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Author Topic: My Story Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 11: Mars Attacks!!!

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My Story Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 11: Mars Attacks!!!
OP: May 03, 2021, 03:20:17 PM
Link to previous thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11684.0

[Tuesday]
A couple days early...... but W is on the road the rest of the week starting tomorrow, so why wait?  ;D

Finally getting down to her core frustrations during our conversations. It' the same as always, it's just deeper and more honest. FINALLY!!!
Not that it's everything, just a huge item that she can't get over.... and it's the core of all her problems.
Drum roll please...... it's the career!!! Dunn-DuhDuh-Da!! Ding, ding, ding... we have a winner.
She finally admitted out loud that her career is the root cause of most of her issues. Jeez, I tried telling her this 14, 15 years ago? Never would listen. All that time: *POOF*. Well, better late than never right?
Do I think this is deep, complete understanding on her part? Oh no..... not at all. Just the surface...... but the 1st step is to realize it on some level, even if it's just no deeper than lip service to start.... all has to start somewhere.
Interesting thing is, this realization is putting things into motion that will be stoppable (IMO), and that's a good thing. It means one way or another, at some point or another, she's going to leave her job (GOOD). It will be very hard to let go of that, and with it.... all those years and sacrifice...... *POOF*. I do feel sorry for her (in a way) but I also know and have known this was never a good thing or her true calling.
Her body has been shaking even more than before, now it isn't just one arm shaking, it's both. That is very worrying, but this is MLC..... I've heard of all kinds of strange and extreme physical manifestations that MLC'ers experience. So, staying the course. All blame on me is totally gone, and she admitted to the IC that "I get it", which is so funny because I always did...... she couldn't see it..... and now she's left with only one place to look, and THAT is having insane effects on her. She can't take it all in at once, but I can see she's looking. What a terrible thing....... and she hasn't yet seen what it has done to anyone else (probably not for a long time still).

Another interesting thing is, she's getting really close to taking a period of medical leave..... the IC/MC is helping her draft papers to do it. That will also mean she will disappear for a period of months and go visit her mom. I embrace and welcome this. At this point, I think avoiding has left the building, she's burning out and breaking on the inside. Sleep is poor to gone, body is shaking, work is failing, there is so little lift for her to hand on to and if anything it's her commitment to job which is forcing her to hang on.

[I'm at it again... not hitting post......LOL!!!!]
[Thursday]

W has been on the road a couple days, and it's GREAT having a small break. I hope it's been de-stressing for her too.

She actually texted me last night..... which is good....... but the content...... not good. It was the results from a recent mammogram.
She's always hated having those done, and always with some stress and relief afterwards. This time it has come back with masses on both sides which need to be further tested.
Needless to say this freaked me out, and I called her instantly. She didn't want to talk about it (understandable) and wanted to go to bed. Do I believe that? Nope. I know it's probably nothing, but still..... that's very scary. So I just talked to try and distract her (as I have done the last two years), if it helped or not, who knows. She has a follow up scheduled in two weeks.
My analytical brain kicks in and tells me: She's getting older, the body is changing (as seen in MLC) so of course there's going to be changes going on in the boob area as well. Nothing to worry about.
Then the other part of the analytical brain kicks in and says "look at the immense stress she's going thru, this isn't a good thing".

[Monday/today]
Great weekend, and W hasn't brought up once her results. Not a surprise. Just not that emotionally available yet, and she's probably not wanting to think about it anyway.
We took the little dog for his 1st walk at the park last night. It was great. W can open up for that little dog, and it's nice to see her try to be herself. Like a fish out of water. Some times I wonder if she will ever be "herself" again. I certainly hope so.

I had someone leave a message on my windshield while I walked the other day. It was very odd. It complimented me on my looks, and then have encouragement to my situation.  ??? Very, very, odd. No one knows that I walk, or where I walk...... so it's not someone that "knows" (so few know). Just some person who has seen me and somehow....... know?...... guess?...... I don't know. Very odd. Their note said "new love is on the way" and not to despair. Maybe I'll post the contents of the note and people can tell me what they think.
So very odd. 

W is on the road again come tomorrow, and she's itching to go visit her mom (she's studying Spanish again  ::) ).
Her enthusiasm for the MC and doing the homework has diminished. I think because it was so difficult for her. I haven't been contacted for another session with the IC/MC.... but she's been on the road a lot. Maybe next week.

I'm doing incredible, even better than before. Walking like crazy, projects, work. I've found that being open, available and vulnerable not that different than detachment........ because there isn't much reaching back towards me...... and without connection, there isn't too much opening for damage (as long as you don't expect anything). Not a bad place to be. Doing my part, little nudges for her to do her part (but no pushing), and she seems happy to disconnect and let the world fly by.

