[atsbabyg02]

Hello all!

I'm new to this forum and want to see if anyone else may have gone through this.  I thought my H was in MLC in 2014.  There was a bd on my son's 10th birthday (sad way to remember it!).  I was actually on the divorce busters forum with Hearts Blessing (sad to hear she passed, great wealth of knowledge and inspiration) and gained guidance and support over there for many months.  My H came home a year later and we slowly worked on some things and life took off with us being happy...or so I thought! 

Then I notice instances of him pulling away 3 years ago, which I thought was from his job that required weekly travels across the country.  I complained about our connection and the lack of me being a priority (all the stuff we obviously notice at the beginning of this). He kept saying that we'd do more once our son went away to school, but we need him to go on these college visits etc. 

I took a turn into depression with my son going away, and losing that stage of being a mom (have a daughter that's a senior this year, so still feeling the loss).  Then I really noticed my H was avoiding me and focused on work a lot more, drinking a lot and then pulling away from d17.  Then of course bd #2 on December 11th, 2022.

My question is can MLC behaviors actually pause for a few years as if he has come out of the crisis? I know both incidents of bd are MLC.  He rates high on the symptoms and actions.  Is it actually a pause or just a prolonging in a certain stage before he went backwards, because I'm seeing the depression this time; some wallowing but even in the active behaviors. This is such a confusing time and I don't know how long I can do this again!!

[Rollercoasterider]

Atsbabyg02,

I'm so sorry you're going through this...again.
Midlife Crisis lasts from 3 to upwards of 7 years. Returns before 3 years are either premature or it may not have been Midlife Crisis.

If an MLCer is yanked out the front of the MLC tunnel, there is a high likelihood they will return later and it will be a worse crisis. This type of return to the tunnel is not a few months later--I'd call that part of the original MLC. These are years later such as your situation.

[Treasur]

I’m not an MLC expert like RCR so I bow to her judgement on this. I don’t know what difference it makes to your perspective on your situation or what you think you want to do next.

This is such a confusing time and I don't know how long I can do this again!!

I am truly sorry that this kind of chaos has re-entered your life. How are you and your (now) older kids coping?

How can we best support you? (And it might help if you can share a few practical details about the current situation as you see it eg is your h at home or living elsewhere, how financially vulnerable are you, known ow or drug/alcohol issues, how much contact you have with him at the moment and what kind, how much of a family/friends support system you have, if you are seeing an IC or have consulted a lawyer etc.....)

I don’t know what you think you did last time that worked well for you? Or what ‘doing this again’ means to you. Above all, what do you think is the best approach to take for you and your kids now? What I can say with some confidence is that you are not alone and, bc it’s highly unlikely that you are experiencing anything that at least some of us have not experienced too, we will understand and respect your choices with a kind eye.

[xyzcf]

Hello. I am sorry that this is happening to you and your family. It's also at a hard time for you, with your son away, your daughter about to launch on her life.

I have been thinking about your post since I read it yesterday, trying to remember who else this has happened to. I know in my own situation that my husband is very good at compartmentalizing, and I doubt that he's ever faced his internal struggles. It's just a theory that perhaps your husband came back without finishing whatever he needed to finish...and some never do it seems.

This is such a confusing time and I don't know how long I can do this again!!

Without knowing why they feel the need to leave, without the real conversations that are necessary for us to come to an understanding , so that we can accept that there were valid reasons for them leaving (even if we don't agree but we can at least see their point of view) we are left in an empty void...not quite sure what we can do to stop the pain and the hurt, the betrayal once more.

One of the many things that Heartsblessing said that resonated with me is that "where there is love, there is hope"...I actually met her with another LBSer, we had lunch together, I felt like I was meeting a rock star...that was probably back in 2011....you know, she looked at me and said firmly "it will be ok". At that point in my journey, I clung to her words interpreting that he would come back, he had to come back...there was no other possibility that I could accept.....

I understood much later, that wasn't what she meant. "It will be ok" because I would heal. Regardless...even though this is not what I wanted, I could only see one resolution and that was that he would return to our marriage and family.

As you already know, there is absolutely nothing that you can do to"fix him".

For us, many of us anyway have symptoms of PTSD...the trauma of our families blown apart...not everyone here experiences that, and some perhaps to a greater degree than others. To have this happen again might increase your depression/anxiety/fear...and the person who could help you is no longer available to you.

It helped me a great deal to have others to talk to who have been through this ....just to share that today I am having a bad day....not to give any solutions but to know how deeply this hurts.

