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Author Topic: My Story Alvin's 8th: I'm the Bad Guy

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My Story Alvin's 8th: I'm the Bad Guy
#90: July 22, 2021, 03:35:51 PM
I am sorry to hear about your father, Alvin. It's hard enough as parents go downhill, but then being unable to visit and/or say goodbye must be extremely difficult. I wish him peace.

RE: Alimony. Do you have something in place that says you need to tell her that you are making more or less money? If not, why would she know, why would she try to renegotiate? Maybe your culture is different, but where I come from,  we don't give specifics of how much money we earn unless it is required for some reason. I had no idea how much my father earned until after my mother died and I was going through paperwork.
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When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

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Alvin's 8th: I'm the Bad Guy
#91: July 22, 2021, 09:50:03 PM
Thanks Offroad


Maybe your culture is different, but where I come from,  we don't give specifics of how much money we earn unless it is required for some reason.

No need to share income on this side of big pond  neither, but basically life changes (like job changes, health issues, getting married etc anything that affects persons income in some way) is valid reason to ask official review for the alimony and parenting deal.

The only requirements for review to pass are  1) that it has to be long term change (so I think I'll be well covered at least for the 6month probation period),  and 2) the alimony sum given by 'official calculator' should change by 15% (and they are looking only at calculator sum based on financial data they get from IRS, not what kind of alimony has been paid/agreed in RL).

Theoretically it should always protect the financial wellbeing of kids in case one parents life goes up or down. But in RL the system has got more loopholes than swiss cheese as some people do and try to gamble the system😖

Alvin
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At time of BD.... Me: 43, XW: 41
Kids: G19,G18,G14,G12,S5
Together - 20½ Years, Married 19 Years

BD ("I don't love you"): Feb 2019, 
BD2 ("I don't want to fix this marriage."), Mar 2020
D filed May 2020, D finalized Dec 2020
I have moved on, and am in new relationship.

Lessons from Stoicism and REBT helped me to exit the chaos zone and become a better person. 

"Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. - Epictetus"

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Alvin's 8th: I'm the Bad Guy
#92: August 03, 2021, 03:32:14 PM
Catching up Alvin. You sound like you're living your life, doing grown-up things, and generally being a healthy human. Congrats on making it to the place where you are. Also congrats and good luck with the new job.

So sorry to hear about your father. That's a really tough thing to go through. Take care of yourself through this.
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"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27. Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA  |  BD #2: 2018 - FA

W moved out - June 2019 | OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019 | Divorce final - September 2019 | Moving on

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11537.new#new

New Here? Read this! http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=1149.0

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Alvin's 8th: I'm the Bad Guy
#93: September 09, 2021, 12:28:36 PM
Thought I would do a bit if update.... All in all life's good with the usual ups and downs

My new job ... I have recently noticed that when on my way to work and off work, I often times whistle, sing or take few dance steps. Though the days are long and occasionally challenging, I'm really enjoying it.

My father...  For better or worse, no change. All in all I am prepared he will not make past this winter... My brother seems to have adjusted for the same as well.

Ms H.... Suffering from random bouts of stress.  About family, friends, work... Going through XWs MLC was a valuable lesson not to get sucked in with other people's drama. So I listen to ms.H, support and help out when asked,  but otherwise stay out if it. In the end how she deals issues with her sister etc is her thing, and complex enough without me giving any advice/opinions.

Kids.... Doing well.... Except for S7 who broke his phone earlier this week. He was heartbroken.

XW... A funny story.... I ended up fixing her new phone 🤣 But she did not ask for it, but the request came through G16.I guess it says pretty much everything necessary about level of communication she wants to have with me 😅. But maybe some day we could talk like two adults who once knew each other

Alvin.
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At time of BD.... Me: 43, XW: 41
Kids: G19,G18,G14,G12,S5
Together - 20½ Years, Married 19 Years

BD ("I don't love you"): Feb 2019, 
BD2 ("I don't want to fix this marriage."), Mar 2020
D filed May 2020, D finalized Dec 2020
I have moved on, and am in new relationship.

Lessons from Stoicism and REBT helped me to exit the chaos zone and become a better person. 

"Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. - Epictetus"

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Alvin's 8th: I'm the Bad Guy
#94: September 09, 2021, 02:56:43 PM
Alvin!!!

Good to see ya!!

Interesting how LBS prepares you for a healthy R.  8)
Glad you're doing so well.

-SS
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W - 40
M - 44
Together 25 years, M 23
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019
Start of Shadow - Feb 2012

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Alvin's 8th: I'm the Bad Guy
#95: September 09, 2021, 06:31:09 PM
Hello Alvin,
today I was just looking for your silver lining post to share with an LBS.  Glad things are going well with normal life events.

Take care,
5hil
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Alvin's 8th: I'm the Bad Guy
#96: September 14, 2021, 06:56:53 PM
Great update Alvin.

I think it's UM that says something like "one does not travel to hell and back without picking up transferable skills"
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