Yes, she really asked me that) I said "Yes.  Don't write firetrucking cards you don't mean.  It's a bit misleading."

That was brilliant on your part!

[megogirl]

he compared those horrible years to when  you are a nasty ugly teenager and you love your parents BUT you act like an obnoxious brat...and you don't want to be rude and annoyed all the time but you just can't stop yourself, then after you feel guilty and when you get older and mature out of that stage you feel embarrassed at your teenage behavior.  You can't believe you were ever that person...for my H that is how he feels about his MLC years.

Jojojo....RCR echoes your sentiments EXACTLY.

She compares MLC to the teenage years and asks of us, "How is this any more tumultuous?" 

That was never lost on me.  That someday, things will be far, far different (S16's wedding? Our first grandchild, maybe?)

Keep the faith xxx

[akjomsviking]

Wow it is creepy how similar all of these are....the really funny ones get me even though my own D was a few years ago.

Mine were:

ILYBINILWY (of course)

We've grown apart (after she spent as much time as humanly possible out of the house doing her own thing)

You don't like to do <random recreational activity> as much as I do.  <-- note this doesn't mean we didn't like to do the same things.  I didn't like to do them *as much* as her.   

You've never really loved me

I'm not attracted to you

I know you've changed and become this amazing person, but I'm afraid if I stay you'll just regress

Our marriage is too easy

You do lots of things around the house, but you didn't used to

You are boring

You're too emotional

I'm just not happy (this repeated ad nauseam in every conversation)

What was weird is how she was on this mental/emotional loop.  By the time we finally physically separated and started the divorce, I could honestly predict what she was going to say in any conversation with nearly 100% accuracy.  It was just the same thing, over and over. 

[Disillusioned]

Akjoms-  I've noticed the same thing! 
It's like they've memorized something. My MLCW says the same phrases over and over and over again. Like they've written down a list, commited every injustice to memory, and drag it out at every chance.   Every conversation is peppered with the same exact comments. The only twist is, she started parroting back some of the things that I would say! It was like talking to myself. It is truly a bizarre situation. Sorry you had to go through it

[Skates]

The whole "I am not happy" this is freaking annoying.  If you aren't happy is it really directly because of your spouse?  When you wake up in the morning and go about your day does your wife or husband do so many things that are so bad that it makes you unhappy.  Do they insult you or disrespect you or say or do mean things.  No they don't, with mine she kept saying the "you don't make me happy" thing all the time but she could never really give me an example of why.  If she did it was just stupid like "You always re-arrange the dishwasher after i put things in it".  I just think to myself, really - does re-arranging so you can add more dishes really cause someone to be so unhappy that they want a divorce?  Its just so stupid.  SO STUPID.  Mine did all kinds of things like trying to start a new career and doing a lot more things for herself.  In therapy she says things like i am a lot happier now.  And i just sit there thinking, if it has nothing to do with me that you are getting "Happier" because you are doing things for yourself....  Then how was it my fault that you got unhappy?  its so aggravating!.

[megogirl]

Akj....me too!  I've also gotten:

"You are boring."

"We've grown apart." (although I also got the bonus, "You either grow together.....or grow apart."

and the ever-famous, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"

I do take some sense of solace in knowing that others have heard the exact. same. things.

[ChrissYAH]

I got 'I love u as the mother of my children' which is a variation of ILYBINILWY, yes they're not happy! poor them! they make it everything is about THEM, well he took off married ow and is STILL not happy and STILL complaining about having no money, maybe its the fact that she makes him pay rent ahhaaa classic!

[Believer]

The following are the most recent he’s told me ... as he prepares to marry the OW in two months...oh and we’re almost 10 years into MLC world 

I care very much about you and what happens to you, although I understand my actions may suggest otherwise 

Not talking to you just doesn’t seem real so I’m not accepting that 

There will always be a spot in my heart for you don't ever think otherwise regardless of how I am 

Don't turn your phone off, you never know when I may call just to say hi 

[megogirl]

'I love u as the mother of my children' which is a variation of ILYBINILWY

HOLY $h!te....I got that exact. same. thing.

I've never mentioned that phrase before here, because you are the *very first person* I've ever seen to echo it....so thank you, I suppose? (or, thank him? lol)

[ChrissYAH]

The following are the most recent he’s told me ... as he prepares to marry the OW in two months...oh and we’re almost 10 years into MLC world 

I care very much about you and what happens to you, although I understand my actions may suggest otherwise 

Not talking to you just doesn’t seem real so I’m not accepting that 

There will always be a spot in my heart for you don't ever think otherwise regardless of how I am 

Don't turn your phone off, you never know when I may call just to say hi 

The last one!! omg ahahhaa, yes Im sure u sit at the edge of your seat awaiting the 'hi call'

[Believer]

ChrissYAH,

Yes, most certainly on the edge of my seat  LOL !!!

[OffRoad]

The whole "you are not happy" thing....exactly how long had he been me to know this. Although, when someone screams at you for three days straight, I probably wasn't too happy at that point. Here, let me attack you, then tell you you are unhappy......just FUBAR

[ChrissYAH]

total nut jobs my x thrived on drama he loved causing trouble he loved to provoke like a child just to get a reaction or attention, then he would throw it back at me that I'm a 'trouble maker' and he is a 'good person'

[FromAbroad]

Amazing how much they are alike.
Let me see, she said so many things:

• ILYBINILWY: I am empty inside, there is no love.
• We are having problems for 2, 5, 10 years.
• We never loved eachother, we just had a need for one another
• There's no point in working on the relationship, because we don't love one another.

Very strange since she always told me I was her present from god. An angel send to her and she would never never want another man if things don't work out between us.

• You are selfish
• You are dominant
• You never had any interest in me
• You don't love my family
• You never help me with anything. I have to do it all on my own.
• My friends don't like you, they just condone you since you treat me right
• We never do anything as a couple or a family. Maybe once a year.

Maybe a little projection here. I worked full-time owning my own company. However I brought and picked up the kids every day to and from school. I drove them to all activities and friends and put them in bed. She on the other hand was sleeping. I helped her out with a lot of chores, drove her to all kinds of places since she has no license. Helped her out with school checking all essays on grammar. We send 300$ each month to her family. I've bought her family a house and payed for weddings. And the list goes on and on.

We never did anything? I've checked the bank account since she made me question myself. 200 payed activities in the last 5 years not counting free activities. We did everything together.

And then a lot of WTF statements

• I know you love me, but I don't want you or maybe I do. IDK.
• I just want to do it on my own. (then 1 week later: I can't be on my own. I need somebody)
• I've always been depressed and now it's errupting.
• Lets divorce and then we can be together again in a year of 2
• You said you will always love me and help me out. But look at you, you don't even let me have an OM.
• I am seeking a laywer tomorrow and I am out of here. (2 minutes later) Maybe we should wait till after the summer. (2 minutes later) I can't do this. Stay with me till the end of the year and we will make a decision.
• Blaming me for everything for at least an hour of 3. When I finally got a word and told her, but I didn't do this or that: "See all you can say is me me me, look how selfish you are"
• When kicking me out: I am coming home and am going to demolish the house and going to finish you off. I will ruin you and take everything you have. (2 hours later after me leaving) Do you want to come over for diner?

These are just some examples. The list goes on and on. For almost 3 years it's been one crazy thing after another.

