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Author Topic: My Story 7 Year Cycles, 10 Years Deep

L
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My Story Re: 7 Year Cycles
#10: May 01, 2018, 05:34:20 PM
R2T, I am glad you got a glimpse (or an eyeful) of what your xH's family is truly like. I think if someone let the cat-out-of-the-bag (no aspersions on your kitties) about my xH's family, I would get some real answers also. I do know that he comes from a long line of cheaters. Not his dad, but his brother, uncle and grandfather.

I do get a bit angry when I hear that he is taking his OW to plays and comedy shows. Something he would never do with me. But I also hear that she is just awful to him. Why he stays is beyond me. Maybe that's all he thinks he's worth.

I am glad that you have your guy still in the wings. I am glad you are still open to the possibility of a new relationship.

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trying2bok

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Re: 7 Year Cycles
#11: May 02, 2018, 04:03:31 AM
Hi R2T,

Nice update and interesting about your Mid-Lifer's family... I got to experience some of the Bat-Snot crazy in my Mid-Lifers family first hand so I know what you mean about seeing things a bit differently with the information at hand...

UM
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Me - 58, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 10
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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Re: 7 Year Cycles
#12: May 17, 2018, 10:31:41 PM
Hi Ready2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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You never know what's around the corner. It could be everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you've climbed a mountain.”

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Re: 7 Year Cycles
#13: May 18, 2018, 12:05:51 AM
Onward, Learning, Ursa, and theheartknows!!! So glad to see you all, especially in knowing how long we've all been here and how far we've come. xH continues to check in (apologizes sometimes for not doing it more often, as though he's 'missed' a contact and I've been waiting!  ::) ). I don't think much about him or his life. Been having fun times with my tiptoeing-toward-something fella. Spent a lot of time last weekend with his dad (a complete 180 from my NPD xFIL) and we hung out with one of his childhood friends. It feels so comfortable and low-pressure right now. I have a lot of mental freedom to just concentrate on my career and where I want to go with that. Such a huge relief after so much stress for so long. Dad's healing well still and has been back to almost all of his physical activities. We went to a record show a few weeks ago, which is a huge passion of his that he hasn't pursued in a very long time. It's good to see him back to his old self (for the most part). The other day he mentioned that he feels xH will eventually "off himself" and that he "has come to terms with that."  ??? It sounds kind of cold to say something like that to me, but I was able to take it with a grain of salt because of this experience where I learned to respond not react. ;) Truthfully, I know my dad is just one of those people who can't empathize with something he hasn't experienced. He has his own unresolved stuff and I'm sure that plays a role. I've tried to explain to him in the past that our experiences with this are different, but I don't know that he gets it. As a "non-fixer" now, I know it's not my job to make him see what I mean. It's my job to accept that he doesn't, and not let it be a sticking point in my own growth.
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c
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Re: 7 Year Cycles
#14: May 18, 2018, 06:31:22 PM
Hi R2T,  Yep 7 years cycles...this year does seem different.  In a good way. :D
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Re: 7 Year Cycles
#15: May 18, 2018, 06:33:58 PM
Calamity!!! Somebody break out a bottle of wine or something, we got a full on reunion up in here!  ;D ;D ;D
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L
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Re: 7 Year Cycles
#16: May 19, 2018, 09:40:33 AM
It does seem to be a reunion on here.  :D  We Old Timers/Veterans do have a significant bond. I love to see the names of the people I started with and know that they are doing well.

R2T, you are doing especially well. I also see many on FB. Who would have thought, in the beginning, how well we would be doing?

Calamity, do you have a current thread?

THK, I would love an update. How is your job going?

I am so happy for you R2T that you are having fun with your fella and that you are seeing what normal is. I wonder if someone could figure out why we all chose such broken people to be with initially. Maybe Anjae has a theory.

I get on here from time to time, but if anyone would like to PM me, I would love to hear from you. I can't see the subscriber's side since I gave up mentoring. 
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trying2bok

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Re: 7 Year Cycles
#17: May 19, 2018, 01:16:57 PM
I truly enjoy seeing all you old timers/veterans drop in and post an update.  Seven years.  Wow.  I'm midway through year three and still trying to get the MLCer's possessions and stuff off my property! 
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BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

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Re: 7 Year Cycles
#18: May 19, 2018, 09:13:06 PM
Quote
I'm midway through year three and still trying to get the MLCer's possessions and stuff off my property! 
My x never took his stuff.  Well it's my stuff now. ;D   You see, the 'stuff' was part of the old h and he left it along with his wife, daughter, pets, etc.  Tip:  rent a storage locker in his name, put his possessions in it, inform him where they are and forget about it.
Yes R2T, 7 years, class of 2011. 

No Learning I do not have a thread--maybe it's time.
 
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Re: 7 Year Cycles
#19: May 20, 2018, 06:10:50 PM
Another happy to see you happy and having fun with your male friend.

Maybe Anjae has a theory.

Not really. Some of us were teenagers when we got together, like Ready2, myself and others. At that age, I doubt it had much to do with broken, more with attraction, someone we click with on several levels. In my case, a well read, cultured young man, so different from the boisterous, drinking, taking drugs party type that many teenagers are, prefering reading and the arts to it.

Which, of course, only goes to show how much MLC changed Mr J. Party boy? Drinking? He never done such things when he was a teen, not because he couldn't, but because it wasn't him, and he got into those in his mid 30s?

On the other hand, I have learned on the Medical Neuroscience course I am doing on Coursera, that live experiences changes the nervous system (brain plasticity is the capacity of the nervous system to change). So, we may not have chose someone broken, they may had got broken with life experiences that happened afterwards.

Or there may already be something there, caused by life experiences, but that only was brough forward with the stress and depression of MLC.

Genes, like the nervous system, also alter with life experience. And it can be the same, the genes could had been affected with MLC stress and depression, or something was brought forward by it.

However, the brain (that includes the nervous system, and extends to the gastrointestinal system (that also has neurons) is very complex. This week I will be learning more about long-term depression nd long-term potentiation.

I am viewing it more not as broken people, but with people that suffered brain alterations (no, not on the frontal lobe, that is a different matter), chemical, electrical, neuron level, etc, probably caused by too much cortisol (stress), adrenaline, and a lack of minerals and vitamins - stress and adrenaline would erode those. Homonal factors may also be at play.

The main problem with MCL is that MLCers carry on with MLC lifestyle. While they carry on with it, they are not doing their brains and bodies any favours and the crazy keeps going on.

Later weeks of the Course will have lectures on addiction and the brain. The course is very difficult, with many (too many?) brain things to study. Maybe by the end I will have a better understanding of a few things I was already familiar with, and a new of things I was not familiar with.

Not certain if this, somehow, answered your question, Learning. but I hope to have some more  elaborate thoughts that may apply to MLC once the course is over and I have had time to process the gigantic amount of information we are learning.

Sorry for the highjack, Ready2. I am also going to post this on my thread, so that I ca have it at hand for future reference.
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« Last Edit: May 20, 2018, 06:21:45 PM by Anjae »
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

 

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