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1
Our Community / Thoughts on CC during MLC?
« Latest by UrsaMajor on Today at 01:35:12 AM »
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Our Community / She's My Kind of Rain - 3
« Latest by UrsaMajor on Today at 01:31:27 AM »
What? You mean you are already juggling enough balls?



Of course, I am a self-acknowledged master of "over-commitment" so I can not really point fingers....
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Our Community / Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 9
« Latest by UrsaMajor on Today at 01:01:13 AM »
Good Morning everyone,

This is primarily a discussion thread where specific articles are linked and a discussion around those articles ensues. However, the thread has lately been mostly a back and forth answering questions from WHY. Therefore, I have (upon agreement/request from some of the other Mods) split off that part of this thread and merged it with WHY's personal Story thread as that makes more sense with the flow of that particular discussion/conversation as opposed to the purpose of this particular thread.

For those that were actively engaged in the discussion with WHY, his thread is here: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11923.130 and, because the merge took his original thread to 170 posts, the discussion continues on to  the latest one here: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=12033.0

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Our Community / WHISKEY ME AWAY
« Latest by UrsaMajor on Today at 12:33:21 AM »
Today I ran my 10K for the 2024 NYC Marathon. I arrived early and just waited in my car to stay warm and then walked to the usual starting location at 102nd street. However, there was no one there when I arrived so I knew immediately something was wrong.

I was told that the starting location for this particular race was on 69th street so I had to run 2 miles south as the race was already commencing at 8am.

Don't you just hate it when that happens?

At least you were there, did it and , yes, got the T-Shirt...  ;D
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Our Community / 6 years and life is good
« Latest by UrsaMajor on Today at 12:30:56 AM »
TMT,
I'm so sorry to hear /read about Petie.

He sounds like a VERY ... uhmmmm ... interesting character. I had to laugh at the picture of him riding around on the dogs' backs. That had to be a sight to see. and that he didn't like humans at all but loved his dogs... and throwing seeds at you when you'd walk past him....
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Our Community / Full Moon Alert VI
« Latest by UrsaMajor on Today at 12:17:36 AM »
And, if you wondered why you were feeling odd yesterday.....

=============================================================

Tonight is The Full Snow Moon so called because the last snows and frosts of winter will begin to appear around this time. The February Full Moon is also known as the Storm, Chaste, Quickening or Hunger Moon. It is our wake up call. During this time, all in nature is pure and full of potential. The hibernating creatures are beginning to slowly arouse themselves, quickening their heartbeats and creeping out of their dormant period. Mother Earth is gently awakening full of new possibilities. The Snow Moon uses the same force upon us.
This Moon we will be feeling ultra-sensitive and emotional. We may find ourselves feeling strong emotions we don't even understand, happy and laughing one minute, teary and sad the next, we may experience weird and vivid dreams. Don't worry this will quickly pass.
There is a gentle pulling upon our consciousness at this time, we become aroused to the latent forces within ourselves, now is the time to turn the mirror in upon ourselves and see what is reflected. A time to grasp the buds of new paths and ideas and like nature, be prepared to welcome life anew.
February's Full Moon is in Leo, this is the sign of ambition, truth and work, you should feel a rush of energy and want to get things done. The Leo Full Moon message is awaken to your heart’s desires and act on your truth, figure out what it really is you want from life, then work out a bold plan to achieve it.
This Full Moon can be emotionally charged. Leo is larger than life. Leo rules big emotions. You may feel overly sensitive to the remarks and actions of other people. The Leo Full Moon may feel pretty intense. If you like things intense, you may well enjoy its spark and energy, but if you’re already feeling somewhat jaded and in need of a rest, it might be a good time to lay low and let the world pass you by for a little while rather than engaging too deeply with it!
The Full Moon will be very bright tonight as it highlights our lives and shows us underneath the masks we all wear on a daily basis. This is a time to harness your inner power and your strengths and look to the future, make plans, and be brave in your decisions. The cosmic message is to balance your heart with your head. Find the middle ground in your relationships. Live from your heart, yet, be practical in your approach to your dreams and goals. Plant the seeds of fate within ourselves and watch them develop over the coming months.
The best part of Leo is the inner child. You are to nourish and protect your childlike innocence. You are to be open to new ideas and fresh perspectives. Be curious about life. Be engaged in the magic of the moment. Be in your heart. Let go of the need to criticize and judge yourself and others, this will kill your creativity, instead allow yourself and others to make mistakes, it is the only way we learn what works and what does not work for us. There’s a sense of free spirited enjoyment, a faith in happy outcomes and the ability to speak from love and the heart.
The Moon is plump with positive energy. There are no negative aspects to this Moon. This is a celebration Moon. Rewards for the hard work and intense striving will come to you. Leo is a fire sign, Let the fire cleanse and heal you, let the moonlight take away any negativity. Mother earth is transforming right now as we move from Winter into Spring and will soon start to blossom and bloom. Let the earth transform you into a beautiful new direction full of potential. This is a time for personal growth and deep cleansing and gathering our strength for what's to come.

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Our Community / WHISKEY ME AWAY
« Latest by Watcher on February 05, 2023, 07:56:45 PM »
Today I ran my 10K for the 2024 NYC Marathon. I arrived early and just waited in my car to stay warm and then walked to the usual starting location at 102nd street. However, there was no one there when I arrived so I knew immediately something was wrong.

I was told that the starting location for this particular race was on 69th street so I had to run 2 miles south as the race was already commencing at 8am.