[ChrissYAH]

'I love u as the mother of my children' which is a variation of ILYBINILWY

HOLY $h!te....I got that exact. same. thing.

I've never mentioned that phrase before here, because you are the *very first person* I've ever seen to echo it....so thank you, I suppose? (or, thank him? lol)

Yes he really does love me as the 'mother of his children' thats why he abandoned them and shacked up with a post menopausal hag who thinks she can get pregnant at 55.

[Treasur]

My silent runner said very little...

I am broken and numb...I love you but I can't feel it...please don't give up on me
Which became
I can only concentrate on my job and my mental health so I can't talk about anything else...I just need space...but maybe we can work on being a team again as long as we don't talk about anything but the here and now
Which became (within a few weeks)
Divorce is the only option
Which became
Of course there is no one else...we're just different people now so we need to move on
Which became
I think we should talk every other day at 6pm on the phone for 30 mins as long we don't talk about (insert long list)...what do you mean when you said 'no' to that?
Which became
Ow isn't what you think...of course I'm not living with her/ engaged/getting married, my psychiatrist and me both agree that would be stupid...I  have no idea how we got into this mess...you need to let me go and we need to move on..I think maybe I am running away from myself....we can talk properly after the divorce is done when we can trust each other more...I'm not happy, maybe I can't ever be happy but maybe we can talk and figure out how to make things right again...I wish none of this had happened...but we need to move on...I don't accept your paradigm that we won't talk again after the divorce so I'm ignoring that.

As FA said, one bit of lunacy after another. And it is pretty impossible to have any kind of sensible discussion with someone who lies all the time even about ridiculous things. In the end, I just reached the point where it seemed futile to even bother. Couldn't stop him lying, couldn't stop him simply not giving a s$it about me...but I could stop letting him talk to me.

It was a time of madness and most of the madness didn't belong to me 

[ChrissYAH]

X told me he doesn't know whats happened to him, that he felt dead inside sounds like the brain wasn't fully dormant at the time, he had some idea that he wasn't the full quid, not that he really was prior to losing it completely, he's gotten worse in the past 5 yrs, when he ran off he was looking for someone to marry by the looks of it, so he's thinking he's done his good deed now he saved a poor desperate spinster who was looking forward to putting on a wedding gown and feel special for the day.

[Father5]

Script:
ILYBNILWY
We are just good room mates
Its not fair to you or to me
I no I am being selfish
I just don't want to be married
I want to be alone
I should have never let you move in (12 years ago)
I have been out of this relationship for years

WTF Moments
 It's not the affair that is hurting the family its how you handled it

I am just a Golden Girl I just need to be alone. (Affair 3 weeks later)

Your being such a baby about this it's just sex

The way you behaved was just scary !

[PJ Ames]

You're not as funny as you used to be. (before BD)

I'm thinking about asking PJ for a divorce. And then later: I'm just thinking about it. I'm not planning on it or anything.

I like myself as a Mom and at my job, but I don't like who I am as a wife.

I've lost myself.

I have nothing to offer.

We're living in two separate realities.

I'm TRAPPED.

[terrified_in_TN]

I really would like to put this crap all behind me, and luckily I don't remember many of them any more.  The ones I do remember, I don't remember them verbatim any more, but thought I would share with the forum since much of what I got was either exactly what everyone else received or at the very least, a variation on the same theme:

ILYBINILWY
I have to take one of the kids with me.  Imagine how it would look if I left all my children behind.
I have been taking care of people my whole life.  Its time for me to have fun.
Its okay to be selfish sometimes.  (My take:  Yea it is.  So long as it doesn't hurt the children/family).
This isn't about you.  Its about me.
I have to leave.  If I stay I will end up resenting you, and I don't want to do that.
After we are both remarried to other people, we should have an affair with each other.

That's about all I can remember.

-T

[Skates]

I also used to get stuff like:

I don't feel like you have loved me for really long time.
I feel like I'm replaceable.
You don't support me.

Then i get the contradicting:
You aren't trying to reconnect with me.... 
Followed by you are smothering me.

Whole things is just so frustrating, i can freely accept that i could have done things differently. There were a few times where she gave me examples of things that bothered her and i was like, well i can see your point i really can.  BUT at the same time, can't you see it from my point of view?  Example - you weren't supporting me because you didn't say blabla, i followed up by saying well i guess i could have said it that way and im sorry i didnt.  But at the same time, i watched the kids for the weekend while you went away.  And since you didn't want to work full time anymore, in a way I was paying for it all.

[bubbs16]

The I've lost myself line seems to be very popular for the wives to say.

[Sam I Am]

H said at BD:

-ILYBINILWY
-I have changed.  I am not the man I used to be.  (This one had truth to it)
-Your a great mom...we have wonderful kids....but....   ME:  But what?   I got dead air time!
-I can't ever forgive you for what you did to me 20 years ago!  ME:  What was that?  H:  You didn't have sex when I wanted it!  ME:  Oh?  H:  I wasted my life with you.  I was a stud back then!
      All the woman wanted me and I stayed with you!  Me:  Do you remember the times we made love?   H:  Yeah...hardly ever!  Me:  Wow!
-You don't clean enough!
-You make me eat out too much!
-I am not leaving you for the OW!  ME:  Then why move in with her?  H:  Because:
                 >She gets me emotionally!  You don't.
                 >She respects me.  You don't.
                 >She listens to me. You don't.
                 >I can help her out.  She is not in good shape financially and I can help take care of her and give her rent money.
-You don't need me.  You are smart beautiful intelligent and independent.  You will be fine.  You will find someone else someday.  You can take care of yourself.
-The kids don't need me.  They are grown and on their own.  No one needs me anymore.  OW does.  She gets me and I can help take care of her.  She is a good person.
-I am doing this for you.  ME:  How is this for me?   H:  So you will take care of yourself.  You will thank me someday!
-To my sister - I left her because she didn't talk to our son enough.  Hmmm....we called him jointly several times a week.
-We will always be best friends.  OW will have to accept that.  We will always have something special.  ME:  She won't let that happen.  H:  I tell her the way things are.  She will accept it or hit the highway.
-At BD...I want a divorce.   Later I commented on knowing he went to an attorney - He then told me that he can't divorce me or I will loose healthcare and he won't do that to me.  Ever.
- I told OW he is getting a divorce but will never ever marry her.  She didn't like that.
My favorite:   I know what I am doing is stupid but there is something inside me gnawing at me saying I have to do this!

[Silver]

You don't support me.

Oh good old lack of support!

My XW said the same, she must have forgotten that I supported and encouraged her to study and got her 3rd degree (she did), to change jobs (what she desired, she did), to start part time working via 3rd degree (she did), to get herself hobbies and meetings with friends of whatever she likes to leave house more often and have more own time (she did), to talk about her feelings (she did, we talked for hours about anything on earth when had time), to say what she wanted to change in our marriage (she did), to start looking new house bc she wanted to move and I didn't but agreed at the end (she did), to go to therapy (she did), to start dating with me again (she did). AND to continue living with me and not break our family as I could forgive her everything and apologized all my mistakes (she didn't).

Another good old is the change. She got really angry when I stated her that something in you has recently changed at time she was about to step into the tunnel. It was SO obvious script, she felt the change yet denied it and got into an anger from denial during that time.

