[forthetrees]

My take away from that article is that the brain is literally changing in mid-life- restructuring. So now that you know that your wife´s brain has literally changed, what does that do to your evaluation of her possible future behavior? In one sense it is a relief to know that you are not imagining things; she has literally changed and you are not imagining new behaviors. You too are changing and living with the rejection and loneliness is not good for your brain. I just keep going back to the reality of love cannot fix mental health issues. Maybe there is so little reconciliation because their brains have remodeled and they are different people as the process proceeds. We like to think that the core of the person we knew is still there but maybe that´s a bias based on hope and not reality.

[UrsaMajor]

Good Morning everyone,

This is primarily a discussion thread where specific articles are linked and a discussion around those articles ensues. However, the thread has lately been mostly a back and forth answering questions from WHY. Therefore, I have (upon agreement/request from some of the other Mods) split off that part of this thread and put it as a new, stand-alone thread.

For those that were actively engaged in the discussion with WHY, the breakout thread is here: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=12033.0

[xyzcf]

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/09/opinion/despair-friendship-suicide.html?fbclid=IwAR00AnoY21EuCAvnapGCBaBtErVGOZ92lA5Pl-79BcD9tvef2ZO7-YigZpo

An article about depression..anytime I read things like this, it helps me to understand better.

[WHY]

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/09/opinion/despair-friendship-suicide.html?fbclid=IwAR00AnoY21EuCAvnapGCBaBtErVGOZ92lA5Pl-79BcD9tvef2ZO7-YigZpo

An article about depression..anytime I read things like this, it helps me to understand better.

Paywall.  Can you Ctrl-P thanks. 

[xyzcf]

I am so sorry Why...I was able to read the article even though I don't have a subscription...if I find another source I shall let you know. I think it would be against copywright to copy it. It just struck me how no matter how clear it is that someone is suffering from depression, all the help in the world will not change things.


Here it is on youtube :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJCyl_qp9eU

[zartheit]

https://web.archive.org/web/20230210000448/https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/09/opinion/despair-friendship-suicide.html worked for me.

[WHY]

https://web.archive.org/web/20230210000448/https://www.nytimes.com/2023/02/09/opinion/despair-friendship-suicide.html worked for me.

This moved me.  Powerful stuff.

[xyzcf]

What struck me about the article is the absolute darkness the man felt and that in spite of tons of resources, therapy, medication and supportive people, he continued to feel "lost" and in darkness for years. I don't know how to relate to feeling so hopeless and I do wonder if some of these feelings are what our MLCer experiences.

[UrsaMajor]

Why's question and subsequent answers have been moved to the Breakout Thread as the discussion didn't relate to an article that had been referenced or posted. It was a question if there were articles to be found.

The Breakout thread can be found here : https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=12033.30

This thread is for a discussion around articles that have been found to be helpful/useful rather than as a personal request or story.

[Nas]

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1877042810017313

"Early attachment with caregivers in childhood plays a significant role in developing healthy relationships with
other people such as peers, partners and children in later life (Howe et al., 1999). Children who are abused often can
not find their caretaker available or when they are present; their behaviors provoke anxiety, fear and anger (Howe,
2005). Sroufe et al. (1999) maintain that early attachment with the caretakers, can affect later capacity of forming
emotional connectedness, building a safe and secure foundation in relationships and self-worth. The studies also
showed the relationship between insecure attachment and emotion regulation (e.g., Shields & Cicchetti, 1997).
The findings in our study , consistent with these studies, demonstrated individuals who were abused or neglected
in childhood, may develop dysfunctional patterns of emotional closeness, intimacy, safety seeking and building trust
in romantic relationships due to their despaired attachment systems. Even though childhood trauma is an indicator of
infidelity tendency, we could not find any difference in infidelity tendency in terms of attachment styles.
We presumed attachment functions as a mediator in the relationship of childhood trauma and infidelity tendency
but the results indicated a different form of relationship between these variables, which should be addressed in
further research. Romantic jealousy, which differed significantly among attachment groups (anxious/preoccupied
presenting the most jealousy in romantic relationships followed by fearful/avoidant, secure and
dismissive/avoidant), did not show any correlation with childhood trauma, which is another finding that can be
further explored in future research."


And of course a little something from the playlist:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpjHW4mr6qo