Whatever helps, whatever gives you some respite from the fight/flight response that is possibly happening right now, find those things and enter into what helps...exercise, yoga, prayer, other people, therapy, travel..whatever brings you some peace.

[atsbabyg02]

After reading through my journals from before, he started this in 2011.  My first bd was June 4, 2011.  He moved out with a friend and there  was an EA with OW.  He was back and forth in the home for the next couple years and I did not realize this was MLC.  The next bd came in early 2014 when he filed for divorce without giving me a heads up.  There was a new OW, but this one became physical.  We actually reconciled in September 2014 and took it slow.  I think he finally returned home by Christmas.

We were stronger than we had been and I was happy.  He refused to talk about the OW and I didn't push because I didn't want to hurt anymore.  I think this has remained unresolved for us because he never admitted to an affair until 2020. I thought we were happy and moving right along with plans for the future.  He then took a job in 2021 which resulted in traveling almost 6 months non stop from Kentucky to Oregon.  So the time change threw a kink in communication and it began to become limited contact. I would complain that we weren't doing anything together and missed him a lot.  This is when I began to notice minor changes (not thinking MLC because I thought we had already gone through it and was just not connecting due to circumstances).  We still were not actually connecting because we were doing college visits for my son, so one of us would be gone on the weekends.  The company finally collapsed and he took a new job in 2022.  Son had picked a college and H was home more.

Then I went into a depression because my first born was going away 9 1/2 hours.  The summer was busy moving him and then I went with our daughter to a 2 week mock law trial in California.  Luckily, I had pushed for a vacation for just the 2 of us. The day after I returned from CA, we left for New England.  He was excited about his new job and showed me his work site.  We ate at a couple restaurants he enjoyed- you know sharing his experiences!  Then we get back and work starts back for me (I work in the school system). 

It's almost like a door closed on us. August quickly became November and he wasn't interested in my work, never asked about my days, only talked about what he was doing and the stress of the New England job.  Then they added another location for him to visit.  This one was close to home, but he chose to stay during weekends.  Let me tell you how fast that red flag shot up!!!!  I have no proof and he denies there is OW. 

Then one week I called him out and let's just say that was the nail in the coffin!  He literally stopped talking to me and when he returned home, bd December 11, 2022. He filed for divorce 12/22/22. Couldn't wait until after the holidays.  Ruined my d18 birthday as well as Christmas! I knew exactly what was happening and I began working on myself.

Honestly, I feel like i'm in a good place mentally at this time.  I crashed into a deep depression and received medication from my doctor.  The meds were worse than the symptoms of depression, so I no longer take them.  I have my family and friends that have been trying to do something with me every weekend.  Work has been a nice distraction and co-workers have been awesome!  I have been exercising (limited because I found out this past Oct. I have a torn meniscus), eating healthier (lost 25 lbs since Oct and in a healthy way!), meditating everyday, reading scripture everyday and focused on being happy for myself and my kids.

My s19 hasn't said much.  He found out 2 days before going back to school.  D18 hates H so much.  They have had a rocky relationship for years but this pushed her over the edge.  She doesn't think I should stand for him.  She believes I deserve better and H is not the answer.  She told me he better come back a totally different person because he doesn't deserve you!

H is living in the house currently.  He's been more of a wallower recently.  This company went under too.  They owe him over $8000 in pay and travel expenses, which are now cutting deeply into our savings. I honestly think it's more the loss of his new identity and friends as well as OW. H doesn't monster like the first time.  There is no blame directly at me for him leaving.  He said the typical "I don't love you, but you are always going to be a special person since you are the mother of my kids." H admitted that he needed to work on himself and that he has a lot of questions about his childhood (years of repressed memories).  He did acknowledge he hasn't been a good husband or father; I don't know if he meant recently or overall. Now don't get me wrong, H did say I did not deserve to have a vacation because I'm lazy and never help out!  Oh the thoughts and stories these MLCer's have!!

I've been setting boundaries to help protect my emotions.  He is still very self-centered and has pushed away me (obviously), my D18 and his own mother at times.  I'm not sure if this is happening because we lost his step dad in Dec 2021(I think may have been a huge trigger for the MLC return), but MIL is very depressed and not her usual self at this time.

My original question then should be can MLC happen multiple times to a person?

*As I've been here writing this, he's been slamming doors and drawers.  Guess he's pissed about something.  Probably because my d18 and I have been out of the house most of the day   This is his choice!!