The runners first started to pass me at 82nd street and I knew I was in trouble when I saw the walkers. The announcer was kind as she said there were a few more stragglers approaching the start line at 8:15am but I think it was really only me.

The starting line was already being dismantled so I just cleared the electronic mat in time as I was quickly adjusting my runners bib. I should have read the course description as I just assumed it would be the same start as the one in January.

I had to fight through the crowd of 4800+ runners but that's what happens when you start late. I had even been elevated to the F corral for this run as I have slowly been moving up from I, H, and G. I think the corrals goto L.

So it ended up being my 2nd fastest 10k and I was only 21 seconds off of the one I ran in January. This was the 3rd race of nine needed to qualify for the 2024 NYC Marathon. I have all nine races scheduled already and I will serve the volunteer requirement at the 2023 NYC Marathon working the starting corrals.

I had to run afterwards because the 10k, plus those 2 miles I ran to the start, oh those count lol, were not enough miles for me to acquire on a day off from work. So I added another 7.5 to bring me to 16 miles for the day which I ran at a much slower pace.

Next Sunday I have a 4 miler and I already checked the course description to ensure it starts at 102nd street. This is the start of week #7 at 40+ miles and I think all the hill running is making a difference so far.
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Our Community / WHY's new thread
« Latest by Treasur on February 05, 2023, 07:00:16 AM »
Reinventing - thanks for reading the study.   I couldn’t make sense of it on my phone ha.  Good to know the background.

T - appreciate your candid comments.  As for what I’m seeking?  To answer the question of whether it makes sense to remain married or not.

Not sure we understand enough about the details of your current situation, Why, to translate general to specific in how we respond to some of your questions? Which maybe doesn’t matter so much bc in the end that decision rests on a whole bunch of individual priorities and perspectives, doesn’t it?

Fwiw I think it’s worth considering how ‘sustainable’ you can make it if you choose to stand....anecdotally those who stand with any degree of success seem to be able to create an independently sufficiently solid financial, emotional and practical way of living that it can’t be thrown off track completely by their MLC spouse. And of course not everyone is in a situation where they can do that. Or indeed are free to make that choice. Don’t know what your situation is and the details may matter in that judgement.

If your standing is contingent on some more certain MLC timescale, or indeed a guarantee that your spouse is in MLC and will come out of it in a couple of years, i’m not sure that any answer here can give you that certainty. Based on anecdotal evidence if I were a betting woman, most marriages will not survive this kind of unravelling by a spouse for a variety of reasons and the uncertainty of it is hard to navigate.  My take fwiw is to do what you believe is best for you and any children you have based on the information currently available to you and choose to keep a door open to your spouse after doing that if you wish to do so and for as long as it feels right to you to do so. Quite a lot of us here stood until we reached a point when it no longer felt appropriate to do so or until the scale of damage caused became unsustainable for a good healthy life, so no one here will judge you either way.

On a slightly separate note, how are you doing in yourself? I assume that you don’t want to share the specifics of your situation which is of course fine, but this kind of experience can take a toll on most of us particularly in the first year or so. How might we best support you as an LBS?
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Our Community / Re: Links/Blogs/Articles for us all to share 9
« Latest by forthetrees on February 05, 2023, 06:46:22 AM »
My take away from that article is that the brain is literally changing in mid-life- restructuring. So now that you know that your wife´s brain has literally changed, what does that do to your evaluation of her possible future behavior? In one sense it is a relief to know that you are not imagining things; she has literally changed and you are not imagining new behaviors. You too are changing and living with the rejection and loneliness is not good for your brain. I just keep going back to the reality of love cannot fix mental health issues. Maybe there is so little reconciliation because their brains have remodeled and they are different people as the process proceeds. We like to think that the core of the person we knew is still there but maybe that´s a bias based on hope and not reality.
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Our Community / How to conduct myself around the MLCer
« Latest by Lostinthewoods on February 05, 2023, 06:45:38 AM »
Hi Everyone,
Thought of Journaling a bit,
What I see now is that he buys sweets that I like.
Checks what I want, gone back to saying bye when leaving home(does not look in my eyes)
Only interacts with the little one , because the little one talks to him.
Sits with me on the sofa ( me on one end him on the other) to watch something or eat.
Serves me lunch if I'm home.
No conversations with me, no physical touch but doesn't mind an accidental brush of flesh ( earlier he avoided me like a plague)
No appology or change in sleeping arrangement. We don't sleep together not even on the same floor :( . I cannot explain how painful it is to be living like this. He lives in the house and I see him everyday but knowing he is not mine.
We only discuss the most required items.
However if I'm chatty(very very rare) he is happy to talk.
He has not said anything about the affair status,never once said that it is over, I only have seen those subtle changes with his phone usage.( I know it proves nothing) , he is more open with his phone, sits in front of me and plays games. Is not obsessed with it. I don't see apps that he used to chat with her on his desktop or browser.
But today while we were watching TV something funny came on and I laughed in that moment just lay on his shoulder for abt 30s, at the end of the scene, he pushed me and said the scene was over, I was hurt and quickly scooted to my corner. Since then he has been trying to make small conversation , I'm not interested,  I should have stayed in my corner( a moment of weakness). Looking back I feel so stupid for letting my guard down. I think he is probably using me to just stay here till his mom gets better and once that is fulfilled he will leave again.
Any thoughts from you my dear friends.
I look forward to reading your observations and perspective. I value all your feedbacks and let's me look at the situation from a different perspective.

Huh this is a tough journey no one should take.

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