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Author Topic: My Story Stronger Now In Broken Places

D
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My Story Stronger Now In Broken Places
#10: February 12, 2021, 10:38:23 AM
Hoping on board... 
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Married 1998
MLC H 48
LBS W 47
D16, S12
BD March, 2016
Left home Sept 4, 2016 - living with parents
H filed for D - July 24, 2017
D final March 14, 2018 - still living at parent's house

“You've seen my descent, now watch my rising.”
― Jalaluddin Rumi

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Stronger Now In Broken Places
#11: February 13, 2021, 02:16:17 PM
Thanks for coming along PJ and DF.

A couple things to write about today.

So, I finally opened ex MIL's gift.  Nothing to worry about, nothing to throw me into thoughts of my marriage, just an average gift.

D is house-sitting this weekend and the toilet wasn't working correctly.  She texted and asked if I would make the drive out to take a look at it.  I picked her up some lunch on the way and it took no time at all to get the toilet up and running.  On the way home, I thought about how she reached out to me, the amateur in matters such as these, vs MLCer, who is an expert in matters such as these.  It really does come down to the one they know they can rely on, even when we don't have all the answers, doesn't it?
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Survival Instructions for Newbies

The Apology Every LBS Deserves

My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

H
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Stronger Now In Broken Places
#12: February 13, 2021, 02:39:31 PM
Yes FW.  Since mlc, my kids have relied on me more even for things that my W used to do.  It’s been interesting and my W is starting to do more since moving out.  She at least is focused more on the kids which is good thing although she still is not speaking with me.

I am detaching and leaving it to God.  Wish you the best as you continue to take care of yourself and be their for your kids.
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W - 42
M - 46
Together 19 years, M 17
2 kids
BD - July 2020
W Left Home - January 2021
W Filed for D - May 2021

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Stronger Now In Broken Places
#13: February 13, 2021, 09:36:42 PM
Thanks HF.  I'm glad your kids have you!
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Survival Instructions for Newbies

The Apology Every LBS Deserves

My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

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Stronger Now In Broken Places
#14: February 13, 2021, 10:15:06 PM
Ick.  MLCers everywhere.

I had one blowing up my messenger tonight.  Seriously not sure what sort of response he expected.  I'm trying to handle it smartly, as he is a neighbor and knows where I live.  I am feeling extremely uncomfortable now.

I am going over my conversation feeling like I did something to welcome this.  But I know I didn't.  I was responding about professional things in a professional manner, and then he just threw an invitation out there that crossed the line.  And then apologized and backtracked when I shut him down, and then invited me to Church with him.   :o

This has happened to me before.  The teacher I used to work with, her husband was the one that time.  And I shut him down, and he backtracked too, and I never knew how to bring up such an uncomfortable thing to her, so I just didn't say anything to her or to my husband.  So I just ignored it and it went away.  I felt like she would hate me for saying something but would hate me for not saying something if she ever found out, and it just puts me in a lose/lose situation, even though I did not ask for this situation to begin with.

And now this one, his wife is out of town right now.  I have gone to lunch with her, and do things with her on a professional basis. 

I feel sick.



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Survival Instructions for Newbies

The Apology Every LBS Deserves

My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

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Stronger Now In Broken Places
#15: February 14, 2021, 04:41:40 AM
Faith -
No reason to feel sick - it’s not about you.
You can only control what YOU do, and you did what was appropriate.
I would suspect that he was probably drinking and his loss of control got the best of him.
I would just be sure to maintain your boundaries and I don’t think it’s necessary to tell his wife (just my personal thought).

I’m sorry about your dream about your xH. 
I had one the other night that also threw me a bit, but try to think about it and what it could mean, if anything. 
I suspect it’s a lot about ow impinging on our being (work) and their crazy thoughts and beliefs that have not substance.  It’s a lot of justification for their wrongdoings, just like the MLCer does. 

And yes, I agree that our kids rely on us more than they do our MLCer because they can’t depend on them.

Sea
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Stronger Now In Broken Places
#16: February 14, 2021, 05:24:09 AM
The ick is understandable, but please don't take responsibility for other people's thoughts or actions bc that is very unfair to yourself. This chap said some thing he should not, you shut him down, he apologised and backtracked. You may decide that it/he is ick enough to pull back from whatever friendship you have with him....or them....and that's ok too. Not your circus truly.
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

H
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#17: February 14, 2021, 06:31:35 AM
I am sorry this happened to you.  I don’t have a lot respect for spouses that stray in marriage.  Your commitment to your vows while standing is what matters.  Maybe someday God will put someone in your life with that same commitment and focus on God. 

HF
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W - 42
M - 46
Together 19 years, M 17
2 kids
BD - July 2020
W Left Home - January 2021
W Filed for D - May 2021

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Stronger Now In Broken Places
#18: February 14, 2021, 07:38:39 AM
Hello,

Yuck, and the thing is that you did nothing to receive this attention.  Last year, my wife had to deal with a jerk at work. Fortunately, he crossed too many lines with all the ladies and ended up dismissed. He was one of those guys that thought he was all of that and a bag of chips. Wrong.

Even with MeToo and other movements, some people just don't get the message do they?

I am just happy you maintained your boundaries. After having gone through the betrayal of my ex's affair, I would never do that to another person.

I hope you have an amazing day,

((((Ready)))
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"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

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#19: February 14, 2021, 11:53:51 AM
Yes, Sea, he was drinking.

Thank you all for the responses. 

I likely will pull back from interaction for a while.  Maybe put into place a strict policy of not answering married men (except family) in messenger.  Whatever they need to say to me can be done in public on my business page or theirs.

I do have a policy that if a married man friends me, I will not respond unless I am friends with his wife also.

I posted this the day after the divorce and might need to throw up the reminder again, maybe wait until the day of and share it as a memory.

Quote
Dear married men on my friend's list.  I'm glad we've been friends.  I respect you, and I want to honor your wives.  Now that I am no longer married in the eyes of the world, I never want to be that person that makes your wife feel pain over our relationship.  I will take precautions to never be alone with you or put us in a position for speculation.  At this time, feel free to delete me to protect your relationship with your wife.  I will understand.  If you don't want to do that, you value my friendship and I am not friends with your wife, please have her friend me and direct her to this post.
 I would love to get to know her.  I never want to be in a position to cause someone to stumble.
 If you are a wife who is already friends with me and your husband is as well and you are okay with the situation, then no action needs to be taken.  Your husband has touched my life in a wonderful way.  I value the married men and their opinions on my Facebook.  Thank you for your trust.

In response to that, I did have several men have their wives friend me, and I've gotten to know their wives well.  I would never want to betray that trust.  And like you, Ready, having been made to feel that way by a inappropriate relationship in my H's life while we were still married, I would not want to be that person.  I do not want to be the other woman.  Ever.

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Survival Instructions for Newbies

The Apology Every LBS Deserves

My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

 

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