[Treasur]

He said the typical "I don't love you, but you are always going to be a special person since you are the mother of my kids."

  Gosh, imagine how he treats someone who isn’t ‘special’.....

You sound pretty good, atsbaby, all things considered.
Having said that, i’m sure that sharing a house with someone who is divorcing you - which others have experienced here - is not a walk in the park. And it sounds as if there may be some lurking financial mess in the background?

It makes sense to me that these folks with big inside holes might operate on a spectrum over a long period. I think they probably throw spaghetti at the wall in the hope that external fixes will make them feel better....new jobs, new ow/om, new houses, new hobbies, divorce or even reconnection with their spouse/family....and then slide back again when whatever fix they try doesn’t magically work. Tbh I probably think of it as being a bit like an alcoholic....not an either/or or linear thing. It is also possible that, with hindsight, an LBS might begin to feel that their own rose-tinted glasses, commitment and effort balanced out a spouse who actually was always inherently a bit immature or avoidant or self-centred as opposed to going from A to an unrecognisable MLC B. Most LBS go through these kind of reflections as part of their own process, I think, it’s pretty normal....and individuals reach different conclusions imho. So, is it possible that your h has been dipping in and out of MLCness since 2011? I guess so based on what RCR says.

Why does that matter to you is in a way perhaps the more important question? And how does it shape your own response to the situation you find yourself in? There can be a lot of different answers to that imho....and most LBS here have had to chew on them lol.....but figuring out what your answer is may be helpful to you. If you knew the answer to your question was yes with 100% certainty, how might that change your path from here? Or indeed if you knew the answer was no with equal certainty?

Imho fwiw there is some truth in the Buddhist principle that we suffer most when we try to fight against a current reality. It’s a very normal human thing to do, of course, and we’ve all done greater or lesser degrees of it at times. (Holds hand up here  ) Sometimes I think we do it for a while as a survival tool until we feel steady enough to start accepting bits of a reality we really don’t want to accept....that’s pretty normal too, isn’t it?

So again jmo, what matters most is how YOU see your current reality. And the extent to which you can evaluate it as opposed to judging it on some slippier slope of expectations and wishes and explanations perhaps.

How DO you see it? And given that what are your goals right now?

And on the practical front, what is the status of the divorce process right now? Have you taken legal advice? What is your tactical approach to it....engaging actively in it, doing very little other than protecting yourself appropriately or trying to delay it?  And would you prefer him to be living somewhere else and, if so, can you legally make that happen? Above all, what do you want or see as next steps for you given that you can’t fix or control him?

[UrsaMajor]

I  can't say I have a lot to add or to answer your actual question whether it was/is possible to have multiple MLC's other than to repeat what RCR has said - it is much more likely that he never LEFT MLC territory but only got yanked back out of the front of the tunnel prematurely, thus setting the stage for a repeat performance later on.

In some threads you'll read of situations like this (although none lasting as long as far as I can recall) where they refer to a "long-term touch and go"- basically where the Mid-Lifer seems too get their head out of their .... fog.... for all intents and purposes and wanting to "work on the marriage"(which is a farce as "the marriage" is NOT the cause of their problems) only to drop another bomb at a future date, usually worse than the first one. In your story, I see a series of escalating BD's that have gotten worse and worse. This would also be a potential sign for the dreaded "Touch and Go" Syndrome.

*As I've been here writing this, he's been slamming doors and drawers.  Guess he's pissed about something.  Probably because my d18 and I have been out of the house most of the day   This is his choice!!

You are witnessing a MLC Temper Tantrum... Much like an oversize toddler... Wait until he announces that he's going to hold his breath until he dies.... and then try not to laugh in his face....

You are 100% correct. This IS his choice. He can choose to get help, to work on whatever identity crisis issues, childhood issues, whatever issues he has and MAYBE (no 100% guarantee here) you'll be there when he finally gets his Mule Fritters in one sock or he can choose continue on his path of headlong self-deception and self-destruction because, until the underlying issues are dealt with, nothing will change... No matter how many external "Band-Aids" in the form of new jobs, new friends, new Affair Downs, new hobbies, new additions, new whatever he decides to use to plaster over the original wound, that wound is still there, still festering, still rotting away. Like the saying goes, "No matter how fast or how far you run, there you are." He can't get away form himself and until he comes to grip with that fact and chooses to get help for his issues, his life is doomed to be "Wash, rinse, repeat."