In couple of months she accused me for not letting her change.

[One day at a time]

Yes.. the "change" one seems to be common...

I got "I've changed and I don't know why"

[Skates]

Whole thing gets exhausting, if she's as unhappy as she says sometimes i wish she would just divorce me.  I feel like an idiot looking for little positive signs.  She ignores me a few days, but then is nice and talks to me for 5 minutes so i am all excited.  Feel like an idiot cause its stupid.

[megogirl]

I got "I've CHANGED!", too.

Yeah you have, for the worse.....!

[Thunder]

Yep!

He did something very out of character and I said, this just isn't like you to do this.

His answer..after thinking about?  "Yeah..well..I don't feel like myself anymore."   

[One day at a time]

Whole thing gets exhausting, if she's as unhappy as she says sometimes i wish she would just divorce me.  I feel like an idiot looking for little positive signs.  She ignores me a few days, but then is nice and talks to me for 5 minutes so i am all excited.  Feel like an idiot cause its stupid.

Don't feel like an idiot. We all do it, at least for a good while.. I read a LOT into the most insignificant things, to then get disappointed once again.. Probably the only reason why I don't do it anymore it's because my H moved 1000s of kms away and I don't see him anymore and hear very little. I was forced to focus on me and deal with all the wreckage..

You will get to a point where you have seen things before and got burnt so they don't have any effect on you, you'll no longer see it as a positive.. It will take time though. (I'm sorry)

[Helpingme!]

Skates
We all have done it. I have for sure. In time, you won't get excited over that 5 minutes of a sweet person.  And you will not be looking for good signs. It will affect you as it does now.
Hang in there man.

[megogirl]

I know what I am doing is stupid but there is something inside me gnawing at me saying I have to do this!

How is it that they all report the EXACT. SAME . THING?!

Well that, or variations of that.  They all feel that something is very wrong with them, but don't know what.  Just this total sense of URGENCY!

It's so, so bizarre.....

[ChrissYAH]

I remember him telling me he needs to run otherwise he feels like he's gonna 'die' i also got 'he might return one day' LOl yeah right mate! keep dreaming!

[megogirl]

I remember him telling me he needs to run otherwise he feels like he's gonna 'die'

I've heard this variation: "It's a matter of life or death!"

WTF is wrong with them?!?

[xyzcf]

So many of them say the same thing....you ask what is wrong with them?

They are in crisis. And MLC has amazing similarities in what they do and what they say..it's real folks.

[OffRoad]

I spoke to a woman in my coloring group who had her own MLC. She told me, in all seriousness, that she felt like she was smothering and if she didn't run she would die. Even her memory of it, she was certain she would die. She said it logically made no sense, but it was how she felt. I don't think she was recovered either, because she never came back.

[Whyus]

I have avoided this Thread because I have heard nearly everything.

XW to MIl and Bil:- "Its not Whyus fault! He done nothing wrong ist all on me. I will never again find a man like Whyus. OM has no future, I know that it cannot work" (probably the truth)

XW to OM (yes he told me):- "Whyus neglected me. He was a bad father, he was never home. He hit me. We havent spoken properly in years. We havent had sex for 6 months...." (all lies of Course).
XW to me:- "We will be happy again one day, we will grow old together. You just have to give me time and be Patient". (BS, wanted to Keep me as a back up)

"I am not your W anymore as you knew her, that Person is gone. I have changed and you wouldnt like this woman or ever be happy with her" (That was the truth I think!)

After a very physical touch and go wher I returned from Gig at 5am and XW was in my bed. We done the Thing, then again after a couple of hours sleep. I noticed that the window was open and I wanted to Close it because she was getting very loud. "leave it open, the neighbours wont think that its me so ist OK" (massive WTF Moment there!!!)

"The Boys only stayed with you because they felt sorry for you, I didnt walk out on my Boys". I asked her "What part of "Boys, I want to have my own Little flat, I want to be alone and not have to clean up after anybody. I only want to cook for myself when and if I want to. I only want to wash my own clothes and not the mountains you create". made the Boys feel as though you wanted them to live with you? (she denied saying it but all 4 of were at the table)..

so many more Things... its just all too crazy 

[ChrissYAH]

And the other classic ' I LEFT U NOT THE KIDS'

[Silver]

I suggest we print few hundreds of T-shirts with " " in front. Feel free to design the back of it. It could be the joining gift at HS 

Whole thing gets exhausting, if she's as unhappy as she says sometimes i wish she would just divorce me.  I feel like an idiot looking for little positive signs.  She ignores me a few days, but then is nice and talks to me for 5 minutes so i am all excited.  Feel like an idiot cause its stupid.

As you was told already Skates, no need to feel idiot, that's how it works! That's how she is holding the rope. Can't let you go but you know, needs the space...
Thinking of it now, retrospective, I feel you though. It was really tough, every 'good sign' rose expectations, no matter how much I tried to not let them to. Then, straight back down again.
It's really a cruel use of power and that's why detachment is so essential, any way you can step further from her emotionally helps you to protect yourself from that.

Few more from me:

"I'm not sure if we have anything in common anymore" (how about kids, dear?)
" I don't want to live in loveless marriage" ME: "Our marriage is not loveless is it??" XW: "No it isn't" 
"This is just not the R I need in this phase of my life" ME: "Why? BC we have small kids??" XW: "Yes"
"We can have sex today if you want to if you after that agree to talk about how we would make all the things work if we divorced" 
"I need my space and to think everything trough in my process, but I want you to act normal and have intimacy with me and all that IF I feel like it" (do I sense a bit selfishness here??)
 "Can't we set each other free temporarily?"

[UrsaMajor]

And the famous....

"Well, we'll get D'd now and then maybe in <7, 9, 10> years we can get back together."<friend's names> parents did that." 

[Silver]

And the famous....

"Well, we'll get D'd now and then maybe in <7, 9, 10> years we can get back together."<friend's names> parents did that." 

Can we separate now and then MAYBE get back together is what I got.
WTF is that?? 

I also love that in someone's thread (or was it in this one?) someone's Midlifer gave exact years, like "let's get back together after 6 years".
Why?? What happens in 6 years that doesn't happen in 5 or 7 years?

[UrsaMajor]

And the famous....

"Well, we'll get D'd now and then maybe in <7, 9, 10> years we can get back together."<friend's names> parents did that." 

Can we separate now and then MAYBE get back together is what I got.
WTF is that?? 

I also love that in someone's thread (or was it in this one?) someone's Midlifer gave exact years, like "let's get back together after 6 years".
Why?? What happens in 6 years that doesn't happen in 5 or 7 years?

Mine said 7 initially.... Then it was 8, then 10..... She kept extending the deadline I guess because she would ALWAYS get the

look.....

[One day at a time]

"I need my space and to think everything trough in my process, but I want you to act normal and have intimacy with me and all that IF I feel like it" (do I sense a bit selfishness here??)

Interesting! This wasn't actually said but that's EXACTLY what happened for 7 months... And then he left 


I think it was UM who said that most if not all of our spouses are not intelligence challenged... Yet they come up with the most stupid statements and they are actually confused if you call them up on them. It boggles the mind!

