I am sorry that contact with him shook you. Seeing them though does give us some insight into who they are now.
Am I dead to him? He didn't seem nervous, or have shame. He seemed small and disassociated. Lifeless.
Something happened to them that changed who they are. I don't really understand how that could happen but as you know, we see the same story over and over again. A switch went off and they went after a very different life then they had with us.
How in the world could this man who adored and loved me for over 2 decades be so cold and disinterested in giving me 15 minutes of his time
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This is something that is so incomprehensible. To not show any kindness or concern for us makes no sense at all. No apologizes, no attempt to explain and no willingness to build some kind of relationship with us...it doesn't make any sense ...but it all fits the changes that occur when they leave their lives behind and take on a completely different persona.
He got EVERYTHING: The girl, the money, the lifestyle. I am the one that was reduced to ashes. I am the one that is still alone............... It is very sad and hurts my feelings.
It is very sad and it was not supposed to be this way. I hate being alone, and although I have plenty of friends it doesn't replace my longing for an intimate partner. It is the way I am hardwired. Sometimes my life feels very much like groundhog day. Get up, turn on my computer, eat breakfast....stuff to do in the day, generally eat dinner alone, watch tv, go to bed. I like to travel but most of my friends are couples and travel with their spouse or their kids, or they cannot afford to travel. I found traveling alone less than satisfactory.
The contact we have now is beneficial for our daughter but it is very superficial between us....I don't ask him for anything, I don't contact him but still respond to his texts..which are usually "jokes".
I accept that the memories are still there of what we used to have, which was a life I loved with a person I loved..I accept that this is gone. In the singles groups I belong to, 90% of the participants are women so even if I could think that another partner would be a possibility (and there are many reasons I don't think that is a good idea for me) the pickings are quite slim.
I am happier than I once was but growing old alone isn't a whole lot of fun. I think there is a difference when your spouse dies, because as long as they are alive, for me anyway, his rejection of me is a problem for me. Even though I know it wasn't me it touches areas deep within, the wounding is still in our hearts.
It sounds like you have a good relationship with your family....I don't think they retain much if any relationship with family members, even their children and so I wonder, how good is that? I would rather be involved with my blood family than strangers that I met post crisis but that's my need not his.
Shining, you are not alone in your thoughts. Thanks for sharing. I hope that your find your peace again quickly...as Heartsblessing always used to say "let him blow in the wind and crack his head" or something like that.
Have a good day!
Just thought of something, several of my married friends actually seen to envy my "freedom"....some of my girl friends are finding that their husbands are in their words "becoming crabby old men" and not interested in doing things., yet they want their wives at home with them all the time..of course I remember one women complaining because her husband slurps his coffee and it drives her crazy.....if she only knew!
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9 years later....