[KayDee]

Being just 6 months of so from this kind of fracture, I empathize with how painful this must be, especially as you thought you had this difficult phase behind you.

I think everyone makes excellent points and I don't have anything super wise to say given my newness. But I did have some thoughts about the timings in your situation. Something that has sunk in for me, with a flash of the bl**ding obvious, is that my H has no real coping skills. OK, this was not so obvious before BD because he had never really had any major events to deal with. He was lucky in that regard. Externally, as in outside the family, others might call him a rock, as he is often the 'ear' that people go to. But this is more a role he takes, and he can ring-fence it. But I bought into it too. In the past, I have had a couple of significant bereavements, and I noticed at the time he really struggled. Found it difficult to cope with my sadness and pain. And something I have seen quite frequently on this forum is a BD that comes at at time when the LBS is having health issues. I know many will nod along with the lack of coping skills, because so many said it to me in the early days (belated thanks! it takes a time to sink in). Well - you probably know all this already, you have been at it for a long while. This was my reaction when I read your post. Your H has very poor coping skills and this is his MO. From my perspective, I now know that until my H faces his FOO issues, the ones that have made him terrified of conflict and unable to cope with difficult situations, he will only repeat this kind of damaging flight response. It's really hard to let him go, but this is how I see it now.

[Imgood]

“From my perspective, I now know that until my H faces his FOO issues, the ones that have made him terrified of conflict and unable to cope with difficult situations, he will only repeat this kind of damaging flight response. It's really hard to let him go, but this is how I see it now.”
I need to remember these words Kaydee because they hit home with me 100%. This “MLC/Divorce” is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through but I KNOW, as you say, I need to let him go and I have but I sure do miss the man I knew. I am two years out from BD and I wonder….will I ever see the man I knew, again.? MLC is so sad and so unfortunate.
I am happy to report though, I am doing well and getting on with my life!

[hopeandfaith]

Hey there, just thought I would pop by and let you know that my story is a bit similar to yours. First BD was 2013-2014 and then we had another BD in 2017. The second one was deeper and longer but he has now been home since early 2020. 2020 was a very bumpy year but it has steadily improved since then.

I’ll post another update on my thread soon because I certainly don’t feel like we are all the way through this bad boy and I am not sure if I ever will (or if it’s even possible)

[atsbabyg02]

Thank you, KayDee! I honestly never thought of the lack of coping skills, but you are so right! I guess because I’m so close to this and been living it for so long, I never thought of that. I actually teach coping skills in my career 😂  H has no real close friends. My brother was his best friend (which is how we met), but other than him H has only made a few friendships but doesn’t reach out to them.

I reached out to a marriage coach and just finished some sessions with her. We pinpointed a lot of typical MLC characters within his personality. He’s narcissistic (duh), very avoidant with issues (this has been all his life), and his go to action is to run away from situations. He has repressed childhood memories, which was his reason for us needing to get divorced.  What the two have in common, I will never know!

I’ve been very emotional this week. Not sure if it’s hormone related or his behavior. He left to visit his brother this past weekend for a couple days. When he left he said, “If you need me, you know how to reach me.”  Then on Monday morning, he announced that he was going to take a shower, “if you need me, you know where to find me.” WTF!?! Of course I need him! I just said ok each time, but I’m not sure if he was saying it to say it or if there is meaning to it. He’s never said it before and hasn’t said it since. I guess it could have been small moments of his original self peeking through.

Hopeandfaith, thank you for sharing. I will have to visit your thread and learn your story.

[KayDee]

I just wanted to check in to sympathize and say I hope you have gained a bit more equilibrium emotions-wise. I don't know as much as many on this site, but I do know our emotions can be a bit unpredictable in this midst of this traumatic experience. Or maybe it's just they seem unpredictable, because feeling sad, angry, vulnerable, that's pretty normal given the situation. We are in the wake of another person's crisis, and we keep receiving aftershocks.  Just when I think I have a handle on things, I get side-swiped again and I fall into a bit of a pit. Sometimes it is because I am triggered, other times, I don't really know why. All I know now is that it is normal. You are normal. I try to be with the feelings as much as I can, because, grim as it is, I know (but have to keep reminding myself) - it will pass.

