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Author Topic: Mirror-Work Return Stories Part Three

F
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Mirror-Work Return Stories Part Three
#70: July 08, 2023, 12:05:53 PM
Yes I fear you are right, SIL is still/again in MLC.

One thing that rang a huge bell when I called her : I told SIL that praying is helping a lot (she is very Christian) and she told me that, since the death of her father, she is not able to say anymore "Our Father". That sounds totally MLC.

I plan to call her from time to time. It is a so easy to help her. I would be delighted if someone could do that for my W ;D
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M 44, W43. Married 18 years, together 21
3 children D17, D15, S6
OM discovered Dec 22, BD Jan 23 (few days after)
W living at home 16 mths post BD, then keeps moving in & out "for work" in foreign country.
Aimer, c'est donner sans attendre de retour et tout acte est prière, s'il est don de soi (Antoine de Saint Exupéry)
Love means to give without expecting return, and every act is a prayer if it is a self-gift. (thanks OffRoad !)

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Return Stories Part Three
#71: August 08, 2023, 03:51:40 PM
Ran across these return stories after divorce. No major info, but interesting

1. After 17 years and two kids, she divorced me. She just felt things should have been better. After the divorce, we both tried to form new relationships. None were right for either of us; although after 6 months, she married the first man who asked her and spent an uncomfortable 12 months before divorcing him. Then, sweetly, hesitantly, she asked me if I’d like to try again. We've been married for 60 years! (We don’t count the two-year hiatus)

2. My ex left five years ago. Our divorce was final two years ago. Went no contact. I reactivated my Facebook page about a month ago after years of being closed to find he'd been sending me messages since 2021. I replied to one and we've been talking every since. He admitted he remarried but it just didn't work out and asked if we can try again. I know in this situation most people would say I'm crazy and that I should run. However, I have hope.

3. One of the other engineers in my group also got divorced and then remarried a year later. 

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There is almost something harder about someone being alive and having to lose what you believed to be true of them than someone actually dying.

Indefatigability - determined to do or achieve something; firmness of purpose
perspicacity- a clarity of vision or intellect which provides a deep understanding and insight

Married July 1991
Jan 2018 BD1 moved out I filed for Div/ H stopped it
Oct 2018 moved back
Oct 2020 BD2
Feb 2021 Div-29 1/2 years
July 2021 Married OW
Feb 2022  XH fired
May 2023 went NC after telling XH we could not be friends
Aug 2023 XH moves w/o OWife

K
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Return Stories Part Three
#72: August 10, 2023, 01:59:25 PM
I mentioned in, I think it was Madluv's thread, about a friend of mine, recovering from cancer, whose partner has returned. But as this is a work in progress, I will update that when things are more settled. The story I want to share here is rather odd (aren't they all?). An older friend of mine, when she found out what happened to me, shared something that happened to her about 35 years ago (she is now 80). Her H had a prostrate cancer scare. Being very worried and distressed, she confided in a close friend. Soon after, her H told her not to share with anyone, and she confessed that she had already told a close friend. Apparently, he completely overreacted, got mad, and thereafter stopped speaking to her. He moved to their spare room and completely cut of communication. This lasted for 2 years. Until they went to a family wedding out of town and had a shared hotel room booked for them. Retiring to bed after the wedding, without any preamble, he got into bed with her. As if it was the most normal thing in the world. And after that he kind of returned to normal. She had never told anyone else (although her children knew through observation). And she and her H never spoke of it. Strange huh? I could tell, even after all these years, that she was still shocked and hurt by it. She says she still wonders if he would do it again. And she knows that she has become more independent because of it.
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« Last Edit: August 10, 2023, 02:04:43 PM by KayDee »

P
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Return Stories Part Three
#73: September 11, 2023, 06:04:55 PM
Together and married 32 years. XH started acting weird the beginning of 2017 after my sister died. He had been in contact with someone from his past. He left April 2017. BD (after he left) was to our oldest daughter. She had no idea what he was talking about.  He was deep in MLC and had all the symptoms. Once I learned about MLC I went NC. I only spoke with him if he reached out to me. He reached out about a month ago. He showed up at the house a little over a week ago. He has verbalized he’s never leaving again.
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Return Stories Part Three
#74: September 12, 2023, 05:17:10 PM
He has been gone 6 years and just showed up? How much communication did you have? I assume since you posted here you let him come back?
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There is almost something harder about someone being alive and having to lose what you believed to be true of them than someone actually dying.