[Disillusioned]

Before her secret filing, mine was constantly breadcrumbing with comments like "I don't want to talk to you because I don't want it being used against me in 1 to 2 years."  "You've only been out of the house a year."  "Many people take many years to divorce." "I wish you'd give me the benefit of the doubt."  "I'm not dating and won't be for a long time."  "I know someone who was separated for 25 years and never divorced."  "I have several friends, including my therapist, who separated for one to two years and got back together."

Taken on their own, you might think "Sounds like she wants Dis to wait."  And maybe she did.  But, mix in all the monstering "I don't love you.  I don't want to be your wife.  We'll never have sex again.  I was having sex with you to keep you quiet. Having sex with you was like being raped.  Being touched by you disgusted me. All you ever wanted was sex. I've been falling out of love with you for years.  I checked out in 2014.  I had the affair to stay in the marriage longer.  I always gave you the benefit of the doubt, which is why we stayed married as long as we did. You need to understand the affair didn't end the marriage. I became your mother.  We aren't compatible.  You're an embarrassment...."   Yeah.  Sorry.  Those ARE going to be used against you, STBXW.  I'm only human.

[Ro828]

I also remembered these:

- Talking is over rated
- I don't want to give you hope
- I feel like I live in a compound
- I want to kill myself

[Penelope2018]

Ah, I also heard "give me one year" because he knew he had a problem. This was in the beginning. After the divorce (if I remember correctly) it was "we may get back together, you never know." But how do you know I'll still want you?  He had no response.

No one will ever be as close to me as you are. I'll never love anyone as much as you. - What about OW??? Oh yeah, he can't speak freely to her because he has to keep hero-rich-greatest man alive mask on. She can't know the real him.

[Rising Phoenix]

Just found this thread.

I got

Ilybinilwy
There is never any loo roll!
You never listened
I can do what I like when I like
I can spend what I like when I like
But you would still have me back!
Just give me time
You pushed me to her
I’m a laughing stock at work
She’s my twin flame 🤮
It’s time for me
If the house was on fire you would save the kids first.
If you just let me have an affair it will fizzle out!


I can go on. Lol xx

[in it]

RP

If the house was on fire you'd save the kids first?

Uhh yeah probably since they are ..oh I don't know ..KIDS?!
 How about maybe he'd help?

 Since he's supposed to be an adult maybe he could at least  save himself?  Or would that be your job too?
These people are truly messed up.
And the more you try to deal with them The more messed up you will be too.

[Disillusioned]

Since we are basically N/C except for D8, and she just filed the D behind my back, I realize that one of the most painful things she's done recently is fo stop referring to me as "Daddy" to D8.  Now I'm "Your father"  or "Your dad."  I continue to call her Mommy when talking to D8.  I honestly don't know which is better for D8.  I know STBXW is completely detached, so I get it on her end.  Anyway, just another aspect of it that hurts.

[megogirl]

I realize that one of the most painful things she's done recently is fo stop referring to me as "Daddy" to D8.  Now I'm "Your father"  or "Your dad."  I continue to call her Mommy when talking to D8.  I honestly don't know which is better for D8.  I know STBXW is completely detached, so I get it on her end.  Anyway, just another aspect of it that hurts.

Ohhhhh.....I hear you on this.

Every time XH refers to me as "your mother" to S16, I want to jump through the phone and strangle him.  I'm not only HIS MOTHER - I endured 9 months of hell for YOU to be his dad!!!  UGH

I still call him Dad, and will never refer to him otherwise.  Save your $h!te for the Jerry Springer Show!

Likewise, I bought Father's Day cards for both S16's DAD & S16's grandfather at Target today.  Even though I have no contact with either of them, and neither of them did $h!te for ME to commemorate Mother's Day.   I just thought it was the right thing to do - even though they did NOT deserve it (!!!)

[in it]

Well Dis then "Your Mom" isn't a total "your Mother" and it grows up a bit from Mommy. These are adjustments you make that may help you detach a bit more.

As far as the Fathers Day cards Mego that's up to you. If you feel its "the right thing to do" then do it, and have zero expectation from doing it.
 Why you are doing anything for someone who you feel doesn't deserve it may only feed more resentment for you to deal with? Your son is old enough to get him a card or whatever for Fathers Day. If he needs a couple of bucks to get him something you might be able to do that.
If your son doesn't do anything, oh well.

 It's not your obligation to treat someone ( his father)  with more respect than they have shown to you by getting him a card, or acknowledging him at all.

If you have done this for years for your child ( Fathers Day cards presents, Christmas etc) old habits are hard to break but you may want to start doing that at some point..

As in Old Pilots greeting it advises : detach it's the single most important thing you can do.

[megogirl]

Yes, init, I have ALWAYS done the card-buying, and gifts.

Which has led me to the most recent.  I have ceased to buy everything else (ie: for birthdays), but upcoming Father's Day cards are glaring.  Just as Mother's Day was, but I've chosen to take the high road - even if they didn't.  $10.00 from my alimony that I'll never get back, but maybe somewhere buried in their pea-brains, they could notice.

And that is all that I'm hoping might happen.

[in it]

Don't attach ANY expectation to it. If it makes you feel good then fine. And the mention of how much it costs and not getting that money back believe me Mego if you cannot do it with NO STRINGS ATTACHED do not do it. You are setting yourself up.

[megogirl]

TY Init...

And I get doing stuff with "no strings attached"....but if I don't, how is that to *not* do something out of spite?!?

Tit-for-tat $h!te, and I hate it.  I just figured that $10.00 was worth any stupid outcome.

[in it]

 Not doing it isn't tit for tat.. and it isn't out of spite..
And doing it isn't trying to show someone you are the bigger person. Or trying to be the bigger person.

Things are different now. He is no longer your H. He might be your son's father but it's up to your son if he wants to do anything.

 There is no reason to do it anymore. It's too soon to make attempts at whatever you are trying to do. You have some agenda or motive for doing this. You said maybe they will notice.

[megogirl]

It's too soon to make attempts at whatever you are trying to do. You have some agenda or motive for doing this. You said maybe they will notice.

Yeah, admittedly I do....even if it doesn't resonate "right now."

RCR mentioned that doing the little things will get locked in their subconscious brains....so, who knows?  Just sayin.

Besides they're just cards, so what's $10.00 in the grand scheme?!?

[in it]

I don't know but maybe if you DON'T do it they will notice.

Reminds me of the phrase.
How can they miss you if you will not go away?

[Not Applicable]

Yes, init, I have ALWAYS done the card-buying, and gifts.

Which has led me to the most recent.  I have ceased to buy everything else (ie: for birthdays), but upcoming Father's Day cards are glaring.  Just as Mother's Day was, but I've chosen to take the high road - even if they didn't.  $10.00 from my alimony that I'll never get back, but maybe somewhere buried in their pea-brains, they could notice.

And that is all that I'm hoping might happen.

But it isn't necessary what might happen. They could see it as stalking instead of taking the high road, or see it as breaking the terms of the restraining order.

Life is not a Hallmark movie. You have criticized him as a father so many times that it just comes across as acting a part.

At one point Acorn said it is important to be ourselves. If you really feel something for them, go ahead and do it, but if your goal is just to manipulate and get a certain reaction, you are more than likely to be disappointed because in spite of their inability to feel anything, these MLCers seem to have highly attuned BS meters and can sense when we are faking it.

