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Author Topic: My Story Resurgam

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My Story Resurgam
#150: March 01, 2021, 11:53:35 AM
Thank you, Air, for your long and thoughtful post. Well-worth multiple reads by me  :)
Yes, lots of things that sound pretty familiar there......things that ring true instinctively to me now with time and distance. (And of course, just like Acorn says, we are all a sample of one of course, but can sometimes find our own truths in others stories, can't we?)
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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Resurgam
#151: March 02, 2021, 03:59:43 AM
I, too, found myself nodding along to Airmid's post -- the bit about immaturity rang true.   I don't have much to add here anymore either, but do still read, I still find that I can learn. 

For me the immaturity is the thing that remains a niggle -- I have sometimes found myself feeling something akin to contempt, but that isn't the word I am looking for (or is it?), for the person my H has become; I think because I still find it pretty hard to accept that he turned into (or never matured from) the kind of person who just cuts and runs rather than steps up as a partner.   That he became someone to whom that kind of behaviour was OK.   That treating myself and the children as he does is OK -- I would never have believed it of him. 

If someone has a better word than contempt I would love to hear it!  It's a sadness, underpinned with bewilderment, and some anger thrown in.  The opposite of respect, perhaps. 

I also read Marian the Librarian's thread; her musings are also interesting to me -- that he may not be happy, but lacks the ability, maturity, whatever you want to call it, to change.

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Re: Resurgam
#152: March 02, 2021, 02:44:01 PM
Treasur this is how I feel, too: 'But tbh marrying my h also feels like the worst mistake of my life...although I could not have known that and I can't undo it'

 I read the article and it seemed to put in writing what has made the break up so hard for me. It erased my life. In a sense, it made it worthless/pointless. Yes, I have my wonderful kids, but I could have had them with someone who would be here for me and for them. What my H did, made my memories unreliable. I can't use my memories for comfort because I don't trust them. That puts me in the position of having to block them. Basically my memories now go from my childhood, which was not that great, until I was 20 when I met H, at which point I cut off my memories, then they start up again after BD. And that makes me very angry if I let myself go there.

Air also said many things that I have even said directly to my H after BD. That he married me because I represented something to him, I don't know what, but something inline with what Air thinks, basically a better life, but then at some point whatever it is he actually did marry me for went missing, and that's when he lost interest. I was just an opportunity in his damaged life. I also agree that MLCers have something seriously psychologically wrong, and that it was there all the time just waiting to come out.
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D26, D23, S16
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

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Resurgam
#153: March 02, 2021, 04:24:58 PM
Milly - but don’t you understand that your children with a different spouse would be different children?  So, that is the one thing that they provided that we can be grateful for.  (Sorry to hijack, Treasur).

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Resurgam
#154: March 02, 2021, 11:03:36 PM
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

 

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