One day at a time,

-SS
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Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 11: Mars Attacks!!!
#1: May 03, 2021, 03:30:47 PM
So here is the note which I found on my windshield: (on torn out notebook paper, collage ruled spacing, neat handwriting, print not cursive):


"You have a beautiful and handsome form thought you may not see it yourself. You have some of the beefiest meaty calves I've ever seen, stunning. In this moment, you must be reminded of faith, in yourself + a higher power, education, anything really. You did not waste your time on your projects or endeavors. You are allowed to mourn the end of a dream, but don't despair. Dramatic change is on the way. New love is coming! You are doing your best, your past loved ones are proud of you."
[end note]

What do you make of this??
It's not from someone I know, it's not from W (she was out of state), and I've never talked to anyone while on my walk (but there's plenty of people who go walk there). There are so few people in "real life" that know this is going on, it's not from any of them (and none know where I walk or when).
What sorta freaks me out is that parts of it are things people have told me, parts are things that I have gotten while praying, and it referenced my calves which are my favorite part of my body...... you know what they say "flattery will get you everywhere"  ;) (Not really).  :P

Isn't that strange? Does it mean anything? Or nothing? I'm not leaning one way or another, just got my attention is all. There is no answer.

-SS
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Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 11: Mars Attacks!!!
#2: May 03, 2021, 03:43:32 PM
Keep up the good fight SS ! Your love for your wife is inspiring.
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Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 11: Mars Attacks!!!
#3: May 03, 2021, 06:03:14 PM
Interesting yet what a message!!
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Hi Standing, boy none of this is easy is it?

You are doing really good and I just pray your W eventually works her way through this dark tunnel of hers and makes some good choices about that high pressure job she has.  But only she can do that.

Ha ha...as far as that note on you car Standing, you may have a male admirer, dear.
"beefiest meaty calves I've ever seen" I don't think is something a woman would ever say.
 :)
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 11: Mars Attacks!!!
#5: May 03, 2021, 07:14:36 PM
Are you sure you aren't writing notes to yourself in your sleep? Thought that kind of read like an astrology reading, except for the meaty calves.

Being me, I might say that often what we think is hidden from others is pretty obvious to outsiders. Maybe there is someone out there who plans on making a move on you when your W takes her trip. ???

Or one of the few who know your situation and are giving you a funny message. It was probably meant for the car two over...... ;D
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Ha ha...as far as that note on you car Standing, you may have a male admirer, dear.
"beefiest meaty calves I've ever seen" I don't think is something a woman would ever say.
 :)

I don't know T...... the women now days, I've had some jaw droppers thrown my way........ Getting checked out and then told "Big hands...... big feet......" and then a smile.  ::) Women can be obscenely forward.
That being said, yes that did occur to me as well. I've had lots of men hit on me as well, especially when I was younger.

I'd like to think with all the female runners that pass me by while I walk, and some of them being very very fit, it's one of them. Then again, there's lots of not fit women out there too.  :P LOL!!

Well, whatever it is..... I just take it as a compliment and keep on with life.

HA!! Offroad!! Meant for a couple cars over. LOL!! Now wouldn't that be funny. I actually hope that no one shows up near my car. I'm still married, still not interested in anyone except W. Better to not have to tell someone "Uh yeah.... thanks for the compliment, I'm flattered, BUT...........". That just isn't a fun conversation. Makes them feel awkward, makes me feel awkward, I'd rather not...... but a secret admirer, well that's just a little wind in the sails. It could be anyone, Lady Gaga or Sia could have put it there  ;) (not that it would matter).

-SS 

-SS
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Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 11: Mars Attacks!!!
#7: May 03, 2021, 11:41:28 PM
Attaching.... loving the title of pt.11.   

So she's facing her own mortality with number of health issues.  Been there, done that, it's  scary stuff even if mentally healthy. This might very well be the 'progressive attack' that is either going to make her or break her... You know the drill. Just be there if needed and listen.     

Alvin.
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At time of BD.... Me: 43, XW: 41
Kids: G19,G18,G14,G12,S5
Together - 20½ Years, Married 19 Years

BD ("I don't love you"): Feb 2019, 
BD2 ("I don't want to fix this marriage."), Mar 2020
D filed May 2020, D finalized Dec 2020
I have moved on, and am in new relationship.

Lessons from Stoicism and REBT helped me to exit the chaos zone and become a better person. 

"Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. - Epictetus"

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Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 11: Mars Attacks!!!
#8: May 04, 2021, 10:48:19 AM
"Beefiest Meaty Calves?"  :o

You and Watcher can battle for the honors...

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Aliens stole my W!!!!! Part 11: Mars Attacks!!!
#9: May 04, 2021, 02:36:14 PM
BLEAHHHHH!!!!! I can't unsee that......
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