[Silver]

Well Dis then "Your Mom" isn't a total "your Mother" and it grows up a bit from Mommy. These are adjustments you make that may help you detach a bit more.

Ok I have to admit I went to this 'your mother' mode myself after we separated, not so much anymore. I don't know why I did it, always sounded strange to my own ears as well but reading your discussion about it, it was probably kind of subconscious way to become (or try to) more detached. Never thought it from kids view I suppose 
Thanks guys for bringing it up. They don't probably want me to talk about their mother but about mom.


 

[UrsaMajor]

In thinking about it, I refer to STBXW as "your mom" or "mom" depending on the conversation.... Yesterday, for example, I dropped off a B-Day card for one of S's friends (I was in charge of getting the present) and sent him a text that the card was in mom's mailbox.... So, all in all, probably more "mom" or "mom's"
Of course, having said that, I never referred to her as "Mommy" to them after they were more than about 3....

As for a WTF moment, I was reminded of another one this morning while I was making my work snacks...

"You eat celery. I HATE celery" Seriously.... can't make this stuff up...

[Whyus]

"You eat celery. I HATE celery"
, how could you?

XW (very quietly) "you go to Football!".
This was NEVER a Problem before. I have had a Season ticket for over 20 years, I go to maybe 50-70% of home games. Always asked if she wanted to come, sometimes she did.
It was cool though when I bought the Kids Season tickets for 12 years and took them so that she could have some time on the Weekends!!!
They just Twist EVERYTHING. No Point listening really...

[in it]

No there really isn't any reason to listen to the nonsense.
It's mostly about trying to justify what they did and at times borders on ridiculous.
You want out of a marriage or a relationship how about saying,
This isn't working for me and be mature about the reasons why.
You eat celery Ursa? Wow how could you do such a thing!

And Whyus if you enjoyed sports for that many years and she said nothing about it until she listed it as it was a problem. She full of it anyway. I'm sure she loved having time for herself.

[Disillusioned]

D8 still refers to us as Mommy and Daddy.  I hope she calls me Daddy the rest of her life.  So, when we talk about STBXW, I use the same vernacular (as it were) as D8.  I think it's less stressful on her that way.
I know when the MLCer started doing it, because she made sure I heard it.  It was like she wanted me to know she was fully detaching.  It's funny though: she still struggles to do it.  Guess she hasn't perfected it yet. 

[Disillusioned]

I suspect we could all keep this thread going for years as each day seems to cause me to remember some other wtf moment, but this morning I recalled that I was told even my marriage proposal was evidence of my controlling personality.   Apparently,  saying "I dont want any other man to have you"  during my presentation of the ring, was a horrible thing to say, and "nothing" would ever convince her otherwise.  When she said this, I countered with "Then I guess you were okay with another woman having me back then?"  Crickets.   

[UrsaMajor]

Bump this one up to the front of the pack

[Rising Phoenix]

Another comment I had was he couldn’t return home as I had wallpapered the living room and it didn’t have his stamp on it! Perhaps if I had allowed him to pee in the corner? It’s paper! X

[GWife9]

I'm 6 months into this mess and these are the lines I got from H so far:

IlYBNILWY
I'm sorry, I dont want to hurt you
I don't have any feelings for you, I'm detached
I will always love you.()
I'm just not happy. I just want to be happy.
I haven't been happy for 2 years...then 3....now 5
I know this sounds bad but I don't want your love.
I'm not abandoning the kids, I'm a good dad
The kids don't see me anyway on my 4 work days so its no big deal.
I'm just a paycheque to you
You are scared to be alone, thats why u want me.
I want to be alone.

[Wilderheart]

17 months in no contact since day of bomb drop March 1st 2019 except for legal letters full of monster in and lies and now nothing since December

Day of BD
I don't know who I am anymore
It's been your life not mine
I'm happy dancing in the kitchen on my own

Two weeks later
It just felt like we were friends at the end

After not signing her crazy divorce plan she concocted with her BPD mother
We will never talk again

Now awaiting for a financial remedy court date, she's disappeared off the face of the earth for now, no response to mediation dates or solicitors letters they are without instruction, debts are mounting and house will eventually be repossesd by the lenders I'm fighting to save our london flat which has just been flooded by our neighbours above so I'm in temporary accomedation the builders started renovation works today I'm awaiting therapy for ptsd and grief trauma in the next 10 weeks

Still have the odd bad day but less and less regular now it's just all been so bizzare

[Vm9799]

I am 2.5 years past BD, been officially divorced for 2 years and have since been in a new relationship that just ended.....slight derailment with a very troubled teenage son (his) and him needing to shift his priorities (rightly so). 

I'm not standing, obviously as I've moved on with someone else (that I hope to get back to as we JUST ended things). but exH is STILL the same wackadoodle he was at BD.

Some of the crap I've heard over the past 2.5 years......directly and through my D23 after I went totally NC:

ILYBNILWY (at BD)
No one should have to live like this! (No clue what that meant)
I'm just a paycheck to "you people" (at BD, meaning me and my kids....he was their Stepdad)
I work too hard to never have money (he's THE WORST at money management and now has less than he did before because *I* was in charge of the bills)
After BD he took me out to dinner, held my hand and said that he may regret this, but he HAD to leave (WTF???)
I've been unhappy 6 months.....2 years.....10 years......we never should've gotten married
He filed for D 1 week after he moved out, and when it became public record he SWORE to D23 (21 at the time) that he DID NOT file for D and then screamed that he was going to call his attorney right them!  (WHAT exactly did he think he spent $2000 on then?!? )
He made a very very long list of house projects he wanted to complete, which would've taken 10 years at his new snails pace and attention-deficit personality (this was at BD and it was nipped in the bud the second I found out about OW)
He kept trying to borrow stuff from the garage long after our divorce and when I finally put my boundaries in place he got mad and called me a bitter b*tch and told me to move on already (keep reading to hear how that worked out for him!)
OW/EA was denied and is STILL being denied (I saw the text messages......and how long it had been going on)
OW is STILL going to OUR yearly vacation spot (if he's with her, they are 100% on the DL because they are NEVER pictured together) each year and gloats about it on Instagram ......and what on EARTH kind of "relationship" is that?!  Plus, we've been Divorced for over 2 YEARS now.  makes NO sense
OW also showed up to my sister's funeral showing back in February (she's a co-worker of my mom AND my exH)......she's just a disordered as he is!
Incidentally, my exH was nowhere to be found when my sister died/funeral.....he still can't actually deal with anything 
I started a new relationship 1 year after he left and 6 months after our D and he cried to my daughter about "how could she do this to me!?"  "she is my endgame!" (endgame?  is he 14 years old?)......my D23 (who is working on her Masters degree in Counseling took the opportunity to remind him that HE DIVORCED ME.....she says he's a fascinating case study LOL!)
More recently my relationship ended (as I stated above about my ex's son) and all of a sudden MLCexH is now upset that he's not invited to family events (after 2.5 years of not caring about anything we are all doing)
Apparently he's also become a crying, blubbering, mess.  He's made himself the victim of ALL of his decisions.[/li]

I KNOW there are SO MANY more, but these are just the ones off the top of my head over the years.  SO MANY WTF moments in there!

[Nas]

Funny to see this thread resurrected today of all days.

