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Author Topic: My Story BRAND NEW MAN 12

W
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My Story BRAND NEW MAN 12
OP: May 11, 2021, 09:13:50 AM
Hi UrsaMajor, Treasur.

Well there were a few things that probably hurt/angered me. Maybe a combo of both. She abruptly ended the parenting schedule and went to Florida. Now I attempted to approach it as they were just on vacation.

However, she would not stop giving me return dates when I never even asked for one. Meanwhile I recognized our youngest turned 18 and she was throwing that in my face IMO through her texts.

Also I already went through this in 2015 when she took off for Florida. She promises the moon because she is a typical Narc liar/manipulator. Maybe she was attempting to recreate my chasing behavior after BD in 2015.

If one starts from the premise that their spouse/ex spouse is pure BS then it will serve them well in life.

Seeing someone live in the marital home bothered me and thats why I avoid the house. I don't want to see any other man or woman, no matter which way she swings now.

Then my attorney poured gasoline on the fire when he said I had to talk to her about the home sale. So what is the point of having a deadline in the MSA. Do you think her attorney would tell her, oh go talk to Watcher about the alimony and CS. Maybe he will pay it this month. LOL....

Meanwhile I'm not scared of her. I just dont want to expose myself to her lies and manipulation. She finishes every text with a thank you and it pisses me off. Save the niceties and reveal yourself demon 😈 I say. I know what she is so let's cut the sh!te !

Also, I've been on the forum for 5.5 years and people should know how I am already. I'm not on the Hero Spouse because I have nothing else to do. I would like to believe that I have already shown that I'm not abandoning my children.

So she contacted me yesterday as she needs some mortgage information and then waxed poetic how I'm such an understanding and wonderful man for giving her a chance to get her loan together, LMAO....Thats called laying it on thick. Eff her !

Oh she just needs a little more time btw. She didn't say if that would be in months or years.  ::)

So S18 contacted me this morning as that is what I have been waiting for since he was the one on vacation for 4 weeks and not I. He asked if we were meeting tonight because its Tuesday and I said no because I have to work.

As a side bar I have already used 20 vacation days for parenting time in 17 weeks. So I said I could see him on Friday, which I have to take off, and he said that would be fine. I also let him know we can start Tuesday dinner again next week and he said fine.

I will explain my work schedule to him when I see him so we may have to do dinner every other Tuesday and work a lunch in when I'm scheduled for working nights.

So hopefully she can buy me out as selling a house with Ms. Happy will be very difficult for me to stomach. Meanwhile, I guess we will see how it goes this weekend and if S18 is returning to the parenting schedule, eventhough he is 18.

Today was day 17 of running and I'm 1.1 miles off the pace as I've missed 2 days due to weather. I did sign up for a race on the 4th of July so I'm taking small steps back into the vaccinated world and now I have to goto work.

Enjoy your day

Previous thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11723.0
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« Last Edit: May 11, 2021, 03:04:24 PM by Thunder »

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BRAND NEW MAN 12
#1: May 11, 2021, 09:53:36 AM
Really chuffed, Watcher, that your son reached out to you about when you’re next going to meet up. A bit of good news amongst the BS stuff  :)
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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BRAND NEW MAN 12
#2: May 11, 2021, 11:02:48 AM
Watcher she probably thought exactly that
Oh he'll chase me if I run away.

She dangled the bait every time "oh it will be Friday, no Tuesday, no a week from Saturday we'll be back."

Could have been to piss you off enough to contact her and call her out. But you didn't do it.
 Good job.

Now I would appreciate it if everyone would stop treating 18 year olds like babies and that they have no mind of their own. And stop this " oh dear they are not capable of sending a text they've been so traumatized" And they are not all totally under these creatures ( mlcers)  influences. What Kool aid did they drink for that to happen?

You are a good father Watcher.
I'm sorry for you breaking no  contact. I understand what the lawyer was trying to do and he may not have understood all that was going to do was open pandoras box and upset you.
 
I know you're mad, and you have reason to be .
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« Last Edit: May 11, 2021, 11:32:37 AM by in it »
There are two ways of spreading light:
Be the candle; or the mirror that reflects it

Don't ask why someone is still hurting you; ask why you keep letting them.

At some point you have to get sick of going through the same sh!t.