I have often read hat the MLCr feels unworthy, thus you could say, not needed. They seek an emotional other who is on their emotional wavelength to feel valued. My H pretty much turned into a teenager in the way he spoke and behaved. He found someone who mirrored this. But I know, as I type, you can drive yourself insane analyzing what they say. It could well be how he felt in that given moment, that he wanted to be needed, but as you have been desirous of having more quality time with him (you have brought this up with him a lot this last few months), he should know that. Right! This is the MLC effect I feel. They are in their own super-bubble of needs and nothing really bursts it - until it (hopefully) bursts.

[atsbabyg02]

UGH!!!!  I'll get to this shortly...

So I joined the Detach and Thrive group...which is awesome. I hate that I can't make most of the live coaching because of work hours. Kenda Ruth has provided so much information on detachment.  I need to find time to work on this program because I still have a long way to go. 

People always mention how WS looks dead in the eyes.  Well, I finally saw that today!  I knew he was in MLC, but I keep second guessing myself because he doesn't follow the same script.  I know I'm still at the very beginning of this lovely round 2 of MLC but, good gracious, I'm ready for things to change drastically!!

So a few weeks ago, H gave me the settlement agreement, told me to review it and then we would discuss.  I told him that I did not agree with it because I literally get nothing; everything split to owner-HELL NO!!  So he came up with some kind of financial agreement where he pays for all the kids stuff (insurance, car payments etc.); we will split medical bills 50/50.  So I asked for alimony/maintenance.  He threw a fit (let's all show our shocked faces!).  Then he said that I actually get a certain $ amount.  I ask him to explain.  I don't get any money- I save money and get paid back for the insurance because I carry the kids.  Now my babies are not recognized by the courts because of their ages. But the court formula doesn't give me $h!te and him actually paying for the kids stuff really will "save" me money.  So I'me waiting on my copy of this for my records.  He told me he was going to print this off 2 weeks ago....still waiting!

Yesterday he is packing up more of his stuff.  I ask for the paperwork again. He says he'll get it to me.  Well then this morning, I think I started it but not really meaning to. A neighbor was coming to fix our gutters but he tells me this 15 minutes before she plans to come over. So I told him it would be nice to know what's going on with fixing up the house because he doesn't tell me anything.  Well he starts monstering and gaslighting me.  I put up my boundary and said we could talk later.  Then 20 minutes later I go to him and mention that he packed up all the liquor and that it isn't fair that he gets all of it (thousands of dollars of bourbon). Then he states that I'm causing nothing be problems for him and that I was delaying the divorce. Yet he is the one holding onto the paperwork!!

I had to get out. I left to go to my parents. I asked my d18 if she wanted to go, and she said yes. Why do I get a text from H b!tc#ing that I didn't tell him d18 was not going to be home today?  Yesterday she was ho,e all day and he barely said 5 words to her.  I'm so done with him!! Being a lighthouse  for him is near impossible. This is far from the man I love.

[Treasur]

Have you taken legal advice? And/or retained a lawyer to act for you if your h’s proposed offer is not one that is acceptable to you?

[MadLuv]

Atsbaby- Im so sorry you are going through this and I am
One of those that like you have been at it for a very long time. I would say my XH started in 2008, but really started to be an at home wallower in 2013. His energy type has changed and he has come and gone and now married to 5th OW. You will most likely see a lot of your story in mine. A difference was my XH was only outwardly monster a few times and gave me a what ever I asked for in the divorce.
I agree with others on these MLCers that dont look st themselves, even when they know it is themselves that they continue with the same problems and just in fact pile a heap more on. Do what you can to financially protect yourself. I found my kindness and offer to handle everything is what got my settlement. I honestly just wanted to protect what we had built and still feel that way. Be calm and kind without being walked over. The more he monsters the more you show strength and calm and rationale. If he wants out bad and is impatient this may help him to be more fair.

[atsbabyg02]

Treasur- no I don’t have a lawyer. In our state, H filed for an uncontested divorce. He paid a flat rate and we agree to the settlement. We’d actually go into bankruptcy if I hired a lawyer. I have done a few consultations that are free so I have some background on what I need to keep me financially secure. Sadly, I was told I wouldn’t get much maintenance. He did at least admit when he was working the number that I really am getting screwed if he went with what the lawyer wrote. He is trying to be fair… why I’m not sure but I do appreciate it.

MadLuv- some of what you said does sound similar to mine. He rarely monsters, so when I saw those eyes I was shocked! He filed for divorce which was 11 days after BD#1 for this round. I do feel he is a clinger. I’m curious at what will happen when we officially split. He’s still in the home and doesn’t seem to have OW at this moment. I know in my gut/heart/intuition that there was one at time of BD. His work situation changed, which is where the OW was.

