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Author Topic: My Story Cleaning Out the Garage

D
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My Story Cleaning Out the Garage
OP: August 31, 2020, 10:25:12 AM
This coming Labor Day  weekend will be the 4th anniversary of LB packing up his rubbermaid tote and moving to his parents house  (he is still there).  In some way it feels like not so long ago and in some ways it feels like a whole other lifetime.  I have no real recollection of the person who left me nor can I even really recall why I was so upset he left but I remember sobbing hysterically on the bathroom floor for hours.  Just a truly awful weekend.

The memory that popped up on my time line today was 6 years ago - we were visiting the inlaws in South Carolina.  I can remember thinking then that it would be a nice tradition to start  - visiting the inlaws for Labor Day weekend.  That did not happen as LB was obviously not having as much fun as the kids and I were having.  I found myself wondering what exactly he WAS thinking that weekend. 

It rained this past weekend and basketball was cancelled so I started cleaning the GARAGE.  This, my friends, is a really, really big deal.  The garage was a huge issue at marriage counselling - a major point of friction between us.  It became that place in the house where everything just goes and piles up.  And I was itching to get it sorted out.  But the job seemed overwhelming and I wanted to schedule a project day for both if us to tackle it together.  We actually had to involve the MC to get a day planned because LB was having meltdown over the evil. controlling calendar that I kept in my purse that controlled his whole life - which was not true since he was obviously finding time to shag MOO2 - but I digress.

Anyhoo, we planned a date - a Saturday morning - and when I woke up LB was gone "to work" and would not reply to any of my phone calls or texts. I worked on the garage by myself (with kids) that day and spent much of it fuming and crying.  I didn't accomplish much.  Needless to say the MC was flabbergasted when I reported back the next week that LB was a no show.  And LB was all "I forgot" which was total BS. The garage has remained in much the same condition for the past 4 years.  The whole space triggers me making me sad and angry at the same time.

I am in the final stages of refinancing the house into my name - the final nail in the divorce coffin.  Hopefully, the house will be all mine soon,  I decided it was time to tackle MY garage.  Whatever is left out there of LB's is now trash.  It is time to reclaim the garage from MLC.

I recently read an article that claimed that the difference between a project being a success or a failure is 40% more effort.  The premises is that when you reach your breaking point - you want to give up, give in, call it quits -  studies show that if you had put in just 40% more effort you would have reached your goal.  So the difference between winners and losers is 40%.  Everytime I reached my breaking point with the garage project I would ask myself if I had just 40% more effort left to give.  The answer was always yes and I kept plugging.

It is not done by any means and my whole body hurts today but I made a huge and very noticeable difference in the garage this weekend.  This week is bulk trash pick up and I plan to haul a bunch of stuff out to the curb later this week.  It feels good to finally be making some forward progress on the GARAGE!!

The kids tell me that the outlaws are headed back to South Carolina this week.  Otherwise there has been no LB sightings. D had small meltdown about MOO2 and her kids a few days ago which was out of the blue and unexpected.  Honestly, I think she is just tired of the dysfunction on that side of the family.     

The serial park killer did send me a text a few days ago to say hi.  I decided that I have lost my dang mind giving my phone number out to strangers in the park and I have not replied.

Cheers to 4 years!!               

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« Last Edit: August 31, 2020, 10:36:42 AM by Dumbfounded »
Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

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Cleaning Out the Garage
#1: August 31, 2020, 10:52:45 AM
Hello,

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This coming Labor Day  weekend will be the 4th anniversary of LB packing up his rubbermaid tote and moving to his parents house  (he is still there). 

Well, this Labor day will mark the seventh anniversary my ex got in the car and drove off to WA. She's still there too.

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It rained this past weekend and basketball was cancelled so I started cleaning the GARAGE. 

It didn't rain this weekend, but I helped clean the garage. I was meant to powerwash the patio, but the machine was too big for my car and with the logistics thrown off, my wife postponed that task to next week. She then said, "We will work on the garage." Like you said, the garage is a place where everything goes. Eventually it is sorted and either makes it to the trash or Goodwill. I had just finished building a covered patio so the garage was filled with tools, materials, and trash.

We got most of it organized. The nice thing is that I get to buy a new tool chest to store my tools. That will really open up the garage. Nice to be able to open a drawer and find my wrenches.

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I decided it was time to tackle MY garage.

That's right, it your place and you get to make the rules. I wonder if LB living at his parent's house has a curfew. LOL

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I recently read an article that claimed that the difference between a project being a success or a failure is 40% more effort.

That is fascinating. Could you PM the link to that article? I would really like to read it.

You are doing so well and it's nice to know you can muster  the extra 40% to get the job done as opposed to LB that can only muster the 5% to make an excuse.

((((Hugs))))

Ready









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Cleaning Out the Garage
#2: August 31, 2020, 11:50:19 AM
Following along with you DF. Well done on sorting YOUR garage! I am at 3 1/2 years and have just recently started cleaning out the stuff my H left in 3 sheds. You sound in a good place, moving forward while LB spins around in circles!! Sending support, PG xxx
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Cleaning Out the Garage
#3: September 01, 2020, 04:37:06 AM
Attaching and waiting to see what PortaPotty Antics LB pulls next....
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Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
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Cleaning Out the Garage
#4: September 01, 2020, 08:11:37 AM
Yes cleaning and purging is definitely cathartic. Sometimes it is emotional but I think it is good to emote when the opportunity presents itself.