I just had a WTF moment that I didn't realize was a WTF moment until 5 years later.
5 years ago today, 5 HUGE (I mean HUGE) boxes arrived on our doorstep full of product for H's then latest "business" scheme.
He came home from work, unpacked the boxes, set up an area in his basement "office" and talked on the phone for a long while with his shady "business partner." 
(Didn't share much about it with me - this was 3 months after BD and he'd spent much of those 3 months sleeping on the couch and alternately ignoring me or out of the blue offering me half of his sandwich.  )

Anyway, he had gone to the trouble of having those HUGE boxes delivered to our home and went through the trouble of unpacking them, breaking down the boxes and disposing of them, etcetera.

And then less than a week later, HE MOVED OUT.  To his childhood bedroom in his mother's house, in a move that had been arranged and pre-planned for SEVERAL MONTHS. 
So he already knew he was leaving, he already had his entire plan in place, yet instead of having those boxes for the new business sent directly to his mother's house, he had them sent to our home, AND he unpacked them and set up his office.  Only to pack it all up a few days later when he left. 

These reminders of how absolutely ridiculous things were used to be a source of pain, but now they make me feel better and serve to remind me that I WASN'T and AM NOT NOW crazy. 

[Father5]

I got one a few weeks ago also.


"You would always talk to yourself" 

[LBS_Les]

Oooooo FUN!

• I have been in pain and lonely in our marriage for years.  I left emotionally long before I left physically (she said I was her soulmate literally 3 months before that)
• I dont want to change my behaviour and make myself feel horrible, to make you feel better
• This isn't about anyone else but me, I chose to be selfish (when caught cheating)
• I want Freedom, I want independence
• I dont believe in reporting my whereabouts to anyone.  Im 40 years old and I dont want to feel like Im owned (In response to me always asking her to let me know what time she's working until since I was always making dinner because she was "working late".  She would never text to say "Hey, I know I said Im going to be here until 6, but its looking more like X time" - it was a constant battle between us for months leading to BD)
• I'm not letting go of hope that we aren't over for good.  We have so many years left to live
• We should separate for a few years and then maybe try dating each other
• I had to leave because my soul was dying, I was dying
• I absorb other peoples energy and its exhausting.  Since I left, I go to bed with peace and wake up with gratitude
• I dont want divorce, we just need to separate
• I dont want to make a decision about divorcing right now, its just a huge thing to decide

[Treasur]

Having refused to talk to me for weeks/months at a time and about a year after filing for divorce, he sent the police round to check 'I was ok bc he was so worried' when i ignored his text message/rants for 3 days (I'd actually gone away and left my phone at home)......and he saw nothing weird or hypocritical in that 

Oh, and he popped up about 6 months after filing for divorce and then ignoring both his L and mine lol (standard MLC divorce  ) with a suggestion that he had now decided that we should chat every day on the phone at 1830...for 30 mins...as long as we didn't talk about anything 'difficult'. And then was rather shocked when I said no thank you  .....full of hurt puzzlement, asked why not bc he thought it would be a good idea (not sure why lol, he never said)....when I said that as we were divorcing the time for useful talking had passed so i assumed we would never talk again...his response? He 'refused to accept my paradigm'  ....a ridiculously pompous a$$hat moment  (and yet I was quite right as it turned out lol)

Anyone else have moments when they said 'we've' discussed something....about a conversation that never actually happened? That didn't feel like intentional gaslighting but that he genuinely believed he'd/we'd had?  I got used to the fact that my then h had either a) had a conversation with me in his head but forgotten to actually involve me lol or b) had talked about me rather than to me with someone else...psychiatrist, ow, whoever.. which I was supposed to magically mind read  ......very WTF though 

Yup, remembering some of the WTF pure nuts stuff can be a useful reminder that it really was never our nuts 
And detachment does help you see the sheer ridiculous nonsense of some of these WTF moments once they no longer hurt in the way they did at the time 

[Ready2Transform]

Anyone else have moments when they said 'we've' discussed something....about a conversation that never actually happened? That didn't feel like intentional gaslighting but that he genuinely believed he'd/we'd had?  I got used to the fact that my then h had either a) had a conversation with me in his head but forgotten to actually involve me lol or b) had talked about me rather than to me with someone else...psychiatrist, ow, whoever.. which I was supposed to magically mind read  ......very WTF though 

You better believe it. That was maddening.

I listened to too much Duran Duran.  What can I say, I wanted to find an "Ordinary World"!!!  He also wanted to leave me so "You would know that you could live on your own."  I'd been the breadwinner for years at this point and had no doubt I could be on my own, just no desire. Ironically (or not), he's not lived on his own this whole time.

[Nas]

There’s NO SUCH THING as listening to too much Duran Duran. Period.

[Treasur]

And I think all sensible LBS eventually long for 'An Ordinary World' 

[Father5]

HAHA Hungry like the wolf !

[Disillusioned]

OMG!!!!  HUGE DURANIE here!!!  Reading Andy Taylor's book right now, coincidentally.

Last May, STBXW filed for divorce after telling me that she was ready to return to mediation.  We had actually signed a document agreeing to mediation and not to make any unilateral decisions without first notifying the other person.  Well, MLC, right?  So, I run out and get an attorney, because I feel like I need to protect myself.  Months go by, and no one mentions it and nothing moves forward.  I tell my attorney to sit tight, like a good Stander    Finally, my IC says that we are repeating a pattern of not addressing things and suggest I discuss it with STBXW. (My IC not a big follower of HS  )  So, I call STBXW and say, after expressing my dismay that we are horrid co-parents, "I guess by now you know I got an attorney?"

W:  Yes.  And I felt attacked and betrayed.
Dis:    YOU felt attacked and betrayed?
W:  Yes.  You should have known I wouldn't file for D without telling you.
Dis:  You DID file for D without telling me.  And you LIED before doing it!
W:  You should have known me better.
Dis:  W, I don't know you at all anymore.

She kept going around about how I should have known she wouldn't file for D without first telling me.  It was bizarre.  She then blamed the third party court watching company that monitors the Superior court in our area that informed me, on my anniversary no less, that she had filed for D.  As though they had something to do with her lying and filing.  This was one of many crazy moments.

Here's a secret:  I've practiced unconditional love, standing, Rejoice Marriage Ministries and praying to God for two years now and I still love her.  It's almost like nothing that has gone on phases me, even though THAT feels absolutely crazy.

Even as I am responding to her recent settlement proposal, I feel more sad than angry.   

[Treasur]

Dis, I remember my xh complaining to me that HE was finding the divorce process so stressful that it was making HIS depression much worse.....any third party listening would have assumed that I was the one who had left HIM and that I had filed for divorce...it all seemed to come as a bit of a surprise to him that if you file for a divorce y'know there is paperworks, lawyers and a process  Not only was he angry about the process but he blamed a bunch of things on his L and claimed to never be informed or involved in or have even read letters that HIS L sent out on HIS behalf....and then he was even more angry that nobody including me was sympathetic about how difficult and stressful it all was for him 

It was crazymaking stuff. And tbh, much as I loved my h, it was all so exhaustingly crazymaking that in the end I just wanted it all done and behind me.....

[Ready2Transform]

I love you guys. Dis, Andy's book is amazing. Far juicier than John's, unfortunately. I just finally read it a few weeks ago, and I was disappointed he didn't go into more depth. Fingers crossed the other three eventually have tell alls (or with Nick, it will be an interactive photo book. ).

