Who is this "we"?

I don't mean to come across as heartless, but I see a lot of predictions. For example, the location of the RV, and anticipated family vacations. This is on top of your adoption of the role of observational therapist. I imagine having a firm sense of knowledge feels empowering, but knowledge without action is a forgotten book, and the action necessary is entirely NOT yours to take.

I don't mean to chide you or even give you advice, but did want to note those aspects as they really stood out to me.

Another month or so has gone by.  I am just so tired. My sleep has been better since starting HRT, but I seem to need more of it.  I have been reading lots about cortisol and stress and I wonder if my body is just exhausted from being under stress for so long at this point. 

I can relate to that almost bottomless tired. I would only be able to sleep for a few restless hours a night, in between rounds of night sweats. It was insane I ever managed to do anything during the day.

During spring break I did a mini redo for my daughters' bathroom--painted cabinets, walls, doors, trim, added new cabinet hardware, deep cleaned, and organized drawers.  We also took a trip to Ikea and got some new yarn for some future projects.

And nice work improving the house! The satisfaction of boxchecking is always great, plus I imagine future you will be quite grateful for the upgrades.

The weather has been gorgeous here and I have really enjoyed having the jeep top off--its a thing that really makes me happy!

This is great. I also find myself rolling down the windows and bumping some tunes during the transition from winter to spring.

I would be really interested in what people make of this:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/4cravvuXyaeZxbP0I7yXMR

If you are not familiar, Heavyweight is a podcast that helps people resolve an issue from the past - hence the title.  The creator, Jonathan Goldstein is  both witty and sincere. (it's available on iTunes etc also.) This is episode 29.

I've been listening for years, and I suddenly remembered this one

"When Elyse was 21, her father, Billy, disappeared without explanation. When Elyse finally learned of his whereabouts, she was shocked by the new life he was living. Now, for the first time in five years, Billy and Elyse sit down to talk"


I found it really thought-provoking and I thought of our community.

Early this morning (in the US) was a lunar eclipse and today (the 14th) is a full moon. An eclipse can only happen at the time of a full moon so ....

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Tonight is the Full Crow Moon also known as the Worm Moon and the Sap Moon. Called the Crow Moon for the cawing crows around this time that signal the end of winter. As the earth thaws worms start to appear. And it marks the time when maple sap begins to flow and the annual tapping of maple trees begins.
The Spring Equinox is almost upon us when both day and night are at equal length we are reminded to find our own inner balance. focus inward toward inner wisdom and self-analysis. This Full Moon is in the sign of Virgo, this will give us a keen eye for detail, we will see things and people and situations in our lives with crystal clarity, a light will be illuminated allowing us to see beyond the shadows. This is a time of cultivating and growing, just as the Suns energy and nature is doing at this time. Plant the seeds of new ventures, plan for the future, think about what it is you want and need and set about putting a plan into action. Use this energy for your own personal transformation, rebirth and regrowth.
Tonight's Full Moon illuminates our inner feelings and desires, so emotions can be quite raw and enhanced. The Virgo Full Moon means we may be over critical of ourselves and of others, try not to see the bad in everything instead look for the good. The Virgo sign is a very hard working and practical sign so use its energy for getting jobs done that you have been putting off for a while. Virgo is not scared to face deep issues, so tackle any problems and bring them to an end.
This Full Moon brings light to whatever was hidden in the darkness or buried within the subconscious such as emotional pain or our deepest desires, but once awareness happens you are able to make realistic changes. Our emotional levels move like strong turbulent waves in the ocean during high tide for some during this Full Moon. Emotional reactions may be strong, energies may feel irritable or uptight. We are amidst great times of transformation which are heralding major new beginnings. Change isn't always easy or comfortable and it’s constant, so we must strive to keep our balance during these changing tides.
The world as it stands is challenged by many opposing forces now. We feel them both personally and collectively, pushing against our own will, raising difficult questions, triggering issues we would rather avoid. How we keep our own balance of light and dark and manage our own inner conflicts largely dictates how we manage outside ones. If we struggle with our own anger or hatred, telling ourselves we shouldn’t feel this way, we will struggle to respond effectively to the anger of others, allow yourself to feel angry or upset, but don't let it take over, keep a balance. If we fear our own power, preferring to see ourselves as victim rather than creator we may succumb to the power wielded by others, adopting their thoughts and priorities, behaviors and lifestyles without discerning the right path for us. If we refuse to acknowledge our own inner selfishness that demands its own way no matter what, we may project it onto the world around us, pointing the finger of judgement and even becoming a bully. Don't suppress your feelings, embrace your light and your dark sides as one cannot exist without the other. We need both. Let go of guilt and allow yourself to feel what you're feeling without self-judgement.
Let the energy of this Full Moon wash over you and cleanse your spirit, use it to heal you both emotionally and physically. Let the moonlight bathe and sooth you mind, body and soul. let the earth element of Virgo bury negativity. Stay away from self-doubt. Seek a balance of light and dark and see the truth in your life however much it may hurt, only then can you do something about it and begin to heal.

FH: the call was not painful, it slightly got me off center. It is still surprising and it was a bit of a reminder of the early days, when I was still engaged and was constantly being belittled and attacked.

I have had many firm boundaries, and W generally holds to them or I will enforce them (which can include ending calls). There were a couple of times in the past 2 years, one time she was attacking/insulting my current partner and I repeated a couple of times firmly that it was not ok, and when she couldn't control herself I ended the call. The other time was about finances and I calmly repeated twice that if she does not want to stick to our agreement we can finalize a divorce, and the second time she calmed down and we continued.

So it's hit and miss, and as boundaries should be they are not there to control her behavior, rather to set firm lines that I will not allow to be cross and will remove myself. I have a lot of experience dealing with highly disordered people (including NPD, borderline and sociopath behaviors) and elements of her behavior pretty much overlap.