As usual, you are sounding strong and driven. 
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Cleaning Out the Garage
#5: September 01, 2020, 08:27:12 AM
DF,

You are an inspiration - you have steadily slogged through everything with indomitable courage!!

I need to get down to radical downsizing soon, I may have to get my mother to live with me and it will be better with a house that carries less, if you know what I mean ::)
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Cleaning Out the Garage
#6: September 01, 2020, 10:59:57 AM
Ready, many thanks to you for making me go back and  try to hunt down the article (which I couldn't find) because, in my overwhelm, in the depths of the garage, I recalled the Rule of 40% incorrectly.  While my incorrect recollection kept me motivated, my additional research has clarified a lot questions I had about the math while I was purging.
   
The Rule of 40%  comes from Jesse Itzler’s book “Living With A SEAL.” The 40% rule is simple: When your mind is telling you that you’re done, that you’re exhausted, that you cannot possibly go any further,  you’re only actually 40% done.  So, you actually have to go another 60%!!  Sure glad I didn't know that over the weekend because 40% seemed like a lot at the time.   :P   Anyhoo, it looks like I am about 25% done the entire garage.... so I have got a long way to go.  But bulk trash day is coming this week and I am excited for more progress before week end.

It is cathartic KIT.  But 4 years in, I am skipping to the trash can with the abandoned stuff, flinging open the lid and chucking it in.  Goodbye LB's stuff! Making way for the new!!  I have not come across anything exciting.  When he asked for his 5 things in the divorce, I went through the house with a fine tooth comb and packed up ALL of his stuff... down to Christmas ornaments, pens and buttons.. and dumped all the boxes at MILs house.  Good riddance.  Since then I have come across his works boots in the garage and his high school class ring in my jewelry box.  I sent the work boots to Goodwill and I put his class ring away for S.  He is obviously not sentimental so no point in returning it.     

D started college today.  All online this semester... so she is sitting on the couch in her PJs with the dog.  Kinda sad.

My newest problem is the park serial killer.  He keeps calling and texting.  I want to be excited about it but I am not.  He seems needy and clingy and in a rush to get my schedule and get together... and I am like yeah no there is a pandemic . My girlfriends are all like good for you and give him a chance and blah, blah.  I just feel like if I learned anything at all from the last 4 years it is that when my guts tells me that something is off I should listen.  It just feels like a parade of red flags to me.  Sigh.             
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Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

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Re: Cleaning Out the Garage
#7: September 01, 2020, 02:11:15 PM
DF, I bet that facing the garage will have its triggers. We purge, throw away to a certain extent, box away, and then live with that for a year or two. Then circumstances seem to force us to take a new look at that storage space. Then we go through the whole thing again, but hopefully we bounce back a lot faster now.

Sorry your D is starting college from home, but then again, how nice for you. She has plenty of time to live her life. You are getting her for a little extra time.

Regarding the serial killer, trust your gut. If there's one thing we learn from all of this, is that our gut is usually right. Doesn't meant the serial killer is an actual killer, but does feel as though there's something off about him, and we sure don't need anyone with more problems. Perhaps just tell him straight out right away that you're flattered but you have no interest in a relationship. The next time you feel you have to give your number, put one wrong number in the mix. Good luck.
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Re: Cleaning Out the Garage
#8: September 01, 2020, 05:17:42 PM
My teenage daughter says that there is a spoof phone number that you can give people that goes to a recording that says something along the lines of “sorry, dude, she’s just not that interested in you”.  I did call it when she told me about it.  It was a recording letting someone down easy.  Haha.  Just for grins and giggles, I’ll see if she remembers it and I’ll post it for you.  You know, for future serial killers!
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Cleaning Out the Garage
#9: September 02, 2020, 08:25:57 PM

I am in the final stages of refinancing the house into my name - the final nail in the divorce coffin.  Hopefully, the house will be all mine soon,  I decided it was time to tackle MY garage.  Whatever is left out there of LB's is now trash.  It is time to reclaim the garage from MLC.

Excellent news, DF.  Yes, indeed, it IS time for you to reclaim YOUR garage!

It is not done by any means and my whole body hurts today but I made a huge and very noticeable difference in the garage this weekend.  This week is bulk trash pick up and I plan to haul a bunch of stuff out to the curb later this week.  It feels good to finally be making some forward progress on the GARAGE!!

You will be quite impressed with yourself and your abilities when that garage is organized and set up the way YOU want it.  I guarantee it! 

The kids tell me that the outlaws are headed back to South Carolina this week.  Otherwise there has been no LB sightings. D had small meltdown about MOO2 and her kids a few days ago which was out of the blue and unexpected.  Honestly, I think she is just tired of the dysfunction on that side of the family.

I hope that D has a good semester - I know it's hard to just sit at home and do online when you want to be experiencing college life and all that entails.  Hopefully, she'll get her chance to do that.     

The serial park killer did send me a text a few days ago to say hi.  I decided that I have lost my dang mind giving my phone number out to strangers in the park and I have not replied.

Yes, best not to reply if your trusty gut is telling you it's a bad idea.  With any luck, he'll give up soon. 

Cheers to 4 years!! 

We've come a long way, baby!   ;)             

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