I’ve gone back and have really tried to piece things together. I think the MLC this round started during the pandemic. He would make comments about being unhappy at work. He is actually on job #5 since 2020. Even made a comment that he probably won’t stay at this one 🤦‍♀️.

We binged watched a show called “Alone” where contestants were isolated on an island to try and win $500,000. He made comments serval times about wanting to do this because it would be peaceful and away from everyone. I didn’t think much about it, but it makes sense now!

I think the biggest trigger was the loss of a friend (his age) and then his stepdad the following day. Stepdad was his biggest supporter and cheerleader.; even followed in the same career path. Plus he traveled a lot for the 3rd job he had. Literally only home a handful of days in a 6 month period..

I think he liked the freedom from responsibilities, never called and talked to the kids. Did talk to me, but began to complain a lot about we have nothing to talk about, all we do is repeat the same stuff over and over. I even requested date nights when he came home, but he was too tired, no money or anything to avoid it.

Now I just think I deserve someone who wants to hear about my day. I want someone who cares about me and wants to help me run the house. Someone who knows I deserve vacations and time to just relax and unplug from life. That is not who this man is and it makes me sad..

I’m putting it out there (manifesting) … H is a better, stronger man. He is healed from his issues and returned to me. We are happily married and growing old together. We are playing with our grandchildren. We have a beautiful home that we’ve always dreamed of. And we are everything that each other needs!

[hopeandfaith]

Love that manifesting Atsbabyg! I kinda think it works. I remember wanting the universe to send me someone like my brother and the next guy I dated had the same name. Same thing happened to my daughter and now she will likely marry a guy with the same name as my son 

[atsbabyg02]

Oh so much has happened since the last time I’ve posted. I feel like I should journal more just to have a running log. So much cycling, from both of us.

H and I talked tonight about splitting assets. I mentioned I would possibly want the house and then he argued with me about it. That he was thinking of keeping the house and that he didn’t have anywhere to live because there are no apartments or homes near his work, which is an hour away from where we live now. I would hate for him to move away, but I have to let him go.

I’m feeling so many emotions right now: sad, scared, relieved, excited but mostly heartbroken.

[UrsaMajor]

H and I talked tonight about splitting assets. I mentioned I would possibly want the house and then he argued with me about it. That he was thinking of keeping the house and that he didn’t have anywhere to live because there are no apartments or homes near his work, which is an hour away from where we live now.

And this is different for you how? Seriously..... 

THe important part here is to know what your rights are and what you are legally entitled to. What he wants is rather irrelevant because, a) he is in Toddler mode (If I want it, it is mine. If I gave it to you 2 days ago and want it back, it is mine, if it's ours, it is mine, if it was yours and I want it, it is mine), b) what he wants now my be different than what he wants tomorrow, c) he's likely thinking with his little head and not with the big one, d) since the LBS is 2nd cousin to Satan himself according to the Mid-Lifer, anything that can be used to poke the LBS will be done, if for no other reason than to spite the LBS and get "revenge" for all the perceived wrongs committed by the LBS.

This is an area where I can not stress enough to get legal advice BEFORE you agree to ANYTHING regarding the split. If I had to do it all over again, I would have told MLCxW that she was free to leave but that the kids and I would be staying in the house instead of moving out and selling the house like we did.

[Biscuit]

I agree with UM. The one thing I regret is listening to her BS and moving out of the family home (before I knew it was MLC).
Stay put in your home.

[atsbabyg02]

Yes, I'm seeking legal advise.  My lawyer was actually the one who said I should keep the house if I could afford to.

Yeah, it's not different really.  i was better when I was working (distracted).  I work in the school system and being on summer break is a struggle because I am having to figure out who I am again.  The mom hat has shifted with my youngest going away to college. Obviously, the wife hat has been thrown away by H. The emotional roller coaster is a nightmare currently.

On a good note, I had a fabulous weekend without thinking about H!! That's major for me because I always think how he is missing out on all the fun stuff my D18 and I have been doing, but really, it is his loss and not my problem!!

[MadLuv]

Atsababy- The family time is a hard one. Time alone gets easier, but time with family and that missing part can continue to be an little trigger. Also, it isn’t just his problem. It’s your loss and your kids loss as well. I have found the more new memories you make the easier it gets. Sometimes in those moments that are hard you just have to fake it until you make it.  There is no way around this, but through it. Looks like you are doing just that