Women are NOT rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix ,parent, raise or change him.
You want a partner not a project.

K
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BRAND NEW MAN 12
#3: May 11, 2021, 01:38:34 PM
Glad you’re here Watcher.

As you know, my mlcer is a judge. They are already a bit power-mongery. (Yeah it’s a word. )   They hate to be told what to do even if it is in a contract. Not all are like this of course.  Anyway if you present with the contract and all this extra stuff you are doing, you become the reasonable one. Which is no small task as a male. Yes it is a very chauvinistic system that tends to think we females are the weaker sex and thus need Daddy-(or Mama) judge to take care of us. And family court is the absolute worst for this. Pain the a$$ for you and sets off triggers a plenty. Necessary evil I’m afraid. But it won’t last forever. Though it sure seems that way I’m sure.

You’re doing an amazing job. Love that your boy reached out!
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Me 50
H 49
S15
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

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Re: BRAND NEW MAN 12
#4: May 11, 2021, 03:05:46 PM
Welcome to your new thread, Watcher.

I'll be following along.
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

s
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BRAND NEW MAN 12
#5: May 11, 2021, 03:07:16 PM
Still tagging along with you, Watcher. 
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BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

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BRAND NEW MAN 12
#6: May 11, 2021, 07:32:02 PM
I loved Treasur's post from the end of the last thread.  Treasur, you've been told this a bunch of times I know, but you are definitely a Treasure.
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Survival Instructions for Newbies

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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

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BRAND NEW MAN 12
#7: May 12, 2021, 01:26:23 AM
I am REALLY glad that S18 reached out and contacted you to see when you would get together the next time. That is a step in the direction of

for him....

And hopefully, xW gets her stuff together to get the house taken care of.... ASAP!
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Me - 58, xW - 50
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S - 14, D - 10
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BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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BRAND NEW MAN 12
#8: May 12, 2021, 12:53:39 PM
Hi UrsaMajor, FaithWalker, Stillbaffled, KIT, Thunder, Init, Treasur.

Well I gave her the mortgage figures yesterday as she does need to know my balance according to my attorney. She then replied that she needs my mortgage statement which she is not getting since she is not on my mortgage. My attorney said she doesn't need it.

You know I'm surprised she didn't hire a male attorney as she plays the role of the damsel so well for men. Her mortgage person is a man of course, lol. So maybe she is not giving this guy the entire story I'm thinking.

So we are still doing the same dance from Feb and March when she asked for my mortgage statement. I'm just not comfortable giving up my account number as it has no bearing on whether she can obtain her own mortgage.

It really should only take a day or two to know if she qualifies for a mortgage loan. Balance + buyout = the amount of loan she needs. So we will see what happens. Again I think she is not telling her mortgage guy that she is not on my mortgage or she is just stalling for time, lol.

She thanked me the other day for giving her more time which I didn't. She has this knack of making a statement and it just becomes her truth. So she asked me for more time, I didn't reply, and then it became her truth the next day. Oh Watcher gave me more time. Thank you, lol.

You also have to listen, or read in this case, to their words as thats where the truth lays. She promised how this loan mortgage was for real and it really was going to happen as she just needed more time. So to me that means she is lying and its not going to happen.

Meanwhile its sad to see her desperation knowing her plight however I cannot allow myself to feel anything towards her.

I still have her on block so I can choose when to read her messages. So if I see a message in the blocked folder that needs to be addressed then I have to unblock her, reply, and then block her again.

IDK what S18 and I are doing on Friday. IDK if this is just a dinner night or if he is staying for the weekend. I guess I will know more when we see each other. Our oldest is now S21 today.

So the Berlin Marathon is still on for September 26th as I received an email today that each participant has to prove they are either vaccinated or they must adhere to their covid testing and protocols. They haven't announced yet how one has to prove they are vaccinated.

Its still cold as today was day 18 of running 5 miles a day. I am .44 miles off the pace currently. I have totaled 165 miles so far this year and I had 379 miles at this point last year.

Enjoy your day
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BRAND NEW MAN 12
#9: May 12, 2021, 08:24:27 PM
Maybe she should just give you the phone number of her mortgage guy and you can set him straight on the amount that she needs to finance.   :P

I'm sure that would go over well with the MLCer.   ;D
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Survival Instructions for Newbies

The Apology Every LBS Deserves

My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

 

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