Oh, and mine has never said the word "divorce" in nine years, even though we *are* divorced. Back then he referred to it as "all this". As in, at our divorce, he said, "I'm sorry about...all this." Oh, and during the hearing when our lawyers left the room for a few minutes, he sat all glum, so I asked what was on his mind (expecting to hear some pontificating about what just happened) and he said he was thinking about our dead cat. 

[Nas]

John was my Taylor of choice, but I’ll give Andy’s book a read.

My H changed his phone number while I was in the worst of my cancer battle (this after ignoring me for the most part for a year while I did all the D work).

Then he LIED and literally said in an email “I didn’t change my phone number.”
Them blamed it on the fact that his phone had gone through the washing machine the same week his laptop died (which is an excuse he had used for not responding to me about the D...18 months before he used the same excuse for why the lack of communication and why he has a new phone number that he didn’t give to me.

His reasons for never responding to me by email were that:
He rarely checks that account (the only one I have for him so my only way to get in touch with him...but he goes over a year without checking it?)
He can’t email from work and his laptop died
Email is broken on his phone and he can’t fix it (this was pre changing his phone number)
He has to go to the library to check his email (because he can’t check it at work, it’s broken in his phone...and I guess he has no access to the internet in the home he shares with OW and her teenage kids? Yeah.)

[Disillusioned]

Nas - Wasn't John everyone's  Taylor of choice?  Not that Roger was too shabby!     Anyway, already read John's book a long time ago.  Are you following him on YouTube right now?  If not, this is a lot of fun:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjcbWcL6gPc

[Disillusioned]

Dis, I remember my xh complaining to me that HE was finding the divorce process so stressful that it was making HIS depression much worse.....any third party listening would have assumed that I was the one who had left HIM and that I had filed for divorce...it all seemed to come as a bit of a surprise to him that if you file for a divorce y'know there is paperworks, lawyers and a process  Not only was he angry about the process but he blamed a bunch of things on his L and claimed to never be informed or involved in or have even read letters that HIS L sent out on HIS behalf....and then he was even more angry that nobody including me was sympathetic about how difficult and stressful it all was for him 

It was crazymaking stuff. And tbh, much as I loved my h, it was all so exhaustingly crazymaking that in the end I just wanted it all done and behind me.....

Treasur,

When we presented our unified front to then D7, she responded "Aren't I too young for this?"  My heart broke and I immediately regretted signing on to the lie that we were separating because we both wanted to.  W responded "It's horrible, honey."  There was little emotion in her voice.

Since then, she's referred to it as terrible, painful, debilitating.  Said she was a failure.  Was/is embarrassed.  Wanted to die.  Yet, here we are.  If asked, however, she will tell you the marriage was more painful to her, even to the point that losing half her daughter's life (we are 50/50) wasn't enough to try to work it out once all the cards were on the table.  Just recently, I got the "Too much damage" along with "We've been living apart long enough."  Ahhh, script, how do I love thee?  Let me count the ways.

[UrsaMajor]

Anyone else have moments when they said 'we've' discussed something....about a conversation that never actually happened? That didn't feel like intentional gaslighting but that he genuinely believed he'd/we'd had?  I got used to the fact that my then h had either a) had a conversation with me in his head but forgotten to actually involve me lol or b) had talked about me rather than to me with someone else...psychiatrist, ow, whoever.. which I was supposed to magically mind read  ......very WTF though 

Oh yeah.... LOTS and LOTS of "Option b)" for me... "We talked about this!" Uhmmmm... No... "We" didn't.... You might have talked about it to someone but it was NOT to me..... 

[Vm9799]

Dis, I remember my xh complaining to me that HE was finding the divorce process so stressful that it was making HIS depression much worse.....any third party listening would have assumed that I was the one who had left HIM and that I had filed for divorce...it all seemed to come as a bit of a surprise to him that if you file for a divorce y'know there is paperworks, lawyers and a process  Not only was he angry about the process but he blamed a bunch of things on his L and claimed to never be informed or involved in or have even read letters that HIS L sent out on HIS behalf....and then he was even more angry that nobody including me was sympathetic about how difficult and stressful it all was for him 

It was crazymaking stuff. And tbh, much as I loved my h, it was all so exhaustingly crazymaking that in the end I just wanted it all done and behind me.....

YES to all of this!  My D23's boyfriend came into her life in the middle of all this and he truly thought *I* was the one that had kicked my exH out and was divorcing HIM.  It's just EXHAUSTING sometimes dealing with all the insanity of their crazy!  Mine seemed utterly SHOCKED that he had filed for divorce!  UMMMMM, WHAT?!?!   And on top of all that, the paperwork that kept being sent to me what inaccurate in every way.  Our date of separation was 2 years prior () and the years of cars, etc were wrong.  It's like he had no knowledge of our actual lives.  I refused to sign until things were 100% correct.....hope it cost him a bundle

[Vm9799]

Anyone else have moments when they said 'we've' discussed something....about a conversation that never actually happened? That didn't feel like intentional gaslighting but that he genuinely believed he'd/we'd had?  I got used to the fact that my then h had either a) had a conversation with me in his head but forgotten to actually involve me lol or b) had talked about me rather than to me with someone else...psychiatrist, ow, whoever.. which I was supposed to magically mind read  ......very WTF though 

Oh yeah.... LOTS and LOTS of "Option b)" for me... "We talked about this!" Uhmmmm... No... "We" didn't.... You might have talked about it to someone but it was NOT to me..... 

and YES YES YES to this one too!  of course once I found about 12-16 hours A DAY of text messages to the OW, I realized that he in fact did NOT talk to ME about anything    there was literally no "WE" in any of this

[KeepItTogether]

Oh yes, we apparently had many discussions but they just couldn't get resolved. Probably b/c OW was whispering sweet nothings in his ear, and well, the conversations NEVER happened.

My new fav is "I'm a horrible person. I did horrible things to you."  Meant to elicit pity and empathy I suppose. And it worked for 4 years. I know better now.

[Treasur]

My new fav is "I'm a horrible person. I did horrible things to you." 

Are you ever tempted to just say 'Yes'....with a little suitable emoji maybe lol?
Thinking about it, there should be an MLC emoji shouldn't there?  ...at the front of every text message 

[UrsaMajor]

My new fav is "I'm a horrible person. I did horrible things to you." 

Are you ever tempted to just say 'Yes'....with a little suitable emoji maybe lol?

Like this one?

Thinking about it, there should be an MLC emoji shouldn't there?  ...at the front of every text message 

How about this one?

[spock]

Holy $h!te, I haven't spoken or seen the MLCer for almost 9 months now while I force myself to move on. I bumped into him at my local supermarket today, caught me off guard and I tried not to be emotional because I was a wreck after ! He looks very thin, hair was kinda long (he used to like them short and neat), still has the facial hair (always like to shave when we were together), eats once a day now, spending money like crazy and hasn't been employed for 1.5 years, and oh still has the MLC sports car.

Some scripts heard today:
I liked to spend money on things without having to worry, just what my mind tells me to, which is why we cannot work out. You are controlling!
People love me, they just do!