Indefatigability - determined to do or achieve something; firmness of purpose
perspicacity- a clarity of vision or intellect which provides a deep understanding and insight

Married July 1991
Jan 2018 BD1 moved out I filed for Div/ H stopped it
Oct 2018 moved back
Oct 2020 BD2
Feb 2021 Div-29 1/2 years
July 2021 Married OW
Feb 2022  XH fired
May 2023 went NC after telling XH we could not be friends
Aug 2023 XH moves w/o OWife

S
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Re: Return Stories Part Three
#75: September 14, 2023, 03:46:07 AM
Together and married 32 years. XH started acting weird the beginning of 2017 after my sister died. He had been in contact with someone from his past. He left April 2017. BD (after he left) was to our oldest daughter. She had no idea what he was talking about.  He was deep in MLC and had all the symptoms. Once I learned about MLC I went NC. I only spoke with him if he reached out to me. He reached out about a month ago. He showed up at the house a little over a week ago. He has verbalized he’s never leaving again.

Hi - would you like to start your own thread on here so that others can respond to you?  We tend to keep this particular thread to one -off stories and anecdotal evidence rather than a discussion thread.
It would be good to hear more about your LBS story too.
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BD march 2013
Stay at home MLCer
OW for 3.5 years - finishing Autumn 2016
Reconnection started 2017.
Separated 2022 (my choice because he wanted to live alone) and yet fully reconnected seeing each other often.

P
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Return Stories Part Three
#76: September 14, 2023, 02:59:00 PM
  I actually started a thread years ago. Not quite sure how to access it. I’m happy to answer any questions that come through. If someone can help me with accessing the old thread or starting a new one. Thanks
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P
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Return Stories Part Three
#77: September 14, 2023, 03:32:44 PM
He has been gone 6 years and just showed up? How much communication did you have? I assume since you posted here you let him come back?

Not much communication at all. Only when he reached out to me.  He reached out about a month ago. He still spoke as if he was in MLC because he even mentioned that he needed OW and can’t live without her. I told him he deserves to be happy and good luck with that. About a week and a half later he was at my door with his belongings. I let him come back because I wanted to make good on a promise I made to him. To get him to sign the marital settlement agreement and let me keep the house I promised him he would have a place to stay if they broke up.  The best decision I ever made. I’ve also told him I don’t have a revolving door. If he leaves again he can not come back. He looked me in my eyes and said he is happy right here at home. He even said he don’t know why he left and it was the biggest mistake of his life.
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Re: Return Stories Part Three
#78: September 15, 2023, 05:06:56 AM
  I actually started a thread years ago. Not quite sure how to access it. I’m happy to answer any questions that come through. If someone can help me with accessing the old thread or starting a new one. Thanks


Just start a new one and PM me your previous moniker if you had one and the time line when you were on here. That way one of the mods can find it in archives and merge your new one with it.

Thanks
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BD march 2013
Stay at home MLCer
OW for 3.5 years - finishing Autumn 2016
Reconnection started 2017.
Separated 2022 (my choice because he wanted to live alone) and yet fully reconnected seeing each other often.

W

WHY

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Return Stories Part Three
#79: October 11, 2023, 10:00:12 PM
Do we genuinely believe our MLCers loved us all along?  That the love is still inside of them, just suppressed by depression? 

The two MLCers I’ve spoken with did not talk about this love at all.  What motivated them for wanting to return was that their new life sucked way worse than their old life, so they wanted their old life back.  Not because of some romantic attachment to their LBS.  But because it’s better than than the crappy situation they engineered. 

Sure over time a friendship and love can grow.  But that’s not the reason for their return.  At least in the two cases I know. 

Can the vets here comment on this.
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