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Author Topic: My Story Best of Times and the Worst of Times

H
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My Story Best of Times and the Worst of Times
OP: May 24, 2021, 07:41:03 PM
Hi Everyone,

Well, I'm ready for my new thread.   Brief summary below and my updated title is based on a Tale of Two Cities.   I feel right now that I am personally heading in the right direction although I'm still in so much pain grieving the loss of my W and marriage.  She really was someone that was so beautiful on the inside and out.   I have been rather private and reserved during my first thread.   May start to open up more as I work through the pending D.   Thanks to everyone for all your support.

1. July 2020: BD with ILYBINILWY, caught EA
2. Aug-Sep 2020: Lying about whereabouts begins with PA
3. Oct 2020 - Dec 2020:  Trying to detach with some success but can't take the continued lying
4. Jan 2021:  W moves out.  Devastated
5. Feb 2021 - April 2021: Separation with mostly gaslighting.  Continued detachment
6. May 2021:  W files for divorce and we sell home

Previous Thread
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11644.0
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« Last Edit: May 24, 2021, 08:03:56 PM by HeavenlyFocus »
W - 42
M - 46
Together 19 years, M 17
2 kids
BD - July 2020
W Left Home - January 2021
W Filed for D - May 2021

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Best of Times and the Worst of Times
#1: May 24, 2021, 09:02:20 PM
Right here with ya HF,

-SS
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W - 40
M - 44
Together 25 years, M 23
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019
Start of Shadow - Feb 2012

C
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Best of Times and the Worst of Times
#2: May 25, 2021, 08:39:59 AM
Staying with you through this process, HF.
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5
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Best of Times and the Worst of Times
#3: May 25, 2021, 05:46:30 PM
Following
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Best of Times and the Worst of Times
#4: May 25, 2021, 10:46:11 PM
Hi HF

I am following along!
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Together 12 yrs Married 5
5 kids 3- Step (21) (20) (18) Two together ( 8 ) (9)
BD1 March 2018 - I wish I could give you more of what you need
BD2 Aug 2018 - I want a divorce sent by text ILWYBNILWY

O/M Discovered Nov-18

H
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Best of Times and the Worst of Times
#5: May 26, 2021, 09:26:58 PM
Thanks SS, Curiosity, 5Hilmerton, and Father for following.   Great time for an update.

Well, it's been over 3 weeks since she filed and I have noticed a change in Force.   Since filing, My W has  struggled even more while I have detached and have gone rather dim.  I have always been the sweet and giving husband even after BD when I tried to win her back.   Now, I am at a point where I'm ready to let her go in my heart and it's authentic.   The only way I would even consider going back is for her to start seeking out God again and then wanting to go back to counseling.   She has to face her actions and and be all in on our marriage.  Until she does, I am done.   

The one positive note is she did take our kids to church this past weekend and both kids said that my W doesn't mind if I go to the same church.   I carefully explained to my kids that we won't be going to church as a family until their Mom wants to work on the marriage.  Until then I will go to the a different church location although a satellite church that's apart of the main church that they attended is an option.  Would be nice for my kids to have continuity even if we went to different locations.  I couldn't stand to see my wife every Sunday if she follows through with the divorce.

No word from my W's attorney after 3 weeks.  I am meeting with my attorney this week and will see what happens.   The next couple of weeks could be very interesting.  For now, I will detach and get settled after moving.

HF

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W - 42
M - 46
Together 19 years, M 17
2 kids
BD - July 2020
W Left Home - January 2021
W Filed for D - May 2021

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Best of Times and the Worst of Times
#6: May 31, 2021, 04:20:22 PM
Attaching

My LBS friend's xhusband decided to bring his affair wife to the Church where we attend (and she works at) a while after their D, and to add insult to injury, came back on my friend's former wedding anniversary.  She has no choice to attend a different church, they do.  I am highly offended for her.

I love my Church, but would have to decide if I could stand to attend at the same service as my MLCer and his new wife.  Previously, the answer would be a resounding no.  Now, I would just have to see how it felt if the time came.

Church was the one place I always wanted him by my side and was very shattered that he wasn't.  Sharing our faith together in worship was a very intimate moment for me, when I felt close as husband and wife, sitting in a row with our family all together.  I don't think that even now I could be in attendance with them, even though she is not the affair partner.
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

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H
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Best of Times and the Worst of Times
#7: June 01, 2021, 09:00:38 PM
Hi FW,

Can’t believe your friend’s XH would show up to church on your friend’s wedding anniversary.  What is it with these MLCers who only think of themselves?

As for my W, she is lost and so far from God right now.  Truthfully this breaks my heart even more then the lying.  My W has the most Godly parents who have been so loving and supportive. I’m sure it’s been hard on them to see their daughter struggle. I too miss the closeness that I felt with my W had kids when worshipping at church.  Think being away from church during COVID had an impact although the MLC behavior started prior to COVID.

Quick Journal Update:  officially moved out and I have settled into the new place with my kids.  We had a fun Memorial Day weekend and made some progress with unpacking.

Interestingly, I feel more detached in the new place. Gone are all the bad memories and I now have a place for new memories.   

Moving forward in my life and not looking back.

HF

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W - 42
M - 46
Together 19 years, M 17
2 kids
BD - July 2020
W Left Home - January 2021
W Filed for D - May 2021

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Best of Times and the Worst of Times
#8: June 06, 2021, 06:39:23 AM
Hello,

I am glad you are settled in to your new place and doing well with the kids.

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Since filing, My W has  struggled even more while I have detached and have gone rather dim.

Of course, your wife is not well. Until now, she has always perceived you as the driver of all her negativity. Now that you are gone, she still feels the same way. This doesn't put you in a better state of mind; it makes things worse.

Quote
Moving forward in my life and not looking back.

This is great and you have the right perspective to totally let her figure her life out on her own. You have to focus on you and the kids and build a life around them.

I hope you have a fantastic day,

(((((Ready)))))

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"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

H
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Best of Times and the Worst of Times
#9: June 06, 2021, 06:47:38 AM
Thanks Ready for your continued support!

Quick Journal Update:  Well, it continues to be a bumpy ride communicating with my W.   Trying to set boundaries with our joint custody and she's been putting the kids in the middle regarding paying for things and asking for my help while kids are with her.   We obviously have to work together to co-parent but there is has to be boundaries in place and respect regarding each of our individual lives.   I am encouraging more proactive communication and trying to put the negative marital feelings aside.   Really want to do what is best for my kids.   Hoping my W can reciprocate in time.

As for my kids, they left our new place very Happy this week after our first week together.   Can tell the new environment will be good for them and they have got the chance to make their new bedrooms their own.   Really provided joy for me this week to see them happy again.

Hope everyone enjoys the rest of your weekend!

HF
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W - 42
M - 46
Together 19 years, M 17
2 kids
BD - July 2020
W Left Home - January 2021
W Filed for D - May 2021

 

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