He still acts and feels like he is superior compared to the others. He is very smart, no doubt, but I wonder if people with high IQ tend to go off the charts more often? He doesn't do his hobby anymore which consumed him the last 1 year before the separation due to the toxic people and OW2. I wish him well and still think about him often. At least corona didn't get him and he's alive... 

What is scarier that separation/move out anniversary is tomorrow!!! 

[tinnat]

Anyone else have moments when they said 'we've' discussed something....about a conversation that never actually happened? That didn't feel like intentional gaslighting but that he genuinely believed he'd/we'd had?  I got used to the fact that my then h had either a) had a conversation with me in his head but forgotten to actually involve me lol or b) had talked about me rather than to me with someone else...psychiatrist, ow, whoever.. which I was supposed to magically mind read  ......very WTF though 

Oh yeah.... LOTS and LOTS of "Option b)" for me... "We talked about this!" Uhmmmm... No... "We" didn't.... You might have talked about it to someone but it was NOT to me..... 

Yes, this is very painful. "I told you about it." "No, you told someone but it wasn't me".  Until I found out about OW I was getting worried that he or I may have dementia.  Now I know it's he who has the brain of a sparrow (although he is one of the most intelligent persons I know).

[Wonder]

I thought I would add some to this list.

My H left via a text message so my only communication with him the text message, a 1-minute yelling at me hang up phone call, two explaining emails, things he then told some of my friends that found their way back to me, and now things he writes in legal letters.

Here goes:
BD1 (which I didn't know was BD at the time, I just got confused, 6 months before he left)
— The relationship feels one-sided ... you could rub my feet and write me little notes (as he does for me)
— You leave the cupboard doors open
— The feathers in the cushions you chose dig in to me!

BD2 - 2 weeks before leaving
— We need to talk ... BUT HE HAD NOTHING TO SAY!
— I hate myself
— I don't know who I am

Between BD2 and BD3
— It's not us, it's a MLC! (after seeing his therapist)

BD3 - leaving text message
— I can't do this anymore, I have been trying
— We both know I have not been happy for a while
— I can't be happy if I stay
— I was trying to work out why I wasn't happy and one of the things I realised I needed to do was a 'fresh start'
— Wants to be completely autonomous, just think about himself, as selfish as it sounds
— He loves me but HAD to do this
— I am perfect but he HAD to do this
— He never wanted to hurt me, wishes he could do this without hurting me
— This is what he NEEDS now and I have to accept it
— This has nothing to do with my behavior or anything like that, this is entirely about what he NEEDS now for himself... to be alone to look inwards psychologically and spiritually.
— Then comes the legal letter ... Sady Wonder's behavior did not change the week between BD2 and BD3 so that was the end of the relationship. 
— Yelling hang up phone call a few days after he left 'I TOLD YOU, I HAVE CHANGED!' First I had heard of that. He hadn't told me that before.
— What I need now is loving and nurturing from my mother!
— Wonder doesn't meet my needs (told to a friend)
— I feel small next to Wonder (told to a friend)
— He had to distance himself from me (said to pilates teacher he was infatuated with)
— He lost himself somewhere along the way of our marriage
— Everybody loves Wonder
— I look at you and can't believe you are my wife (a few months before he left)
— He panicked and does what he feels he has to do in order to achieve what he wants to achieve in life (told to a friend)
— He ALWAYS put me first, now he just wants to think about himself and re-evaluate decisions made in the past
— I am confused (told to a friend)
— I never wanted to hurt Wonder (told to a friend)
— Referred to himself as my benefactor (in legal letter, and he added up all the bills he has paid over the past few years while I was building my business).
— I know this must have come out of the blue to you and seem so out of character (explaining email) ... changed to ... Wonder has been trying to save the marriage for six months, she knew it was coming (legal letter).
— Wonder and our dog will be happier without me
— Legal letter from him arrives on our 16th wedding anniversary (nice)
— I want to spend more time with my family, but as always I was afraid to ask ... fear of conflict is my greatest weakness
— A few days after his 'marriage is over text message' I get emails addressed to 'Hi sweets and Hi love.... wanting to pop in to pick things etc and arrange time'.
— H texted pilates teacher to ask her to meet him for coffee so he could explain to her why he has left me. Ummm ... how about talking to your wife first and letting your wife know why you have left her! She said no ... she doesn't meet other women's husbands for coffee.
— There is nothing to talk about!!!!
— He is leaving for his mental health
— There is no rush ... changes to .... IMMEDIATELY via his lawyer re dividing assets

There will be others I have forgotten but that's a good start.

[spock]

It's scary how I can relate so much to most of the scripts posted here.

I also forgot to mention that MLCer now wants children after the brief conversation. He never ever wanted kids, said something flipped and now he wanted kids  He also mentioned that he was the 'happiest he's ever been' when I moved out, because he's free to spend time on his hobby (almost daily) without me complaining and meeting all the awesome artistic people. Now he said they are a toxic crowd, hmm I TOLD YOU SO!

He is now very spiritual, the awakening he reckons, or psychosis? It all went downhill after the AD meds last year. I wonder if this has to do with FOO issues (no longer on speaking terms with family) plus combination of mental health.

[Rising Phoenix]

Absolutely relate,

Especially, I can do what I like , when I like, I can spend what I like, how I like without having to think of you and the kids! I am putting me first!

Perhaps may have been better when the kids weren’t 9 and 11 to put yourself first? Just a thought! Xx

[GWife9]

Absolutely relate,

Especially, I can do what I like , when I like, I can spend what I like, how I like without having to think of you and the kids! I am putting me first!

Perhaps may have been better when the kids weren’t 9 and 11 to put yourself first? Just a thought! Xx

Ugh...I got the same... tired of doing everything for others, needs to put himself first now... our girls are 10 and 13... it is so selfish!!

[Wonder]

Oh yes, I forgot the 22 years of not wanting children, adamant! He DID NOT want children, very very clear. About to get his tubes cut a few months before leaving, to a sudden interest in young children, mentioning children in the village who are adopted ... asking me if I am still happy with the decision we made not to have children, but not talking about his changed decision. Just left me with a very clear feeling that he has changed his mind. He said 'he is questioning decisions made in the past'. Totally changed person.

[gman242]

meeting all the awesome artistic people. Now he said they are a toxic crowd, hmm I TOLD YOU SO!

He is now very spiritual, the awakening he reckons, or psychosis? It all went downhill after the AD meds last year. I wonder if this has to do with FOO issues (no longer on speaking terms with family) plus combination of mental health.

Hahaha... The creative / artistic types are the WORST. Well, actually they're no better or worse than any other group out there. Sadly too many groups are just self interested, self righteous, narcissist, mutual enablers that just like a little flair with their alcohol.

Your mlcer sounds both really sheltered and repressed by his family and he's looking for acceptence.

The big draw to both religion and the artsy types is that the both preach unconditional love and acceptence. You just have to show up and walk the talk.

I split ways with the art crowd years ago when I realized that most of them couldn't be bothered to leave the bar to actually go out and support any of the causes they were preaching about constantly.

That and all their so called art or music was feeble derivative  I have an Instagram account too garbage.

[Standing Strong]

Oh I just remembered one.......

"I should be happy and thankful..... I have a wonderful life". 

Um yeah, you should be happy and thankful.

LOL!!!

-SS

New thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11601.msg770380;topicseen#msg770380